I felt like I was floating through quiet space. But I was so lost in the darkness I couldn't really be sure where I was. Was I ever afraid of the dark? I couldn't remember ever needing a nightlight as a child, ever needing to leave the door cracked open when I slept, the T.V on. The darkness had never bothered me before. Now, now I felt like it followed me everywhere. Recently I felt surrounded in darkness.
I knew what had happened, what was happening. I remembered where I was. I was with Kaname, still in his room, in his bed. I had just told him about my memories, about the haunting blood images. What I didn't expect was his reaction to my confession.
There was such an intense burning in my neck, spreading throughout my entire body, my arms and legs, my fingertips and my toes.
I had been bitten before, many times before now. Zero used to feed off of me all the time, taking my life's blood into his body, needing it to survive. I wanted to keep Zero alive. I still did, even now after everything that's happened between us. He would always be my family. I needed him to live. I begged him to, to never leave me alone. I couldn't bare the thought of life without him.
Now, as I lay here with Kaname-even though he held me so close, I couldn't help but wonder if everything I ever knew was a lie.
What was I expecting? If I was really being honest with myself. I knew what happened when a human was bitten by a Pureblood.
This was so different-the feel of his fangs buried deep within my neck. I remembered countless times when I used to crave the feeling. How I would lie in bed awake, for countless hours, picturing this exact moment, wishing for it. To be able to be with him for the rest of forever.
This wasn't it at all.
Now my body shook so violently-as if I were cold, every nerve screaming at me to get away from that which caused me such pain, this searing ache. But I couldn't move. He was so strong-so much stronger than I, and I felt so very weak in his arms. I knew I had lost too much blood. Way too much blood. My heart sped up at this realization. I started drifting closer and closer towards that blackness.
Why was he taking so much?
I was scared.
...
Yuuki, I'm going to put the part of you that is a vampire to sleep now. Do you understand what I'm saying? You'll be able to grow up and live your life as a human from now on. You'll be able to go outside and play under the warm sun like a normal child, like you've always wanted. But...my life, if I use this technique I won't be able to be with you any longer, my sweet girl. But, Yuuki, I want you to know that you've made mother very so proud. Father too. We both love you very much. You've always been such a good girl. I'm so happy to have had you as my daughter. And I'm happy to be able to give you a chance at another life, a happier life, one away from all this blood and death...Mother couldn't have asked for a better child. From now on you'll be able to do anything you'd like...I would like to be there with you, to watch you grow, but-when you wake up...you won't remember anything.
...
Now I was cold. My body was shaking. I could feel wrapped up in the blankets, but I was still so cold. I didn't feel like I was in my own body. I felt lighter. Even though my eyes were closed, everything was so clear, sounds, smells. But most of all-
I knew everything.
I remembered.
"Yuuki." Kaname called softly, gently stroking my hair.
When I opened my eyes to look at him I was so shocked at what I saw. I stared at Kaname through a veil of tears as if I were seeing him for the very first time. He was so handsome-staring down at me with such a searing intensity. Yes, it was still the Kaname I knew and loved, had always loved-ever since I was so small. But he was also so much more to me now that I could remember my past. I've known him since the day I was born. We lived together. Grew up together. Shared the same house, memories...parents.
My parent.
They were dead.
I began to cry. Memories of my childhood flooding back into my head like a river.
My father-my real father-had died so violently that day-trying to protect me from that man that haunted my dreams. And mother sacrificed her life to give me a new one away from those nightmares.
"I'm so sorry, Yuuki." Kaname whispered. He bent down and kissed my forehead. "I've brought you back into this nightmarish world of blood and darkness."
Ah Kaname, he says he's selfish but it's me who's the selfish one. He's been alone for so long-always gazing at me from a distance-knowing exactly who I am, living all alone in this world. With no one. With mother and father dead, with me...not myself-
I gasped loudly, reaching for my throat. I drew in a ragged breath, unable to believe how incredibly thirsty my body was. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. I thought back to that time when I found Zero lying on his bedroom floor, Blood Tablets strewn all across the floor, water soaking into the wood, him, gasping for breath like he were dying.
I understood now.
I was a vampire.
And vampires need blood.
I sat up in the bed mechanically, getting onto my knees. I wrapped my arms around Kaname's neck. He didn't fight me, didn't question what it was that I was doing to him. He just held completely still and let me do whatever it was I wanted to him.
His blood called out to me, sang to me from beneath his skin. If I stared at the spot on his neck that screamed at me the loudest, I could see it moving through his veins-traveling throughout his body.
I wanted him, badly.
I wanted his blood.
I needed it. I craved it. There was no other thought. No other reason. Just me. Just his blood. Just my desire for it. And I would have it.
I bit into his neck greedily. Not even realizing what it was that I was doing. I didn't drink blood. That wasnt a normal behavior practiced by people. I shouldn't be doing this. I had to stop, I needed to stop. My head screamed for me to stop, but my body told my head to shut up and drink. I wanted this. He could have stopped me, but he didn't. I felt his fingers snake into my hair, hanging on. His other arms wrapped around my waist, clinging to me.
I bit harder- needing to get closer to him, wanting it all.
It the dark resesses of what I assumed were Kaname's thoughts, all I felt was his love for me. I was swimming in it.
It was all too much to handel.
I let go, realizing what it was that I was doing.
"Yuuki," he stared down at me. "Don't cry."
I shivered, wrapping my arms around my body. "I..." I took in a shuttering breath. "I can't-" I grabbed the sides of my head, shaking it violently as memories swarmed me. The face of my mother as she died-her blood soaked smiled. My father's distant screaming.
Something shattered.
I looked up, shocked at the sudden sound, ready to attack the intruders- but it was only the mirror on the near by dressers, lying on the floor in shambles.
"Did I do that?" I cried, feeling monstrous.
"Yuuki, calm down" Kaname wrapped his arms around me.
"But I'm not...I'm not me anymore... I I'm-"
"A vampire? Yuuki," Kaname tilted my chin up to face him. "You've been a vampire since the day you were born and furthermore, you were born to be mine."
My heart throbbed.
"But...something like that..." The human side of me that had dreamed of hearing this words now trembled, not believing for one second that now, finally, after so many countless hours-years- of wishing, wanting, yearning for him, he was being taken away by blood.
"Is too beastly? Our parents were siblings, surly you remember that? And is it so strange for purebloods to intermarry?"
Was it? I didn't know the answer to that. Did my heart even care about something I was suddenly finding so trivial? It sure didn't feel like it cared. Even now I wanted him, even more then I wanted his blood. I wanted him to be mine and mine alone. No one else would have him.
"Our parents are dead." I reminded him, my eyes filling with tears once more.
"Yuuki, this I swear to you, no one will take you from me. No one will ever lay a hand on you. If they so much as cross you the wrong way they will have me to deal with."