Chapter 8

Matthias didn't talk to Lukas for a week outside of their lessons, which he spent very little time on. As Lukas had been avoiding him before, now he was the one steering clear of the other.

Lukas had noticed, too. He noticed every time he came down to dinner and Matthias would avert his eyes, staring at his drink like it was the most important thing in the world. He wasn't trying to be subtle, either. He didn't have anything to prove to Lukas. In fact, that's what he was trying to avoid.

The entire reasoning behind avoiding Lukas was to remain distant. To remain cold. To prevent himself from developing any sort of attachment.

It was a hard process. Harder than it appeared. Whenever he saw Lukas, he felt drawn to him. Like perhaps he should stop and talk to him, whether it be stern and unkind or soft and caring. But he prevented this, a fear of some kind of strange addiction setting in. A fear that maybe one day he would talk to him and suddenly, like a match instantly igniting after one scratch, his own heart would feel the desire and longing it hadn't felt in so many years.

He would never admit this to anyone. Barely to himself, even. It was only when he was laying in his bed after the moon was high in the sky that he decided it was okay to dwell on these feelings of desire.

It was more confusing than anything. He hadn't felt anything like what he was feeling, exactly. Similar, but not quite.

His thoughts drifted to strange places, too. Strange in the worst of ways. He recalled a dream, more of a nightmare, he'd had nights before.

He walked outside into the garden. It was in full bloom and the air felt warm. The roses had died long ago, but the bushes were full of them, each just as beautiful as the last. He reached down to touch one.

It was a soft flower. The petals were silky. He spread them out more with his fingers, then grabbed the entire bud and ripped it off the stem, crushing it.

He had no reason. Just an urge. He moved to the next one, grabbing it and attempting to rip it off the bush. This time, a thorn went through his hand, straight through, and though he couldn't feel the pain, the sight of blood dripping off of his palm made him wince.

"Charles," he called out. There was no reply. Suddenly, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Aha, I caught you!" Called a voice, and someone jumped on his back. The voice sounded like his brother, or his sister, but when he turned to see who it was, it was Lukas.

"Lukas."

He smiled, got down, and started spinning around. He laughed and Matthias could feel himself smiling, too. "What are you doing?" He whispered to him, taking his hand to stop him from spinning.

He stopped and stared at him, his smile fading. At first it looked as though he might cry, then he smiled again, though it was different. It was mocking. It took Matthias aback and was a bit frightening.

He watched as the other walked over, grabbed a branch from the rose bush, and went around to the tree. He started stabbing something, it seemed, and Matthias walked over, seeing a dead rabbit.

This wasn't dreamy. It seemed so real. He swore he could smell the blood from the animal.

"How could you do such a thing, you evil—"

Lukas suddenly looked up at him with teary eyes, then pointed to the rabbit again. It was now alive and well, walking around Matthias' feet.

"I did not hurt him!" He then stood, wrapping both arms around Matthias tightly. "That was so scary, Matthias! I was so frightened. I would never hurt anyone like that."

Matthias hugged him tightly, instantly forgiving him. After a moment, he felt Lukas tug away, saw him pick up the rabbit again, and without warning, he slammed its body into the tree.

What slid down the tree was not the body of the rabbit, but the body of his sister, spine cracked. He gasped, tears welling in his own eyes as he sunk to his knees.

"Look what you have done, you monster! You evil, evil—"

When he turned, to look at Lukas again, he saw a flash of black and white only that disappeared almost immediately. He quickly turned to the body of his sister, but it wasn't her anymore, but Lukas, tears running down his face and hand reaching upwards.

The dream was a hard one to recall, and nearly impossible to interpret. He hoped he wouldn't have another one like it.

He almost said something to Charles about the dream, but he didn't want to appear crazy or ill, so he kept quiet.

Now he was sitting in his study, writing as he always did. It was raining again and he had to light a candle to see despite it being a little after noon. His eyelids felt heavy and he thought about taking a nap, which was strange for him. He never did that. He closed his book and went to his room, stopping to sit in front of his mirror.

He pulled gently on his skin, patting it occasionally. He sighed and sat on the bed, burying his face in his hands. He really didn't want to sleep.

"Charles!"

The butler was in the room in less than a minute. He already had tea on his tray and was pouring it. He took the cup, sipping quietly while Charles opened the curtains more, letting what little light he could in.

"I'm tired," he said quietly, setting the cup down. Charles looked over at him, his eyes narrowing.

"Should I tell them to prepare medicine, sir?"

"No. There is no need."

"Perhaps you should sleep, sir."

Matthias looked at the floor. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep lately. He really didn't want to have another nightmare. Now his drowsiness was becoming overwhelming and he took his coat off, handing it to Charles who put it away.

"Sleeping during the day is not an acceptable practice. I would call it lazy."

Charles shook his head, disagreeing. "Now is a good time to sleep. I can assure you, young master."

He nodded and leaned back. "I see. You're dismissed."

The butler bowed and left, locking the door behind him. Matthias laid down, his entire body craving sleep desperately. He let his eyes fall shut and he took a deep breath, already starting to feel himself slip away.

As soon as he was almost asleep, there was a knock on the door. He sighed, stood, and unlocked the door. To his surprise, it was the maid.

"What is it?"

She smiled softly and held blankets out to him. "It is cold, sir. Charles told me to bring up blankets."

He stared blankly, his eyes more angry than anything at having been woken up, but he let it go and took the blankets, thanking her.

As he turned to go back to his bed, he heard a quiet, "Excuse me," in the doorway. He turned to see Lukas pushing his way past the maid, who was no longer smiling.

"Matthias, I must talk to you."

"The young master is very tired right now, sir," the maid said. Matthias looked at her, nodding once and saying, "You are dismissed."

She reluctantly left, shutting the door behind her. Now it was just Matthias and Lukas. They both stared at each other, waiting for someone to speak. Lukas took a step back towards the door after a moment and said, "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I have been busy."

"With?"

Matthias' gaze darkened. The circles under his eyes were extremely noticeable and Lukas thought for a moment that maybe something really was wrong.

"Nosey as ever. Scheming up a way to learn more."

"That isn't what I—"

"Please leave."

Lukas shook his head and even took a step forward. Matthias' jaw clenched. If there was one thing he hated, it was being disobeyed.

"I said go! Go back to your room!"

It bothered Lukas to be yelled at like that. He was never yelled at. The tone made him flinch and he backed up again towards the door. "No," he said. "I need to know if something is going on."

Matthias had reached his breaking point now. He reached out, grabbed him by the arm, and opened the door, shoving him out. Lukas had tried to pull out of his grip, but it was almost impossible and he ended up on the cold floor outside his room.

He held his arm where Matthias had grabbed it. There was already a bruise forming. He glared up at him.

Matthias hadn't meant to shove him out so hard that he'd fall. He'd just meant to give him a little push. Now he could see the mark from his hand and he actually felt guilty. He wanted to say something, but the words seemed to be caught in his throat.

Lukas stood up, eyes fixed on the floor, and started to go back to his room. Once he got there, he sat on the bed and covered his face with his hands, beginning to cry softly.

He didn't cry often, but everything seemed to overcome him. Alexander wasn't here for him. He was stuck in the castle. And now, Matthias was treating him worse than ever.

Suddenly, he remembered what Charles had told him. That there was a window downstairs that was unlocked. He wiped his tears, stood up, and opened the door.

"Good afternoon, sir."

Lukas looked at the butler, who was standing in his doorway. He came in and poured a cup of tea. "Good afternoon," he replied, trying to hide that he'd been crying. Charles smiled faintly and handed him the tea.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?"

Lukas shook his head and took a drink, surprised at how sweet this tea was. He continued drinking it, feeling happier.

Charles just nodded, refilled his cup, and left.

Lukas took another drink and began to feel drowsy in the best of ways. He felt light, like nothing could touch him. He laid down on the bed, curling up and fumbling to pull a blanket over himself. His eyes fluttered shut and he fell asleep.

"Charles, I cannot sleep now. I saw the look on his face."

The butler scooted the tea closer to him. "This will help, sir."

"What?" He picked up the cup, looking at the reddish-pink liquid inside. "What is this?"

"This is a medicine that will help you sleep, young master. You do not have to drink it, but I recommend it."

Matthias was suspicious, but he was tired enough to try anything. He tilted the cup back, swallow the contents in two gulps. It tasted nothing like medicine. Medicine was normally bitter and awful, but this was sweet. He gave the cup back and started to feel drowsy.

"Charles, leave me be," he said, laying on the bed and instantly falling asleep before he could be sure if he actually left or not.

Lukas was at the bottom of the stairs again with smoke surrounding him. He made his way to the room he'd gone in when he dreamt before, though when he spotted the stained-glass windows, there was no shadow in front of them. He seemed to be alone.

He walked over to the windows, looking out. From here he had a beautiful view of the forest and the hills. He could also see the gardens. They looked incredibly beautiful as if it were spring and everything had just bloomed.

The more he looked, the more he noticed some sort of movement. Although his view was foggy, there was a figure in the garden.

He raced back down the stairs and out the door, then ran to the garden, stopping a few feet away from the figure, which he recognized now to be Matthias.

"Matthias," he called out. He turned and looked at Lukas. He didn't walk over or say anything for a moment. Lukas took a step forward, hesitantly putting a hand on his shoulder. Matthias' eyebrows furrowed and he looked at the others arm for a bruise.

"I made a mistake," he said, lifting his arm and touching the bruise softly.

"I forgive you. I think I will stay," he replied, stepping closer to Matthias, who gave him a quizzical look.

"You will stay?"

He nodded slowly and said, "I was going to sneak through the window in the storage room." Tears welled in his eyes. "Do not be upset."

"It is unlocked?" Matthias shook his head, staring at Lukas more, who was crying. He reached a hand out, wiping away his tears. "I am not upset."

Lukas nodded with a faint smile, holding his hand out to Matthias, who didn't know what to do with it. He reluctantly took it, looking at Lukas for further instruction. He looked as though he was expecting something.

Very hesitantly, and while keeping an eye on him, he kissed his hand. When he didn't pull away, he kissed it again and again, everywhere he could. The light giggles that came from Lukas made him feel happy and he grinned.

"You are happy, Lukas?"

"This moment makes me happy," he replied, pulling his hand away. He looked again at Matthias like he expected something.

Matthias didn't know what to do. He watched Lukas walk over to a patch of flowers and lay down in them, closing his eyes. He followed him, kneeling down. "Are you tired?" He asked.

Lukas shook his head, motioning for him to kay down as well, which he did. Suddenly, Matthias looked up and realized there was no sky. His brain registered what this meant. He was dreaming. He looked over at Lukas and smiled faintly, wrapping both arms around him and hugging him tightly.

He suppose this wasn't a bad dream to have. He had more freedom now and once he had Lukas in his arms, he actually leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Lukas laughed lightly and laid down on top of him, resting his cheek on his chest.

"Matthias, why were you so mean today?"

He frowned and felt guilty again. "It was stupid of me," he said, running fingers through the others hair. "I should have never been so careless with you."

"Please," he whispered to Matthias as he moved off of him.

"Please what?"

He tilted his head back and reached out to him, taking his hand. He places his fingertips on his lips, kissing them. Matthias could only stare, confused by the fact that he couldn't control Lukas' actions despite understanding it was a dream.

He watched as Lukas kissed his fingertips, then pressed them to his own neck. His eyes were fixed on his the entire time. "Please," he said again.

After a moment, Matthias said, "You want a kiss?"

Lukas nodded eagerly, exposing his neck. Matthias leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to his neck. It felt good to kiss him. His skin was smooth and soft and pale. He kissed his neck again and again, listening for more breathy giggles from him.

Suddenly, Matthias took it upon himself to move on top of him, his kisses turning slower. He took advantage of the dream fully, moving a hand down the side of the others body, pinching and pulling while Lukas spread his legs slightly.

He wondered how real any of it was. If Lukas felt like that. If this was how it would really feel to have his body pressed up against his own.

Lukas moved his legs apart more, enjoying the closeness and the way Matthias' hands felt. They were gentle, but strong. When one grabbed his hip, he whimpered impatiently and rolled his hips up.

Matthias understood the movement well and he rolled his own down, eliciting a small whine from Lukas, whose cheeks were flushed.

"Matthias," he whispered, bringing up a hand to touch the others cheek. He kept repeating his name over and over before finally, they both shut their eyes.

He woke up and stared at the ceiling. It was much later now. The candles in the room were lit and there were stars outside. He sat up, feeling cool air hit his thighs. He glanced down at the stain on his pants and quickly made sure his door was locked before undressing.

Luckily, none had gotten on the sheets. He stuffed the dirty clothes in the back of his wardrobe, hoping nobody would find them. He then put new clothes on, straightened them out, and tried not to think about the dream as he was informed that dinner was prepared.