Chapter Fourteen: All we have now, silence
It had been a silent and painfully long ride so far. Stella was driving as fast as she could, scolding and cursing at every car that drove too slow and every traffic light that stayed red for too long. Lindsay looked at her with sympathy but didn't have enough strength to say something about it or calm her down a bit. Hell, she would probably be doing the same if she had been driving. She turned towards the window and watched the world flow by at immense speed, she couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of Danny being kidnapped instead of Mac. What she would have done if she had found her beloved one lying on the floor, chained to the wall and almost beaten to death… or totally beaten to death. There was a real chance her boss wouldn't survive this. What if it had been Danny? She knew deep in her heart Danny would have been dead hours ago. The strength Mac had could not been compared to anyone's. Her world became hazy, white spots of tears slid past her eyes and her vision blurred. She felt like she was getting sick. Stella had turned the blue light on and was now racing with a deadly speed. Every bump in the road felt like they were jumping across the Grand Canyon. Together with the images of Mac in that cursed room, her thoughts about Mac and Danny and the fact that she hadn't eaten for more than a day made her stomach fill with bile. She looked in the glove compartment for anything that could be of use as a sick bag but found nothing. With a desperate move she pushed the button of the electrical window and hung her head out trying to lose the feeling of nausea. Luckily, Stella had noticed and slowed down to a more acceptable speed. The fresh air helped surprisingly and she felt the nausea subside. After inhaling the air from outside a couple of times more, she retracted her head again and closed the window leaving a small gap so they would be provided with fresh air. She rested the back of her head against the cool glass and turned her gaze towards the steering wheel and the one handling itWhen she looked at Stella, she saw that she had given free rein to her tears.
'I'm sorry, I didn't notice that you…' Stella whispered in between sobs. Lindsay cut her off. 'Don't, Stel. It's okay, it just came up. Please, it's not your fault, it's all mine.' Fresh tears were rolling down Lindsay's cheeks too. 'It's not your fault either, sweetheart. It's all the fault of that Tanglewood gang I don't know what will happen when I see that bastard again, or when Mac… if Mac…' Stella's tears followed into each other with more speed. Lindsay squeezed Stella's thigh. 'Faith and hope is all we have now, let's keep those.' Stella nodded slightly. In silence they drove further.
Flack, Hawkes and Adam and Danny had split up and were now searching for the child. Adam had instinctively followed Danny. No way was he going to roam all alone in this building. Silence filled the space between them as they searched. Not that there was anything to say, or maybe there was just to much. After a couple of minutes, Danny finally broke the silence. 'Did they hurt you?' Danny's voice sounded hard and raw in the empty hallway they were in. It was apparent he was holding back one or two emotions.
Adam lifted his head in surprise and turned towards his best friend. Before giving an answer, he already stared down to the ground again. Fresh memories came boiling up. How they had hit him a couple of times in the car on the way here, how they dragged him along the alley and towards the room. He knew the truth wasn't something Danny needed right now.
'No.' Danny didn't seem to listen.
'I should have never give in to the damn plan, I should have never let them take you, I should have never agreed to let you go unguarded with a bunch of criminals, a bunch of animals. They could have easily killed you, they…'
'Danny..', Adam tried to interrupt him but Danny continued talking, almost as if he was talking to himself.
'… could have hurt you. Why didn't I think about all the possibilities! I should have been close to you the whole time, I should have known this was going to happen…'
Is he talking about Mac? Adam thought while studying his friend.
'Why didn't I say anything when I heard that voicemail? I knew it wasn't you! I knew it! Still I didn't say anything. You taught me so well, you rescued me from the fucked up guy I was becoming but I failed you completely. I was worthless back then and I'm still as worthless now! Nothing's changed, I'm not smarter than any of those guys. And now you're…'
'Danny!' Adam grabbed him by his arms and shook him a little to force him a to listen to him, but Danny protested hard and tried to free himself from the grip of his friend. Adam was indignant but didn't let go. He let Danny push and pull him and eventually Danny hit him on the chest. Suddenly then thrashing, pushing and pulling stopped. Adam felt the body he was holding curl up and sink to the ground. He let himself drop against the wall with Danny still held against him. He finally let go and Danny freed himself from the grip and let his back hit the wall so he was sitting next to Adam. Every bit of fear, anger and guilt came out now. Tears were forming in two pairs of eyes.
'If he doesn't survive this, Adam… if he just doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't know what it's left to do.' Adam lay his hand on Danny's shoulder next to him. 'Faith and hope is all we have now, let's keep those.' In silence they sat.
Without thinking, Don rushed through the old building without slowing down for anything. Stairs to climb, walls to jump over, everything happened on auto-pilot. Anger, guilt and fear were written on his face. He was angry at the guys who had planned all this, angry at his colleagues who had kept them waiting so long but most of all he was angry at himself for not seeing through everyone and everything. If he had just picked up one little signal, then none of this would have happened. He was angry at himself for letting Mac drive to the hospital all on his own. The things he had been doing that day could have waited, should have waited. Because Mac was a great cop and smart detective in his eyes, he figured he could let him go by himself. Mac always establish that self sufficient aura somehow. Why was the guy so freaking stubborn? If Mac had let him go with them , or just let him go instead of Mac, none of this would have happened. Or he would be in Mac's place instead of being on the sideline. He would have been struggling for air instead of Mac… Flack slowed his pace to catch his own breath which he only realized now he was holding. He rested his hands on his thighs while letting his head hang down a little. He felt the carbon dioxide make way for the welcome oxygen. The corners of this mouth twitched a little. Working with lab nerds makes you think weird things, he thought. The smile immediately disappeared again when fear boiled up. Fear of the life of the man he looked up to. The man everyone respected, no matter what they thought of him. If that man would die, would just leave this earth, nothing would ever be the same again. He knew he would never smile again. And all of this was his fault. He was taught to protect them! If Mac really died, it was all his fault. Flack pushed the awful thoughts out of his mind quickly and stretched himself. He felt how weak his body had become after all the days without sleep, but he couldn't give in. Not now. He needed to continue, he needed to for Mac, his friends, everyone. 'Faith and hope is all we have now, let's keep those.' Flack murmured to no one and continued his way in silence.
Stella almost parked the car inside the front door of the ER when they arrived there. Together with Lindsay she rushed to the counter. Stella showed the receptionist her badge.
'A detective just came in here.' The receptionist nodded. 'They brought him to ER 2, that way.' She pointed her fingers towards the hallway on her left. Stella walked in the direction the hand had indicated. Lindsay said a quick thanks to the receptionist and rushed after Stella. When they caught sight of ER 2, they walked towards it. Before they reached the doors, a doctor approached and gestured them to a halt.
'I'm Doctor Lohe, I'm working on Detective Taylor together with three other doctors. You two are colleagues of his, I presume?'
'He's the head of the NY Crime Lab, he's our boss.' Lindsay answered.
'How is he doing?' Stella asked the doctor while keeping her eyes on the ER door.
'I can't tell you that much about his status. He's been beaten up really badly, detectives.' He watched the women in front of him preparing themselves for the worst. The doctor continued with a calmer voice now. 'He suffered multiple blows to the head, abdomen and extremities. From what we saw on the MRI, he has at least 5 fractures in each arm and 2 in his left leg. The broken bones in his right arm are twisted so they can't heal on their own. With a surgery we will put the bones on their proper place again. We will do that when the time is ready. His right leg is severely bruised. At least 5 ribs are broken.' A silence followed.
After what seemed like an eternity, Stella turned her head towards the doctor. 'Tell us everything, tell us the truth.' Dr. Lohe considered his options and came to the conclusion that these detectives in front of him deserved the truth instead of calming words and half truths.
'Maybe we should sit down.' Stella and Lindsay did what they were told, knowing they would only hear the information that way. Dr. Lohe sat next to Stella, who now sat in the middle. Lindsay rested her eyes on the floor while Stella kept staring into the doctor's eyes, looking for a hint or emotion. Lohe took a deep breath and continued.
'Because of the long absence of medical help, some of the injuries cannot be repaired completely, such as the ruptures in his colon and spleen. Surgeons are removing his spleen at this moment, just like the small piece of his colon what has become necrotic. His lungs were filled with blood so we applied a drain to remove it slowly.'
For the second time in a short while, Lindsay's eyes were filling with tears again. With her head still fixed on the floor, she grabbed Stella's hand and squeezed hard. The latter returned the squeeze.
'Unfortunately, that's not all. A scan of his head is also made. That one showed multiple little tears at different places of his brain, some bleedings into his brain. Because of the risk of death because of the internal bleeding we had no choice but to operate on him. The surgery will make his condition more unstable which could make the bleeding worse. Together with the severe dehydration and acidosis as a result of the long period with lack of fluid and food, we don't know what will happen next. He could come out of all this just as he was before the kidnapping, but he could just as easily loose a great deal of brain function. Or all of it. We don't know which one of theses things may happen. It could happen in a couple of hours or even in a couple of weeks. Maybe it's best if you call the other detectives or any relatives of Detective Taylor and tell them to come as soon as possible.'
Both women had known this was coming and were prepared for it, but still it felt is if they had been struck by lightning. The doctor rested a hand on Stella's shoulder. 'I will leave you two alone for now, to let you process the news. I will return as soon as there is any new information about his condition and when you can see him.' Stella nodded and whispered a thanks as he stood up and walked away from them.
Stella took Lindsay in her arms and let the younger woman cry on her shoulder. No tears were formed in her eyes. She had to be strong for Mac for when he woke up. He needed her to see she was strong and that she still had faith. She widened the space between her and Lindsay again. 'I've got to call the others.' With that she stood up and walked towards the exit.
Hawkes hadn't stood still for a second from the moment he had split from the others. His medical and scientific head were driving him crazy, the image of Mac popping in his head time after time. Without doubt his boss had a lot of broken bones and internal injuries. He was probably severely dehydrated and his whole body had a dangerously low pH and he was sure Mac had some internal bleeding. Mac would, he could survive all of that if his brain was still intact. But the chance of that happening was pretty small, Hawkes calculated. All kinds of situations and diagnosis were spinning in his mind. If only he could make them stop. He stopped walking and put both his hands on his head. A severe headache had formed and the thoughts weren't exactly helping it go away. A small groan escaped his lips. Or did someone else make that noise?! With all the force he had left, he pushed everything out of his head on concentrated on sounds around him. Another groan, definitely not his own now. He moved towards the direction the noise had come from. Another sound came out of the darkness of the warehouse, followed by soft cries. When he rounded the corner, he saw Nick sitting on the floor in front of him, looking scared. With one move, Hawkes had lowered himself to the ground and took the frightened child's face into his hands.
'It's okay, Nick, I'm a detective from the crime lab.' The boy didn't seem convinced and continued crying. Hawkes moved a little closer. 'I'm a friend of Mac's.' Those words worked on Nick. Suddenly Hawkes had Nick's complete attention.
'Mister Mac! They hurt mister Mac! They killed him, detective! It's my fault…' Hawkes smiled at the innocence of this little kid.
'It's not your fault, Nick, don't you think that. And Mac is not dead (he wisely kept the 'yet' out of it, for both their sakes). Let's go and see him okay?' The little boy nodded slightly and wiped his tears and his nose with the sleeve of his sweater.
'Did they hurt you? Do you hurt anywhere?' Hawkes asked, examining the boy the best he could. Nick shook his head. 'Good, let's go then.' Hawkes picked Nick up and turned, heading back the way he'd came while he informed the other's via his walky-talky that he had found the missing child and was coming back. It only took a couple of seconds before Nick fell asleep on Hawkes' shoulder.
When he arrived ten minutes later, he saw the sadness in the eyes of Flack, Adam and Danny. He turned his head towards Danny.
'Any news yet?' Danny nodded. 'Stella just called. Mac has several severe fractures and he's bleeding into his brain. They don't know what will happen. She said we had to come to the hospital as soon as we had the kid.' Hawkes swallowed after he heard this news. He knew it. If this really was the case, they could easily lose their boss in a matter of minutes or hours. They had to hurry.
'Let's go then. Nick here is fine.'
Four men and one child walked towards the car and drove to the hospital in silence, preparing themselves for what could be the last moment with their friend…