Hey everyone sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've been visiting my sis at uni.. where unfortunately I did NOT get to see Louise Rennison. Boo Hiss. I did try my hardest to find the so called "central library" where she was supposed to have had her interview, but apparently that building only exists on the map and NOT in real life. Seriously, I spent ages standing in the place on the map (in real life not on the map like Joey does on friends) and it was definatly not there. So I am stumped.
Ahhh well...
DISCLAIMER - I own NOTHING that you recognise especially the marvy characters.
enjoyyyyyyy
"Social Suicide"
He looked up at me. His eyes were all watery and gloomy and sad. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't break up with her."
...
I think I need to blub some more.
Tuesday October 4th
8.00a.m
In my bed of pain.
Again.
I'm not getting up. No way. There is more chance of Angus getting manners than me going to Stalag 14. I am all ready in the valley of the merde I do not need to be reminded of that by Hawkeye and her team of Hitler youths.
Maybe if I just stay under my covers then Mutti will forget to wake me up in time.
1 minute later
"Georgia get out of bed now you're going to be late for school!"
Typical. The one day she decides to act like a real mum.
I shouted, (though it was muffled because of the duvet) "There you are wrong Mutti! I will not be late because I'm not going!"
Bang, bang, stomp, bang.
Someone has just barged in through the door.
"Georgia get up now." Great, Mutti's here.
"No!"
"Georgia-"
"No! There is no chance in hell I am going to school!"
8.40a.m
Walking to school.
Merde merde and thrice merde.
How many things can be wrong with a person's life?
I have no make-up on and look like a drowned rat.
My hair has taken a trip to frizz ville and apparently didn't get a return ticket.
My very nearly-boyfriend is not my very nearly-boyfriend and will never be my boyfriend because he is in love with a stupid caring twit called Emma.
My supposed bestest friend/fringey twit is looking at me all excitedly and raising her eyebrows as if waiting for some brillopads news.
30 second later
Jas is now doing a great impression of a frozen fish. Do I look that bad?
She said, "Wow Gee you look rough."
What a way to cheer me up.
"Oh go find a vole dropping."
I thought she would go in minor tizz then but instead she wrapped one arm around me.
"What is it Gee?" She said in a really quiet kind-like voice which is bad because I will start feeling miz and begin blubbing.
10 minutes later
Just finished the blub fest of the century. I told Jas everything. Well everything that happened between me and a certain camel man whose name I must not mention.
Before we went into Stalag 14 Jassy did my makeup with her emergency supplies stashed in her beret. Unfortunately my hair was beyond help. But we did sneak around Hawkeye and avoid a beak bashing for being late.
And Jas gave me a whole packet of midget gems. Now that is friendship. I will never doubt her services again.
In francais
I think Big G is going out of his way to punish me. We are being forced to watch the most boring French film called "La Separation." Is this taking the biscuit or what?
Oh joys of joys, now I have the camel man in my head... hump off! (I think if it wasn't for my amazing comedy and wit, I would crawl into a dark hole and die).
The Ace Gang are all looking at me sorrowfully. Jassy Spazzy must have told them my sticky camel-fandango. Brillopads I have turned into pathetic o girl. I have officially reached new heights of sadiosity.
This film is making me feel miz. The couple just keep shouting at each other and the man has just told the woman that he is in love with someone else. Stupid stupid man with knobs on. What is he thinking? He doesn't love someone else he loves her and he should be with her and screw that other woman go with the one that you make laugh and smile and go jelloid and...
I think I've stopped talking about the film.
Lunch
The Ace Gang are acting all shifty and are not talking about any boy-type people.
Ellen got a kick from Rosie for saying Dec's name out loud.
She is still whimpering now.
This is pathetic of the highest waters. I can handle them talking about the lads that they like and that like them and that they are going out with and are happy with and that they snog constantly...
Ok maybe I can't. But I'm still not some wretched blubbing woman. Well not right this second anyway. I have my pride. Ish.
Yes I can get over this. It's not as if I was in love with Dave. (Crap I said his name. Ahh well.) We just liked the occasional snog. I can live without his snogs. There's plenty of lads to snog. He is just one of many many snoggees in the sea. I just need to fish them out.
5.00pm
I think my rod is broken.
After Stalag 14 the Ace Gang made me walk through the park with them to spot any fit-looking lads. And it was working for a while. This one groovy guy came up to us with his mates. He just stared at me and smiled.
Jas kept kicking me until I said something. "Hi."
He said, "Hi."
Then we did a bit more staring.
And then I fell into the valley of the merde again because we saw Dave walking hand in hand with Emma. It was soooo bad. I caught him looking at me and frowning slightly but then the Ace Gang formed like a wall around us so we couldn't see each other.
But unfortunately new-groovy boy was stuck in the circle and seemed kind of, no, very very scared. His eyes went all wide and then he made a break for it between Jas and Ellen. I think he thought we were going to kidnap him or something.
So now I'm back in my bed of pain trying hard not to blub over Dave and his caring Emma.
I don't think I can see them together and not feel miz.
I will have to stay away from them. Just until I get over it. Or maybe not even then. Either way, I just need to get away.
I'll be away laughing on a fast... vole?
2 days later – a.k.a Thursday October 6th
Plan ADTLAAC "avoid Dave the Laugh at all costs" is underway.
I have not seen him TWO days, that is le fact. In the words of Chandler's hypnotist on Friends I am a "strong confident woman who does not need a Laugh". Yupp, that is me all over.
The Ace Gang have been paying me visits vair regularly. I think they think I am still in my blubbing zone over Dave the Laugh but they are mistaken because I have not seen him in TWO days. TWO.
It was Ellen's 'turn' to visit me today. What larks. I think it took her about ten minutes to stutter her way through the door. She brought a nutritious snack of jammy dodgers though so I forgave her.
And she didn't mention Dec or the lads at all. In fact, all she talked about was the Ace Gang and Stalag 14. What funosity....
Luckily I was saved from the dithering fool about an hour after she arrived because Angus decided he liked the stuttering quality in his prey. It was actually tres amusant watching Ellen trying to shake him off her leg and shouting, "Errr.. Angus... Gee...could you...you know...please...OW!"
2 minutes later
I think the Ace Gang are babysitting me so I stay away from Dave. But they don't need to because I am not mizzing over him anymore. Much...
But I am in no way going to run around and find him. I'm sticking to the plan.
Stalag 14 has been as boring and torturous as normal. Wet Lindsey tried to tell me off yesterday for not wearing my beret. But then Rosie growled at her so she backed off as quick as a quick thing.
What a weed. I guess some things never change. I can't believe Masimo used to snog her. I wonder if he's snogging her now? She did look slimily happy before being attacked by the Viking One.
No that can't be right she's with Robbie now. So he must be snogging her. Erlack-a-pongoes. Robbie can do better. And he's only going out with her because I couldn't be with him because I told him I liked Masimo more. Why in Miss Stamp's moustache did I do that?
Not that I have the horn for Robbie anymore. (Though he is a Sex God of highest waters.) But I do feel kind of responsible for him having a weedy octopus thrust at him. Poor Robbie.
Hold the phone! Poor Robbie?
Lord Sandra, I am just too kind for my own good. Always thinking of others, (others except Laughs – they're off-limits.)
6 days later – a.k.a Wednesday October 12th
I saw Emma today. Merde.
Me and Jas were lip-gloss shopping in Boots after Stalag 14 and we spotted her. At first we thought maybe she'd broken up with Dave because she was on her owney.
But then we saw her buy some guy's cologne.
As if she's buying Dave presents. I had more digniosity than that when I went out with him. Well he was a red-herring an' all but you get my drift.
Unless, maybe Dave did break up with her and the cologne was for her because he was maybe one that Dave used to wear so she was buying it so she could smell him even when he wasn't in smelling distance.
That is very stalkerish. How pathetico.
After telling Jassy my theory I said, "She is very stalkerish. That is sooo pathetic."
Jas said, "Georgia, you stalked Robbie and Masimo."
So I biffed her over the head.
Everyone needs a good duffing up every so often, it's healthy.
Unfortunately Jassy didn't see it that way because she now had a hair out of place in her fringe. I thought about telling her that her whole fringe of hair was out of place, as in it would be better if it wasn't there, but I didn't.
8 days later – a.k.a Thursday October 20th
3.30pm
Walking home avec the Ace Gang. We have been doing linksy all the way from Stalag 14 and we haven't broken once yet. Crossing the roads was... interesting, and by that I mean scary potatoes. But as Rosie said the occasional car dodging session keeps you in tip-top health.
Grannies and general old folk keep getting caught up in our chain. They are extremely dim-witted and don't have the sense to move.
Although Rosie does keep shouting, "Aye aye I spot another one!" and drags us in front of them. She is super duper strong. What does Sven feed her on? Or maybe it's all the snogging she does. That would explain why I am tres weako. I haven't had a snog in zonks. I'm undergoing sheer snogging withdrawal.
2 minutes later
Ah-ah! We've just spotted another group of oldies. Rosie is pulling us along at a faster pace.
Pant Pant.
They are walking the same way so haven't spotted us yet. We are like the granny-catchers. Mwhaaaa.
1 minute later
What larks!
Rosie let out a yell of "HORRRRRN" and circled round the four oldies in coats.
We have trapped them with our geniosity!
5 seconds later
The oldie closest to me is pulling their hood down. Haha they want to look into the eyes of their captor! Well live and let look!
2 seconds later
Oh in all things holy, it's Dave!
What is he doing with these grannies?!
Donner und blitzen he's staring at me. It's that 'you are seriously crazy, but kind of funny also' look.
I averted my eyes and turned to see Jas. She looked like a startled ferret.
30 seconds later
Running like a loon
Puff puff pant pant.
Turns out it wasn't four oldies after all. It was Dave, Emma and Emma's Mutti and Vati. Merde merde and thrice merde.
Once everyone realised Rosie said, "Sorry me hearties, I'm afraid you are not suitable material for our fandango so toodaloo!"
Then we all broke arms and legged it away.
Which is what I am currently doing now; legging it away.
2 seconds later
I can't believe we just granny-catched Dave. I haven't seen him in like 2 weeks and now I see him?! He looked tres fit bananas as well.
Merde.
Friday October 21st
Lunch
The Ace Gang have been hawk-eyeing me all day. I think it's because of the Dave fandango yesterday. They probably think I'm feeling all upset and miz.
Which I think I am.
I blame Jas. I don't really have reason, but it always makes me feel better when I blame the fringey fool.
Although this time I should blame Rosie... as it was her that made us gather round Dave and his new family. How lame is that, him hanging out with Emma's Mutti and Vati? That is beyond the valley of the sad. It's like something Wet Lindsey would do.
It is something Wet Lindsey would do. Didn't Jas say Tom said that she keeps hanging round their house? Tres pathetico.
I would never do that. My olds need to be kept far away from normal civilisation and that is le fact.
2 minutes later
On the knicker toaster of life
Being stared at by a goosegog
Five goosegogs in fact. And Rosie has her beard on. Perfectamondo.
"Do you want me to come round tonight Gee?" Jools asked. Oh joys they were doing that watching-over-Georgia-to-make-sure-she-doesn't-crumble-into-a-biscuit thing again.
And now I have Dave in my head again.
Merde.
"No thanks," I said with mucho sophisiosity.
Rosie stood up. She narrowed her eyes and poked her pipe at me (oo-er). "You mean yes thanks."
I shook my head and glared at her, "No, I mean no thanks."
"No thanks?"
"Yes."
"Ah yes it is, there you go Jools." Rosie said and sat triumphantly down on the toaster again.
5 minutes later
Thankgod I've finally got them off my backs. It involved a lot of glaring and eyebrow raising but I've managed to convince them I have to go out with the loony old-folk.
They are so gullible. As if I would go anywhere with Mutti and Vati. That is like social suicide.
But I was sort of telling the truth. Mutti and Vati are out tonight. And Libs is too. And that means I get the house to myself away from the Swiss Family Mad thank baby Jesus.
I think I shall spend my time being my sophis self and practising my glaciosity.
Or blubbing over Dave. That sounds fun too.
3.30pm
In the Park
Walking home all aloney on my owney. I told the Ace Gang I had to meet the Olds in town so I could walk home by myself. I don't know why, but I don't feel like being around happy people right now. It just depresses me.
3 minutes later
Ow ow bloody ow. Now I know why we have a cat.
Dogs are so bloody stupid.
My shoes have just been attacked by a yapping jack russel. It's even more annoying than the prat poodles.
1 second later
No I take that back. Nothing is worse than those dim witted animals.
2 minutes later
Oh my giddy god I can see someone walking towards me that I think might be who I think I want it to be. I think.
He's got the same hoody on that I think he had on yesterday if it is the person that I think it is.
I am thinking too much. My head hurts.
1 minute later
Dave stopped in front of me but didn't take down his hood. I wonder why? Not that I care.
Glaciosity, that is me.
"Can we walk?" Dave said quietly.
I nodded, (I don't trust myself to talk out-loud; that's had bad consequences before).
2 minutes later
Still walking with Dave. He's not said anything yet and we're nearly at my house.
Is this all he wanted to do? Walk me to my house?
I can see the drive. At least Vati took the clown car when he went out. That would send Dave flying like a boomerang. Only he wouldn't come back. Unless he likes the clown car, in which case I don't think I would want him to come back.
30 seconds later
Dave has walked me all the way up to my door. If he turns and runs off now then he is mucho cruel. But he won't because he's a laugh.
Although he is looking strangely like the Un-laugh right now...
But he is also looking vair vair groovy in his hood. His eyes are all shimmering and hair is popping out all dark and mysterious like and his mouth...
Oh Lord Sandra my lips have puckered up!
5 seconds later
Dave is grinning a sexy crooked smile. I think he's seen my puckered lips. Down lips down!!!!
10 seconds later
Dave's stopped grinned. Lips have stopped puckering. Head has stopped thinking.
I was about to shut down all together but then...
Dave kissed me! He just leaned in and pressed his lips against mine really gently. It was sooooo nice and jelloid-extraordinaire.
Dave has taken a step closer and is looking down at me with his marvy eyes. When did he get so tall?
"So Sex Kitty," he said in a dreamy voice, "can I come in?"
oooo sorry for the cliffy... but not that sorry because hopefully this will keep you all on edge! and make you want to review! which you dooooo I can tell ;)
hope to hear from you all soooooooon
toodlesssss..x
horns out ;)