Well... that took long enough! And awwww :3 THE KISS!
"My name," I rasped, voice hoarse from dehydration and the fatigue that riddled my body. Her eyes widened, light flickering within in great expectation and I finished the sentence that I should have never begun. "Is Lincoln."
It had been the wrong thing to do; I should never have even given her a second glance. But then, she had taken a habit of slipping through her brother's tight surveillance to attend to my needs and the wounds the others had inflicted upon me. She was so near, fingers dancing across my hot, bloodied flesh, fiery eyes turning up to catch mine and peer into my very soul. Her eyes asked so much as her voice wound pleasantly about my being, whispering words I could no longer leave unanswered.
She stared for a moment, alarmed that I had spoken her own language.
"Lincoln." She repeated, and my jaw shifted, teeth grinding together to remind myself. She was far from my reach, no matter how far I stretched out my hand for her. "I'm Octavia."
I know. I know your name, I know the curve of your neck, I know your smile and your laugh is a reprieve in a nasty world. I know that you are strong and brave, but feel slighted and repressed by your brother. I know you.
But I said nothing. And she looked so excited I could no longer meet her gaze. I said nothing because there was nothing more I could say, nothing more that would result in anything. There was nothing I could give her.
She tilted her head, trying to recapture my gaze. "Was that it? Is that all you're going to say?"
My eyes traveled from her eyes, to her lips and back.
"It's not safe for us to talk."
Excuse. Just an excuse. I knew that, but it was kinder and my gut clenched at the thought of upsetting her.
"Well if we shouldn't talk then," She looked away, shifting as her mind worked through her thoughts. She swayed before me, eyes trained on my collar and for a moment I entertained the idea that she could feel the same as I. "Why did you tell me your name?"
"I want you to remember me." I replied, selfishly. She knew nothing, she was young and innocent and naive and thrust into a world of blood and dirt she did not understand. In this world, in our lives, any form of relationship between us was an impossibility, a delusional dream formed from curiosity and lust. "After I'm dead."
There were tears in her eyes, and that I could not understand.
"You're not going to die." She whispered, and I wanted to believe those words. But one cannot easily forget the truth. "Don't say that!"
"Octavia." I relished the name upon my lips, the syllables that had before been nothing but a phantom floating about my conscious, and my sub-conscious. "This, it only ends one way."
My idiotic actions had been leading me to this. I should have known when I first found her, to leave her there. But I could not stop myself from reaching out to touch her, and I had accepted this. Perhaps it was inevitable from the moment I first laid eyes upon this youth, I had been damned to destruction. Even now I was winding her closer to me, selfish and stupid as I had uttered my name so even after my death the memory of the man named Lincoln would still flit momentarily across her conscious.
"Just talk to them." She pleaded. "Tell them you're not the enemy."
"But I am."
I was her enemy.
She did not have time to answer, but brushed away the tear trailing down her dirt smudged cheek and left at the threats of her fellow. My fists balled, blood coursing hot and stomach tightening in anxious knots. I had acted impulsively, stupidly.
But I was destined to die, what harm did it do to refuse to indulge the object of my demise?
"Don't move." She ordered, and acted before I had time to comprehend what she meant. She cut the ties and let my arm fall down to my side. I hissed as the blood rushed to my extremities, swaying and falling as she worked on the other bindings. "We need to go now."
I stumbled forward onto my knees, vision swimming as the pain pulsed anew through my weary body.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, still not fully comprehending the situation. I was vaguely aware of a jacket being tugged on, it was too small and strained against my muscles, but it was clothing and it was comforting, and her skin brushed against my own.
"Just get dressed." And I obeyed.
"They'll know you helped me."
"You said, if you stay here, you'll die." Her breath was breathy, adrenaline pulsing through her veins, pushing her on to her fevered actions. "I'm not going to let that happen."
My breaths were labored, groaning in the pain that muddled my senses and confused my mind. I shook my head, her words coming slowly together to coherent phrases, and I hated each one.
"I'm not going to put you in danger."
This was not how it was supposed to happen. They were to kill me, and soon. They would realize I was a liability that offered no cooperation or further help, and I would be killed. They would do a poor job at it; they were children with no experience. But I would be dead and all she would have would be a memory with a name.
The more I could hope to get would be a few shed tears.
"We need to do this now." She was ignoring me. I should be mad, I should inforce my words.
"Ok." I breathed, as my mind refused. "Even in these clothes, I'll be seen." I tried again, imploring to her senses.
"People are seeing plenty of things right now." She said from behind, straightening the hood of the orange jacket over the black coat. I strained to stand, Octavia grabbing hold of my arm and offering what little support she could. Her sarcastic words tumbled through my mind.
"Up you get."
She said something more, but I was still mulling over what plot she had concocted. She may be impulsive, but she was not an idiot.
"What'd you do?"
"Set out some of our winter rations a little early."
Her words finally connected to sense and I pulled away from her to look down at her face, my hand still settled too heavily upon her shoulder. She turned her head upward, eyes blazing with earnest haste.
"Jobi nuts."
She was not looking at me, too preoccupied with the infernal jackets.
"The food you gave my guard." It made sense, her strange visit from before, the harsh words she had left. "They cause visions but, it wears off." My words were slurred with pain, and my panting broke the phrase as my mind concocted all sorts of ways this ploy could go terribly wrong. Even her brother would be infuriated to learn she had assisted in freeing the grounder. He would never harm her, but the rest of the camp… anger distorted people's wits, led them to horrid deeds. I had witnessed their camp turn to hysteria, and hated the thought such violence could be turned upon her.
"Just try to get as far away as you can ok?" I nodded despite myself, for though the image of her shed blood played once more across my blurred vision, I knew I had no choice. The binds were cut, I had nothing to return to. Here was death, outside was a delusional camp that could not point the blame upon one person when they themselves had no recollections of the hours before. "And try not to get yourself killed."
I turned to leave, to make my way down the metal stairs to the lower levels of what they referred to as the drop ship. I was honoring her, her wishes, what she had done; I should leave and return the favor. Leave her with what little peace she could find, contenting my twisted desires with the imprint I would leave upon her memory.
But I could not.
I swallowed hard, and turned back to her, knowing I was once again being selfish. But in the here and now, in the moment of pain and chaos and chances, it seemed more ludicrous to leave without putting to action what my mind and body had already decided upon.
She was there, before me, and I may never have that again. And I forgot who I was, and who she was, our lives and our circumstances and I leaned closer to her because she was what I wanted.
My hand was against her cheek and my hot lips upon hers, eyes closed and reveling in the feel of her against me. The kiss tasted of sweat. I was insistent, pressing hard until we broke apart, came together again. I brushed my tongue against her lips, asking for more and she gave, for a moment.
Then her hand was upon my forearm, pushing back and we parted once again. I pulled away, loathe to part from her but knowing I had already gone too far, stayed too long. There was confusion and uncertainty in her eyes, what I expected to see and so I left.
I left her, my lips burning with the memory of the kiss and heart aching with emotions I refused to name. I slipped away in the chaos she had created and left their camp, left their torture, left that fate, and left her.
I stumbled through the forest, steps a mess and leaving a trail any child could easily follow. My legs screamed in agony, but I kept on, knowing that soon enough the hallucinogens would wear away and the camp would quickly realize their captive had disappeared. I tried to assure myself that Octavia would be ok, but my heart was pounding.
I collapsed upon my furs, feeling their soft downy fur about me and breathing out in relief. I simply lay there, knowing I should move. I should clean my wounds, change my clothes, report to Indra, or finish the scratching upon my wall, the beginning of some undecided work. Anything, I should do something.
But I simply lay there, eyes closed and imagining once more the feel of her soft lips against my chapped ones. My heart ached, my fists balled into the furs and I silently cursed to myself.
She would be my undoing.
I wanted to kiss her again.
Until whenever I motivate myself to writing the next portion... which will include some extra t.v. stuff ;)