New York was beginning to really annoy Justin. The Christmas trees, the carollers, the lights…everything was beginning to annoy him.

Of course, if New York hadn't been all decked out for Christmas, that would have annoyed him as well.

There was nothing the world could do that would have pleased him.

Since he screamed at Brian in Pittsburgh, he had neither seen nor heard from the man.

Justin wasn't used to being defeated, or feeling hopeless, or doing nothing. But he was out of ideas. He didn't want to move on, and he couldn't just keep ignoring facts. If nine Russians tell you you're drunk, you lie down. He couldn't keep pounding on the door that Brian wouldn't open. So he had stopped trying. He made no attempts to contact Brian since he came back to New York.

And yet, he wasn't able to let go. He haunted their usual hangouts, hoping to 'run into' Brian; he never did. He didn't look for any jobs in Pittsburgh. Something inside him said that it wasn't over just yet. That it just wasn't time to give up hope just yet. He didn't even bother booking his ticket back to Pittsburgh for Christmas, because Justin was hoping for some word from Brian. He refused to get drunk and sleep with random men to drown out his misery. Justin didn't believe in much, but he believed in what he had felt over the last eight months. He believed that Brian had felt it too. Whether Brian could overcome his own issues was another matter, but he had to believe.

Just before Christmas Eve, against the advice of his rational side, Justin had delivered to Brian's office an oil painting he had worked on for months. Street lights, trees, a vivid night sky in deep colours. A Christmas present. Just a simple card that said 'Merry Christmas. I hope you're well'.

In the end, he had waited so long that he had to overpay for a shitty ticket back to Pittsburgh at the eleventh hour. A shitty end to a beautiful year, he figured.

Fortunately, it was Christmas, which meant that everyone was busier than at all other holidays. Daphne was with her family, Eric was with his, and he made vague plans to meet them 'later'. Molly, his younger sister, was with his mother this Christmas, and she probably had instructions about Justin's mood, because she was less chatty and more understanding.

Christmas Eve was a quiet affair, and Justin felt bad for being a downer, but his energy levels were quite low and he just wasn't able to make more of an effort. At least he had brought them both very nice gifts. He went to bed early, determined to do better the next day. His family shouldn't have to pay for the state of his love life.

On Christmas day, Justin woke up early, whipping up breakfast for Molly and his mother. They had all agreed on having a big dinner and forego lunch, mainly so that Molly could turn up at their father's house and do what courtesy required. Justin drove her there, exchanged pleasantries with his dad and they both left early. He was not able to deal with his father's issues, especially this year, and, he legitimately had to leave early to cook.

Justin himself didn't feel like eating much, and he felt a pit in his stomach when he thought about all the times he had cooked for Brian, but he tried to push that feeling aside. It was Christmas, and he had to put on a brave front.

"What do you want to watch after dinner?"

"Molly, honey, there's a whole bunch of movies I bought. Why don't you and your brother go through those and pick one?"

"I'm still cooking dinner. Isn't it a bit early to be picking a movie?"

"Hardly. I like to be prepared. We can watch some really cheesy movies that they'll be showing on Hallmark."

"I want to watch 'Karate Kid'. Mom, could you pass the can opener please?"

Molly groaned. "Isn't that film ancient? And it isn't even a Christmas movie."

"I'm cooking, so I get to pick the movies." Justin declared. "If you want a Christmas movie, we're watching 'Die Hard'. That's the ultimate Christmas movie."

Their mother groaned. "Justin, don't people die in that?"

"Lots."

"And that's what you want to watch?"

"I'm with Justin." Molly stated. "'Die Hard' will be an epic movie to watch."

Watching movies together meant that he could participate, and at the same time, zone out without feeling bad. And he really wanted to watch 'Karate Kid' again.

"There's someone at the door."

"Don't be silly. I didn't hear anything." His sister could be a little batty sometimes.

"That's because you're standing next to the damn blender."

"Molly, in case you didn't notice, it's Christmas day. Generally, not a day people come knocking on your door."

Then all three of them heard the doorbell ring.

"Told you." Molly stated smugly, as she skipped to the door.

Justin shook his head and started beating some eggs.

"Jus, there's someone here to see you."

"Me?" Justin stared blankly at Molly, who had reappeared at the doorway. His mother stood up, also looking at Molly. "Is it Daphne? I'm cooking, I can't leave this. Just ask her to come on in here."

"It's not Daphne."

"Eric, then. Whatever. Tell him to come in."

"It's not Eric…Mooom…you deal with this. I don't know what to do."

Molly followed their mother, who looked at Justin, before she went to the front door.

"Um…Justin, sweetheart…"

Justin looked up to see Brian standing next to his mother, with a little boy clutching his hand. Justin recognized him from photos he had seen at Brian's…this was Gus.

It took him almost half a minute to snap out of his daze, during which time his impeccable mother had dealt with all the introductions.

"Are you making pie?" Gus asked him.

"I'm making Tiramisu…it's…a kind of cake." Justin added, seeing the look of confusion on the boy's face.

"Mommy made pie and Granma Debbie said there was too much pie because she made pie too and then Daddy didn't eat any of them. Can I…may I…Daddy, can I lick the bowl when he's finished?"

Brian looked at Justin, completely at a loss, and Justin figured immediately that Brian had never had to navigate a working kitchen alone with his son.

"Sure you can, just a little bit, if your dad is ok with it."

Brian nodded at Gus, evidently not having an opinion on children eating batter.

Fortunately for everyone, his mother took charge of matters. "Gus, sweetie, we were having some problems picking a nice Christmas movie to watch today. Do you think you can help Molly and I pick a nice one? Come, I'll show you what we have."

With that, Justin was alone with Brian in the kitchen.

"Tiramisu isn't your typical Christmas dessert, is it?"

"Are you…what? Seriously, are you discussing tiramisu with me? What are you doing here?"

"I got your gift. Thank you."

Justin took a deep breathe, and tried to clamp down his million thoughts and emotions. "How did you find me?"

"Your mom has a home office and she's a real estate agent. It's not that difficult."

"Right…you brought Gus…"

Brian shrugged. "The chances of gaining entry into a household are higher when you have an innocent young child with you."

Justin stared at him.

"And I thought you should meet him."

Justin continued to stare at him.

"Considering that I'd meet your mother…"

Justin still stared at him.

"Are you planning on saying anything at all?"

"Brian, last time we actually had a conversation…do you remember what you said? Should I refresh your memory?"

Brian walked closer, standing behind Justin, who was now lightly wedged between the counter and Brian. Justin refused to turn around. He was not going to look at Brian.

"I might have been out of line."

"Might?"

"Ok, I was out of line."

"You were more than out of line. You were wrong. And cruel. And mean. And -"

"Ok, ok. I was wrong. And mean."

"And cruel."

Brian sighed. "And harsh. I'm sorry."

"Am I now supposed to forgive you? Just like that?"

Brian leaned into Justin, resting his forehead on the back of Justin's head. "I'd very much like it if you did."

"Why? So you can tell me three months later that we're just 'hanging out' or some bullshit like that?"

"Look, Justin, this is hard. I'm going to fuck up again. I will stumble. And when I do, it'll be easier to stand again if you're there to help me back up."

Justin turned around slowly, to face Brian, so that their foreheads were now touching. He looked at Brian, and he saw the veil had dropped briefly…there was vulnerability, and a hint of fear in Brian's eyes, even if it was mere seconds.

"You should have just…answered my calls. Called me back. Something."

"I'm here now. You don't understand…sometimes, it feels safer to not have good things because you won't miss them when they're gone."

"I'm not going anywhere." Justin kissed him lightly. "Doubts and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend."

"'Karate Kid' again?"

"Helen Keller."

They both laughed softly.

Brian was right; Justin knew he'd fuck up again. They both would. But this was something worth fighting for.

"I wish you could see yourself the same way I see you – as someone worth fighting for."

"You're a beautiful person, Justin." Brian placed his hand on Justin's cheek and kissed him. "And…I'm going to fuck up again, starting now. I didn't get you anything for Christmas."

Justin laughed. "It's ok. We'll figure something out. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

THE END

A/N: A huge thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and followed this story :) It's so great to get feedback, and to know what you're all thinking, and it's also just plain encouraging to keep writing.

On my next story, I'm going to figure out how to respond to each person who reviews.