When I opened my eyes I was standing in an open field, surrounded by snow, frost, and ice. A tall pine tree spotted the empty plain, every now and then-splashing the otherwise white world with a dark slash of green-interrupting the otherwise grey and dull winter world. But they all looked so unhealthy, the trees. They didn't have very many branches, and the branches that they did have drooped extremely low to the ground, bending in a way like they'd snap-weighed heavily down with snow and ice; unable to uphold such a burden. They belonged here, barren, barren like this empty world of ice and snow. And empty. Like me, they were alone here. Snow fell thick and heavily, all around me. Though disoriented, I knew exactly where I was. I had been here before. I had been here so many times. And it was always the same dull terrain. The same freezing cold. The snow, the ice. The same bleak, endless white world. It seemed to stretch on and on, forever. But this time was different than before. I was no longer a small, defenseless little child. My body was grown, my arms andlegs were longer. I was even wearing my school's uniform. I looked down at my body, feeling slightly damp. My clothes were saturated in crimson blood. My stomach lurched at the horrific sight,jumping up into my throat, nausea and fear gripping my senses, almost overpowering me. I reached up and touched my neck, finding it raw and torn, in shreds. My hand came away red. I tried to scream but no sound came from my throat. I started running then, sensing the monster behind me, feeling the danger, the threat hanging in the air-knowing It could smell my blood, all that blood, even I could smell it. And that It wouldn't stop until It had me within It's grasp-It's razor sharp claws, draining every last bit of my life that my body had to offer. Knowing nothing else, I ran. But I was bigger here-now. My legs were longer, I had a change this time. I was older and stronger. There was hope of getting away. I was a lot faster now. And I knew how to fight. I knew I could get away from It. This time, I would survive. I would live. Never again would this terror overtake me. I tripped then, falling hard against the ground-scarping my palms against small shards of ice. I wanted to cry out in frustration, but the jarring impact against the frozen earth took all of the air from my lungs. A hand wrapped around my ankle then-straining skin and bone, dragging me backwards, yanking me hard, causing whiplash. I tried to crawl away from It-needing to survive, the need so incredibly powerful-the instinct physically palpable-taking over, but the demon was too strong to fight against. I was merely a child again-within It's grasp, no more than a rag doll in It's powerful hands. It didn't matter that I was bigger now, that I was older. Thinking that I was stronger and ever stood a chance against it was pathetic and naive. I was no match against the demon. I never would be. It was such a hopeless thought to have from the start. I turned on my back, wanting to see it, needing to see, breath fanning out around my face in the much much colder air. And the vampire had a face. I was looking into Zero's blood red eyes.
I awoke to the sound of my own frightened scream, sitting up fast, causing my head to spin violently. I ripped the blankets away from my body. They felt too much like another's arms. Once I was free from their hold I quickly reached up and touched the bandage on my throat, needing the reassurance that it was still just a dream, that none of it was real, that it wasn't a gapping hole. My heart was racing, slamming uncomfortably into my ribs. It was just a dream, I promised myself, again and again. But this time it was different, I assumed that was because of what had happened a few hours ago, though. That was the only reason I saw Zero's face in my nightmare instead of the usual unknown, rouge vampire. I felt bile rise up in my throat and quickly grabbed the small trashcan next to my bed before I got sick on the blankets covering my bed.
I was back in my own bed now. The house was completely quiet and still. Everyone must be sound asleep. I apparently didn't wake them up with my thrashing. I took a few deep breaths-making sure everything was out of me and that my stomach was completely calm-before setting the trashcan back down onto the floor. My hands were shaking and my body felt cold.
Noticing that it was still dark outside, I quietly left my room and went to the door across the hall from mine. I don't know what drove me there. Rationally, it should be the last place I'd want to be, considering what had happened earlier this evening. Whether it was the nightmare I had just experienced, or the events from a few hours before, I just wanted to make sure he was okay. My feelings didn't seem to matter, not to me at least. This uncertainty had to end.
And I didn't want to be alone.
I knocked quietly against the door. I didn't want to wake the Headmaster up. I didn't need him smothering me with questions on how I was feeling, or why I was awake so early. "Zero?" I called, softly through the door. "Are you in there?" no answer. I knocked again, slightly louder. Still nothing. Maybe he wasn't in there. He might be in the Sun Dormitory tonight, in his room there, needing some space. Or maybe he was just ignoring me. I knew how he got, especially when he was upset. "I'm coming in, Zero." I opened the door slowly-incase he was indecent-and quietly stepped inside. Zero was laying in the middle of his bed, wide awake-on top of the blankets, hair damp from a shower, arms limp at his sides. The window was wide open, pale moonlight spilling in-making his skin look paler than it already was-drapes billowing in the light summer breeze. I tiptoed over to his bed and sat down on the edge next to him. But he wouldn't look at me. Zero just continued to stare lifelessly up at the ceiling.
"Zero?" I touched his shoulder lightly, poking him-trying to get his attention-then shook him a little when he wouldn't budge. "Zero?" finally he acknowledged me, just with his eyes, though, not moving at all from his position on the bed. "You didn't answer my text. I was worried. Did you get it?" but he didn't say anything. He just continued to look at me blankly. So I picked his cell phone up from the bedside table and checked it for myself. Apparently he did read it. "Why didn't you-"
"Why are you here?" he asked suddenly, interrupting me, making me jump from the suddenness of his voice. He was quiet for so long.
"I couldn't sleep." I said, which was partly true. I wasn't about to tell him about the dream I just had about him. He wouldn't want to hear that. His eyes were their normal shade of lavender and he didn't seem hostile at all, further proving that the dream wasn't real.
"That's not what I mean, Yuuki. Why...why would you want to be near me...after what I did...to you..." he reached up slowly-as if he wanted me to be sure of exactly what he was about to do-and lightly touched the bandage on my neck. There was already a dark purple bruise forming around it.
"I am upset." I stated firmly.
His hand dropped against the mattress and he looked away from me, like I had burned him. He looked really terrible, like he truly hated himself-forehead creased, pale, sullen. But he wasn't understanding what I meant. "But I'm upset because you kept this from me all this time and I had to find out in...such a way. I mean, I guess I can understand why you kept it a secret from me. It was your business, after all, even though I still wish you trusted me enough to let me in. But...no, I'm not mad at you for...ummm-"
"Attacking you." he finished form me, choosing to use the words that I didn't want to go anywhere near.
"Yeah." I mumbled, twisting my fingers together in my lap, dropping my eyes to the mattress. "I guess."
He sighed. "It's not that I don't trust you, Yuuki. And I'm not trying to offend you by telling you that you don't understand any of this. But...to have become what I hate the most..." he bit out through his teeth. "...to have to drink the blood of other people...like a monster. And to have attacked you..." Zero covered his eyes with a tight fist, gritting his teeth. "It's disgraceful. How could you possibly forgive me."
"I'm not too sure of how to explain it to you, Zero, though," I crawled over him-to the side of the bed against the wall-and got under the covers. I rested my head against his bare chest. He didn't move his fist from his eyes. I could hear his heart there, it was beating fast. His skin was warm and I was waiting for him to drop his arm and wrap it around my waist like he usually did whenever we slept together, making me feel completely safe, casing away the nightmares. "Let's see...like I get where you're coming from? The Headmaster summed up your situation to me-though he didn't go into too much detail, which I also kind of understand. Since it's your business, again. He said I should ask you about it. We're pretty similar, Zero, you and I." I said, sleepily. "You know, I don't have any parents either. I mean, I don't know where they are, if they're dead, alive, or maybe they just abandoned me, threw me away like an unwanted toy or trash or something. But I just want you to know...I'll always be here for you, Zero." I whispered, feeling sleep overtake me suddenly. I could barely keep my eyes open. "No matter what." I said around a big yawn. I smuggled closer into his chest and closed my eyes. It was too hard to keep them open. I felt Zero's arm slowly slip around my waist, finally.
"But you don't understand."
I wasn't sure if I had heard him right. His voice sounded almost far away. I was so tired, probably from all that blood I had lost. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, I didn't even want to try too. How could I possibly explain to Zero that he was still a good person? One mistake wasn't going to change who he was. At least, it wasn't going to change the way I felt about him.
I didn't remember falling asleep. But when I woke up I was still in Zero's room, in his bed. He wasn't there but I could hear the faint sound of the shower running. I looked around the room. Zero's room was plain and extremely boring. He had a desk pushed under the window, a dresser pushed next to the closet, and his bed. That was about it for Zero's room.
The house was so quiet. I wondered if the Headmaster was still asleep. Deftly, I reached up and touched the bandage on my neck. The wound was extremely sore and tender but I realized one thing, one very important thing that had me smiling widely-I didn't have that nightmare.
And I actually got a full night's rest.
Zero came in the room then, drying his hair off with a plush, white towel, without a shirt on, giving me a lovely view of his abs.
I sat up in bed and smiled at him.
"What?" he asked, suspiciously, stopping in the middle of the room when he noticed my smile-still drying at his hair. He eyed me nervously, as if he expected an attack.
"Nothing. I just slept really good." I stretched my arms over my head, finding the muscles in my back and shoulders completely relaxed.
"No nightmares last night?" Zero walked over to his dresser and began to dig through the top drawer, looking for a clean shirt to wear. His jeans were sitting low on his hips.
I couldn't help but let my eyes travel over his toned body.
"No, well not after I came into your room." I snuggled back into the blankets, feeling completely relaxed. "Wait, Zero," I looked back over at Zero. "how did you know about my nightmares?" I didn't remember ever mentioning them to him.
He turned around to face me, arching an eyebrow. "Yuuki, you used to sneak into my room when you were like, thirteen...like a baby." I threw a pillow at him, which he dodged easily-swiping it away with his arm.
"I never told you it was because of nightmares, though. It could have been anything." I sat back up.
"I'm not as dumb as you look."
I ignored that, remembering something from the night before. "Zero, did you say something last night? Right before I fell asleep? I'm pretty sure you did."
Zero sighed loudly, tugging a plain, dark grey t-shirt over his head. "Yeah."
"Tell me."
"It was just a little bit more about how big of an idiot you are." He said simply, combing his wet hair out. "I just thought you were talking a big game."
"What the hell?" he seemed to be back to normal.
He threw the comb onto his dresser-his mood changing-not meeting my gaze. "It's the Blood Tablets, Yuuki...I can't take them..." he confessed, his face pinched up like he was in physical pain, ashamed to admit this weakness, ashamed that he was even a vampire. "That's probably why I...attacked you last night." he sat down next to me on the bed and gripped my shoulders tightly. "When you cut your hand on the stairs...the blood. I was so thirsty. I should have been able to control myself, the thirst...but I couldn't." he closed his eyes, dropping his head low. "Please Yuuki, I'm begging you. Please...just give up on me." he whispered.
My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe he would say something like that to me. As if I could ever give up on him, as if I ever would. I still remember the absolutely lifeless look in his eyes that night I had first met him, when he came to live with us, four long years ago, covered in blood. It had been so cold that night, so terribly cold. I never wanted to see that look on his face again.
"Zero...don't ever say that again." I whispered, too overcome with emotion to talk above a whisper. "I-I can't be without you." I grabbed his face between my hands, forcing him to look into my eyes. "I don't ever want to be without you!" I stopped, dragging in a deep, unsteady breath before continuing. "Promise me, now." I demanded. "That you won't ever give up. That you'll fight it."
"Yuuki, I-"
"Promise me!" I pressed, shaking him slightly.
He sighed, apparently defeated by my persistence. "I promise." he reached up and gripped my wrist.
Silence drifted between us. I self-consciously dropped my hands away from his face, realizing the intimate position we were frozen in.
I decided it was better to just change the subject, for now, at least. Besides, we couldn't sit here forever. "Why are you wearing jeans?" I asked. "You know you can't wear that to class."
Zero gave me another look, rolling his eyes. "It's after eleven, Yuuki. We slept in."
"What?!" I jumped off the bed, running for the door. Just because I didn't like class didn't mean I intended on missing it, falling behind. "Why didn't the Headmaster wake us up in time?!"