Okay, I can't believe it, but it's actually here. I've finished this story. Wrote this chapter with laryngitis, no voice, and high fever, but why not? :)
I've suddenly decided to bring in that M rating, and I should probably tell you that this is the first time I've written anything remotly similar to smut, so don't judge me too much, okay? But definitely tell me what you think about it because I just have to know.
I also want to thank everyone who read, commented, followed, subscribed, and just been there for me throughout this story. I love every single one of you and can't wait to see you in my other stories coming!
Another world must be unfurled,
Another language known,
Ere tongue or sound can publish round
Her charms of flesh and bone.
Jane Austen, Mock Panegyric on a Young Freind
Beth makes it up the porch steps and hunches down to find the key under an empty flower pot. She smiles while she does it. Two years, and nothing has changed.
She opens the front door, steps in, and quietly shuts it. She then tiptoes to the bedroom, trying to be silent because Daryl has always been a ridiculously light sleeper. Somehow, she manages to open the door without waking him.
Beth freezes to the spot when she sees him; he is lying on his back, head tilted to the side, and covers only reaching up to his lower abdomen. She almost forgot how peaceful he looks when he's asleep. His usual frown is gone, his lips slightly parted, and his chest rising and falling with his breathing. The night is hot, and she wonders if his skin is hot too. She realises how much she wants to touch him, run her hands up his back, kiss his bare chest and broad shoulders. But that will definitely wake him.
Beth silently slides off her ballet flats and carefully lies down next to Daryl on her side, resting her cheek on her palm, and observing his face. As she moves a little to adjust her position, the bed creaks slightly, and his eyes fly open.
"Sorry," Beth smiles. "Didn't mean to wake you."
He turns, rolling to his side, and blinks a few times, as if he thinks it's some sort of dream. And when he is completely awake, he knits his brows, his facial expression adopting a hint of worry. Beth realises she can't help herself when her hand flies to his forehead, and her forefinger traces that fold that she loves so much. She loves all of him. She never knew she could feel something as strong as this, but it seems like her heart is about to explode inside her – that's how much it aches every time she looks at him.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, observing her face carefully.
Her smile grows wider. "Yeah. I just couldn't sleep. Wanted to see you."
Suddenly, Beth feels stupid. If showing up at your boyfriend's cabin at two in the morning isn't clingy, she doesn't know what is. She just hopes Daryl understands. And judging by how his shoulders seem to relax, and his frown almost disappears, he does.
"Hershel know you're here?"
Beth's hand moves, and she palms his cheek. Every single touch makes her fingers tingle.
She loves it.
She shakes her head. "I snuck out."
His lips twitch in a smile. "Why couldn't you sleep?"
She rolls a shoulder.
"I've just been thinking."
"Tell me," he says quietly, and just the fact that he cares causes a pang in her heart. But it's a good one. A happy one.
"How grey and monotonously sad my life had been, before I returned home," she pauses. "You know, in California, everything felt so… wrong. I mean… everything was bright, beautiful, and full of life, but it didn't feel right for me. Even singing didn't make me as happy as it used to. And then, I came back home, and my life was suddenly exciting again. It was painful… very painful, but colourful."
Beth falls quiet, and silence between them is almost deafening, with their soft breathing woven into it. Usually, she feels comfortable being silent with him. But right now, she desperately wants him to say something. Anything. Tell her how he feels.
But he remains still, and Beth feels her heart jerk painfully at that. He cares, she knows he does. But what she wants (which might be selfish of her) is to be positive her feelings are reciprocated. If he just said something, at least once, that would be enough. She is tired of doubting, tired of hoping, tired of thinking about it and overthinking it.
She sighs softly. "How were your two years without me?"
Beth notices a shift of expression on Daryl's face, and her heart races again. Somehow, she is afraid of his answer.
He takes a deep breath. "Not great. Felt like life ain't worth the trouble."
Beth freezes at that, and starts blinking faster, trying to hold back the tears.
"It was like that for me too. At some point, I thought I had become a ghost and hadn't noticed it. Just kept doing everything I knew I had to do, without meaning to it."
She only realises she's crying when his thumb carefully brushes her cheeks, wiping a tear away.
"I'm sorry."
Those words result in heavier flow of tears and quiet sobs. She doesn't need his apologies, she has forgiven him long time ago. She tries to remind herself it's not about words, it's about his actions. She needs to judge by things he has done for her. He has met her father, he promised he would never leave her again, he made love to her almost every night since that first time. But her heart throbs with pain as she starts feeling desperate.
He is not used to being loved, he might not even know how to love in return. He might never love her.
As her sobs get more loud, Daryl wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to himself. Beth rests her head on his chest, and her tears mixed with ruined makeup start dripping on him. She feels Daryl kiss crown of her head.
"I love you, Beth."
At that, her crying stops. She remains silent for a few moments, not sure whether he actually said that or it was just her imagination screwing with her. But then, his fingers touch her chin carefully, turning her face so that their eyes meet. He leans in and kisses her face, wiping her tears away with his lips. Beth's heart seems to stop the moment his lips brush her skin. Does he?
"Do you?" she voices her thoughts. She doesn't care if she sounds desperate because she is. Besides, if anyone can understand, it's Daryl.
He doesn't seem surprised by her question and why would he be? He never told her how he felt about her. He doesn't say anything to that, she just suddenly feels his lips on hers, and it sends a familiar rush of electricity through her body. She sighs softly and palms his cheek, trying to press herself as closely to him as possible. The whole world fades away.
It suddenly occurs to her, that she must look weird. Smudged makeup, red nose, and puffy eyes. But she can't bring herself to care. Daryl loves her, that's all that matters.
She thinks of all the things they haven't yet done together. Attend a 4th of July carnival. Spend Christmas and New Year with one another. Celebrate each other's birthdays with her family and Daryl being able to be there. Take a swim with him. Go horse riding. Live together.
She wants to share all those things with him, and more. She wants to be his wife, carry his children, grow old with him. She wants him to understand how much she loves him, but right now it's not the right time. He is not ready for it, he needs to get used to people caring about him, wanting to be with him. It breaks her heart, but Daryl doesn't believe that he can make someone happy.
Beth suddenly remembers one of her psychology classes in college, where they learned about children and emotions. How one of the experiments showed that if parents leave their babies to cry themselves to sleep and don't pay much attention in general, kids grow up to be independent from their mothers' protection, never seeking solace next to them, and also struggle with expressing their emotions, simply not knowing how to do it. Kids just come to think that if their parents don't care about their feelings, then no one will. Beth's mother has always been very affectionate and raised Beth and Shawn to be the same, so Beth could never understand how some people managed to hide their emotions so easily. Growing up, she never had that toughness within her. The experiment, however, didn't say anything about children who were simply afraid of their parents, like Daryl used to be. What happens to a little boy who always keeps to himself, just in case if saying something might anger his father and cause yet another beating? She can't even imagine.
Beth knows it's hard for Daryl, and he is trying, so she is going to be patient. She is going to spend her whole life teaching him how to love and how to be loved if she has to. She will never give up on him.
All her thoughts vanish the second his tongue swipes across her lower lip, and she lets out a deep and throaty moan, not even recognising her own voice. She rolls her hips unconsciously and lets her fingers tangle in Daryl's hair. A few moments – and he is on top of her, and it suddenly occurs to Beth that no matter how great sex with Daryl always is, this time is special. His confession, the fact that he does love her, and she can be sure of it, gives her that indescribably euphoric feeling, and all her senses sharpen, making every move, every touch, and every grind feel so intense she almost melts under his arms, so all she can do is keep whispering his name like mantra.
When Daryl slides inside her, she almost screams at the sensation. Not for the first time she is grateful that his cabin is detached and only surrounded by trees, not a single soul for miles. She suddenly wishes they could just stay like this forever – with him inside her. If they did, she would be the happiest human in the world.
Their panting becomes more desperate, and a familiar heaviness starts building up in her lower abdomen. She doesn't notice his hand sliding down her stomach and only feels sharp wave of heat strike her when he rubs her clit in a circling motion. That sends her over the edge, and she screams his name and shakes violently, with him coming inside her a few moments after.
For a few minutes after, he doesn't roll of her, and she just enjoys the weight of his body on top of hers. They are both sweaty, and their skin is hot, and it feels incredible.
"I love you," she says, when he is lying next to her, her head resting on his shoulder.
Daryl kisses her forehead and doesn't say anything to that, but she can feel his smile on her skin, and that's enough for her. She doesn't have a problem with saying it hundred times a day but she is not going to push him.
As Beth lies there, her breathing slowing down, she suddenly thinks that when they have kids, she won't able to get so loud every time she has a moment alone with Daryl. She giggles softly at that. She can't wait.
"What's funny?" Daryl asks, his forefinger circling the scar on her wrist. He doesn't sound offended, just curious.
"It's nothing," Beth shakes her head slightly. She doesn't know if she should say it out loud. He might not like it.
"Tell me," Daryl insists softly.
Beth takes a deep breath.
"I just thought that when- if we have kids, we won't be able to get as loud anymore."
Because of her position, she can't see his face, and the silence that occurs is almost deafening. Her heart is already thrumming against her ribcage in fear, and she starts regretting saying it, when he speaks.
"You want to have kids with me?" he asks.
She nods. "I do."
He remains quiet for a moment. "You're crazy, girl," he says, but there is amusement in his voice which follows by a light chuckle, rumbling somewhere deep in his chest, and she smiles at that and kisses his shoulder.
"I love you," she says again and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath, filling her lungs with his smell.
"I love you too."
...and that's it! Thank you so much for reading, and tell me what you think!