"What?"

Haymitch shrugged his sagging shoulders. "Cinna spent some time with her. There's a trust there between them, and it's a result of a connection with you. You trusted Cinna, and then she trusted him because of you. His perception of you has been helpful in getting her to come around. At least a little." He sighed. "I'm not saying she's the same as before, but he was the person closest to both of you that hasn't made her go off the rails."

Johanna steeled herself, trying to will her legs to be steady. She needed to summon courage from whatever depths it lay hidden to face the source of her anxiety and fear. "Lead the way."

Haymitch escorted Johanna to the sequestered hospital room that was Katniss's new home. Plutarch was waiting outside with a patient smile and nodded toward the door. Johanna turned the handle to the door, and within seconds, gray eyes locked with hers. Her arms were encased in straps halfway up her forearm to keep her down, a tube in the crook of her elbow to knock her out if need be.

"Hey," Johanna greeted, tucking her hands into her back pockets.

"Hey." Johanna swallowed at the suspicion and reproach in Katniss's voice. So unlike the husky, warm voice she was used to and desperately wanted to hear.

"Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me," Johanna began, shrugging her shoulders in an attempt to maintain her composure.

"Look at you, for starters," Katniss replied neutrally. Her eyes took on the intensity they'd get in the forest when she locked eyes on some prey. Waiting for it to make a move before releasing her arrow into its eye with deadly precision. "You're not very big, are you?"

"No, the lifelong starvation and orphaning in Twelve helped with that," Johanna snarked back. Haymitch's gravelly voice crackled into Johanna's earpiece, but she ignored his warning to 'back down.'

"Pretty, though," Katniss admitted with a shrug. "The images the Capitol used of you as a mutt, you were grotesque. I guess those are lies. Cinna told me you're pretty. I think he used the term radiant, actually." Katniss paused. "He was wrong though." Johanna frowned. "You're gorgeous."

Despite the situation, Johanna found herself ducking her gaze and rolling her eyes bashfully. "You're not so bad yourself."

Johanna stood there in silence, waiting for Katniss to speak again. The wariness was still in her eyes, as if she was waiting for Johanna to turn into a mutt right before her. "I remember, you know. You singing to me before the Quell." Katniss's eyes clouded over a bit but she seemed to be lost in a memory, not retreating into her anger. "I remember you holding me." The cloudiness from her eyes cleared and she focused on Johanna. "We must've loved each other very much."

Johanna inhaled a shaky breath. "We did," she agreed, tears brimming in her eyelids. You have no idea how much.

Katniss gave her a curt nod. "And Gale?"

Johanna raised an eyebrow. "What about Gale?"

She shrugged her bony shoulders. She was in better condition, overall, than when she had arrived. Her mother must've braided her hair again, as it was placed neatly over her shoulder like in the old days. There was more fullness to her cheeks. Johanna loathed to think what scars lay beneath her hospital gown. "They showed me tapes of you two in the arena. Of you two in bed together. Do you love him?"

"Of course I love him," Johanna admitted. "You love him too."

Katniss's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She took her time before speaking again. "He screamed for you in the Capitol."

Johanna's mouth went dry. "What?"

"When we were being held as prisoners. He screamed for you when they beat him." Her hands curled into fists. "We could hear each other's screams. I guess that was part of the torture. We'd yell for each other, comfort each other. Then suddenly, I didn't hear him anymore. I kept screaming and screaming; for you, for Gale, for anyone." Katniss looked downward. "Nobody heard me."

"I'm sorry," Johanna said, heaving a deep sigh. "They told me you were dead. Gale said he didn't hear you after a while, and thought they'd killed you." Johanna bit her lip and twisted her fingers in her hands. "He didn't abandon you."

"They didn't hijack me until you rescued Gale. They barely touched me." Katniss tensed. "Then I don't hear him, and they take me out of my room and strap me into a bed. Force some weird greenish liquid into my veins and flash images of you. Over and over again. I kept screaming and screaming but they didn't stop." Her eyes narrowed. "You don't have any idea how many times I watched my sister die."

"Prim is fine," Johanna reassured her in a quiet voice.

"I know that now," Katniss snapped. "I didn't know anything then. I thought you were dead. I wanted you to be dead, don't you understand? So then when I saw you, in that hospital, I wanted to make you pay." The anger in her voice tapered off. "It's been hard to get out of that mindset. Except for when I saw you in Two."

Johanna raised her eyebrow. "What about Two?"

"I saw you get shot," Katniss explained. "And it was like ...a little bit of the fog cleared and all of a sudden, I wasn't as angry with you. I was angry with the Capitol. I was angry at whoever shot you. I began to remember who you really are." She tucked her lip between her teeth and looked away from Johanna's inquisitive gaze. The brunette picked at her hospital gown. Gray eyes flitted upward. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Why else would I be standing here, brainless?"

Katniss puckered her lips, but there was a slight lift in the corner of her mouth. "I know that - I get that these images I have of you killing my family and murdering people are false. I know my family is okay and that I have your brother to thank for it. I know I volunteered for you, that you didn't trick me into it." Johanna chuckled at her own expense. The Capitol made her think Johanna tricked her into volunteering? There's no way that could've worked; the night before the reaping was burned into her memory, and she knew it was burned into Katniss's. "Peeta tells me some about what we were like in Twelve together. A lot of those memories the Capitol didn't touch. Things like us hunting or trading at the Hob. Things before and after your reaping. He tells me things he saw. I guess he watched me a lot."

"Peeta tells you about us?" Johanna questioned, squinting her eyes.

Katniss nodded. "Here and there. We talk about home a lot, but to be honest it's all pretty boring. I don't remember him that well. Just that he's the baker's son, that Prim and Posy used to get free lessons on cookie decorating from him. And the one time he threw me some bread when I was starving."

Johanna wished that jealousy didn't boil in her veins, but it did. The thought of someone else helping Katniss before she could made her feel helpless. But that was before they were hunting partners, and friends. "He's a nice kid."

"Yeah, I guess," Katniss replied noncommittally. "To be honest, I think he has sort of a crush on me and it makes me feel uncomfortable." Johanna laughed a little, reaching up to scratch the back of her neck. "We do a thing that the doctors told him to do. Sort of a game to help me parse real memories from fake ones. 'Real or not real'. I tell him something, and he lets me know if it's real or not, to the best of his knowledge." Johanna nodded her head. "There are things he doesn't know, though, that I want to ask you."

Johanna felt her stomach twist in anxiousness, but she took in a breath to steady her nerves. "Of course."

"The bombing of the Hob that killed your sisters. Peeta tells me that it was the Capitol. Haymitch and that Gamemaker have confirmed it. The Capitol, of course, told me it was your fault."

Johanna's jaw tightened. "Why the fuck would I kill my own sisters?" she growled.

"Right. Problem is, I don't remember us being there. I don't remember seeing the bombing at all, so it's hard to me to deny what the Capitol suggested. My real memory of that day goes differently." Johanna froze. "There's a small hut, way out in the woods. I remember it being really warm."

Johanna closed her eyes, trying to will the warmth of the memory into her skin. She could remember with perfect clarity how beautiful Katniss looked crouched by the fire, even though she was angry. "You set a fire in the hearth."

"I was angry with you." Johanna's eyes fluttered open. "I was ...jealous?"

"Maybe. I had just come back from the tour with Gale. The video they showed of us was misleading. Nothing happened. And if they showed you something different in the Capitol, that's a lie too. He and I never - nothing beyond kissing."

"I kissed you that day, in the hut. Real or not real?"

"Real."

"But you were also kissing Gale."

"Yes."

"And this was okay with us? You kissing the other?"

Johanna scoffed. "Well I wasn't exactly asking your permission."

Katniss laughed. "You're a piece of work, aren't you?"

"You're not exactly the girl who left me on the rooftop before the Quell either." Johanna stopped short of releasing more anger and she let out a tired sigh. "Like I told you then, it was different. What Gale and I did, we did to survive. Kissing you was always a choice."

Katniss chewed on the inside of her cheek. "You liked it more with me?"

Johanna chuckled affectionately. "Very much."

A light blush appeared on Katniss's cheeks and she ducked her gaze back down to her bed sheet. Johanna took a step forward and sat on the edge of Katniss's bed. The girl lifted her gaze to meet Johanna's. "Can I ask you about your Games?"

"Go ahead."

"You killed people. Real or not real?"

Johanna audibly swallowed. "Real. I dropped a nest of tracker-jackers on the Careers. Killed two of them. I stabbed the girl from Two in the throat with a knife."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Okay." Katniss's eyes dropped to her blanket. "I have a memory of you strangling me. Real? Or not real?"

"Not real," Johanna replied evenly. "There was one time, I was having a nightmare. I have them a lot, from the Games. You came into my room to comfort me, but I thought I was in the arena and I pinned you beneath me. Not strangled, but I held you down."

"Oh." Katniss blinked a few times. "Then what happened?"

Johanna struggled to remember. It felt like a lifetime ago. "You stayed with me that night. You were always there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. I usually didn't. I still don't."

"And did we ever...?" Katniss trailed off. Johanna looked at her expectantly. "We were together. I have memories that aren't yellow or fuzzy but they're-" Katniss paused. "More than kissing. We were intimate. More than once. Real or not real?"

Johanna blushed. "You know people can hear us, right? That they're watching?"

"Yes," Katniss replied impatiently. "But I don't care. Real or not real?"

"Real. Very, very real, Katniss."

"Oh." Katniss's face wiped of any expression at all. "Good." Johanna wasn't sure what to make of that. Good? It sounded hopeful; that was what Katniss said when Johanna told her she hadn't slept with Gale on the Tour. Katniss's eyes suddenly flew open. "I'm sorry for what I did to you during the rescue. I know you risked your life for me. To save me."

"That wasn't you. This - this still isn't you. Not completely." Johanna shrugged. "Plus, I heal fast." She pointed to a spot on her face where she still had a slight red scar. "The only souvenir left from what happened. The bruising around my neck has faded. All parts back in working order. Except my ribs, but that wasn't you."

"You were shot," Katniss said softly, almost mournfully.

Johanna chuckled and shrugged. "Perks of the job. Everyone's always aiming at the Mockingjay."

"Where did they hit you?" Katniss's eyes searched the parts of Johanna she could see. Johanna lifted up the gray shirt she was wearing to expose her abdomen, just under the hem of her bra. Brown eyes watched very carefully as Katniss moved her own over the wound, calculating its intensity. It was smaller now, and supposed to be covered with some gauze and tape, but Johanna had removed it due to the itch. Katniss's hand jerked forward and she looked down at it and frowned. "Sorry, I wasn't gonna..." Katniss curled her fingers like a cat attacking and bared her teeth in a comical fashion. "Does it hurt?"

"Nah." Katniss shot her a look of disbelief and Johanna rolled her eyes. "Here." Johanna scooted forward and leaned in, angling her stomach in reach of Katniss's restrained hands. "You can touch me." Katniss looked into her eyes for permission, then down to her ribs. Johanna gazed at her as Katniss lifted her fingers and brushed them across the deep bruise. The internal damage was a bit worse than the external, but Johanna didn't mind the soft probe of Katniss's fingers. Katniss was touching her. Johanna let her eyes close to enjoy the sensation. Katniss pulled her hand away, and Johanna pulled her shirt back down.

"I wish I could've been there. To help." Katniss scrunched her face together, like she was hearing some high-pitched noise. Johanna tilted her head to the side in concern. "Sorry, it hurts sometimes. It's like, the two Johannas in my brain are always battling. The one I remember, the real one, you. And the one the Capitol made."

Johanna firmed her stare at the other girl. "I will fix this, you know."

Katniss scrunched her face in confusion, which Johanna found just as adorable as she always did. "Fix what? Your rib?"

"No, brainless. Fix you," Johanna corrected.

Katniss heaved a sigh. "I don't think so," she drawled out with a slight shake of her head. Johanna deflated and peered at the ground. "I think I'll fix myself."

The girl's mouth turned upward and Johanna smiled back at her. "You've always been a fighter, Everdeen." Johanna stood from the bed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I should go. Let you get some rest." She paused. "Thank you, for seeing me. I know this was hard for you."

"Not as hard as it must be for you," Katniss interrupted. "But you're welcome." Johanna nodded curtly and turned to leave, before the tears in her eyes overflowed onto her cheeks. Halfway to the door, Katniss's voice called to her. "Johanna?"

Johanna swallowed. "Yeah?"

"Do you -" Katniss stopped short and chewed on her bottom lip. "Would you mind coming back sometime?"

The raven-haired girl nodded. "Sure."

"Can I ask you one more question?" Johanna gave her another nod. "You still love me - real or not real?"

Johanna wiped her sleeve across her eyes and cleared her throat, gazing back at the girl in the bed. The way Katniss phrased her question was far too emotionless to mean anything, as if she was asking if the sky was still blue, but Johanna knew she couldn't lie to her.

"Real."

You are mine, and I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable.

A few days later, Johanna sat in Finnick's bunk across from Annie and allowed the girl to teach her how to tie a knot they used to keep boats moored in the harbors. Her head doctor Septima thought the two of them would benefit from some meditative activities, and the knot tying was one of the few things that calmed Annie down consistently.

"No, no," Annie chided softly. "You go under, then over." Annie took the rope from Johanna's fumbling hands and gently laid it on the bed. She did the same loop-and-hook procedure she had just explained. "See? This is one of the better knots; because it gets tighter the more something pulls on it. This way if a ship is docked in rough seas, the pull on the rope will actually help."

"The ocean must be pretty nice," Johanna mused, smiling at the redhead. "I saw it briefly on my Tour, but not enough."

"Oh it's beautiful," Annie gushed, holding the rope to her chest. "Beautiful and deadly."

"Like me!" Finnick chimed in from the other side of the room with a rakish grin. The blonde ruffled her short hair and aimed her seductive gaze at the other two women. "Right?"

"Oh yeah, you're real scary," Johanna drawled with a roll of her eyes. Annie giggled across from her and Johanna smirked smugly at the blonde. "But in all seriousness, I wish I could've seen more of it."

"Well you can," Annie answered plainly with a shrug. "After this is over and we can go back home, you can come with us. Stay with us for a bit, if you'd like. Four is beautiful all year round, and it will be even better once all of this is done. We can show you the best beaches and even take you sailing." Her green eyes went wide. "You've never been sailing! Finnick's a wonderful captain."

"Is she now?" Johanna questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I'll have to see that for myself."

"And you can bring Katniss," Annie continued, looking down at her knot and weaving it expertly through itself. Her eyes suddenly shot upward. "I-if she's better. I didn't mean -"

Finnick basically flew across the room, anticipating Annie's exit from reality. Johanna took Annie's hand and squeezed it. "Hey, look at me," Johanna coaxed gently. Annie's eyes were clouded over, but attentive. "It's okay. You're right. When Katniss gets better, we'll come to Four and visit you two. I expect there to be little Odairs as well," Johanna added with a grin.

Finnick shot her an appreciative look and stroked Annie's back. "I keep trying and trying, but I haven't been able to get her pregnant yet." Annie's pale skin flushed crimson red and she ducked her head into Finnick's shoulder. "But you can count on that. I already told Beetee that once this war business is over, his next job is to perfect the process of two women having their own children. Of course, there are plenty of orphans in any district, so we'll have a litter either way. Annie will be a great mom," Finnick crooned, kissing the top of her wife's head. "And you can be Auntie Hanna."

Johanna looked at her crossly, and stuck her tongue between her teeth and her lips to prevent a smile from breaking out on her features. The two of them, and their future, made some of what they were doing seem at least a little bit worthwhile. It was a future they'd never have with Snow in charge. "How is Katniss?" Annie inquired softly.

"Better," Johanna answered, compressing her lips together. "We talked a little. She looks better. At least, not angry with me anymore. A little more like herself."

"That's great." Annie smiled at her. "You've both been through so much. You deserve an end to this."

"I plan to bring an end to this," Johanna replied darkly. "For everyone."

A knock on the door interrupted Johanna. "Come in!" Finnick called, turning so her back was to the bed and she leaned in between the two women. Gale nodded as he entered the room, but Johanna recognized the serious look on his face. "Hawthorne, you interrupted us. I was this close," she put her thumb and forefinger together and squinted, "to getting a threesome."

"Finnick!" Annie squealed, slapping her on the shoulder.

"Real nice," Johanna mused, hopping off the bed. "You wish, Odair." Finnick merely smirked in response and Johanna walked toward her former hunting partner. "What's up?"

Gale looked behind her at the girls and turned his steely gaze to her. "We need to talk. President Coin is sending the final troops to the Capitol and guess what?" Johanna blinked. "You're not going."

"What do you mean I'm not going?" Johanna practically shrieked, her eyes darkening dangerously. "Are you kidding? Is that Coin's decision? Who's going?"

Gale shrugged. "The regular soldiers here. None of the victors are going. Plutarch said the job of the Mockingjay was done, and President Coin didn't want to put any of us in 'unnecessary danger.'"

"Oh because we're so precious and fragile," Johanna seethed.

"I agree," Gale responded. "But to her, the risks outweighed the benefits and she's nothing if not a pragmatist."

"I am going to the Capitol," Johanna insisted with a clenched jaw. "I deserve to go. I have to go. I'm gonna go talk to her."

"I'll come too!" Finnick shouted from behind them. She gave Annie a quick kiss and jogged to Johanna and Gale. "We'll present your case together."

"Fine." Johanna stormed past Gale and into the corridors of 13. She elbowed past the other citizens in a hot rage, getting into the elevator and slamming the button to lead them down to President Coin's office. The three former victors stood in silence and Johanna raised her eyes to Finnick. "You want to go too, don't you?"

"Of course, I just can't let Annie know that. I have as much reason to kill Snow as you do." Johanna couldn't argue that.

Boggs was standing outside President Coin's office and seemed to be anticipating their arrival. "Soldier Odair, Soldier Hawthorne," he greeted formally. Dark eyes turned to her. "Soldier Mason, the President has asked to speak with you privately."

"What the shit Boggs?" Finnick asked from over Johanna's shoulder. "Damn Mockingjay and her special privileges." Johanna rolled her eyes.

"I promise I won't leave you out." Finnick tensed her jaw but took a step back and leaned against the wall. Johanna looked to Boggs, who stepped aside to let her into President Coin's office. The gray-haired woman was waiting for her, perched on the edge of her desk. Plutarch stood in the corner, arms crossed over his portly stomach. President Coin extended a slim hand toward the chair. "I don't want to sit down."

"Please," President Coin replied, nodding to the chair. "This isn't a confrontation."

"Oh no?" Johanna did as she was bid and sat in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "So you send word with Gale that I'm not going to the Capitol and thought I'd come down here and we'd have a nice chat? Maybe some tea?"

President Coin smirked. "No, I figured you'd come storming down here, guns a-blazing, because that's who you are. It doesn't, however, change my decision. I just figured you deserved to hear my reasoning."

"I don't want to hear your reasoning," Johanna shot back. "I want to go to the Capitol. I have to go."

"Why?" Johanna paused. She couldn't possibly reveal that she was going to desert the troops and carry out her own personal vendetta against Snow.

"For what they did to Katniss. For what they did to my sisters. To my district. Hell, even for Cash and Finnick." Johanna slammed her palms down on the table. "There is no shortage of reasons why I want to go to the Capitol. What I fail to see is the reason why I can't."

"Your value as a symbol greatly diminishes if we let you die this close to victory," Coin replied flatly.

"Didn't seem to matter when I was in Eight. Or Two, for that matter."

"You weren't authorized for combat in either scenario," Plutarch interjected with a look.

"I have to go. I've been training for weeks. I passed the Block exam." Johanna paused and changed tactics. "At least if I'm in the Capitol, you can get some last minute propos. Me, Cash, Finnick, Gale, everyone. Get a victor squad. And if I die, then I'm a martyr. Even better. I've got a good face for propaganda posters. You can give a nice speech about me."

President Coin flashed the briefest of smiles. "The change is overwhelming," Coin stated, looking to Plutarch. Johanna's eyes darted between them, attempting to gauge what they were talking about. Coin read the look on her face and smirked. "From the girl who arrived here just a few months ago, to this. I never thought I'd be trying to convince you to not be the Mockingjay."

Johanna shrugged, still hunched over the table. "I have things to fight for now."

President Coin tilted her head. "Yes, and how is Miss Everdeen?"

"Not just her," Johanna replied, shaking her head. "But she's getting better."

"Plutarch was just telling me you spoke with her," President Coin elaborated. Gray eyes flashed a bit of sympathy. "How did it go?"

"As well as can be expected," Johanna mumbled. "Look, I didn't come here to talk about Katniss." Johanna paused. "Actually, that makes a good point. A major part of Katniss's improvement was because I was in danger in Two. She saw me get shot and felt sympathy for me. They said it helped." She looked at Coin imploringly. "I have to go. If I'm there, at least if she even perceives danger, maybe it'll help her."

Plutarch scrutinized Johanna, then moved his eyes to President Coin. "The Star Squad idea is a good one. We had something similar planned anyway, but I like that idea. Get as many young and attractive victors as we can. Johanna fighting side by side with Gale, her partner from her Games. On her other side, her hero brother."

"No," Johanna interrupted with a vehement shake of her head. "Not John. Not gonna happen. He stays here. Find him something to do but he's not going anywhere near the front lines."

"Soldier Mason has already passed his Block exam," Coin explained. "He -"

"He's only twelve!" Johanna protested. "He won't be thirteen for another few months." Her voice rose. "I've already lost all that I had of my family. I can't risk losing the last piece."

President Coin stoically stood in front of her. "The soldiers being picked for the final assault on the Capitol are among our finest. Your brother ranks among them."

"Please," Johanna implored, standing from her seat. "Please, President Coin. I'm begging you. I just want my family to be safe. With Katniss and John safe here, I can do my job and we can win this war."

"The list of your demands has grown alarmingly large, Miss Mason. I have risked many lives for your demands. It only seems fitting that you risk some in return." She placed her hand on Johanna's shoulder and drew her closer. Her icy eyes bored into Johanna's. "I cannot concede this to you. I have made too many concessions for your whims. If you and I are to maintain a relationship beyond this rebellion, and I am to maintain my credibility, I cannot be found catering to you on every issue."

Johanna shirked from her hand and backed away, pressing her hand against her forehead in the spot that her headaches collected. "So you're saying that I have to put my family in danger so you don't lose face?"

President Coin looked over her shoulder at Plutarch. "Mr. Heavensbee, if you please. We can resume our meeting later." Plutarch gave her a nod and shuffled to the door. Once he was gone, Johanna whirled around to face Coin. Her voice, and expression, softened. "Johanna, your brother will be with you. He will be fine. He's a fantastic soldier and a great fighter. He has your spirit." Johanna was not impressed and hoped her eyes conveyed as such. "I know family is important to you. Just because I am without mine, doesn't mean I'm not empathetic." Johanna's eyes dropped to the ground.

"He's all I have left," she managed in a soft voice.

"Which is plenty more than many people." She lifted from her seat and crossed the room toward Johanna. She took her by the jaw and made their gazes level. "You are rare in this world, Johanna. Brave, smart, and kind. You rose from the most impoverished section of the most impoverished district, from an orphan to a hero, in the span of less than two years. I am proud of who you've become. I am proud to have the Mockingjay on my side." Johanna felt her eyes watering and inwardly cursed herself for being so easily touched. "Go to the Capitol with your brother. Take the victory that we are due. And after Snow's trial - which will be quick I can assure you - I will let you execute him."

"Really?"

President Coin smiled. "Do I seem like the type of person who gives false praise, or a false promise?"

"Not yet," Johanna replied. "But most people don't disappoint you when they need something from you."

President Coin huffed and released her hold on Johanna's jaw, clasping her hands behind her back. "Then I guess lucky for you, I want you after your use as the Mockingjay has ceased. That's definitely not something I thought I'd ever say."

"Why not?"

The gray-haired woman tilted her head to the side. "Frankly, you're the antithesis of everything I've built here. You're impulsive and brash; you're stubborn and unwilling to compromise. You deviate from carefully structured plans on the basis of passion and moral obligation."

Johanna grinned. "Yet here we are."

The older woman nodded her head and let out a soft chuckle. "Yet here we are." She sighed and leveled her gaze at Johanna. "Your brother is going to the Capitol, that is not up for discussion. However, if I place him with you, he will not see combat."

Johanna furrowed her eyebrows. "What?"

"The Star Squad will not see front line combat. We will shoot propos. You may engage in a few firefights, but it will be well after the streets have been cleared. If he sees no combat, neither do you. It keeps you both safe, and allows you both to participate."

Johanna frowned. "So everyone will be playing for cameras," she stated flatly. "Gale's going to kill me."

"That's the only compromise I am willing to make. If I must forsake one of my best soldiers, I will do so in a way that benefits me. By placing him next to the Mockingjay, and heating up the propos."

"It's a deal."

President Coin reached forward and shook Johanna's hand. "We're not so different after all, Johanna. You understand that sometimes, war prompts you to make a difficult choice and take the lesser of two evils. Make small sacrifices for the greater good."

"Who decides what's good?"

The older woman sighed. "The people who are left after the indiscriminate hand of fate takes out people on both sides of war. The victors."

"So the wind is blowing something crazy, right? Whipping my hair - it was longer then - all around and my hat just flies off my head. There's seawater in the air, sand kicking up, it's a mess. I'm looking all around for my hat when I see it fluttering down the beach. I start chasing it when I realize, the wind isn't even carrying my hat! A crab has stolen my hat and is making off with it like a little crustacean bandit. And they're fast, too! But he's got it in his little crabby pincers and I'm screaming like a lunatic that a crab has my hat. People thought I was three sheets short of a sail."

"I still think that," Gale interjected with small smile.

"Shut it, Hawthorne." Finnick grinned and continued. "So I'm screaming after this crab and I finally catch up to him and I have to try really hard to get my hat back. You've never played tug-of-water with a crab, but those fuckers are strong. And he was like a foot long!" She sighed. "Anyway, my hat was torn to shreds but I did get it back."

"What happened to the crab?" Cashmere asked with a smirk. "Eat him?"

"No," Finnick answered lowly with a shake of her head. "Of course not. I make a habit of not killing anything that's not trying to kill me. He just wanted a hat. It was a very stylish hat. Couldn't fault him for his great taste."

Johanna chuckled and swirled her potato-and-vegetable mash around in her plate. Their table was in high spirits - Johanna informed them that they'd all be going to the Capitol - and Finnick was regaling the victors (and Madge) with tales of her time in 4. Johanna neglected to mention that the entire thing was a farce. They might learn eventually, but they wouldn't know it was her fault.

Across the room John sat at a table with a few of the boys from his class, engaged in some jocular shoving match. Considering how far they were from home, it was feeling a little better in the dungeons of 13. District 2 was officially in rebel hands; the Capitol had retreated inward toward the mansion and the Training Center. They had their backs against the ropes - even President Snow had retreated into his home.

"Katniss." The word broke Johanna from her happy reverie and her head snapped to the left. Katniss, complete with two guards and a set of metal manacles around her wrists, approached the table cautiously. Madge looked up with a smile. "It's nice to see you out and about."

Katniss gave a cursory look around the table. To Johanna's left was Finnick, to her right was Gale. Across from Finnick sat Annie, next to her was Cashmere, and next to her, Madge. There was an open spot next to Gale, and one next to Madge. "What's up with your fancy bracelets, Twelve?" Cashmere asked, nodding to her.

"I'm not trustworthy yet," Katniss explained with a shrug. "I can only sit here if you guys say it's okay." All eyes on the table were drawn to Johanna, who couldn't keep her eyes off the gray ones of Katniss.

"Of course you can sit here," Madge replied, and Johanna gave the blonde a nod of approval. "We're old friends." Madge's smile, genuine and welcoming, made Katniss smile a little as she sat down. The table resumed eating, but the life in the party slowly deflated.

Katniss ate in silence, looking up only occasionally to flit her eyes between the three victors on the other side of the table. Gale caught her gaze and raised his eyebrow. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," Katniss replied slowly. She moved her eyes to Johanna. "You three look cozy."

"A few brushes with death will do that," Finnick answered with a smile. "You should know. We've got your back, too, Everdeen."

Katniss snorted to herself and continued to eat from her tray, chewing on her bottom lip when she wasn't chewing on her food. Anxiously Madge looked to the group, then back to Katniss. "So Katniss, you know, I heard Beetee was working on a bow for you to use. When you're back up to it."

Katniss's eyes rose from her tray. "Really?"

Johanna nodded. "I've used it a couple times already."

"I saw one on your back when you were in Two. That's the one he made for me?" she questioned, her voice as lucid as Johanna had heard it since her return from the Capitol. It made a nice warmth spread through her chest.

"Yeah. It can fire three different types of arrows. A regular arrow, like for hunting. A fire arrow and an explosive arrow. The bow itself is like the one you had at home." Johanna's gaze ducked to the table. "I guess those lessons back home really paid off. There was no way I was taking down a hovercraft with a hatchet."

Finnick propped her elbow up on Johanna's shoulder and gave a nod of affirmation. "I saw the Mockingjay use it. She's not so bad, you know. Took out that Capitol hovercraft like it was a bird." Finnick's arm draped down to Johanna's back. "But you're better than her, Everdeen."

"Don't touch her," Katniss whispered. The only person who heard her was Madge, whose eyes widened considerably.

Finnick raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Katniss snarled and clenched her fists on the table. "Don't touch her!" Johanna watched as many of the other citizens turned to look at their table at the loudness of Katniss's outburst, and one of Katniss's guards came forward and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. Katniss kept whispering to herself the same three words, squeezing her eyes shut.

"It's okay," Finnick said, putting her hands flat on the table. "She's right, she's right." Katniss's eyes opened and settled uneasily on Finnick. "You're right, Twelve. I'll keep my hands to myself. Or, I'll keep my hands to Annie." She grinned and picked up her tray and Annie's, and then took the redhead's open hand in hers. "It's good to see you, Katniss. Truly."

Madge looked between Gale, Katniss, and Johanna and got up as well, grabbing her tray. "I'm going to see how Peeta's getting along in the kitchen. Nice to see you, Katniss."

Once the three of them were out of sight, Gale narrowed his eyes at Katniss. "So what the hell happened there?"

"What?" Katniss asked, shaking her head. "I have to trust her now? I never liked her. I still don't. That's one of the only things about me that hasn't changed." Katniss looked over to Cashmere. "Don't like you, either."

"Well I'm not exactly thrilled with the mutt version of you either," Cashmere remarked with a sneer.

Gale rolled his eyes. "Sure, but is this part of the therapy? Instead of blind rage it's blind jealousy? Now you suddenly care what's happening to Jo?"

"Maybe if you had been taking better care of Johanna, she wouldn't have gotten shot," Katniss growled back at him, taking a spoonful of her potatoes. Gale's entire body went rigid and his jaw squared.

"She might have gotten shot, but at least I didn't try to kill her!" The anger in Katniss's eyes dissipated and turned to confusion, and if Johanna's perception was correct, guilt. Gale softened his stare and relaxed. "I'm sorry, Katniss. That was out of line."

Katniss glared at him. "So you're her protector now?"

"I've always been her protector. Both of you."

"Is that right?" Katniss drawled slowly, lifting her eyebrow. "Was trying to fuck her on the train during the Tour part of your protection?" Johanna's jaw slackened, at the tone of Katniss's voice and the hot accusation in her eyes. "Or was that just for 'show'? Hm?"

Gale's eyes flicked to Cashmere, who looked suddenly very interested in her soup. Johanna could see the tenseness in her jaw and neck. "You're not yourself," Gale replied, shaking his head. "I'm not going to argue with you now. It's like trying to argue with a drunk person."

"That's what happens when I'm out of the picture, I guess," Katniss mused, taking another bite of her lunch. "Is that how it was here while I was in the Capitol being tortured? You protect poor Johanna with your big strong arms? Crawl into her bed and ward off her nightmares? Kiss her boo-boos to make it all better?"

"Katniss, that's enough," Johanna whispered, trying to steady her shaking hands.

"Is it?" Katniss turned to level her angry gaze at Johanna. "Is it enough?" Angry gray eyes moved to aim at another set of angry gray eyes. "You know, you tell me this whole thing between you two was an act for the Capitol, but it wasn't for you, wasn't it? You actually love her. The video they showed me in the Capitol of you two together was not real. But the video I watched at home in Twelve, that was real. I know you, Gale, and it was real."

"That makes one of us, because I don't know you anymore." He stood from the table, looking down at Katniss. "I know this isn't your fault, but I can't listen to this."

"Because it's true," Katniss scoffed. "And you know what the worst part of this is, Gale?" Katniss smirked with smug satisfaction. "She still loves me. Even this 'mutt version' of me." Katniss let out a cruel chuckle. "Bet that stings."

Cashmere abruptly stood from the table, not even bothering to grab her tray before leaving. Gale retrieved her tray and his and vacated his spot as well, leaving Katniss and Johanna alone at the lunch table. Johanna pursed her lips. "You really know how to clear a room, Everdeen." Katniss shrugged and dragged her spoon through her potatoes. "Why did you lay into Gale? I sort of understand the Finnick thing - though there's nothing to worry about - but Gale? He's your friend. He's our friend."

"He's our friend that got rescued first. He's our friend that went on the television and encouraged the rebellion while we were still in the Capitol." Katniss's eyes narrowed. "Do you know what they did to me the night Gale told everyone to burn the Capitol to the ground?" Katniss brought her hands down to her shirt and lifted it up, turning in her seat to show Johanna her bare back. Angry pink burn marks pocked her olive skin, and Johanna fought down the bile in her throat. "President Snow found Gale's 'burn it down' remark very inspiring. Told me you and I could both be the girl on fire."

"Gale doesn't know that," Johanna countered shakily. "He thought they were going to kill him anyway. You know he's always supported the rebellion."

"At the expense of everyone else," Katniss interrupted hotly. "He's never given one thought to how it affects the rest of us. Those of us that didn't ask for this."

"None of us asked for this!" Johanna blurted out, tossing her hands in the air. "Except me, I guess. I volunteered for Prim. I asked for this."

"We don't make our choices." Katniss looked up at Johanna, the clouds in her eyes clearing. "That's what the head doctor tells me. We don't make our choices, our choices make us." Johanna smirked a little and rolled her eyes, and Katniss returned the smile. "I know. She's not wrong, though. It helps me to look back at my choices and know who I was and who I am. The Capitol can't take that from me."

Johanna nodded her head. Moments like this, with a clear and lucid Katniss, made the uneasy feeling of hope rise in her chest. Hope is much more dangerous than fear. Fear might kill the mind but hope can destroy everything you are. She, for a brief moment, wished she still feared Katniss. Johanna shook her head back and forth. "This is almost worse."

"What's almost worse?"

The raven-haired girl sighed. "You." Johanna grew angrier as she stared at Katniss's blank expression. "Don't you see? Snow knew, he knew, that it would be painful to know you hated me, but even more painful to know that maybe somewhere, you don't hate me anymore. Now you're stuck somewhere in between, torturing me, because Katniss," Johanna moved forward and took one of her hands, "you're so close." Johanna's brown orbs searched Katniss's for a while, finding nothing there but a blank gray slate. "But you're so far. Either way, Snow wins. He always wins."

Katniss gripped Johanna's hand tightly, her narrowed eyes taking on a palpable intensity. "Kill him. And make him watch everything he loves drown in the ashes."

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Johanna smiled down at her bag as she packed her things, incidentally eavesdropping on John and Primrose's conversation. Prim's voice was casual, but the strain behind it was easy to detect. At least for Johanna.

John shrugged as he zipped his duffel bag. "I don't know. As far as the Intel suggests, we're three weeks from a full surrender. Maybe a month. I'll probably be there until President Snow's surrender, then maybe a little while after. After, I don't know." John ran his fingers through his short pile of black hair. "I guess I'll go back to Twelve, help with the rebuilding. Though I talked to President Coin about returning here and continuing my training."

"Oh, I see." Johanna winced at the sadness in Prim's tone. "What did she say?"

"She said if I performed admirably and followed my orders without question, she would allow me to return and train more with Soldier York." Johanna looked over her shoulder at the two and smiled. "I want to be like Soldier Boggs."

"You'll be better than Soldier Boggs," Prim stated with unequivocal assuredness. The young blonde gave Johanna a sidelong glance and the older girl nodded.

"Well, I'm gonna go see if Gale wants to do a little hunting before we leave," Johanna announced abruptly. "Say goodbye Mrs. E for me, Prim."

Primrose flashed her a relieved, appreciative smile. "Sure, Johanna. Good luck in the Capitol."

Johanna nodded and hoisted her bag onto her back and shuffled out the door. If John was going to get his first kiss - Johanna assumed it was his first - she didn't want to be the nagging older sister hanging around. She dropped her things off in Gale's compartment and quickly got permission for them to go outside in the remaining time before they were set to take off for the Capitol.

"I'm glad you brought me out here." Johanna smiled back at Gale as he tucked another rabbit into his belt. Getting him hunting privileges was easy; President Coin already had a hard-on for Gale. He was a slightly better hunting partner than John, if only because Johanna had hunted with Gale many times before. Even now they maintained the easy duet that years of hunting engendered.

It only took about two hours for them to get more game than they could carry back. They sat on an old ruin near a running spring and Gale began cleaning the kills. "No problem. I know you're a natural with these military people, but -"

"But this is who we are, really. Not soldiers. Hunters," he explained.

"Just a different level of game down there."

Gale shrugged. "Not all that different. At least a deer in the woods has done nothing wrong."

"Neither has a child in the Capitol," Johanna replied in an even tone.

Gale sighed, dropping down to the water to clean his hands and face. He crouched next to the spring, watching the water calmly flowing by them. "That's one way to look at it. A deer in the woods has done nothing wrong, but it still means life or death if I can't kill it. Not because it's coming to kill me, but because without it, my family doesn't eat. I'm not saying we kill children, I'm just saying it won't stop me from getting us to Snow. Survival can mean doing things you wouldn't normally do. You know that."

He hoisted himself back up on the edge of the ruin, dangling his feet. "Unfortunately I have to agree," Johanna said softly. Gale looked up, blinking in surprise. "Katniss... she... if he had killed her, I could have grieved. He did something worse, and now I can't grieve for her. All I can think about is how I want to tear his head from his neck." Gale placed his hand over Johanna's and curled his fingers underneath her palm. "I mean really, I was just going to kill myself once this was over."

"Johanna, that's -"

"I know," she interrupted, raising her hand. "I know. But she's alive now. That little piece of fucking hope that drags me out of bed every morning makes it impossible for me to give up entirely. Even though she's not even someone I can recognize anymore."

"Neither am I," Gale reasoned. Johanna raised an eyebrow. "I'm not the same boy who worked in the mines. And you're not the same girl hunting in the woods to feed her siblings. This rebellion has changed us all, or do you still feel like the same girl who volunteered for her best friend's sister?"

Johanna scoffed, "Not even close."

Gale smirked. "Exactly. Katniss isn't gone, she's just different." Gale sighed and allowed Johanna to lean into his embrace. He wrapped his arm over her shoulder and rubbed her bicep. "She's angry with me, I know. She has every right to be angry with me. But, I'll take that over losing her forever."

Johanna sniffed but nodded her head in understanding. "I'm going to kill Snow," she seethed.

"First we have to take the Capitol."

Johanna pulled back from Gale and leveled her gaze at him. "I'm not just gonna take the Capitol. I'm going to take everything from him."

After returning their kills to the kitchen and saying quick goodbyes to Madge and Peeta, Johanna made the apprehensive trip down to Katniss's room. The guard posted at her door gave her a curt nod before letting her in. Katniss wasn't strapped down; they stopped doing that after the second or third time Johanna visited. This time she was sitting on the bed, legs crossed casually, fiddling with a tangle of rope.

She looked up and smiled as Johanna approached the bed. "I see Odair has been here recently," Johanna started, nodding toward the length of rope in her hand.

"No, Annie, actually," Katniss corrected. "Well I guess you're not wrong, she is an Odair now. But not Finnick. The doctors won't let her see me anymore since the other day. Annie came in to give me this, she said it helps her calm down."

"It does." Johanna sat down on the bed, tucking her leg underneath her. "She and I do that sometimes. I'm pretty bad at it."

"Finnick showed me one when we were in Training. Made a noose around her neck and then asked if I wanted to take her for a walk." Katniss looked up at Johanna and rolled her eyes at the absurdity of that moment. Of course Finnick would try and make Katniss uncomfortable immediately upon meeting her. Johanna made a mental note to discuss that with the blonde victor later on their hovercraft ride. "I feel bad about what happened at lunch."

Johanna waved her hand in the air dismissively. "That's water under the bridge. If anyone understands what you're going through, it's Finnick, by extension of her involvement with Annie. Don't worry about it."

The clipped tones Johanna used to speak made Katniss's head tilt to the side, and the guilt that was creeping across Johanna's face made the other girl narrow her eyes in suspicion. "What's wrong?" Finally, Katniss seemed to take in Johanna's Mockingjay outfit with her eyes and make the pieces come together. "Where are you going?"

"The Capitol," Johanna answered quietly, taking an end piece of the rope Katniss was fidgeting with and attempting to make one of the knots Annie had showed her. "They're sending the victors in to shoot propos. I'm here to - to say goodbye."

"Oh." Johanna's face, and mood, fell with Katniss's flat response. Her face was vacant of any emotion at all, her eyes staring hard down at the rope in their hands. It was tangled and looped incorrectly, but it was entwined around her fingers, and Johanna's. Her gray eyes never left the rope as she murmured, "I don't want you to go."

Johanna felt a sharp pain in her chest that was not unfamiliar. It was the feeling of her heart tearing in two. It had happened with such frequency in the past year or two that Johanna wasn't sure her heart was anything but a pile of shards banging around uselessly inside her chest. The one person who seemed to have the ability to put her back together was now morphed into the person most responsible for its condition. "I've got to go. I have to kill Snow."

Katniss nodded in understanding. She drew in the inside of her cheek and began chewing on it silently. Johanna observed her closely for a reaction, but Katniss appeared lost inside an emotion, or a memory. Suddenly her eyes flew open and Johanna regretted the bit of fear that jumped in her heart. "I want you to have this." Katniss reached in the pocket of her new District 13-issued outfit and pulled out a shiny piece of gold metal that Johanna was sure she'd never see again. Katniss placed it in her palm and extended it to Johanna. "Wear it. Please." Johanna reached for it and Katniss quickly clamped her palm shut. "Actually, can I?"

Johanna swallowed some saliva and nodded wordlessly. She didn't trust her voice; it would give away the extent of her sadness. Katniss shuffled forward and clasped the pin on the strap of Johanna's outfit, squinting her eyes in concentration. The silence hung far too heavily between them so Johanna found her voice. "This feels familiar."

Katniss's eyes flicked up to her own and Johanna felt the painful constriction in her chest at their closeness. It wasn't so long ago she stood in that terrible plush room, saying goodbye to Katniss in what she thought might be their final parting words. Sassily asking Katniss for a kiss, and getting a promise of one when she returned. "I remember that very clearly. That's not blurry or yellow. I remember feeling so guilty that day."

"Guilty?" Johanna looked down at Katniss's hands, which were still on the edge of the pin, stroking the strap of her outfit.

Katniss nodded. "Because you were going to die for Prim. And because -" She cut herself off and met Johanna's eyes. "Because I wanted you to win. I didn't realize it then, but if there was a choice to make, I was choosing you."

Johanna's lips quirked briefly in a smile before she looked down between them. The urge to kiss Katniss was on par with the urge to breathe. But she couldn't, she couldn't take the risk. Just like she didn't take the risk then. "I wanted to win, too." She sighed. "I guess that makes us both terrible friends, doesn't it?"

"Selfish," Katniss offered. "It makes us selfish."

"Survival is selfish, but we don't have a choice in that, do we?" Johanna offered Katniss a small smile as she got up off the bed. The longer she stayed in the room, the harder it was going to be to leave. Even this Katniss, disjointed and somewhat broken, was hard to leave behind. "Thank you, for the pin."

Katniss gave her a quick nod before returning her attention to the rope in her hands. Johanna's hand reached the handle of the door when she heard Katniss's soft, lucid voice and froze in her tracks. "Come back."

Without turning around the raven-haired girl nodded her head, placing one hand flat on the door to push it open and the other turning the handle down. "I will."

Author's Note: A heads-up that the chapters after this may be slower because I ...sort of don't have a plan for what's to come. As in, I haven't written it. I know what's going to happen, but, you know. Next chapter will be Katniss' POV so hopefully y'all will enjoy that! Thanks for the continued support!

Thanks to Johannas-Motivational-Insults for her beta read and all her helpful suggestions.