Goodbye and Hello

These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full." Henry Kissinger.

Chapter 23

Over the following days Hank and Mike diverted Joanne from Ro and Johnny was in and out of consciousness. His nightmares seemed to be lessening. Roy felt so bad that he had to relive that night at the warehouse where he almost lost his life. The only reason he was even standing here was that Johnny had not given up on him and pulled him out of that building while fighting for his life. And now Roy had no intentions on giving up on him.

Every day during doctors rounds he could see the worry in Joe Early's eyes. Johnny's recovery had been slow and not being able to regain a coherent state was frustrating and concerning. Roy vowed to stay by his side until he wasn't needed anymore.

Items continued to filter to him, from Joanne, through his shift mates and Captain. He realized what they were doing for him and right now he wasn't going to change the process. He wasn't ready to see her yet. But it gave him time to think about what he really wanted to do with his life and most importantly his marriage. All along Joanne had told him she wouldn't go back to being a fireman's wife. She said she just couldn't. He had walked away from it all, from everything that was important to him, to make that part of his life right. He knew he had to do everything possible to save his marriage, for them and for the kids. Oh, she was happy. Happy as a lark with her husband that went to his nine to five job daily, home for dinner every night with his wife and 2 kids. But a big part of him was missing. At first he thought it was missing his friends, then his job. Soon he realized it was many things. It was his kid's misery in the new life, the friends he left behind, and the job that meant so much to him. He was a part of starting this paramedic program and he had always believed in it with all his heart. Walking away from it not something he could do again.

"Roy?"

He looked up to see Johnny awake again. Bracing his self for the struggle, the nightmare revisited, he steadied his feet and prepared to take a hold of Johnny's arms. His face reflecting sheer determination.

"Are you going to say hello or are you planning on fighting me?" Johnny said with a crooked smile that made Roy actually look at him this time.

"Johnny?"

"I think so unless you changed my name while I was in a coma," Johnny said in a smart aleck tone to his partner.

Roy had to bite his tongue. He couldn't believe it, Johnny sounded like his old self. "Well we talked about changing it but we couldn't find an Indian name that means "he who won't take the stairs."

Johnny grew silent and for a moment Roy thought he wasn't as ready as he thought then Johnny started laughing. Roy joined right in with him. When they both had quieted down Johnny did look seriously at his friend.

"Thought you were up north now."

Roy sat down thinking how to explain this to Johnny when he really didn't know all the details himself. "We tried but it didn't work out. I came back to town the morning of the building fire where you fell."

"You were there weren't you?" It wasn't a question as much a confirmation.

"Yea. I got thrown in with 110. I was the one yelling to you in the hallway," he hung his head down. "I tried to reach you and Chet before you fell."

Johnny tried to sit up quickly, "Chet?" His swimming head forced him back against his pillow.

Roy stood up again, "He's okay. He's downstairs. Some broken bones but perfectly healthy enough to drive the nurse's nuts."

He watched his partner get a look of deep sadness on his face, "I'm sorry Roy. It's all my fault."

Roy was shocked, how could he possibly think anything was his fault? "What are you talking about?"

"You and Joanne. If I'd kept you safe, gotten you out of that building faster," he paused. "She wouldn't have left and none of this would have happened."

He found himself once again mad at her and she wasn't even there. God, what did she do to him that night that would make him think this was his fault? "Partner, listen to me right now. Nothing going on between me and her is your fault. It had been brewing for a while. I just didn't think she would make that decision. Her poor choice of timing was her own fault and no one else's. I spent months trying to be the husband that she wanted me to be but it wasn't who I was. I was miserable, the kids were miserable."

Johnny had tears forming, "You had to leave your kids Roy. I know that is killing you inside."

Roy found a smile, "No Johnny. I brought them back with me. They are in school today and doing great. In fact Jenny's been driving us nuts to see you. She sent you a kiss."

"Well if you don't mind partner I think I'll wait to get it from her personally," Johnny chuckled.

Roy looked embarrassed, "Thanks."

All of Johnny's questions weren't answered but exhaustion over took him and he found sleep again.

Over the days that followed he began the gradual trend of improvement and Roy finally reached a point that he spent more time staying at Johnny's apartment since Joanne was at the house with the kids. But now he knew it was time for him and Joanne to have a deep discussion.

Roy was sitting with Chet and Johnny visiting the now roommates. "So what have you two been up to today?"

Johnny had been quiet but he shifted around in bed, "Just getting out of bed is annoying. Dragging this stupid thing around." He said pointing to his casted leg.

Roy smiled, "Well, maybe they will kick you two out of here soon."

"Man am I ready!" Chet said with a sound of exasperation. "Doc says maybe on Friday I can go."

"Hey Chet, that's great," Roy said then looked over to Johnny.

"What about you partner, anytime soon?" Everyday he had improved, regaining his strength.

Johnny slightly shook his head, "Don't know." He looked at Roy, "What you worried about being kicked out?"

He laughed, "No but if that little black furball doesn't let me get some sleep at night he might be kicked out."

"Roy! You wouldn't dare. Jenny gave him to me." Johnny really looked worried for a moment.

"Of course not partner but he might spend the next night before I have to go to work in the bathroom," he said with a half smile. He stood up from the chair. "Well, I better go. I'm meeting Joanne for a late lunch." He didn't sound thrilled.

"Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?" Johnny asked. His voice was breathy.

Roy shook his head, "I don't know what will happen. I know what I want out of this marriage but I don't know about her anymore."

Chet's voice was soft and full of concern for his friend, "Do you still love her?" He had watched Roy over the last couple of weeks struggle with his own feelings for her and what had happened. Chet still held onto a lot of anger but knew it wasn't his decision to make.

Roy paced the room, "Yea I do but we both know it takes more than that. Wish me luck."

They watched their friend leave the room and go to determine the fate of his family. Johnny would have given anything to be able to go with him and lend his support but he knew it was something he had to do on his own.

"Hey Johnny?" Chet called over.

"What Chet?" There were distinct disadvantages to bunking with the motor mouth of Station 51.

"You feel okay over there?" Chet was up on his one elbow which was a challenge with his other shoulder and arm in a cast. He had watched the young paramedic over the last couple of days and was concerned with how down he seemed. I mean, Roy was back, you would expect Johnny to be bouncing off the walls with excitement but instead he was quiet, withdrawn and sleeping all the time unless disturbed by a nurse. When he first got moved in he was energetic and eating everything in site.

"I'm just tired," he said as he rolled over and fell back asleep.

Within a few minutes Dixie stuck her head in the door, followed by Hank, Mike and Marco coming to visit. "You guys feel like some company?"

"Shhh…" Chet said and pointed over to Johnny.

"It's the middle of the day, what's he doing asleep?" She asked jokingly.

But Chet looked serious, "I'm telling ya something's up. He sleeps all the time. I think this mess with Roy and Joanne is really stressing him out."

Dixie felt for the poor thing knowing that anything unsettled with Roy would affect this young man too. She walked over to him and bushed the dark locks of hair from his face. His lips were slightly parted and she could feel his breaths on her arm. They were quick. She wrinkled her brow and placed her hand on his abdomen to count his respirations. With concern she noted they were too high. She also noticed the uneaten lunch tray of food.

"Chet did he eat breakfast today?"

He shook his head no, "Didn't eat dinner last night either. I told his nurse but she said to not worry."

Hank walked over to him. He seemed paler than his visit a couple of days before. "Dix, is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure Hank but I'll get Kel to look at him."

She left the room with fear in her stomach knowing that something was very wrong.

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