Sorry for the delay. This chapter and the next have both been done for a while... but I have been putting off self-editing since my Beta reader does a far better job. Unfortunately real life gets in the way with my obsession, so it looks like I might be on my own to finish this story.
I know most people (Beta included) prefer my other on running story Last Person on Earth, but it was put on hold until this one was completed. I understand this one isn't nearly as fun or exciting, but it does get rather interesting... At the end of this chapter actually.
So here is the game plan there are three chapters and a possible epilogue that will finish this story. Every weekend for the next three weekends I will post a chapter.
(Remember this is all tentative to editing and work blah blah BS. If I do delay a post you are welcomed to send me a nasty gram. At least then I might get a review and know people out there still care as much as I do.)
Today the 12th- Chapter 6.
Friday or Saturday-18th or 19th –Chapter 7 (Hitomi's View)
Friday the 25th- Chapter 8 (Story Line Completion) Merry X-mas
Friday the 1st of 2016- (Possible) Epilogue/Chapter 9
Happy Holidays! My gift to you! You've waited long enough!
Chapter 6- Regret
One week. It is hard to believe I will be married in just one week. Since our talk Hitomi and I have been doing much better. Things aren't exactly perfect between us but at this point I wouldn't expect them to be. She is still resistant to getting married, but as far as I can tell it is more from the stigma on her world of people getting married 'too young' or as she called it a 'shotgun wedding' whatever that means.
Allen and the others should start arriving tomorrow and that adds a whole different layer of stress. Our friends received invitations of course, but we decided to leave out a crucial detail from the message. One they are sure to notice right away. Hitomi says it will be all right, but I'm not so sure about that, our chivalrous friend is either going to try and kill me… or at the very least hull off and hit me. Not that he will be out of line entirely… I'm just not looking forward to the altercation.
Thinking back on Allen and Hitomi during the war I can't help feeling a little smug that once the silly crush wore off... she chose me. It caused me so much pain back then seeing how she blushed and fawned over the blond knight. What girl would chose a skinny, wild, rough kid like me when Allen stood there making everything look so easy? So self-assured and debonair, yet how childish of me to be jealous. When he proposed to Hitomi I felt sick, but it was everything she wanted… or so I had thought. I just wanted her to be happy. I still feel that way though my position sometimes makes it hard to show.
Is she happy? Is this a life she would have chosen if given a chance? Would she have been better off accepting Allen's proposal?
Probably not. No one had to tell me, but I knew Chid was Allen's son. Who didn't see that small blond child and know the dark swarthy Duke couldn't possibly be his father? A sour thought finds me… I am dark as well if my child was born fair I'd like to think I'd know, and most likely kill Allen. Then again the poor Duke probably did know; he just found it in himself to love the innocent child regardless. Would I be able to do such a thing if I were in that situation?
Speculating on such a thoughts won't change that I trust Hitomi, and I love our child already. Nothing could alter that fact.
A rough cough brings me out of my reverie. Coming back to my senses and the fact that I sit at the head of a conference table surrounded by my advisors. Yurizen gives me a stern look knowing I have been anywhere but in this room listening to details still needing to be addressed before the… wedding I think… I haven't exactly been listening.
"Basram has conveyed regret that they will have to send a lower level dignitary as the royal family is unavailable on such short notice." Though Advisor Rezil is talking it is the older man who has my eye. Yurizen darts his eyes to the door signaling me to call a premature end to this meeting, and for that I am grateful.
I raise one hand silencing Rezil before he can continue, as politely as possible of course. "Thank you for the update, but I call for a break. We can continue this discussion after lunch."
A mixture of relief and confusion spread through the group of men in attendance. I'm sure some of them have been even less focused on the discussion then me. The nearer the event looms the more talk I must sit though each day. Daily matters of managing affairs of state have been pushed aside in favor of the 'wedding of the century'. The more useless details fretted over… the more I start to side with Hitomi and the building dread. Shouldn't this day be about us and our love not making some random visitor from Basram or Cesario happy by the spectacle? When did this become about proving that Fanelia is as 'rich' and 'extravagant' as other larger countries?
I stand and they stand. As King I am supposed to enter the room last and leave first. These archaic rules dictate my life and the interactions I have with others, at least formally. Things were so much simpler before. When I was a king in title and blood only. With no country to rule or people that watch my every move. I could fight with a passion that is unseemly in my current position. I no longer fight my battles physically, but the war didn't end in one day. There are still effects that ripple through the eight countries like a stone dropped into still water.
These are the topics we should be discussing not what type of flowers with be over flowing each table or the color of silk draped over everything that doesn't move quick enough.
I would pause just outside the door and wait for Yurizen, but the guards snap to attention at my appearance. I would normally enforce a more relaxed environment from my staff, but the upcoming event has everyone standing on formalities, even me.
Turing instead towards the section of the rebuilt castle that houses my rooms and very shortly the rest of the Fanelian royal family. There is still some time before the noon meal is served and I find the best use of that time might be to retreat into my rooms and just relax with a little peace for a while. No plans. No drama. No expectations. No rules. Just me and the inside of my eyelids.
Walking past empty rooms awaiting their guests I began to hear voices carry down the hall and noticed the door to my fiancée's room is slightly open. It is the telltale voice of Merle that catches my attention. "You know Hitomi I think you were right after all. This is a really bad idea." That has my full attention, and I move closer… not that I plan to eavesdrop.
"Oh my God! This is terrible Merle what am I going to do?" Hitomi questioned her voice sounding oddly strained. I knew she was resistant to the wedding, but this sounded way worse then I'd thought.
"The only thing you can do." The cat-girl stated sounding both wise and mocking at the same time. "Burn it."
Startled I pushed into the room without thinking. Somehow my body acted without letting my mind catch up… it must have thought there was a dangerous situation I needed to protect her from. I find myself greeted by two sets of very wide eyes and an unobstructed view of a massive amount of white fabric. Layers of lace, ribbons, and tulle fail to hide Hitomi's new form. The high collar and long sleeves only help to appear as if the monstrous dress is trying to consume the poor girl.
We stare at each other at a loss for words. That is until Merle losses it, laughing so hard she is almost bent over. "Van just saw the snow beast for the first time!" She cackled with glee only adding to Hitomi's mortification. "I told her white was a lie and a bad idea!"
"Merle!" I snapped the same time Hitomi yelled "Brat!"
Our eyes met and words seemed to escape me. It's true the dress was awful but it was inconsequential, the fact still remained that Hitomi was wearing a wedding dress. She wasn't running away but meeting this head on, and that alone filled me with hope.
Breaking eye contact first Hitomi gripped handfuls of the excessive fabric tightly. "It's bad luck to see the bride in the dress before the wedding." Hitomi stated.
"I believe we make our own luck." I responded quickly receiving a small but earnest smile in return.
"Well to be on the fair side now we really do have to destroy this terrible thing."
As much as I wanted to agree with her the hours of rushed planning and the stress to pretend that this was all intentional pushed different words out of my mouth. "Don't be ridiculous. It's taken three seamstresses hours of extra work to even get this far. There is no time to be childish."
The moment the words were spoken I regretted it entirely. The playful banter gone… frozen into a hard expression I couldn't entirely read, but hurt deep down.
"I'm tired you should go." Hitomi deadpanned her eyes downcast and hands clenched at her sides.
I wanted to apologize. To take back the hurtful words and try to make things right, but I didn't know how and the silence stretched between us painfully.
Merle's large eyes pleaded with me to fix things. Instead I turned and left as instructed. Speaking the words out loud seem impossible. I fear only that I will make things worse as has been the case more often than not. You would think that after everything we went through during the war and our very brief period of happiness and understanding that I would have learned to articulate my actual thoughts better.
I feel someone at my back as I leave the room. Knowing it was my sister didn't help. A clawed hand came down hard on my shoulder and though I could have easily shrugged her off instead I let myself be turned around.
"Are you insane or just stupid?!" The Neko hissed through gritted teeth. "Are you trying to scare Hitomi away Lord Van?"
How do I explain that I am starting to dread this as much as Hitomi? Maybe not for the same reasons as her… since I still don't know what those are, but for the spectacle this 'wedding' is turning into. I'm not allowed to feel that way as king. "I know but there isn't any time-"
Merle cut me off swiftly and angrily. "Any time?" Her temper flared. "To what! Make her feel the tiniest bit less self-conscious? Pretend that you care?"
"I care!" I growled back in automatic response, but then the words failed me yet again. "I just can't…"
"Oh Lord Van, you still don't know how to talk to girls." Merle shook her brightly colored head sadly, as if I should know better by now.
Then again I guess I did. "I should go apologize shouldn't I?"
"Damn right you should!" She declared hands on hips and chin high. "I won't always be waiting around to help you clean up your messes Lord Van."
With the accurate last shot the cat-girl turned to leave me to pull the foot out of my mouth on my own. An idea formed quickly and I called out before I could rethink the action. "Wait! Merle could you do me a favor?"
Intrigued she paused. "It had better be good."
"Do you remember the seamstress in town that only makes traditional Fanelian clothing?" The moment I said the words she knew exactly what I was thinking and the more of my plan I explained the larger her grin became. Before I had even finished talking Merle bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet ready to spring into action.
Once she took off down the hall I turned back too Hitomi's door. Hesitantly I knocked.
No response.
Come to think of it lately Hitomi always opens the door first as if she knows of my intentions the moment before I do. Not quite sure how far that gift extends I carefully push the door open fully expecting her to be standing there prepared to throw something at me or yell either are likely options.
Instead I am greeted by a silent empty room. Through the open doors I can tell the Hitomi shaped lump under the cover spoke the truth. Nearing the eighth month of her pregnancy, all the energy she once seemed to have has drained away, and has been replaced with new aches and an almost constant exhaustion. Walking across the sitting room I silently note the awful excuse for a wedding dress has been hung up with care. With all the alterations it's hard to tell the original design's origin, Asturian or possibly Cesarian… regardless it was never meant to look good on a woman in Hitomi's condition. Something with a high waist and loser skirts would be not only more comfortable but more ascetically pleasing. Something traditional. Something Fanelian.
Upon reaching Hitomi's still form I again am at a loss of what to do. She needs any rest she can get at this point as the poor girl is becoming more uncomfortable at an increasing rate. Then again I can't leave things as they are.
Before I can decide what to do Hitomi speaks softly. "I'm not really mad anymore." I relax a little but still don't know exactly what I should be doing. "I figure Merle yelled at you enough for me." The barest hint of a smile warms my heart and starts to loosen the knots living in my stomach.
I crouch next to the bed so that we are at the same level. "You are still allowed to say I've behaved like an ass."
That smile I crave widens little more. "Oh I'm sure I'll have plenty of chances for that in the future. I think I can let this one pass." Her eyes droop slightly even as she speaks. "I wasn't making up the tired part to get rid of you though."
"I know." I sigh brushing soft strands of hair out of her face. "Do you mind if I sit in here while you sleep Hitomi?"
She shook her head slightly snuggling deeper into the covers. "No, I'd like that."
Before I've even settled into a nearby chair, Hitomi is already asleep. Deep even breathing and a worry free expression softens her features. Finding myself with a few moments of silent free time I turn to my favorite distraction as of late, Mother's diary.
Though the passages record mostly daily life and milestones in Folken's early years I feel as if a whole new world has opened up for me. One where mother and father age together, loving each other in an understanding yet passionate way. A Folken not consumed by dark politics and old scars. Had father not died would my childhood have been like Folken's? Warm, happy, whole, and fully supported... but I will never know.
I don't really remember my father well. Folken was the one who read me bed time stories, played with and taught me. Then he too was gone... followed quickly by mother. All I had left was Balgus and Merle, suddenly and without warning my childhood ended at five years old. Would the same thing happen to my child if I died young? Would Hitomi be strong and carry on without me or could she become a sad shadow fading away in plain sight.
No, Hitomi is strong. Stronger than anyone even I will ever know. As much as I hate to admit it she was prepared to have the child alone with minimal support of her family. That's a hard life on any world.
Protecting the baby. Protecting Fanelia. Protecting Hitomi. The weight bears down on me heavily.
Hitomi... since the first vision Mother had of the green-eyed girl I have kept the passages more and more to myself. I read her bits and pieces, but I have to be careful not to let her know of the prophesy she foretold. I have no idea how much it could upset her... and now would be the worst possible time for that.
On that thought I crack open the age worn pages and find the next section.
Pink 28th Moon,
How is this possible? I am not quite so young anymore and Goau is nearly forty five moons. We have been together more than fourteen years, and yet now it seems I am with child yet again. Five years I struggled to have Folken and only months ago my smart boy turned nine moons. By the time this child is born Folken will be ten and… and this is the child that was foretold twice now.
It has to be. It has been so long I have nearly forgotten that dreadful vision. Swearing the girl's words to be a bad dream or a miss remembered story. It all comes back to me now. Every detail of her comes back into sharp focus; large green eyes, short sandy blond hair, strange short skirted outfit, and the pendent.
A dracomian pendent. I don't even own one anymore. When I left the village I was required to turn over the powerful stone to the town elder, after it was ceremoniously cleansed the stone would be given to my family for burial. A funeral for a necklace since my departure signaled my 'death' to them and they would have no body to lay to rest to ease their grief.
Will I feel such pain and loss if the girl's dream were to come true? No, I will not let that happen. Folken will succeed and have a bright future. This child is an extra blessing and nothing more.
Gold 4th Moon,
At about six months pregnant the strength of this child's movements feel so much stronger than Folken's seemed to be at this time. Every child is different.
Goau likes to call this little one "His Little Fighter" he says the baby can't wait to face the world.
Funny somedays I feel the opposite, as if only I could protect my babies from the world forever.
Purple 18th Moon,
Yesterday was Folken's tenth birthday. As crown prince the party was impressive. Almost too much in my opinion, but these advisors think pomp and decadence is a sign to other countries that we Fanelia are a prosperous strong country… a force to be reckoned with. I think that will turn out very badly for us in the future.
Coming back to the party… no expense was spared, I'd be shocked if a royal wedding for my son wouldn't break the bookkeepers' hearts. As a ten year old boy all Folken really wanted was a few fun games, some presents to unwrap, and eating far too many sweets then is probably healthy. All that was achieved in the first 15minutes of the five hour event.
At one point Folken came running over to hug me, so I asked if he had gotten everything he wanted. He shook his head sending light colored hair flying. "No, All I really wanted was to get a little brother to play with."
"Well you will have to wait on that." I smiled down on him, as he though tall for his age hugged my belly. "The little brother will be here sooner then we all think, but he won't be big enough to play with for some time."
"I'm okay with that." He grinned widely up at me. "Then I will just have to love him until he can love and play with me back."
White 12th Moon
The pains started yesterday. And though it was about a week sooner than the midwives predicted, my second son came swiftly screaming into this world early this morning. Trying to predict when a child will come is like trying to guess the mood of the moons. A nice thought but changes nothing. Babies come when they are ready and not a moment sooner.
As soon as the tiny boy and I were cleaned up Goau came bursting into the room followed closely by a curious Folken.
"Is everything…" He trailed off unsure for possibly the first time in the king's forty five moons.
"Yes, come see for yourself." I spoke softly urging my loving husband to come take the swaddled infant.
Gently he took the child with the skilled hands of one that would never forget the proper way to hold an infant. Thinking on the first time Goau held Folken, he was so nervous as if his large hands would hurt or even drop the small baby in his arms. None of that fear was present now as he held the new being.
"IT'S a Boy! A Healthy Boy." He chuckled holding the fussing child up, a son with a thick head of raven hair. "Look Folken it's your little brother." He spoke to the older boy looking on with curious eyes.
"What is his name father?" Folken asked
"Van." Goau declared beaming proudly. The tiny child suddenly grinned widely as is approving of the choice of name. "Van Fanel!"
As my husband spoke the name my second son would carry his whole life... I saw her. Though I had convinced myself it was all a terrible dream… I knew then how wrong I was. She smiled brightly at the bundle in Goau's arms, though I knew I was the only one that could see her. Maybe not the only one as Van had gone quiet at her presence.
His eyes barely open and he could see 'her'!
"My name is Hitomi, Hitomi Kanzaki. It is nice to finally meet you Van." With that innocent greeting she was gone. Van began crying again, and I knew… this was just the beginning. I will do everything in my power to keep her horrible warning from coming true. Folken will not fail, and Van will not have the weight of the world on his tiny shoulders.
Shocked I can't keep myself from reading that last passage over and over again. No matter how many times I read it… it still doesn't make any sense. The girl mother saw and spoke of was definitely Hitomi. My Hitomi who is currently asleep in the middle of the day from the strain of carrying my child.
She can't know of this. Speculation is one thing, but her whole name clearly spelled out. There is no way that mother could have known… Hell Hitomi's grandmother hadn't even visited yet. It would be at least another five years our time. Five years… that's when something clicks. When I was five moons old Folken failed to kill the dragon and was thought dead. What if Hitomi's grandmother was supposed to save Folken as Hitomi saved me. If Folken had been warned he wouldn't have been injured or found by Zaibach. He was the master behind some of the best weapons against us, and the informant that lead to Fanelia's destruction. The whole war could have been stalled ten years before it ever would have happened.
Instead she was transported to the middle of nowhere and Allen's father. Her visit was so random and so brief since it was a failure. If you count out the theory that Allen's father did more than talk to the strange girl, and that Hitomi is really Allen's niece. Merle is the only one that truly believes that conspiracy even if it is a possibility.
Oh all these twists and turns are making my head spin. Hitomi coming to Mother before she could even exist and all the things that could have been different. Do I really wish for a different fate? An outcome where Folken is whole, alive, and King? A chance that I would have never met Hitomi, piloted the Escaflowne, or lived a life other than spoiled second prince?
A solid knock sounds at the door and I glance quickly at Hitomi's sleeping form. No motion, but I can't risk a second knock waking her right now. I move to the door and open it just enough to step out into the hallway, and into close proximity to a started page.
"What is it?" I ask a bit harsher then intended.
The boy clears is throat nervously. "Your majesty I was sent to inform you that the council meeting has resumed, your presence is requested."
I had completely lost track of time and at this rate any chance at lunch. I had been so absorbed in mother's writing that the rest had faded away. "Thank you. Please inform my advisors that I shall be with them shortly."
With a quick bow he took off down the hall. While I turned back into the room intending to grab the book I left open on my vacated chair and kiss a sleeping Hitomi's forehead before I left.
I was wrong.
Standing there with the book in her hands was a very awake and very angry woman. Hitomi turned on me her eyes flashing. "Is this some kind of sick joke?" She shook the diary at me, though her expression dared me to try and deny what she had read I was never given a chance as she continued. "I know you've been hiding something from me, but never could I have guessed that… I knew I had some strange dreams I couldn't account for… but Van why would you hide this from me?!"
"I didn't want to upset you." I spoke taking a step closer to her, but instead she took a step back.
"Upset me?!" She glared and I don't know how much of this was righteous anger and how much if it was her pregnancy moods flaring. "Being rude to me earlier upset me. This is so much worse."
"How is this worse?" I question. "I have no control over what Mother wrote more than seventeen years ago. So now I can offend you personally for the present and that's okay, but reading something about the past is unforgivable."
"No, but hiding things like this from me is." Hitomi tossed the book at me roughly, which I barely caught before she turned away. "Just go to your damn meeting and take that sick diary with you."
Okay now it was my turn to lose my temper "Like hell I will." I grit out letting loose the venom I've been holding in for nearly two months. "Oh, so now you're the only one allowed to hide things?!"
Hurt and what looked like regret flashed in her eyes for a moment, but that moment was followed quickly by angry determination. "You know what Van, we worked better when we knew it had to end soon. So let's save ourselves the pain of growing to hate each other, and just call off this farce of a wedding."
This had gone from bad to worse so fast, and yet all the pent up feelings were not worth losing her. So I bit down my next angry retort trying instead to defuse the situation. "Hitomi calm down-" The moment I said those words I knew from the look on her face things had just gotten worse.
"Calm down! You haven't seen angry yet Van Fanel! How about forget the awful dress, and the awful wedding… while we are at it forget all of this." She threw her hand up in mock defeat before rounding on me one last time. True to form Hitomi yelled at me exactly how she felt with hot tears pooling in her eyes. "You'd be happier living in the past! I should have never come back."
"You never wanted to come back!" I shot back quickly turning on her with all the anger and pain I could inflict with my harsh words. "You wouldn't be here if you had another choice. If I hadn't shown up would you ever have told me about my child?! Or would you have hid him from me, like you hide the rest of your feelings?"
"Get out." Two simple words brought me back to reality.
I felt horrible wanting to do anything to take back the awful words and the hurt in her eyes. "Hitomi, I-"
"Get out." She stated again, expression hard and stance unwavering.
I felt powerless, so I had to try again. "But I-"
"Get the hell out of here Van, or so help me…" Hitomi never finished her threat, but she didn't have to. I could feel the anger rolling off her and knew if I tried to push her again it could be too far.
Having no other defense but to leave I turned to go. All I could say was the truth and hope she could hear the regret in my voice. "I'm sorry… I still love you."
"It's not enough Van." The last words I heard before the door shuts loudly behind me, like the last nail in a coffin. Final.
This can't be it? Hitomi and I have come too far to just go our separate ways now. I think we both knew an explosion of this multitude was bound to happen, but that doesn't fix the rift separating us now. Leaning heavily against the wall outside her door I let my knees go weak sliding down into a crouch and burring my face in my hands. How did we get so twisted and tangled again? Could we ever come back from this?
I guess... I never quite forgave her for not telling me she was pregnant. How could I… there was always something off about her explanation for the big secret from the beginning. The time flow is only an issue if she planned to return to her world. Improved medical care would make sense, but she gave up that fight almost too easily, as if it wasn't the factor that really mattered anyways. Her family and life there, a non-issue as she claimed it would have been better if she hadn't returned when she did. What was really holding her back?
Hitomi spent an entire month mad at me for telling my advisors what anyone could clearly see, but what I really should have done was apologize sooner. Loving someone doesn't mean you know their heart in all things just that you love and support them just the same. Especially on things where you don't see eye to eye.
If maybe I just stopped holding onto hurt and regret then I'd stop pushing her away, when all I really want to do is hold her closer. The diary may have been the catalyst for this explosion of hurtful words... but it wasn't the cause, we have been holding onto every little hurt and pain until the presser built up, destroying us both in the process. I can't lose her again.
My thoughts finally sorted I stood back up prepared to apologize, talk, and finally to forgive. Not quite surprised the door was locked this time, I knocked.
Nothing. "Hitomi, Please talk to me." I called through the solid door. Sure she may need some time to cool off, but letting her stew in the anger and hurt could only turn badly. If I were to set things right between us it had to be now. Not that I couldn't break down the door or more diplomatically go get the key… it is my castle after all. I choose instead the 'less' visible entrance. It is midsummer and the palace windows are kept open to savor the breeze coming through the valley. Long ago Merle taught me how to scale from one window to the next easily and with little to no danger. So I do just that.
Entering my room I go to the window with the least distance to travel and climb deftly onto the railing. These rooms face the forest side and not the city so the chance I will be spotted and cause alarm is greatly decreased. Reaching up to the hard blue tiles that form the roof edge and the slight overhang that Merle so deftly uses to transfers the roof line, I grip tightly using the power in my upper-arms and core to pull myself up and over in one smooth motion. I am not quite as adept as the cat-girl but my years or training and fighting experience put me as a close second physically. Keeping low for better balance I transverse the ledge with expert movements and line myself up with the nearest window leading into Hitomi's room.
I have been asked why Hitomi and I don't just share chambers when propriety has already gone out the window so to speak, but I didn't want to push Hitomi more than she was comfortable… and truthfully she has been 'comfortable' so rarely since returning.
I swing down gracefully from the roof edge like an acrobat on a trapeze. As sudden of an entrance as this is I prepare to call out to the girl before intruding into her space and possibly scaring her, but what I see freezes me in place. Her bag is fully packed and sitting ready to go by the door. What is worse than that, is that Hitomi sits on the edge of her bed with a set of very familiar cards spread out in front of her. The tarot cards tell a story I can't read, but the determined look on her face is plain as day,
Swinging deftly into the room the sound of my feet landing breaks whatever concentration she was holding. Startled one hand goes to her chest while the other scrambles to collect the colorfully deceiving cards.
"Van?!" She glances at the cards once more before facing my approach. "I thought I told you to go."
"You did, but I'm back now." I grit out stalking towards her.
"You scared me half to death." She looks guilty not angry and my blood boils for it.
"Why? Were you doing something you shouldn't?" I question already knowing the answer.
"Don't be unreasonable-" Now it was my turn to cut her off. The anger felt good and for that I am ashamed.
"Hypocrite." I fling the word at her waiting to see if she raises to the bait, but secretly hopping I am wrong.
I'm not. "How dare you!" She counters clutching the cards tightly. "First you insult me, then you hide things from me, and now you come barging in here like-"
"Like I own the place?" I finish for her. I can see it hits the mark from her flinch. "How about that you hide things from me, push me away, insult me, and I am just supposed to take it like everything is always my fault Hitomi!"
She opens her mouth to argue or even deny it but I don't give her a chance, instead I continue on my tirade. "I'm the one living in the past when you are sitting here trying to change the future!"
"I don't have to take this from you." She stands up as gracefully as her large belly will allow… which means not at all.
I wish I was done wounding her with my words, but I was not. "Fine! Go! Run away like you always do!"
That freezes her in place. "You can't possibly mean that Van."
"When things get too hard you take off. Call it quits and run to safety. Don't even try to deny it." My hair shadows my eyes darkly and I must look like a man possessed, but I can't stop now as the venomous words escape with the lash of my temper. "You know what if that is what you want so badly… then leave! Run back home to the life I 'ruined', but not yet. You can think I'm a monster, but you are not taking my child away from me. If you want to run Hitomi then so be it, but the last Fanel will stay here with me. Even if I have to lock you in this damn room until he is born." With my threat I snatched the cards away from her and toss them out the open window. The wind grabs them hungrily, quickly sweeping the tarot away like colorful feathers flying through the air.
I hadn't realized what I was doing… it all just happened so fast. As horrible as I was to Hitomi it was a terrible and direct result of not only losing her but the baby as well. A child I hadn't known existed months ago, but craved like a missing part of myself. A family. One I was about to lose and that scared be more than I ever thought possible.
What have I done?
The fear and anger replaced instantly by regret I look at Hitiomi and my world shatters. I was terrible to her, and for that I have lost her. I can see it clearly in her emerald eyes. I wanted her to yell, to scream that her grandmother had given her those cards, and with the pendent around my neck it was the last thing she had of the woman. I wanted her to hit me. Instead Hitomi silently grabbed her bag unlocked the door and left.
What good would chasing after her do now? Turning the pain inward I grabbed the nearest thing I could, a vase I think, and threw it against the far wall with everything I had just to keep from screaming. The loud crash and symphony of raining porcelain shards did nothing to relieve the anger and frustration I bore myself. It didn't help, so I grabbed the next thing off the small writing desk and threw it as well. The blue journal smacked with a dull thud pages splayed, a single paper escaped catching my attention.
Stalking darkly over to the damaged book I snatched the paper up from the growing pile of destruction. The words were large and written carefully as if the author was not quite fluent, but wanted their intentions to be clear. It was then that I realized the blue book belonged to Hitomi, it was all her memories and theories about the first trip to Gaia. Then the page I held was written by her, but somehow in may language. Hitomi had been teaching herself to read and write secretly.
I can picture her with her eyes bright and hand on one hip. "What kind of Queen can't even read a simple sign? Imagine if I walked into the wrong bathroom in public."
Sitting down I roughly try to smooth the crinkles out of the page and begin to read.
Dear Van,
If you are reading this then I'm sorry. I wasn't as strong as I've pretended. I hope one day you can forgive me, but I can't be everything you need me to be. I still love you... I always will. It's just that the more I am with you the less I like who I have become, and I can't pretend anymore. I don't know the girl who looks out of the mirror at me anymore.
She is afraid all the time. She hates... I've never hated a thing or person in my life. She is untrusting and unforgiving... and petty. I can't tell how much of these moods are from the hormones or if the worry I constantly hold in is changing me for the worse.
I don't know what finally set me off but I'm sure something will. This wedding as rushed as it is feels like a weight around my neck. I feel trapped all the time and that makes me defensive. Our wedding should be a happy time... but I fear it will become a disaster, one we both regret.
You don't deserve the blame I place on you or the hurt I am bound to cause. Van, you hurt me too though. It's like we can't trust each other anymore, and the hope and expectation I constantly see in your eyes kills me a little more every day.
I know you might feel that I've taken your future with me, but you are strong and have to move on. I will raise our son as best as I can and if he chooses to return to Gaia one day I hope that you will be there for him, like you have always been there for me. Until then know that I consider myself very lucky to not only carry a piece of you in my heart... but soon enough in my arms as well.
With Love and Regret
Hitomi
I didn't know that I had started to cry until a tear hit the page bleeding the ink like a fresh wound. We've both been feeling that exact same way, but were too insecure to say it out loud. I can't let her go like this. If she must leave me to be happy then it must be on better terms.
I haven't seen a pillar yet so she must have not made it to the cemetery yet. If I hurry I can still make it in time.
If I go running through the palace halls someone is bound to see me in this state, and most likely slow me down. And though I hate to abuse my curse, it does come in handy at times like this. Slipping off and dropping my shirt to the debris strewn floor I head for the open window. I leave Hitomi's journal and Mother's diary, but take the painstakingly written good bye letter with me.
Relishing the burning pain in my back the huge wings burst forth in a fury of feathers only adding to the destruction wrecked on Hitomi's vacated room. Leaping into the air, I dive low making for the tree cover before anyone can see me. Once hidden by the branches I touch down and let the wings dissolve their job complete. I continue on foot as it is not far and the broad appendages would just slow me down on the tighter parts of the path.
I see her! Standing before the final resting place of my only blood kin, Hitomi cups something almost delicately in her hands.
"Hitomi." I call out wanting my approach to be known even if it results in more yelling. I step closer tentatively, but she has yet to acknowledge me. At the next step I feel something unlike leaves crumple under my boot, I pause to pick it up. A card. The artwork though dirty and bent depicts two people falling as lightning strikes the tall building they were in. The tower. I know this one from Hitomi, the card of distant separation.
She turns to me then unshed tears in her eyes. Her hands cradling a card partly torn as if it had been caught on something. A green serpentine dragon on a field of blue.
"The Ace of Dragons." Hitomi spoke her voice steady and strong. "It's your card Van."
"Hitomi?" I questioned taking a step closer. Something in her expression scared me. Whatever she was preparing to do would change everything and most likely not for the better.
"No, Van. Nothing you can say will change that this should have never been." The pendent around my neck started to glow and pulse brightly. I could feel the energist buried below our feet begin to throb along with the surge of power. And then the girl from the mystic moon spoke the worst possible words to shatter me. "I wish you had never chased that stupid dragon to my world. I wish I had never met you Van Fanel."
The power exploded around us, with us, through us. Like lightning striking the pillar hit us with a strength unlike anything I have ever felt before. Burning up the pillar split in two forcing Hitomi and I apart, but I reached for her with every fiber of my being. "Hitomi! I'm sorry!" I screamed into the pain and the power.
Then darkness took me.
.
.
Eyes still closed I groaned at the pain and weakness that wrecked my body. Everything felt cold and numb. Carefully I struggled to sit up from the crumbled heap I had become. The cold metal floor seeping a chill into my very bones.
Metal? Where was I?
I tried to blink my eyes open, but they burned and refused to focus right away. Reaching up to rub my stinging eyes I encountered something I had hoped to never feel, rough metallic manacles encircled my wrists and from the chafing the had been there for a while. The lilting song of a whistled fanelian lullaby broke through my stupor, forcing my eyes open and me unsteadily to my feet.
There sitting patiently just out of range of my chains was none other than the Zaibach Sorcerer Folken Stratigos. "Brother?" I rasped out my throat feeling raw from un-use, screaming… or both.
The familiar yet imposing man gave a tight lipped grin that didn't reach his eyes. "So are you finally willing to work alongside us Van?"
To Be Continued…
A/N
Well?! We all have wondered "What if" throughout our lives… Now Van and Hitomi get to live the life they would have had they never met. Their connection has a huge ripple effect, and the world… including the people they have become will never be the same.
Folken is alive! Van is trapped on a very specific floating fortress… who else might be there waiting for him?
Next chapter- Hitomi's view- Life on earth… Not everything it's cracked up to be?
Please review! I love you for just sticking with me… and my bad grammar. Sorry no Beta again. (I miss her and could really have used the help.)
Let me know if you have any questions. I know it might be a bit confusing, but everything in time.
Oh one more note. I went back and made a few edits of errors I've made regarding time lines and continuity. I think everything has been fixed, but if you are confused at all let me know. Next story I write will only be on a 2x time difference like Lost and Found… so much easier to remember. Yes there is already a story outlined… Well more than one… sorry.
~Banryuu