Chapter 22: A Gilded Cage

Morgana flopped down on the back seat of Arthur's car; Gwen sitting on one side of her and Gaius on the other. Still feeling tired and exceptionally confused, she let her head rest down on Gwen's shoulder and took comfort from her friend's reassuring presence.

"Oh, Morgana, you poor thing," she whispered. "I do wish you had told us."

"Merlin..." She wasn't sure why she'd called out his name, or what she'd planned to say next. Only that he was very suddenly on her mind.

Arthur, driving the car, turned his head slightly at the mention of his friend's name. "Merlin has magic too, Gwen, did you know?"

"Surely not?" his girlfriend replied. "He's Red."

"I knew there was something unusual about that young man," Gaius mumbled.

"I still find it difficult to believe," Arthur continued. "Perhaps Aredian was confused."

"No," Gaius disagreed. "I don't think so. Merlin's test weren't especially clear and, in hindsight, it all makes perfect sense."

"He'll come and rescue me again," Morgana declared.

"Rescue you from what?" Arthur said. "You're home now."

"Don't trust any of them," Aithusa said.

"But they're my friends."

"Are they?"

"Who are your friends?" Gwen asked gently. Morgana shook her head. Aithusa had been right before. Best to keep quiet until her head was clear.

She was feeling exceptionally drowsy and, each time she fell asleep, she would dream of that sunny evening drive with Merlin and Mordred. She already missed the two of them so much and wished they hadn't been separated so cruelly. By now they should have all been in Wales and perhaps even at Eden already. She hoped, at least, that Merlin and Mordred had made it there safely.

"Hush," Gwen whispered gently. "It'll be all right."

Morgana wondered what it was she'd accidentally said out loud.

She remained disorientated for quite some time. Aithusa kept talking to her and confusing the issue so that Morgana had no idea if she was replying out loud or not, and her dreams continued to get mixed with reality so that she'd think she was back on the road to Wales, or at Edwin's farm, or in the tent camping with Merlin and Mordred.

It was as if she was constantly hopping back and forth between those places, as well as Arthur's car and her old childhood home. In fact, when she first entered her father's large house in the suburbs, she thought for a moment that she'd travelled even further back in time and was still living there as a child.

Whatever it was she said as they walked through the door, certainly amused Arthur.

Being back in her old bedroom was likely to confuse her even more, she decided, as she clambered onto her bed; although there was a certain comfort at being here. Gwen brought her some food when she was said she was hungry, but had to take most of it away when Morgana was only able to manage a few mouthfuls, due to a sudden bout of nausea.

"I suppose I can lower it a little more," Gaius said when Gwen expressed concern. "Although I will need to monitor her closely, just in case."

"Almost down to Green now," Aithusa observed. "And at least they've not taken away your brooch."

"Is it worth the risk?" she asked.

"Of course it is. You don't want to keep that thing on, do you?"

"Is what worth the risk, Morgana?" Gaius asked her.

"No," she replied to Aithusa, confusing the old man completely.

Aithusa giggled. "I think perhaps you should keep talking to me, after all. Get them really worried and drop that setting right down."

"Good idea."

"Morgana, can you tell me what you're thinking right now?" Gaius pushed. "What you're feeling?"

"Tired, dizzy and confused," she admitted. "And I miss Merlin and Mordred." She absent-mindedly fingered the ring on her left hand.

"I'm sure."

"Is that… a wedding ring?" Gwen asked, coming forward to take a closer look.

"We checked her bags thoroughly," Gaius said. "And although she has both her real and false documents in there, there was no sign of anything official to say they're married."

"Gwen and I saw them both on Thursday night," Arthur said. "And there was no ring then, was there?"

"No. I'm sure I would have noticed." She felt Gwen lift up her hand. "Was this just for cover, Morgana?"

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife," she replied, quoting Gwaine.

"What does that mean?"

Gaius sighed. "It's going to take some time to get the full story, I fear. The purple setting can be a problem for some sorcerers to deal with, even after it's been lowered."

"But she will get better?"

"I'm sure she will."

Morgana wondered if the others had also heard the uncertainty in Gaius' reply.

The old man wanted to stay with Morgana as much as possible, seeing he was the only one who would stand a chance of controlling her if she did manage to cast a spell. However, he couldn't always be there and Gwen was usually around when he wasn't, especially at night time when she needed help getting ready for bed.

"How are you feeling, Morgana?" her friend asked when she'd been settled into bed one night.

"Still tired and… time's a bit funny."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure how much time has passed and everything jumps around."

"But you're feeling better today? You know where you are and who I am?"

Morgana looked up then, alerted by something in her friend's voice. "I think so. Why?"

Gwen looked over at the door and then lowered her voice still further. "I got a text earlier today."

Morgana's eyes widened. "Merlin? He said he might contact you."

"Yes and he did. He asked after you and said to tell you that they both made it and are safe and well."

"Oh, that's good. Did you reply? What did you say?" she asked, but a knock on the door stopped the conversation as Uther asked to come in and check on her. On seeing him, Morgana instantly retreated into her self-imposed shell and remembered little else for quite some time. In fact, she slept so deeply that night that she suspected her drink had been spiked with something.

~o~0~o~

Aithusa woke Morgana up in the middle of the night and suggested she adjusted her Gauntlet. Despite her sleepiness, she was able to find her dragon brooch and drop the level a little, enough to feel a little more lucid immediately afterwards and have fewer odd dreams. Her success was short-lived, however, as the very first thing Gaius did the following morning was check it and berate her for tampering with it.

"How are you doing this, Morgana?" he demanded. "I know you don't have a Shield device and you shouldn't have any control of your magic whilst wearing such a high setting anyway."

She shook her head. "Can't say. It's a secret."

"Seriously, you must stop it, otherwise I'll have no other choice but to put it back up again."

"But then I get ill," she complained. "You should be lowering it."

The old man sighed and offered her a glass of water.

"Definitely spiked," Aithusa commented as Morgana dropped back down into another deep sleep.

~o~0~o~

The frustrating thing was that she honestly didn't know what the best approach was and was rarely able to trust her own judgement. Aithusa obviously wasn't real and Morgana knew she wasn't real and yet she kept doing what the dragon said, even when it continued to get her in trouble. If only she could clear her head and be herself for a couple of hours, then she might be able to figure out the best course of action.

"You must stop this! Please!"

Morgana blinked, surprised to find her father kneeling on the floor next to her and looking very upset. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen Uther in such a state; face grey and drawn and his eyes red and tearful.

"Stop what?" she asked.

"Using magic. Tampering with your Gauntlet. I brought you here because I couldn't bear to see you in pain or in a cell but, don't you see, Morgana, if you don't behave then I'll have no choice. How can I justify my position in the company otherwise?"

"You're a hypocrite," she snarled at him. "You'll allow me the luxury of house arrest and let Gaius lower my setting, but you weren't so keen with Gilly or Mordred, were you?"

"That's not the same thing at all."

"Of course it is. If the Purple setting is wrong for me then it's wrong for them, and I know that you know that it sometimes kills people. I was close enough to experiencing it for myself to understand that."

"No, I would never let that happen to you."

"You see? Hypocrite, as I said," she snarled. "I hate your job and I hate you!"

"Morgana… please…."

"Morgana!" Arthur was there whispering urgently. "I know you're not yourself, but neither is Dad. You have to stop this."

"Stop what?"

"Fighting us."

"Never! I'm a prisoner here and we're all prisoners to the Gauntlets. Why won't you listen?"

"Morgana, please," Gwen urged. "You must trust us. You must let us look after you."

"Why should I?"

Morgana noticed her friend exchange a look with Arthur as he started to steer their father out of the room and her brother gave a firm nod in return. Morgana blinked at the bowed figure and frowned as she heard a strange sound. Was Uther crying?

"I still don't know what's happening," she said, more softly this time.

"I know," Gwen said. "I do understand and Gaius would lower the setting further if only we could be certain you wouldn't keep trying to tamper with it yourself."

"I… I don't always know I'm doing it."

"Yes, we know." Again Gwen looked over her shoulder. "Please try to concentrate this time. Please try to remember."

"This time?"

She lowered her voice. "I'm still exchanging messages with Merlin."

"Merlin…?" Morgana shook her head, trying to clear the fog. "He left me, Gwen."

"No, you told him to get Mordred safe."

She frowned, confused to suddenly find tears falling down her cheeks. "I miss him so much."

"I know."

"I miss him in my bed."

"Morgana!"

"You have no idea… the way it feels when he's inside me."

"Ssh, not so loud." Gwen giggled. "You know Arthur won't appreciate you saying things like that."

She shook her head. "I don't mean like that… well, not just like that. We often talk silently, you see. We hear each other's thoughts."

"Ah, I see."

"Have you any idea what that's like? He's in my head, I'm in his. He only told me he loved me once, but I heard it so many times before that. It seemed like he always said it – whispered it – deep down."

"That's… beautiful," Gwen admitted.

"But I never told him out loud."

"But you do love him?"

"Of course I do."

"Then he must know," Gwen reasoned. "I mean, if you were reading each others thoughts as you said?"

Morgana sighed. "I suppose. It's not the same thing though, is it?"

"You can tell him next time."

"If there is a next time."

"Of course there will be. I told you."

"Told me what?"

Gwen laughed. "Oh, Morgana. What are we going to do with you."

~o~0~o~

The biggest problem for Morgana was that her dreams often felt more convincing than reality. Times spent with Merlin and Mordred in the garden of a beautiful cottage, felt real, as did sunny drives on a long, open road, or deliciously intimate times with Merlin in the shower.

He would tell her he loved her, Mordred would call her 'mum' and she'd be sitting with them in front of a television with their baby daughter cradled in her arms.

These scenes and conversations seemed crystal clear and Morgana was always in her right mind during them, whereas the conversations at her father's house were always fragmented and fuzzy and never made any sense.

To make matters worse, some of her dreams were set in the farmhouse with Merlin and Edwin teaching her how to adjust a Gauntlet and then, inevitably, she'd wake up to find Gaius standing over her, one eyebrow raised threateningly, telling her off for playing with the settings when she'd promised to leave them alone.

And Aithusa wasn't any help; usually appearing to her in the real world and therefore making it even harder for Morgana to tell fact from fiction.

Some Time Later

"But I can't," Arthur was saying.

"I'm not sure there's any choice right now," said Gaius as he released Morgana's wrist and stepped away. She blinked as the world came into slightly better focus.

"But why me?" her brother continued. "There are plenty of people in Camelot with far more experience."

"But Uther named you. He trained you to take over from him."

"Take over?" Arthur sounded shocked. "But he's just taking a little time off. He'll be better soon."

"Dad's ill?" Morgana asked.

"Yes!" She could hear the exasperation in her brother's voice. "How many times?"

"Hush, Arthur," Gwen said gently. "You know she's not well either."

"I know, I know." He sounded as if he was close to tears. "It's just a nightmare! All of it. Are you sure that's as far as you can lower her setting?"

Gaius sighed. "Her eyes already seem a little more focused but I just can't trust her to take it down as far as Green, Arthur, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I just don't know enough about what's going on here to help any further."

"If you don't, who does?"

"You know the answer to that," Gwen replied pointedly.

"How can I justify such a thing though? How would I get permission?"

"You could try?"

"I think it'll depend on what happens in the General Election."

"Please Arthur," Gaius interrupted. "You really need to attend this meeting at Camelot."

"All right, all right. I'll do it."

"Perhaps you could ask anyway. Whilst you're there?" Gwen asked.

Arthur sighed. "One thing at a time, I think. Don't you?"

~o~0~o~

A/N: More questions than answers here, sorry. Although most should be answered in the next chapter. It was interesting writing Morgana under the influence of Purple though.