A/N - Hello there everyone! I'm so shocked at how many people love this story, and I want to thank everyone for reading this, you all make me truly happy!

Boring Disclaimer: I'm Jenny, not Stephanie. Would you like me to spell it out: J-E-N-N-Y not S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I-E. And if you can't understand that... Frankly, I'm worried. :P

Tsubasa Suzane: Ah. But lies the tendancy to be discovered... I'm saying no more.

crazyladywithashovel: I'm glad your trip went well, but I'm not going to answer your question, YET (evil laugh)! If the world was filled with crazy people, someone might understand me :)

Unigirl150: I feel so sorry for Nat in this chapter, too. The Cullens are back later on, don't you worry. YAY!

-Skizzi: Hi new reader! Thanks SO much! It's totally awesome that you like my writing! I'm all happy now :D

Chapter 19 – Murder

I felt like a puppet, the monster that thirsted for blood was pushing me into a corner, and I was trapped. I could see what was happening and I could hear it too, but I couldn't stop it. It was like watching a film, not being able to control what was happening just watching, helplessly, as people died.

The monster made me move towards the poor humans, somewhere in my mind the little part of me that wasn't controlled by the evil, bloodthirsty murderess, I screamed at myself to stop. I hated every second of it. The monster slipped into a crouch and stalked towards them, unable to stop.

My eyes fell on a man. He was tall, around 6 foot, with dark hair and brown eyes, that's what the real me noticed. The monster didn't. All she knew was the scent of his blood, a pool of venom burned in her throat. I screamed at her as she walked towards him, teeth bared menacingly.

I watched his eyes widen in horror as he saw the monster step closer, he was dumbstruck by her beauty but at the same time terrified of her. She leaned in closer to him, inhaling the amazing fragrance of his skin, with a long, pale finger she stroked his cheek and smiled at him. I felt sick, knowing that this was me, me as I hunted. Then she pounced…

She brought him to the ground instantly and I heard a bone crunch as she launched herself onto him. The man started to scream tears fell down his cheek he shouted for help. Nothing would stop her now; she smiled down at him and snarled in triumph. Then she killed him.

She sunk her razor sharp teeth into his broken neck as the man's eyes went blank. The monster swallowed down every drop of that man's blood, not even stopping to think about her actions. I was horrified at myself. The monster was still gulping down his blood as I started to cry.

Suddenly I was me again, my lips at the man's neck. Sobbing broken, tearless sobs into the dead body in my arms. I lay the man gently down on the floor, still tasting his sweet blood in my mouth. I looked at his glazed, dead eyes and felt myself start to sob again.

I had killed someone.

Someone with a family, with a future and someone that no one could ever bring back. An innocent man, maybe he could have done something amazing, he could have been a scientist working to cure cancer, close to a breakthrough. Or maybe he was a doctor, he could saved so many lives and helped so many people. But not now.

Because of me a man was dead on the floor, drained of his blood, his neck broken. He hadn't slipped away peacefully like he had a right to. Every minute of his death had been terrifying and horrible, no family by his side to mourn for him. All he had to cry for him was a vampire, his killer, and she was a girl who couldn't even cry tears for him.

I was oblivious to any one else around me for a long time after I killed him. I think most of the others were scared by reaction, most of them enjoyed feeding and I was crying. Diana understood, she knew exactly how I felt, she had been through this too and hated it as much as I did.

It was hours until when someone approached me, I just sat there numbly, feeling like I wanted to die. Demetri wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hummed something in my ear whilst rocking me from side to side like a baby. It helped me though; somehow he always knew how to help. I stared up into his eyes, looking away from my dead victim on the floor. His eyes were a vivid ruby red, I smiled weakly up at him.

"Hey," I greeted him. My voice was rough and hoarse so I cleared my throat. He instantly skipped the 'are you okay?' exchange, it was obvious that I wasn't. He held me tighter to his chest, I cuddled up against his icy skin, and I realised that it didn't even make me cold anymore.

"Lets go, Natalie." I nodded at him. I wondered if I would be able to stand or if I would just fall down. He seemed to be thinking the same thing, one look at my eyes told him I was close to hysterics again. He picked me up as if I was a pillow and carried me out of the room. I opened the doors as we went and closed them as we left.

He placed me on the bed and I wished more than ever that I could sleep. I just lay there with eyes closed, knowing that I would never forget this, though I wished more than anything that I could. I felt Demetri's lips touch mine lightly and I kissed him back, promising myself that he would never see me in that much pain again.

I really hoped that I could keep that promise, but it was looking pretty unlikely. I deserved pain; I was a murderer. But Demetri didn't. I hated myself, more than I had ever hated anyone in my life and I knew that that was never going to change.

I realise Nat's experience is different to Bella's BD one, but everyone is different and Natalie's first hunt is very unique. Review, it makes me happy!