A/N: WELL, this was way faster than usual. I've been in a final fantasy kinda mood lately. Sometimes it happens!
This chapter is absolutely ridiculous and I'm still cackling about it. Enjoy the lighthearted stuff while it lasts, THIS IS FFVII AFTER ALL...
"Wow. This could be a new business for me."
The dress shop owner was standing beside me, staring with amazement at the transformation I had helped orchestrate. Cloud wasn't complaining, but his deadpan stare pretty much said it all.
Of course, I chose the purple dress because I remembered his dress from the game being purple. Cloud was naturally short and slender-bodied—and because he was still a teenager, his face hadn't quite gained the defined edges of manhood yet. In short, he still had baby fat and the dress looked good on him. If he could just avoid talking too much, he could pass as a girl easily.
I almost felt bad. He probably thought this was one huge unfortunate twist of fate; he had no idea how much I was messing with him. When the inevitable time came where he found out I had known all along, he was going to kill me. But for now, it was just too hilarious and I was going to milk it as long as I could.
That wasn't to say I had no game plan at all. My intent was for him to catch on eventually and call me out on it. I needed him to make the first move, because I just couldn't take the chance of showing my hand ahead of time.
So until then, I was going to have my fun at Cloud's expense. This was the first time I had actually set out with the intent of trying to be found out—it was extremely entertaining.
"Cloud, hang on—let me use some more gel. The extensions look pretty natural, but your hair's so spiky you look like you have a mullet."
The blond sighed as I squeezed some hair gel on to my hands and smoothed down his unruly hair. I was cackling inside. I knew he was actually older than me, but it was really hard not to treat him like a younger sibling when he looked like a cute teenager.
"There!" I stepped back, grinning.
"Wow," the tailor said again with approval. "You doing his makeup too?"
It was here that Cloud drew the line—his deadpan stare turned into an outright glare.
"Nope," I said breezily as if I hadn't noticed the burning look. "I think he looks better au naturel anyway. Well, I guess I'll try mine on now."
Cloud stepped aside and I walked past him, stepping into the changing room with my own dress. It was strange; it had been so long since I'd dressed up like this, and the last time was for a formal dinner party in Tethe'alla. Back then I had pretty much been kidnapped by a team of Zelos' staff and they had crammed me in a corset and an ensemble they had picked out for me. I had looked good, but god I had been uncomfortable.
So today I had thoroughly enjoyed choosing my own outfit, something that would've been completely unsuitable for the party I had attended those years ago.
The little black dress had a comfortable silky feel to it and it slipped on fairly easily, though it was a little snug in the hips. Both Cloud and I had gotten dresses that fell just below the knee—long enough to look nice, but short enough to move around in without a wardrobe malfunction. And boy, if Cloud had a wardrobe malfunction everyone was in for an interesting surprise.
Speaking of which, we had both donned spandex base layers beneath our dresses juuuust in case the going got rough. I might've also been motivated by the thought that someone might try to rip my clothes off at some point today, considering where we were going.
Our SOLDIER uniforms would have to stay out of sight, so we were going to find a safe place to stow them. We could run there and change afterwards, and then head back to HQ.
Satisfied with how the dress looked, I slipped on a pair of chunky black platform heels. Good… not terribly difficult to walk in, and a kick from them would probably hurt. I pushed aside the curtain and stepped out of the changing room.
"Well, what do you think?" I asked, doing a little twirl.
"Very nice," the tailor said with a nod. "A bit of red lipstick should do the trick."
"Oooh, that sounds nice," I said with a grin.
Cloud just sighed.
Taking pity on him for once, I opted to get a move on. I paid the shopkeeper for the dresses and the shoes and we left, quickly blending in with the Wall Market crowds.
Well, not blending in—not exactly. This wasn't the sort of place where girls would go unnoticed. It wasn't long before we were getting catcalls from leery, creepy looking men, and we had to quicken our pace down the street.
The weird thing was, minutes ago I had felt good putting the dress on—but the sort of attention it got just made me feel squeamish and sort of dirty. How did those sexy heroines from the movies shrug off all the looks? I had to keep reminding myself that I really could kick the ass of anyone that tried to touch me. I was in SOLDIER, dammit. The only people I had to worry about were other SOLDIERs!
"This way," Cloud said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Huh?"
"I think I know a place." He gestured to the bags we were carrying that held all of our gear.
"Oh, right."
We slipped out of the crowds and down another street, walking until I saw the dividing wall between sector 6 and sector 7 come into view. For one silly moment I wondered if he was taking me to Tifa's bar—but then I realized it'd probably be a really long walk from here, and Seventh Heaven didn't exist yet anyway.
Then we came out to the playground and I understood. For a moment I had to pause and look at the familiar structures, thinking of the different scenes that took place here. Aerith sitting on top of the slide, telling Cloud how he reminded her of her first boyfriend…
The blond moved with purpose toward a tiny wooden building on the outskirts of the playground. The building appeared to contain bathrooms, but there was a big "OUT OF ORDER" sign posted on the door.
"Wow, this is perfect," I said. "Did you scout this out ahead of time? I'm impressed, rookie."
Cloud shook his head. "…I've passed through here before. I just remembered it was here."
"Well, it's awfully convenient," I remarked. There was a heavy padlock holding the door shut; I reached over, gripping the body of the lock with one hand and the shackle with the other. With SOLDIER strength it was relatively easy to break the lock, popping the shackle back into the open position.
The inside of the building was musty with a faint odor of sewage. Two of the three stall doors were missing, revealing grimy toilets; the last door appeared to have been kicked in. Old graffiti marred the walls. My shoes crunched on something as we stepped in; I looked down to see broken glass and—oh, lovely, a syringe.
"Midgar's finest," I muttered with a sigh.
We ended up selecting the third stall, hiding our bags behind the broken door so they weren't immediately visible. I made a mental note to get a new bag after this was over—mine was going to smell disgusting when we came back for it. Hopefully the smell wouldn't permeate through to my uniform. Those duds were almost brand new, dammit!
I readjusted the small clutch I had bought specifically for this occasion, tightening the strap around my wrist and giving Kerberos one last longing look before leaving it behind. The only weapon I was carrying for this was a small switchblade concealed inside the purse; I'd probably never bother using it. Cloud and I had agreed to just rely on our materia and brute strength for this one.
The lock to the building would no longer close, but when we left I positioned it so it would look okay from afar. That would have to be good enough for now… the chances that someone would notice in the time we were gone were pretty slim.
"So what exactly is your plan, other than… this?" Cloud finally said as we walked, gesturing to our clothes.
"Well, I guess now's as good a time as any for a mission briefing," I replied. "You saw some of the details on your assignment summary, right?"
"…Yeah," the blond said. "Corneo stole some confidential documents and we have to either retrieve or destroy them."
"Right. I did a little more research, so I'll give you the lowdown." Translation: I had asked Kunsel yesterday and he was never one to disappoint.
"Apparently this is something he does all the time, and it's not a serious threat to Shinra—otherwise they would've put the Turks on this job," I explained. "Problem is, lots of company employees visit the Honey Bee Inn, whether they'll admit it or not. Some of them carry stuff with them that they shouldn't. Some of them also are very willing to talk after a few drinks. Well, you bet they get taken advantage of."
"Blackmail?" Cloud raised his eyebrows.
"Yup," I confirmed. "He makes a good amount of money on the side from this. These employees don't want to lose their jobs, so they'll pay a hefty sum to get company property back. And in the off chance he gets someone actually important to drop their guard, he could score big and get a one up on Shinra."
"So this is some kind of power play," he remarked, shaking his head. "Whether or not we get the documents, we'll give him a good scare… right?"
"I have a feeling that's the real goal," I said with a snort. "As for the plan itself… well, all we have to do is get into his mansion. The intelligence report I was forwarded says he should be home right now. I guess we'll try the front door?"
Cloud frowned. "And if they turn us away?"
I shrugged. "Try the back door."
"You really didn't think this through past getting me into a dress, did you?"
Sheepish grin. "I'll admit I was a little fixated on that part."
The blond heaved a sigh. "We'll try the front door."
Corneo's mansion was insane. The building itself had some serious Asian influence going on, but it was overwhelming enough to be gaudy and obnoxious. He probably thought the insult to Wutain culture was somehow exotic and enticing; the place was probably littered with incorrectly used kanji characters.
Two muscular goons in dark suits and sunglasses were guarding the front door. The moment we strolled up, however, they started giving us the nastiest grins.
"Hate to say it, ladies, but the Don just left," one of them said. "Daily visit to the Honey Bee. A damn shame, too…"
"Hey, hey…" the other one leaned forward a little. "Come on inside and we'll keep you entertained until he gets back. Our shifts are almost up, right, Dale?"
"Yeah, that's right," Dale said, perking up.
Cloud and I looked at each other. I frowned for a moment, considering. Could be problematic without Corneo here; what if he had stuff locked up and the keys were on his person? Stupid intelligence report had been wrong… but I suppose they couldn't have predicted it if he spontaneously visited the brothel earlier than usual.
What to do, then? The most important thing was to pin down Corneo before he caught on that Shinra was sniffing around—once he decided to disappear, we'd never find him or those documents.
Well… all right. Cloud was still figuring out his own strength, but in reality we were both capable adults. I didn't need to babysit him for this mission.
I bit my lip. "Well, I had something I really wanted to give to the Don…" A beat. "…But my friend here wouldn't mind coming in and… shaking things down a bit."
When I offered Cloud a sidelong glance, I saw that he had raised his eyebrows a little—but he inclined his head the tiniest bit, and I knew he understood my meaning.
All the two guys heard was that they might be able to get some; they didn't seem to notice the crucial difference between shaking things down and shaking things up. Ah, well. They stepped aside to let Cloud in, and I did my best coy smile, giving a little wave as I turned to walk back in the direction of the market.
Don't beat them up too badly, Cloud.
It was hard to suppress a snicker. I wasn't worried; he had beaten up an entire room of guys in the game. If he had to use brute force to find those documents, so be it. And if anything came up… well, he had stowed his cell phone in his bra (along with some socks… speaking of which, HA), so he'd be able to contact me at any point.
So, to the Honey Bee Inn, then. It didn't really matter where I ended up; I was gonna be stuck in a room full of creeps either way. I had chosen to go after Corneo as a mercy to Cloud—he wouldn't want to be seen by anyone prominent and be recognized as "that crossdressing SOLDIER." I had been mean enough to him today.
Walking through the streets of Wall Market was even harder now that I was by myself. I had to keep a purposeful stride with my gaze trained forward, because men continually tried to call out to me or grab my arm or basically get in my personal space. This was not a safe place for girls. Talk about sketchy as hell.
I knew I was getting close to the Honey Bee when I started to see scantily clad women soliciting on the street corners. They were all dressed in shades of gold and black. When I saw a brightly lit neon sign pointing me in the right direction, I turned down that side street and immediately the brothel came into view. For a moment I had to breathe and force back any trepidation; it was stupid, but now that Cloud wasn't here for me to joke around with, I felt a lot more insecure about this half assed plan. Just… SOLDIER strength or no, places like this made me feel really unsafe.
"Oh, wow!"
"Hey, baby! Come over here!"
"Look at that ass!"
Oh, Christ. I tried not to grimace, tried even harder not to blush. I knew I had to look the part, but part of me just wanted to be wearing a shapeless pillowcase right now.
Instead I forced a smile on my face as I walked up to the building's front doors.
"Evenin', sweetheart," the man at the door said, smirking as he looked me up and down. "Lookin' for some employment? Dark and mysterious… ooh, a dime like you would do well here."
"Flattering," I lied, my smile growing, " but I'm actually here to see the Don."
"Don's in a very important er… meeting." A snicker."Can I, uh, take a message?"
I shook my head. "I'll wait, if you don't mind. I'm patient."
"Waitin' room's for payin' customers, not for gals without an appointment," the doorman pointed out. "Tell you what, babe. You keep the guests in the waiting room entertained, and you can wait all you like."
"Entertained?" I blinked.
"No free peep shows," he said, grinning. "Just talk to 'em. Dance a little. Help the girls serve some drinks."
"All right, deal," I said, though I really didn't like the sound of it. I knew, at least, that I could bail myself out with a solid punch if things got too touchy-feely.
The doorman ducked inside for a minute and spoke to someone, then stepped out again and held the door open for me. I slipped into the building. Victory.
… Well, sort of. I still needed to figure out how I was going to get Don Corneo alone. And what if his little meeting took a while? I had said I was patient, but I really wasn't.
I followed a sign that pointed me in the direction of the waiting room, which was actually more of a guest lounge. There were a multitude of sofas and tables, as well as a small bar in the corner. A few employees dressed in the signature bee getup were walking around and serving cocktails. The room was dimly lit—the brightest light came from a TV in the corner—and it smelled of cigarette smoke and cheap perfume.
Plenty of people were in here conversing and drinking and flirting with the girls. Ugh… no. I really didn't want to do this. If I could just figure out what room my target was in...
My eyes roamed over the men in the room. It looked like there were actually guys from all walks of life down here—not just the creeps I had seen on the street on the way here. Some of the people here were in suits like they had just gotten off work. Well, however people wanted to spend their paycheck was their business…
For a moment my gaze passed over something white and then snapped right back to focus on it again. White? A white suit?
Blond hair, icy blue eyes… Rufus Shinra?!
He's looking right at me.
I stiffened and quickly looked away, trying my hardest to play it cool. What the hell was he doing here? No one even seemed to be worried about it. Then again, his name was known as company VP, but he was supposed to be a super private person—that was why he had so many rumors surrounding him. I never would've believed he went to a brothel during his time off, though.
"Hey, baby! A little bird told me you're here to help us pregame!" A dark haired man walked up to me—from the way his face was flushed, I could tell he was already half in the bag.
"Why not do a little strip tease for us? C'mon, don't be shy!" His friend called.
"That dress of yours would look better on the floor," someone else said.
I bristled. Three men crowding in on my personal space… how could I maneuver out of this one without making a scene? No way in hell was I going to start dancing for anyone, that was for sure. Especially when a certain someone was in the room—
"Hey, buddy, back off! We were here first!"
"Sorry, but she's with me."
Something in those words or the look accompanying them must have been threatening, because I saw the three men immediately begin to back off.
"Oh, jeez, every time," one of them whined, going back to his drink. "Who does that guy think he is?"
Meanwhile, I turned slowly, not quite willing to believe the low, smooth voice I had just heard. There was no way it could be him.
... Naturally, it was.
Rufus Shinra had walked up to stand beside me. I faced him and our eyes met, his lips turning up in a sly what have we here smirk.
Oh.
Oh, nononono.
He was so attractive.
For a moment all I could do was stare at him like a deer in headlights, my mouth going dry. Dammit, noooo! I hadn't had this kind of a reaction to someone since I met Zelos, and I had been a hot and bothered hormonal teenager back then! This wasn't—I didn't have time for this! Don't turn red, face!
He was about four or five inches taller than me and looked to be right around my age—pretty freaking young for a company vice president. God, he really was just a kid, but he had the confidence and poise of someone ten years his senior.
"Um," I said.
Smooth, Brittany. Nailed it.
Ugh, try again, try again.
"You're…"
"You recognize me," he remarked, looking amused. "Well, I suppose I'd expect no less from one of my own employees. That glow in your eyes… I'd know it anywhere. I've heard of you—but meeting you here, of all places?"
I rubbed the back of my neck, lowering my voice a little. "I'm, uh, sort of undercover. And the same goes for you. Sir."
"So we both have our agendas," he said, casually running a hand through his bangs. "Carry on, then. You'll find Corneo in the Lover's room. Try not to hurt him too badly—he does have his uses."
My eyes widened with surprise. "How did you—?"
A slight smirk. "Why else would you be here? Unless you plan to dance after all… in that tight dress, I wouldn't stop you."
Okay. Now my face was turning red. I quickly turned away and started to make my escape.
"Nice meeting you, sir," I called as I walked by.
"Likewise," I heard him say.
Good lord. Okay, avoiding Rufus Shinra for the rest of my life. I'd almost rather interact with Sephiroth, and that was saying something.
The Lover's room was hard to miss—each of the brothel's themed rooms had a big sign on the door. I found the room after only a few seconds of walking—and I had talked to Rufus long enough that the other employees must've stopped watching me, because I had slipped out of the waiting room with relative ease.
A female employee was leaving the room just as I approached. She turned her head and I caught the door just as she was about to shut it. Her eyes widened.
"Excuse me, you can't—"
I slipped into the room and shut the door, locking her out. Then I pulled over a nearby chair, wedging it under the doorknob.
"Huh? What's the meaning of—ohhh, hello."
I rolled my eyes, still facing the door. This had started out amusing but now I was starting to think Shinra didn't pay me enough to put up with this crap.
"Who is it? The newest addition? Turn around, baby!"
I turned around. Corneo was lying on his side on a plush looking bed, one hand holding a lit cigar. He was stark naked, but most of his lower half—thank the fucking lord—was covered by a sheet. Then my eyes fell on a certain bulge and I wished I could just… just unsee. Unsee everything. Why. Even dirty dancing for Rufus would've been better than this.
"Oh, wooow! That's nice!" He sat up in the bed and the sheets fell down further, and I immediately had to avert my gaze.
"Shy, are we? Oh, perfect, I haven't corrupted anyone like this lately. Come here, baby—Daddy can show you everything."
There was a pounding on the door, and Corneo's head jerked over in that direction.
"We're busy—go away!"
The pounding fell silent. He had unknowingly just bailed me out from getting lugged away by security.
Then he pulled the sheet off completely and I lost any sense of victory I had just gained.
"Oh my god," I groaned.
"Impressive, isn't it?" Corneo let out a laugh that made me shiver with revulsion. "Don't worry, everyone's overwhelmed by it at first. How about this? I'll be gentle just this once! Just eeeease it in, baby!"
I'm gonna puke, I thought. Then I remembered myself, and shook my head to snap out of it.
"Okay, no. I am not here to have sex with you, Corneo, so you can go ahead and cover yourself with that sheet again before I neuter you."
He paused, eyes suddenly narrowing with alarm suspicion. "Wh…what?"
Then the door to the room was kicked in. It fell to the floor, toppling the chair over with a crash. We both looked over, startled, and I froze—a man in a suit and sunglasses stood there. Security? Shit—
He stared at the Don for a moment, grimacing slightly; then he picked up the door, bracing it against the frame to block the room from view of the hallway.
"Perfect," Corneo said, finally tugging the sheet up over himself, thank god. "Security, who—who is this girl?!"
"We're the ones who will be asking the questions," the man said, and I gaped as it finally clicked. Cloud!
He must have stolen one of the Don's henchmen's outfits. Cloud was wearing a rumpled black suit; he had ruffled his hair back into its spiky glory, and he had pulled his extensions back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck.
I blinked. He looks like a blond Reno.
Then I remembered myself and turned back to Corneo, fighting to harden my expression.
"That's right," I said. "Haven't you been paying attention? We're SOLDIERs."
To confirm this fact, Cloud pushed his sunglasses up, revealing his striking blue eyes. The Don's eyes, meanwhile, looked like they were about to bug out of his head.
"Suh-SOLDIER? No—can't be! Shinra's got nothing on me!"
"I found these at your mansion," Cloud said, holding up some papers. "These are the company documents you stole, right?"
"No! I've never seen them before in my life!" He protested.
"Tell the truth," Cloud said, walking up to the bed and pressing one foot on it, "or I'll crush them."
He—yes! He did the thing! It was hard to keep my mind on topic when I was doing a mental victory dance. Cloud was great. Cloud was the best.
Corneo jumped. "Ah—all right, all right! Who cares, anyway?! People leave stuff behind all the time! Just because I keep some of it—"
"You're hoarding company secrets and blackmailing employees," I piped up, joining Cloud at the side of the bed. "That's a pretty serious crime. I don't want to see you doing it again. Next time I come back here I'll be in full uniform, not a pretty dress. Got it, Daddy?"
He was nodding so fast I was surprised he didn't give himself a headache. "Yes—yes, of course, of course! I won't—I won't—"
"Hey!"
Now an actual security guard was standing at the broken door. Corneo snapped to attention.
"Get them the hell out of here!"
It happened pretty fast. A group of the guards barged into the room and roughly escorted us out, despite the fact that neither of us was even trying to struggle at this point. We were shoved hard out the front doors, much to the amusement of the patrons waiting outside. Other guards showed up with the obvious intent of giving us a beating to teach us a lesson, but I signaled to Cloud and we made our escape.
We didn't stop running until we left the streets of Wall Market. If I never came back, it would be too soon.
Fifteen minutes later, we were back at the playground. I was shocked I hadn't twisted an ankle running down those dirt streets in heels. Cloud pulled off his sunglasses and stuck them in his pocket, turning to look at me.
I stared back at him. Looked down at his suit, then up at his hairdo, then met his gaze once more.
Then I couldn't help it—I snorted, reaching up to press a hand to my mouth. Cloud stared at me and I saw his lips quirk up.
"That was more of Don Corneo than I ever wanted to see," he said quietly.
That did it. I was laughing and then I was doubled over, leaning against the slide for support. "Your—your face—! Ahahaha!"
"Oh! Look who's here!"
"Uh… did I miss something?"
Cloud's amused expression vanished so fast it was almost as if it had never been there. He turned his head at the sound of the new voices, eyes widening.
I managed to gain control of myself just in time. Straightening, I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes before looking over to greet Aerith and Zack.
The look on Zack's face almost made me burst out into hysterics again. He was so confused, but Aerith was just rolling with it.
"Hey, guys," I said, unable to stop another giggle from bursting out.
"Brittany?" The Second blinked, looking from me to Cloud and back again. "I thought you were on a mission—what are you wearing?"
"It was a very complicated mission," I sniggered. Then I perked up. "Hey, have you guys met Cloud?"
Cloud stiffened as soon as the spotlight was put on him. Zack's eyes brightened and he was quick to step forward.
"No, I haven't! So you're the new recruit. SOLDIER Second Class Zack Fair, at your service!" He held out a hand.
The blond hesitated, and then reached out and grasped it. Zack, always the overeager one, shook his hand with enough enthusiasm to make Cloud rock on his feet a bit.
"Oh, right! And this is my girlfriend Aerith!" He withdrew his hand to place his arm around her shoulders, smiling with so much pride I thought he was going to burst.
Puppy, I thought, and wanted to start giggling again.
"It's… nice to meet you." Cloud's voice was hushed suddenly, bearing none of the confidence it had held earlier. For a moment I was worried about him, worried about what kind of effect meeting these two was going to have on him.
Then he offered a soft, earnest smile… and I knew everything was okay.
Aerith met my gaze, and then looked over to smile back at Cloud. Next to her, Zack sobered and looked at me.
"Hey, come to think of it… weren't you saying your mission had something to do with Wall Market? Is that why you're all dressed up?"
I snorted. "Yes, today I had to use my woman powers. Now if you'll excuse me, our uniforms are in this gross bathroom." I reached behind me to rap a fist against the wooden door of the building.
"Oh, don't change in there!" Aerith laughed. "Why don't you come back to the church with us? I think I'm done for the day, anyway. All you have to do in exchange is pull the cart!" She gestured lightly to the flower cart she had brought with her—it was pushed up against the wall nearby.
"That's a done deal," I said immediately. "Cloud, you pull the cart, I'll grab our stuff!"
The blond nodded silently, as if he didn't trust himself to speak. Within the next minute or so we had set off, walking down the dirt road that led to Aerith's old church. Cloud stayed near the back of the group, pulling the flower cart—every time I glanced over at him, I saw that he was staring wistfully at Zack and Aerith's backs.
Just as I decided to leave Cloud to his thoughts, Zack turned and looked at him over his shoulder.
"Hey, Cloud! I hear you're from Nibelheim."
Cloud looked up, blinking. "…Yeah, that's right."
"Hah! That's pretty backwater, huh? Man, has Brittany told you about the time we were attacked by Nibel dragons? We got such a lecture that day…"
I smiled to myself as Zack excitedly delved into a story, and I saw Aerith's shoulders shaking with stifled giggles. Some things never changed.
A/N: Look, aren't you proud of how I didn't end on a cliffhanger? Ha!
Rufus? What's going on with Rufus? Well, he hasn't left on his mysteriously long assignment yet, so he's obviously busy kicking up trouble with Pops in the meantime. Also I like having a billion characters and plot points to work with.
Let's be real though, naked Don Corneo was the real star of this chapter.
I'm so sorry about that. ...NOT.
Hahaha... back to more serious stuff next chapter. Don't forget to hit that review buttonnnnn! :D