I couldn't shake the deep, endlessly unbearable, empty feeling I felt deep within me. Swimming throughout my heart, my mind; relentlessly reminding me that all I knew, all I had ever know was wrong, a lie. I was living in a false reality. Something, everything had been stolen from me, taken away, ripped from my hands, shattering my heart, leaving this empty blackness behind in it's place. And now I knew nothing but this bleak, unnerving uncertainty. And it left me feeling so physically drained, so tired, so very weak. I just want to know where I belong.

The first thing I noticed when I regained consciousness was that I had a pounding headache, directly behind my eyes, a throbbing ache that left me moaning in pain, praying for sleep to take me once again. I was also exhausted. I felt completely drained, all of my energy was gone, like I hadn't slept in days. When I opened my eyes my vision was blurry. I moaned again, rubbing at my eyes, before trying to sit up. I regretted that instantly, the room spinning, causing me to fall back against soft cushions.

"It's better if you just rest some more."

I turned my head at the familiar sound of his voice, my cheeks heating up at having been caught not only in such a state, but in this place, not that I knew exactly where I was at the current moment. I remembered following Hanabusa into the building, finding the room filled with vampires. Then there was that little boy with the two mismatched eyes. "Kaname?" I said his name slowly, confused that he was there with me. Could he have been following me?

He was sitting in a chair beside me, his head resting lazily in his hand, elbow propped up on the armrest, gazing down at me, dark hair falling into his burgundy eyes, curling slightly.

I sat up slowly, even though he told me to stay down, dazed and confused. "Where am-"

"What are you doing here, Yuuki?" he asked, interrupting me, and I could have sworn he sounded irritated, almost impatient.

"Huh?" I rubbed at my temples, silently pleading my headache to leave me be. "What are you talking about? Is it so strange for me to be in my own-" I gasped, the memories slamming into me like a truck; my walk with Yori, us spotting Hanabusa in the street, sneaking after him coincidently into a party hosted by vampires, and then that child- "Where's Yori?!" I suddenly remembered my best friend, looking around the room that was not my own, seeing that she was nowhere in sight. My heart sped up in a panic, immediately imagining the worst possible scenario.

"She is safe, Yuuki." Kaname reassured me, picking up on my panicked heart rate.

I turned my eyes back to his face. He actually seemed irritated with me, avoiding my question. "Where?" I asked again, needing to know.

He sighed, dropping his hand as he leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. "She is with Takuma, Yuuki. I assure you."

"Why?"

He stood and moved to sit on the settee I was lying down on. Kaname leaned over me, gently brushing my bangs off of my forehead, running his fingers through my hair. "Yuuki, what are you doing here?" He asked again.

I felt trapped and I loved it. His eyes pulled me in, demanding I give him an answer, the truth.

And I wanted to.

I wanted to grab him by his poorly tied tie and drag his face down to mine, molding our lips together, rolling so I straddled his hips. A searing blush flamed my cheeks as I imagined myself ripping his shirt open, buttons flying in every which direction, the sounds of them hitting the floor echoing loudly in the otherwise quiet room. And he wouldn't reject me. Not this time. This time he was just as enthusiastic as I was. And he wanted me-

"Yuuki."

Kaname's insistent tone snapped me back into reality-out of my dirty thoughts. I turned my face from his, embarrassed and convinced he could read my thoughts. But he hooked a finger underneath my chin, turning my face back to his, forcing me to look into his smoldering eyes. I met his dark eyes, losing myself immediately, ready to confess everything.

"I wasn't doing anything, well not really. We were just following Hana-chan...Aidou, I mean..."

"Aidou?"

"Yori and I were out and we saw Aidou and I thought we'd follow him." the truth came spilling from my lips almost as a reflex under his scrutiny. It didn't make sense and it all must have sounded so ridiculous to him.

Kaname sighed and began softly stroking my cheek with his thumb. "My dear Yuuki," he breathed "You always have a way of finding trouble." he gently pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled breathlessly as his lips began to slowly brush down my cheek. His hand snaked around the back of my neck, fingers tangling in the hair at my nape, tilting my head back, exposing my neck to him completely. His mouth stopped there. "What are you doing?" I asked, breathless.

"I was merely enjoying you." He whispered. Kaname trailed invisible line down my neck with his fingertips until his hand came to rest in the center of my chest. "You're heart is racing, Yuuki."

"Is it?" I chocked out, my throat suddenly very dry. It was so hard to get my breath out and I felt as if my heart was going to explode. But it wasn't a bad feeling. Even though I knew that he was a vampire, I wasn't afraid. Kaname only ever made me feel safe. There weren't any nightmares, no visions of blood, no weird, strange dreams that had me feeling like I was loosing my mind. There was just us.

"Is it because of me?" His tone was light, almost teasing. I felt his lips press against the part of my throat where my heart pulsed the strongest, causing my blood to rush faster.

I reached out with trembling hands, smoothing my palms against his shoulders. His muscles seemed to flex under my touch as I let my hands travel up higher and into his hair, nervous but excited at our close proximity for the opportunity to touch him. Every ounce of him radiated with strength and an almost subtle warning. He was a predator after all, no matter how beautiful, he was dangerous.

I cleared my throat, the dampness that was beginning to pool between my legs becoming uncomfortable. "Sometimes I wonder if you really can hear what I'm thinking..."

"I don't have to be able to read your mind to know what you're thinking, Yuuki. You wear your thoughts openly on your face."

I blushed madly at the thought of Kaname being able to tell that I wanted to fuck him more then anything just by the look on my face.

"Or maybe," he went on. "You've been thinking about some situations that you're not comfortable saying out loud to me?"

I thought back to the night I had kissed him in his room and about what I had assumed was obvious rejection.

"Kaname?"

"Hmm?" he murmured against my flesh, seeming to be concentrating more on what he was doing than what I was saying. I felt his tongue slide out between kisses and follow the length of my pulse.

"Can I ask you something?" Every where his mouth touched felt set aflame.

He sat up so he could look into my eyes, brushing my cheek with his knuckles. "You may ask me anything, my dear girl."

I would ask him now, just so I could finally stop torturing myself with my own thoughts. "With me, I've been wondering about it for awhile..." his eyes were burning into mine, making me nervous and embarrassed to keep going. "How do you fe-"

There was a sharp knock at the door before it flew open, revealing a very smiley Takuma and an uncomfortable looking Yori.

I scooted away from Kaname-completely embarrassed with the intimate position we had just been caught in-before sitting up completely.

"Ah Yuuki-chan! You're awake!" Takuma exclaimed. "I was worried. Ah! And Yori-chan was worried too!" he laughed before wrapping his arm around her shoulder and hugging her hard. Yori visibly shuttered, uncomfortable by Takuma's overly familiar gesture. "Anyway, Kaname, the car's here! I came immediately! Just like you asked." he laughed happily.

I stood, keeping my head down-completely confused, and went to my best friend's side, following Takuma to the car that would take Yori and myself back home to the Academy.

I couldn't breath. That shocking realization had me gasping for air the that wouldn't come. There was so much weight pressing down on my chest. For a moment, I was so convinced all of my ribs would snap-crumble and shatter into dust. I was suffocating. I reached up, wanting to claw at it-at whatever was keeping the air from my lungs-but my arms were heavy too, I couldn't lift them from my sides. And my legs, I couldn't move them either. I couldn't move any part of my body, couldn't even turn my head. I tried to scream, to call out for help, but no sound would come from my throat. I was surround by pitch darkness. I was so convinced my eyes were stuck shut. But suddenly a pale figure loomed over me. All I saw was his curling dark hair, chiseled chest and biceps, and sinister smile. I thought he was here to help me when I noticed a familiar burgundy eye before he grabbed my thighs with breaking force and impaled himself deep within me, without warning. Fire coursed through my body. A pain like no other took hold of me. I tried to scream a second time but was met with nothing but silence. I couldn't struggle, couldn't fight against him. I could only lie there and let him have his way with me. Power radiated off of him. I knew he was so strong and very dangerous. The only thought I had as he pounded into me was that I was breaking, he was breaking me, and I was going to die. My eyes were transfixed on that smile. He enjoyed what he was doing to me, that he was causing me terrible pain. And as he leaned down towards my ear his hair parted away from his eyes, revealing one icy blue eye that glared down into my soul. His cold lips touch my ear "You're mine."

...

I was sitting cross-legged on Zero's bed, my thigh pressed up against his side, thinking over that horrible nightmare I had from the night before. I didn't remember it much. Only that it was so terrible.

I watched Zero sleep, leaning over him, lightly tracing the tattoo on his neck with my index finger, needing to be near another person. His chest rose and fell in a calm, steady rhythm. Gentle sunlight streamed through the open window, a light breeze lightly billowing the curtains. His forehead was creased with worry. I knew he must have been having an unpleasant dream. I smoothed his bangs from his forehead softly. I wondered if I should wake him up, save him from his torment. He shouldn't suffer. I recalled reading somewhere that waking up a person from a nightmare was bad-or maybe that was sleepwalking. I should have paid better attention.

His body convulsed then, his eyes snapping open wide, body lurching upright. His suddenness caused me to jump too, startled.

"Zero?"

He grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him, catching my face between his hands.

Zero's lips were urgent-when they crashed into mine-like he was searching for life, for my breath, to keep him from sinking. Like I was the only thing in the world to tie him down to solid ground. His grip on the back of my neck was tight-almost crushing, his fingers digging into my skin, keeping us connected. His breath was ragged as he parted his lips-warmth fanning over my face, leaning in closer, trying to get a better hold on me, pulling my body against him. He was shaking as if he were cold, even though his skin felt hot against my hands. I didn't know if he was afraid or what could have possibly possessed him to kiss me.

Why was he kissing me? I couldn't ask him from this position, his lips holding mine prisoner.

I pressed against he chest, gently, so he'd realize we weren't on the same wavelength. So he would know that this wasn't something that I wanted.

He only pulled me closer.

I stared at Zero's face. His eyes were pinched shut, like he didn't want to see my face, he didn't want to see what it was he was forcing upon me. I, too, knew the horrible pain of rejection.

I thought about that dream I had had the night before. About that man that seemed so familiar, and yet was a complete stranger. How he had tied me down and raped me. How he had wanted that, how it didn't matter what I wanted, what I thought about it. He was going to take, and keep on taking until he was satisfied. And yet somehow it seemed like it was never going to end, like it would never be enough. He was never going to be sated. Even though it was such a horrible, disgusting nightmare, I felt the same dissatisfaction in Zero's urgency. The same desperation. The same need. The same desire to be seen, to be loved.

I knew that feeling, that emptiness, that despair. I knew it very well. I felt it whenever I tried to remember my past, whenever I thought about my parents, whenever I looked at Kaname.

Poor Zero, he's been through a lot too; losing his entire family, being turned into a vampire.

I wondered what nightmares plagued his mind whenever he closed his eyes.

I pushed harder, wanting nothing more to do with this nonsense, with these heart wrenching thoughts.

"What are you doing, Zero?" I asked when his lips finally left mine, slightly out of breath.

He only stared at me for a moment, like he was surprised to see me there, in his room, in his bed, in his arms. He reached for me then, like he wanted to touch my cheek, but his hand stopped between us-hovering in the air only a moment-before he let it drop. He sighed heavily before turning away from me. "I must have still been asleep." he mumbled under his breath. "Sorry."

I watched his back as he left the room, his voice echoing through my head, his hurried, half-assed explanation, that sad, lonely apology.

So much has happened in such a short amount of time.

As I got dressed for patrols I couldn't help but think back on that kiss, Zero pressing his mouth against mine. I also couldn't help but realize that I felt absolutely nothing, except maybe a little sad, for him. I knew that Zero was in pain. And I knew that there wasn't really a whole lot that I could do to help him. He was never the one I was in love with.

Though I was really lonely, life was a bit simpler before Zero came to live with us. Back when it was just the Headmaster and myself the only thing I ever had to worry about was when I'd see Kaname again. I'd sit by the window willing him to appear. He usually didn't, though.

I sat down on the balcony outside the window of the classroom the Night Class was currently occupying, just looking up watching the students at their lessons. To be honest, I was actually staring at Kaname. This was my favorite place to be during patrols because I could see him the best, unless I was in the actually classroom of course, which I usually avoided because every single one of them would stare. I was extremely unconformable under the other vampires scrutiny.

I sighed softly to myself, remembering the part of my childhood I spent with the Headmaster. When I was a little girl, back before Zero came to live with us, Kaname used to read to me at night, whenever he came to visit-which was a rare occasion, until I fell asleep. Always. My eyes were swimming with tears at the sweet memories, clouding my vision with murky water. "He always made special time for just me." I whispered to myself.

A light breeze picked up, softly billowing my hair around me. I shivered slightly, an uneasy feeling creeping up my spine. I looked around, convinced I was being watched. But the campus was deserted. I focused my attention back on the classroom.

Back then I never had nightmares, never had a single care in the world.

"Yuuki."

I just when I felt ice cold fingers on the back of my neck, my name whispered in my ear. I whirled-ready to confront the intruder-but there was no one behind me. I touched my neck. I knew I felt someone there. When I turned back around Shiki Senri was standing on the balcony before me, closer than what could be considered a comfortable distance.

I gasped, startled. "Shiki-senpai! You startled me."

He just stared down at me, an uncharacteristic smile smeared across his face. I already found Shiki creepy. I didn't need him smiling creepily at me.

"What is it?" I asked when he didn't say anything. I glanced back up at the window, trying to locate Kaname. "Why aren't you in class?" classes weren't even close to being over yet.

"You look just like her." Shiki mused, sounding surprised, as if he had never seen me before. He stepped forward and cupped my face in his hands. His fingers were cold and his grip was painful. "You're so beautiful."

"Shiki." I tried to move my head back-out of his grip-but he was unrelenting, tugging me closer. "You're hurting me." I muttered through my teeth. I was afraid.

He smiled wider-chuckling-his fangs gleaming ominously behind his lips. My eyes were transfixed on them, unable to look away.

"I like it when you've afraid." Shiki leaned forward, skimming his nose across my cheek, burring his face in my hair. "I've been waiting for so long, for this moment. I won't let him have you."

I was starting to get angry. Shiki was freaking me out and talking nonsense. "Shiki, you'd better get away from me or-"

He moved away from me so fast that if it wasn't for him actually holding onto my head I would have fallen backwards. He stared down at me, his face solemn. "You don't remember." he stated it as a fact. "It's not you fault that you don't remember. It's his." he sneered, gesturing towards the classroom window with a nod of his head. I jumped at the sudden rage in his voice. "Ah don't worry." he began stroking the top of my hair as if he were consoling a frightened child. "It's going to be okay. I'm going to help you remember."

I saw light flash behind my eyes, knowing he did something to me.

I took a hold of my head as a searing pain exploded from within it, spreading throughout my entire skull. I screamed, unable to do anything else, convinced that this was it, I was about to die.