Goodbye and Hello
These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.
"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." Plato
I know this one is short but I just had to play with your minds just a little more before the holidays! Thanks again for all the awesome reviews.
Chapter 24
Roy stood on the front porch of his house not sure what to do. Should he knock? It was his house but Joanne was living here, for now, and he didn't want to just barge in on her. He chose to knock. A distant call came out, "Come in."
With mild trepidation he went into the house. To see everything back in its proper place gave him the chills. It was a like a time warp. Everything was back in the proper place, like they had never left in the first place. One could write off the last 8 months as a bad dream if you just looked around the living room. Pictures were up and right in place as before. Even Joanne coming out of the kitchen, apron on and drying her hands gave him such a sense of déjà. It almost brought a smile to his face.
It was early in the day so the kids were still at school, leaving him and Joanne the time to discuss some issues and hopefully come to some decisions about their future together, or not. She wore a big smile and opened her mouth but caught herself before the sentence could come out. Welcome home honey just wasn't appropriate right now. Time would determine if she would ever say that again.
"Hey," she simply said. "Have a seat. Want some coffee? It's fresh," she asked.
"Sure, thanks." There was no reason to begin their time feeling hostile. He knew that nothing would get accomplished that way.
She served him his coffee just as he liked it and sat down on the couch with him. "How's Johnny today?"
"He seemed tired today, sleeping a lot. I'm going back to check on him after I leave here."
They seemed awkward in each other's presence. Neither one sure how to begin. Roy stood up and walked over to the mantle. "Jo, I need you to tell me what you want." His voice was soft, not harsh or angry. He simply wanted to know.
"I want my family back together Roy. I want us all together again but…" she trailed off.
He turned at that, "But what?"
She was wringing her hands together, "I can't go back to waiting for the phone to ring while you're at work. Waiting for that knock on the door, afraid to answer because it might be someone telling me you're hurt, or worse."
What he had gathered of that terrible night in the ER flashed through his mind, "I was more than hurt Jo. I died that day but Johnny risked his life to bring me back. Everyone was there for me but you." The tears were forming in his eyes. "Why Jo, why did you abandon me?" His true agony and pain of knowing what she did now coming out.
"Roy…" her own tears started to flow. Would she ever be able to make him understand what she felt.
"You left me not even knowing if I would live or die. You just left. How can I forgive that?" There was no anger left in him anymore over it, just betrayal.
She stood up and walked up to him, "Roy, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do but run away and hide from it all."
He stepped back from her, "Was it fear that made you push Johnny down?" Now there was a hint of anger.
"Yes, fear. I trusted him to protect you and suddenly I realized that if he couldn't do it then that meant no one could and yes, that scared me to death. Roy, I never meant to hurt him. I didn't know what he had done to save you."
"Jo I gave up everything here in LA that was important to me to try and become the man you wanted but I can't do it anymore. That hasn't changed from me leaving the last time. Fireman and paramedic is who I am. If you can't accept that then…," he took a deep breath. "We're done."
She was momentarily stunned. Up to now she had truely thought that she could convince him to come back with her to their new home. That everything would go back to normal, her version of normal.
He saw the fall in her face. "This is my home, the kid's home. This is where I belong and them too. I love you Jo, I always have but I won't give up who I am."
She went to the chair and sat down, tears running down her face. "Please Roy; don't do this to our family."
"I'm not doing anything to our family except trying to keep it together Joanne. Either you want to be a part of it or not."
A flash of anger crossed her face, "I won't lose the children."
"I never said you would. You are too important to them and I would never keep them from you." He paused, "but they aren't leaving home again. But before we talk about them I have to know. Is it over between us?" His voice again soft and almost pleading with her.
She lowered her head, "Under your conditions?" She looked up at his face, he blue eyes that had always melted her heart. "Yes."
Within a few moments Dixie came back into the room with Brackett hot on her heels. They went straight to Johnny's side with the rest of the A-shift family watching intently. Kel stood beside the young man's bed, "Johnny?"
"Huh?" He awoke groggily. His eyelids heavy, the rest of his body quiet and still.
"Johnny, how are you feeling?" He asked as he continued his exam.
"Really tired. Just wanna sleep some more," his words were slurred some now.
Brackett's concern was easily readable on his face, "Dix, let's get him back on a monitor." He turned to Hank and the others, "I'm not sure fellows. Something has definitely changed but he has no fever." Turning back to Dixie, "Let's get a CBC, his color is too pale again, and a full set of electrolytes." He palpated his kidneys, a past concern now resurfacing.
"Sure Kel," she said as she patted Johnny's arm. "Hang in there Johnny. We'll figure this out."
He gave her a little smile, then was back to sleep again. She turned to Hank, "Is Roy coming back today?"
Hank shrugged, "I'm not sure Dixie." Then his concern matched hers, "Do I need to find him?"
"Not yet, let's get his labs back and see what's going on first. I'll go notify the lab."
Roy sat in his car, still in the driveway, trying to process the last hour. He still couldn't believe that she was willing to give everything up after all these years. But then he was still trying to understand her betrayal. He had just gotten off shift that morning and needed a nap badly but something in him said to return to the hospital and check on Johnny. The time with Joanne had not gone the way he wanted it to. There wasn't any part of him that wanted his marriage to end. He wasn't a highly religious man but his wedding vows were important to him and he never realized how much until now. But what she asked of him, he had tried and a part of him had died inside. The fire, battling the beast, being there to save his best friend had shocked that part of him back into life again. Now it was strong, stronger than it had ever been. He felt like a new cadet just out of the academy again, anxious and ready to be a fireman and paramedic.
Over and over he had tried to explain that to her to help her see the passion that he had for his job but she didn't understand. And with great sadness he realized that if she didn't see that part of him after all these years, she never would. He pulled up into the hospital and parked his little car. They had made some final decisions about her and the kids but it didn't sit well with him. He looked up at the large building in front of him and took a deep breath. The stress of it all was weighing heavily on him and now there was a growing knot in his gut that he didn't like at all.
He wandered in through the main front doors of Rampart and froze when he saw Hank standing there waiting on him.
"Cap?" His knot of fear was now in the back of his throat.
"We called your house and Joanne said you had already left for the hospital." He took a step towards Roy, "Something's happened to Johnny."
Roy could see the look in Hank's face and knew it was serious, "Where is he?"
"They've moved him back into ICU. Brackett needs to talk to you."
Roy headed straight for the elevators with Hank fast on his heels.
AN: I know its mean but I can only type as my brain flows. I will get another chapter out before xmas. I promise :)