Leo was tired. So very, very tired. He didn't want to pretend to be okay anymore. No one cares, anyway. He stayed in his room, leaving only for school and for food. He stayed in bed, sleeping or crying or trying to sleep or cutting. He covered up Eddy's screen with a piece of paper, hoping it would be enough to hide the cutting.

But in dropping his act, he worried his family even more. He felt guiltier than ever. Another cut for that. And he rarely ever talked to them anymore. Another cut. He avoided them as much as possible. Cut, cut, cut.

You're so selfish. You make them worry about you. You should be better at this by now.

His mom finally asked him outright if he was depressed. Leo snapped at her, tired and angry and frustrated. She received no straight answers. But she didn't push the subject. Leo wanted her to, though. He wanted her to find out. He wanted her to help him. But then they'll all find out how pathetic you are.

And not only were his mom and Davenport worried, but so were Adam, Bree, and Chase. Leo's sudden change in personality and his short temper concerned them. They each tried talking to him, either separately or together, but they never asked the right questions, and they never forced him to give them answers.

Leo cut so much more than he'd started with. Several times a day, several times a week, sometimes more than once an hour. Whether it was to shut up the Voice or to punish himself or because he just needed to, he couldn't stop himself. Once in a blue moon he would draw a flower in an attempt to fix himself without anyone else getting involved, but it never worked, and he just ended up cutting deeper than before.

When he wasn't cutting, he was hitting his head against the wall or his headboard or even his knees, trying to stop the Voice. Or he was rubbing his body raw in the shower, reopening the cuts on his stomach and chest, but also ridding him of the phantom touches he occasionally felt. He was tainted, dirty, useless, worthless, so many words that could go on forever. A part of him wanted to die, to end the pain and the fear and the embarrassment and the shame, but most of all, to end the numbness that was quickly spreading.

That scared him the most, so he cut even more. The majority of him didn't want to die, but the thought was always there. And he wanted it gone.

4 years ago

Leo: age 10

His mom had gotten a job, leaving Leo on his own at home or at school. He didn't mind, though. He had a new friend. A friend that no one else knew about. The friend was only in his mind, but he was nice and listened to Leo talk. No one else listened to Leo.

But as Leo was left alone more and more as his mom worked more and more hours to pay the bills, the Voice turned nasty and rude and demeaning. Leo didn't understand what he'd done wrong to make his new friend angry and mean. But the Voice made sense, so Leo listened to it.

The Voice made Leo realize that he was stupid and worthless and useless. That it was all his fault that his dad had hurt them. That it was his fault that his dad was in jail. That it was his fault that his mom had to work a lot. But then the Voice started talking about how all the kids at school hated him and how it was no wonder because Leo was stupid and a freak and dirty and tainted. The Voice made fun of him when he took really long, hot showers and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the feel of his dad off of him.

Leo fell on the playground once and scraped his knee really badly. But the Voice was quiet. When the pain was gone, the Voice came back. Leo knew the Voice was right – he was his only friend, after all – but sometimes he just wanted the Voice to go away. So Leo took a safety pin from the junk drawer of his mom's house and scraped it along his stomach. It wasn't enough to quiet the Voice until blood was drawn. Leo kept doing it until the Voice stayed away. Leo wasn't stupid and washed and cleaned both the safety pin and his stomach.

He sort of knew that hurting himself was wrong, but if his dad wasn't there to hurt him, then who would? Not to mention, it was his fault his mom and him had gotten hurt in the first place. He had to punish himself. If his mom wouldn't, then he would. The Voice encouraged it, and, well, his friend had to be right.

Four months into hurting himself – by safety pin, by compass, by one of his mom's shaving razors – his mom saw the cuts on his stomach and chest. After a lot of crying on both of their parts, she brought him to a therapist. The therapist was nice, so Leo told her all about the Voice. She and his mom both told Leo that what he was doing was wrong. It took a month, but he finally started listening.

He drew pictures for his therapist and tried to stop hurting himself, but it was really hard. He begged his mom to let him hurt himself one time because he really needed to. She just cried and held him until the Voice and the urge both went away.

Leo was given a pill that was supposed to help him. He took it when his mom made him, but otherwise tried to avoid it. It made him feel different. Weird. He didn't like it. But then he realized that the Voice had trouble speaking to him when he took the pill and started taking it on his own at the time he was supposed to.

To help him stop hurting himself – because Leo wanted to stop now that the Voice was starting to leave – his therapist told Leo to draw butterflies or flowers or hearts on his arms and legs whenever he felt like getting hurt. Every time he hurt himself, he had to wash away the pictures, effectively killing the butterflies, killing the flowers, or breaking the hearts.

Leo chose the flowers because they were the least girly. He didn't draw too many at the beginning because he gave into hurting himself. But after awhile, there were lots and lots of flowers on his arms and legs. He was covered in them. Finally, he was allowed to stop seeing his therapist, but he had to keep taking the pill. But the Voice was gone and so was the urge to hurt himself, so Leo was okay.

He and his mom moved to another school district to start over. There were too many memories where they lived. They needed a new start. Leo was all for starting over.