Leo's mom was getting very suspicious. It had been three weeks since he'd started cutting again. Three weeks since his depression had returned. Three weeks since the Voice had begun making sense again. Leo wanted to tell her but didn't want to tell her. He was embarrassed, ashamed, guilty. He didn't want her hurt. He didn't want to admit what he was doing. So he did what he'd always done: withdrawn into himself – Coward.
He didn't talk to anyone unless he really had to. He was still sarcastic and cocky, but it was all an act – They know it. They just don't care. He didn't want anyone else getting suspicious, after all. But it was quickly becoming more and more difficult to resist cutting – Why resist? You know you need it. He didn't even bother with the flowers anymore. At school, he sometimes had to go to the bathroom and cut. He'd even risked it once in the lab when it was just him and he was sure Eddy wasn't about to pop up. He hated himself even more after that. He'd tainted the lab – Pathetic. Useless. Worthless.
His mom tried talking to him on several occasions, but Leo managed to avoid the questions. He was positive that she knew what was going on – this wasn't the first, or the second, time after all – but she never asked him directly, and he never gave her a straight answer. She'll make you stop. And you don't want to stop, do you?
His mom even got Mr. Davenport to try to talk to him. Leo thought it would be easy to throw off the man. After all, how much did he really know about Leo? Nothing because he doesn't care about you. You're just his wife's son. But after a lot of pushing and perhaps avoiding the questions one too many times, Leo figured out with a sinking stomach that he'd only made Mr. Davenport worried.
That earned him so many more cuts on his stomach and chest. But at least he silenced the Voice, at least temporarily.
6 years ago
Leo: age 8
No one ever asked about why he always wore long sleeves, so Leo thought that they either didn't care or that it was normal to be hit. After all, his daddy was sick and he was a bad boy for existing. His mommy told him it wasn't true, but Leo guessed that she just didn't want him to feel sad.
Leo didn't have any friends at school. They all teased him about his height or about how smart he was. They pushed him on the playground a couple times, but that was something he was used to. So once, Leo pushed back. The other boy started crying and Leo got in trouble. But Leo didn't understand. Wasn't pushing and hurting others part of life? Maybe he was doing it wrong?
Leo tried fighting back against the other boys a few more times. Each time, he was the one who got in trouble. So Leo decided that his place was to be the one hit, not to be the hitter. So he took the pushes and shoves from the other boys, tolerated the insults, and let others copy his homework and steal his lunch money. It had to be how the world was, right?