For James, the routine he and Lily developed was both wildly wonderful and a slow heartbreak.

After their sidewalk confrontation, they went home to begin living the life of any married couple. They shared meals and stories of their days in the evenings. They went out with friends and entertained in the flat. They began looking for another house, one that would be big enough for them and Celeste. In the evenings, they would joke and even talk about the past. All of that was wonderful.

But it wasn't real.

And that's the part that hurt the most.

After an evening of reading the paper or playing cards, Lily would tell him goodnight, go to her room, and firmly shut the door. So many conversational topics were off limits that James often found himself racking his brain for something to talk about. Whenever he tried to make plans for the future, she abruptly changed the subject. The only way he had been able to convince her to look for a house was to point out it would improve their chances of getting Celeste.

And that was a whole other problem.

Lily was single-minded about her quest for her psuedo-daughter, and it was reaching a point that James suspected was unhealthy. After nearly a month of living with her again, James had figured out a few things about the situation. Lily loved Celeste dearly, and would no doubt take excellent care of her. But for Lily, Celeste was like a security blanket. By taking care of Celeste, Lily had a distraction away from her own life and her own problems. When she lost her own child, Celeste was there to fill the void in her heart. Celeste probably filled many voids, being the only person with her that cared about her for years.

But Lily didn't actually consider herself a mother.

James didn't know what to do with that. He couldn't just walk up to Lily and tell her that he thought it was a bad idea for her to try to adopt Celeste. One, she would probably just walk away. Two, that would make him the jerkiest of all jerks.

It was always in the back of his mind that she held all of the cards in their relationship. She could leave at any time. The only thing he had up his sleeve was that she needed him if she persisted with this foolish plan to adopt Celeste. His life was lived on egg shells, gingerly making each step.

So that meant he waited. It was his turn to humor her, and he could say he truly understood how she felt all those years ago when she tried to befriend him. He hated that stupid boy that was purposefully prickly and rude, trying to shoo her away like a pesky animal. But it was his turn to be the calm one, the happy one. He was soothing and helpful. Taking a page out of her book, he put himself in her path repeatedly. Sometimes he was humorous, sometimes he was simply ridiculous, but he was always there. James and Lily may have already been married and living together, but he was certain he was courting her with more purpose than he did when her last name was still Evans.

There were flowers and funny cards, balloon bouquets sent to work (because he couldn't persuade her to leave the blasted publishing company), romantic dinners, and stolen kisses.

He told her he loved her at least once a day, but it was never reciprocated.

But he could wait forever if that was what she needed. It was his turn to be her light in the darkness, and he wouldn't let her down.

*~*~*

"When are you going to put that poor man out of his misery?" Henrietta grumbled, to herself as much as to Lily after the florist dropped off yet another arrangement from James.

Lily and Henry had ironed out most of their differences, with Lily chalking up much of the early animosity to Henry's insecurity as a Squib working with a Head Girl and to raging hormones. James had never mentioned that the gestational period for a magical baby must be 17 months, because it appeared Henry was going to be pregnant for the rest of eternity, although Henry did say she thought her achy back was a sign the day could finally be near.

"It's complicated," Lily replied, shuffling lazily through a stack of manuscripts. Most of them were really truly abysmal.

"I don't see how it could be that complicated, Lily. If my Walter paid half as much attention to me as James does to you, I would be drooling on his shoes night and day. Then again, if my Walter looked like your James, I wouldn't be at work because you couldn't pry my pregnant body away from his."

Lily made a noncommittal noise. She and Henry had gone over this multiple times already. The painful boredom of the office and Lily's newfound lack of female friends had made her divulge more than she wished to her coworker. It was just as well. Even if Millie would have surfaced at some point, she was singularly unhelpful on the subject of James Potter.

"I mean, Lily," Henry continued. "The man is more than in love with you. He is going to so much work for you. You love him too, I know you do. If you didn't, you would have found a way to do what you want without him. And I'm not even getting into the subject of Celeste with you today."

"I'm quite aware of what you think on the subject."

"If you're not going to give James a real chance, why don't you just let him go? Penelope would love to have him back. Any witch would. Why keep stringing him along?"

Why indeed? Oh yes, because of that red haze that slipped across Lily's vision every time she even thought of James with someone else.

"Oh, here, Lily, listen to this one. The title is 'The Rogue's Embrace,'" Henry giggled, and waved one of the prospective manuscripts around. "'Anthony's eyes roved over Mariella's body, making her feel as if she were already undressed. He ground his throbbing lower body into hers, making her feel things she had never imagined. Mariella whispered Is that your wand?' Seriously! Who writes this stuff?"

Undoubtedly this one wouldn't be progressing further in the publication process.

"Housewives who haven't had sex since 1955," Lily laughed. "Why don't they ever make it more realistic? Like looking into his eyes and feeling like you can't think? Or shivering when he breathes on your neck because you know that the kiss that follows will make your whole body burn? Or that second right after it's over, when you two look at each other, and you just know that's exactly how it's supposed to be? Why don't they ever write about that?"

A little concerned by the lack of answer from Henry, Lily looked over to see her friend fanning herself.

"Don't laugh. I've been pregnant forever. I've forgotten that kind of excitement. Hell, I don't think I've ever had that kind of excitement."

"Sure you have," Lily laughed. "I think you're huge belly is proof of it."

"Wicked men like James are always the best lovers. That and the guys who are with girls way out of their league and have to find a way to keep them around."

Lily pointedly put a manuscript in front of her face, swiveling her chair away from Henrietta. "You, my pregnant friend, need to get back to work."

It was quiet in the office for the rest of the day, with only one hopeful author coming in to drop off a book draft, Lily was able to sink into other people's worlds as she delved into the sample chapters, startled back into the real world by Henry's squeal.

"Something good over there?" Lily called, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I might have waited too long to go to the hospital," Henry squeaked in a strangely high-pitched voice.

"What are you talking about? How do you just wait too long? That's silly. These things take hours. Even if you go right now, you'll still be there forever," Lily scoffed. She was married to a healer. She knew how things worked. Sort of.

"I think maybe I've been in labor for longer than I thought."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, Henry. You know when you're in labor. I mean-."

"Would you please stop arguing with me and just do something!"

Lily got up to look at Henry around the stack of papers for the first time, and blanched at what she saw. "Oh my God. You're going to have a baby."

Henry was sweating profusely and gritting her teeth.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I thought they were fake ones. I've been having them lately."

"Oh. Er, has you know, uh, your, uh water-?"

"Yes! I'm not kidding you, Lily! This isn't an office joke."

"Right. Ok. Well, I'll just take you the hospital. Is that ok? A magical one? And call Walter. Ok."

Lily muddled through the apparation process, getting Henry to the hospital as soon as she could. Was it even safe to apparate with pregnant Squibs? At the check-in area, she passed Henry off to someone who knew what to do with pregnant women, contacted Henry's wizard husband, and went up to the maternity area to wait.

There wasn't a lot to do there, so she went to peer at the new babies behind the glass. And that's where James found her, with her forehead pressed against the clear wall, with her hand raised as if she could reach through and touch one.

"Lily? Are you ok?"

"Oh! James. Don't worry. Henry's here, and I just thought I'd wait for awhile. I don't know why. They don't really need me. Her husband's here. I just thought...I don't know. But don't worry, I haven't had some sort of break down that makes me long for other people's babies," she said wryly before turning back to the little witches and wizards. "But they are beautiful, aren't they?"

James put his forehead on the glass next to hers. "Very."

"Why do you think people love babies so much? Even people who say they don't like children secretly love babies. I know they do."

"Little people the world hasn't had a chance to hurt? Who haven't lied or done hateful things. Who haven't been disappointed yet? We were like that once, too. Beautiful and unbroken."

Lily turned her forehead from the glass, resting her cheek against it instead so she could look at him

"Are we broken?" she asked.

James wasn't sure what to do with her. He never was, but this time he settled on drawing her into his arms and tucking her head under his chin.

"Not irreparably. It just takes awhile for the glue to set."

She sniffled and they both stood there, looking at the babies and remembering the one they almost had together, years ago. James' coworkers and the new parents with babies behind the glass all glanced at them curiously, but nobody interrupted them, and when they began speaking again, the others moved away to give privacy.

"I was so scared when we found out I was pregnant," Lily murmured.

"Me too. I didn't want things to change between us," James whispered, stroking her hair. "I was afraid you wouldn't have enough love for me too."

"That's ridiculous," Lily sighed, then tugged on front of James' healer robes. "Can you take the rest of the day off? Can we go somewhere? Henry and Walter don't really need me here."

James had her halfway out the door before she even knew what was happening.

"Did you have anything in mind?"

She did.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening taking a double-decker bus tour of the city, bundled under the blanket James transfigured from his hospital robes. Even after the circuit was over, they stayed on, seeing the lights of Muggle London, something Lily hadn't done since she was a little girl with her sister.

"The night before I went to Hogwarts for the first time, we spent the night in London. The day before, we walked forever," Lily remembered. "Our hotel was near King's Cross, but we walked to Trafalgar Square to go to the Gallery, and then we walked down to the river. My dad complained most of the time because he was hungry and Mum wouldn't stop for lunch. I had never been the V and A, but we got off at the wrong stop and had to walk forever again. And then we couldn't find the right one when it was time to come back, and we almost didn't make it back to the West End in time to watch the show."

"What did you watch?" James asked, pulling her into his shoulder. She relaxed against him, smiling as she remembered her family.

"My Fair Lady. When you're eleven, it's pretty wonderful. I couldn't find the platform the next morning, and my parents were watching me so close. We were all afraid I'd run into it and bounce right off, and the whole thing would end up being a terrible joke. My sixth year was the first year we didn't come to the city the day before I left. It was always our last day together. Wonderful and sad at the same time."

"The best things usually are," James sighed, and they both knew that he was talking about this moment as well.

The evening that felt like a dream to both of them died a swift death just a few hours later as they apparated into their flat. Lily was laughing as she hung her coat in the closet and James walked to the window to let in a patiently waiting owl. He was still chuckling a little himself as he opened the envelope.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter,

I regret to inform you that Celestina Black, the child you requested for adoption, has been placed with a family with similar requirements higher on the list. The Warbecks have agreed to allow contact between Celestina and Mrs. Potter upon request.

Sincerely,

The Department for Placement of Magical Children.

James sank into the nearest chair with a sigh. For a wild moment he considered destroying the letter before Lily could read it. It would be so easy. He could lie and say it had come to the wrong house, that it was just a mistake.

Because as soon as she read it, she would have no need for him anymore. He just needed more time to convince her, to make her so attached to him that she couldn't live without him

"James, what is it?" Lily asked, approaching. He momentarily basked in the feeling of her hand unconsciously playing with his hair as she read the letter over his shoulder. "Oh. Oh."

Before he had a chance to decide what to do or what to say, her hand grazed down his shoulder, and she was gone. The door to her bedroom was shut firmly behind her.

He had lost his chance. James sat in the chair, staring as blankly ahead as he had years ago when he lost her the first time. She felt just as far away in the bedroom with the closed door as when he didn't know where she was, if she was even alive.

Just like then, he wasn't enough to find her. A man like him didn't deserve a woman like her. He wasn't meant to be that happy.

It was over.

Note: Almost done! Only one more chapter left.

And to those who speculated, yes, it was Twilight that brought me back to fanfiction, at least for awhile. One of my roommates and I are desperately in love with Edward Cullen, and this seemed like a natural way for me to extend my obsession. So, if you're interested in Twilight, you might glance at some of the stuff I'm going to work on with that.