Finally, an update! It took me a while, and I apologize for that. It had been a busy time. I hope you all enjoy this chapter again :)
Chapter Fifteen: To you, my Friend
Nobody needed to say a word. Six figures were sitting next to each other in an overexposed waiting room of a hospital that nobody wished to be so busy at this hour. In all those hours of waiting, many emergencies had rushed by them. Still, nobody said a word. From time to time, one of the figures moved to buy coffee or food for them all. Everyone ate and drank in silence, all lost in their own thoughts. Nick hadn't left Hawkes' side and between his sobs, he slept for most of the time. Hawkes couldn't care less; the warmth of the child in his arms was a welcome distraction. The time passed as if seconds were minutes and minutes were hours. Exhaustion was overwhelming all of them, but still no one left. For the man in the operating room fighting for his life they would have endured a thousand times more, every one of them felt the same way. Mac was meant a lot to them, for some even everything. The department could never have a better supervisor than Mac Taylor, murder victims could not have a better CSI than him, colleagues could not have a better friend than him.
It didn't matter anymore why he was fighting for his life, why there was even one person who could have inflicted these terrible injuries on him. It all didn't matter anymore why he is smart, handsome, funny, and heroic and the best at what he does. Only one thing mattered now: Mac surviving. Everything else would come later. But that didn't matter. He had to survive. And the team was going to help him with that, no matter what they had to do. He needed them, that's why they were all staying and no other reason than that.
After almost five hours, all of them stood up in unison when Dr. Lohe came towards them. No one dared to ask the one question that held a life in the balance, so a silence followed. Eyes were open wide, hands left and right were grabbed in their own, no air was breathed in. They were ready for the news, for good or for bad. Finally the doctor in front of them spoke.
'Detective Taylor is out of surgery and stable.' One big collective sigh was heard. 'You can see him, but the more rest he gets the better the chance he has of surviving all of this. So I would suggest you all go in for 5 minutes, one at a time. He's in the ICU.' The nod was in unison, again. Right before Dr. Lohe turned away again, Stella approached him.
'Is he.. can he… is there a chance he can hear us?' Stella stuttered a little.
The doctor shrugged. 'To be honest with you, I have no idea. We have never seen this degree of injury before, let alone someone surviving so far in his condition. But you can try, of course.' With a smile, he left.
Stella turned around and watched the group in front of her: Danny holding Lindsay who was shivering a little, Adam looking to the floor not sure what to do or feel, Hawkes soothing Nick and Flack directly looking into her eyes. The latter took her hands in his. 'You go first.' He saw the worried look in her eyes, the exhausted body pose. The sight of Mac alone in that room maybe could be the last thing that would finally break her. Maybe he needed her. 'You want me to go with you?'
Stella forced a little smile. 'Thanks, but no. I want to be alone with him.' With that, she walked off in the direction of the ICU.
--
Lines of a song she heard on the radio days ago floated into Stella's mind as she stood in the elevator.
Couldn't
save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you
forgive me for trying again?
Your silence makes me hold my breath
All the time has passed you by
She pushed the song quickly out of her mind.
Even with preparing herself, the shock of seeking Mac lying in the small bed, hooked up to dozens of machines in the ICU, was overwhelming. She folded her hands in front of her mouth, unsuccessfully trying to hold back her tears. When the initial shock subsided, she almost stumbled to the side of the bed. Her hands moved down to where his hand was and covered his free fingers and palm with hers. She placed a gentle kiss on his hand.
'Oh Mac…' She let out a sob. A single tear escaped her eyes. 'How could this have happened.., it can't be true you can't be lying here. It must all be one big horrible nightmare and when I wake up, when we both wake up, you are going to be just fine and I'm finally going to say that...' Her voice juddered. One hand approached Mac's face and gently stroked his skin avoiding the scratches and cuts which all but covered his face. 'It isn't a nightmare, is it? It's all real, you are really here.' Stella stood up and cupped his face in both her hands. His eyes were closed but still she looked directly into his eyes.
His green eyes, sparkling and small, were looking directly into hers. He asked her out for dinner that afternoon. 'Just as friends' he had said. She had always thought he had never noticed her disappointed reaction. They were sitting in a pretty expensive restaurant somewhere nearby her apartment. She hadn't seen him so happy and content in a long time and to be honest, she hadn't been either. 'You look so beautiful tonight, Stel. Beautiful, smart, funny, extraordinary, supportive. I wouldn't know what I would do if you weren't in my life. Thank you for everything you've done.' His hand moved forward and touched hers. First she was stunned, then she let go of her cutlery and grabbed his hand. She felt him squeezing hers tightly. Perfect fit, she thought. 'You know I would do anything for you, right?' She nodded. 'I can only help you when you tell me what's wrong.' Startled she pulled her hand out of his. 'There's nothing' she said. She was lying and she felt he knew that too. But he just answered with a slight nod and continued eating like nothing had happened. She knew he was talking about Frankie then. Maybe if she had told him, he could have helped or protected her from that sick bastard. Maybe she wouldn't have killed him. But she hadn't said anything, and after all happened, they never spoke of it again.
Her mind snapped back to reality. She wanted to talk about that moment at the restaurant again. She wanted to say what she really thought, that she regretted her answer, regretted that she let his hand go. Oh, how she wished that he would squeeze her hand again, just like he had done then. But nothing happened, he was just lying as still as he had been when she had first walked in. It reminded her that the others were waiting to see him. She stroked her thumbs, gently across his eyelids, up towards his hairline. She bowed down and spoke into his ear.
'I love you, detective Mac Taylor. Give me one chance to say it to you, one chance to see your reaction. I want to see your smile again, the way your frown when you're thinking, any expression at all. Only you can give me that chance. You would do anything for me, right? Get better, you hear me. That's the only thing I ask of you. Just get better.' With a teary face she placed a kiss on his cheek and abruptly turned around and left the room, unable to bear the sight of him like this any longer.
When Stella was back downstairs again, she approached her colleagues and friends. 'The next one can go in now.'
Danny and Lindsay stepped forward. 'Could we go together? Do you think he…' Danny stuttered slightly.
Stella wanted to grab his arm and reassure him it was going to be alright, but halfway towards him she pulled her hand back. She didn't want to touch anybody; she wanted to hold the feeling of Mac in her hands. She looked in Danny's eyes instead. 'He's not awake, he didn't react to my words. I guess it wouldn't hurt him..if you went in together.' Sad eyes looked towards her. 'I'm going to get some fresh air.' With that she walked towards the exit doors.
Danny and Lindsay walked towards the ICU, hand in hand. Immediately when they saw their boss, their friend, they fell into each other's arms. Lindsay cried out loud, but Danny couldn't get his eyes of his lifeless friend who couldn't even breathe on his own. He wouldn't have cried. He let go of his now-girlfriend and stood at the bedside. His hands grabbed the cold steel as hard as possible, his knuckles white. He bowed his head and pressed his eyes closed as hard as he could, not sure what to do next. He didn't hear Lindsay approaching the other side of the bed.
' He's so quiet. He looks so frightened, so worried. What if he feels the pain?' Her eyes watched Mac almost expressionlessly.
'I don't know, Linds, I don't know. I don't want to know. Just…just… don't say anything, please. I..I..can't.' She only nodded and they were silent as the minutes passed. Danny looked up and pushed his glassed up onto his nose again. He placed his hand on Mac's arm and tried to look at his face, but failed. He could only get out a whispered 'get better' and left the room, his eyes finally filled with the poisoned salty liquid.
Lindsay placed a kiss on Mac's forehead. 'You need to live, you are the only one who can get through to him. So just get better okay, please.' With that, she walked after Danny and out of the room.
Flack was the next to enter, he was shocked at the sight before him as he stepped into the room. He straightened himself and walked with firm steps towards the brave detective. He recalled the time when he had been the one lying in this bed, only now he was in Mac's place. He was the one standing watch, now he was the one to squeeze an unresponsive hand. Now he was the one who prayed, the one who felt guilty, the one to think the unwanted thoughts. For the whole 5 minutes, he did nothing but squeezing Mac's hand saying silent prayers without even believing in God. When he opened his eyes again, only then did he register how terrible the figure in front of him looked. Almost like he's already dead. He shook his head hard to push the sentence out of his head. With frustration and horror he felt himself losing control and slowly sinking to the ground. He felt a hand on his back. With shock he looked up, only to find Adam standing over him with eyes full of tears. The lab-tech helped him on his feet again.
'I..I..' Flack didn't know what to say.
'It's okay.' Adam couldn't manage to get more out. His eyes filled themselves with tears over and over again, every time he looked towards his beloved boss. After another five minutes, they slowly walked out of the room without saying a word.
Only Hawkes and Nick were left to see Mac. Hawkes had pulled Nick up so the child could sit next to Mac's legs on the bed. Surprisingly, Nick began talking to Mac about everything and nothing. About his adventures with his mom, what she had done with Halloween, what she had cooked the day before she was murdered. Hawkes could only smile at the sight in front of him. He watched the kid softly tickle Mac's leg, fiddling with Mac's fingers, twiddling with the thin sheet that covered his boss till he reached his chest. When he began to touch the tube that came out of Mac's chest, Hawkes gently pulled him up again.
'It's better if you don't do that.' Nick looked at him, puzzled.
'Why? I not need tube, you not need tube, why Mister Mac?'
The innocent look the child gave him made the CSI swallow hard. With the gentlest face he could manage to make he answered. 'Because there is water and blood in his lungs and he can't breathe normally. That's why there is another tube in his mouth.'
Nick still looked confused. 'Why he make beeps?'
Hawkes slightly grinned. 'No, the machines make sounds to check everything like his heart and his lungs. They will make a strange sound when something happens, or show something different.
Nicks little finger pointed towards the ECG-machine. 'Like that?'
Hawkes followed the finger of the child and opened his eyes widened. He let go of Nick and grabbed the machine with both his hands. His heart almost stopped.
Mac's heart was showing atrium fibrillation. Does that mean…? With two big strides, Hawkes was at the door and screamed at the top of his lungs. 'Doctor! Nurse!! I need help! HELP!'
Within seconds, a doctor and two nurses pushed him aside and rushed towards the bed. In the meantime, Nick had sneaked out of the room and ran downstairs towards the others. They all turned around when the shy boy screamed like never before.
'Mister Mac!' The hospital almost shook as the four grown-ups ran upstairs towards Mac's room. When they arrived, they saw Hawkes standing outside the ICU. The latter watched horrified through the glass of the window.
'He flatlined.' With shock, all the CSI's and Flack turned their heads towards the bed. More doctors and nurses were next to the bed now. They could hear them scream. '300, charge! Still nothing. 360, charge! Again!' They would repeat those sentences over and over again within the next three minutes.
A beep. And another one. And the final words. 'Sinus rhythm. He's back again.'
In a blur, the others saw Stella enter the room and run towards Mac grabbing his hand in hers, crying and screaming his name. But then she became quiet.
She turned around, a sparkle in her eyes.
'He squeezed back.'
You remembered me loving cliffhangers, right? ;)