After what was arguably the single most chaotic day of his life, Sans was certainly glad to be home. He flopped face-first onto the couch, letting his slippers fall haphazardly to the floor. He would have been perfectly content to just lay there for the rest of eternity. He was exhausted, he was starving, and most of all, he just wanted to curl up into a little ball and die of embarrassment. Damn that Alphys… Of all the conclusions she could have jumped to, why did it have to be that one?! The only saving grace here was that he'd managed to convince her to keep her big yap shut about the whole thing. The absolute last thing he needed were rumors like that going around about the two of them. He was in pretty much everyone's good graces around here. He didn't want to jeopardize that by having them suspect he might be a weird pervert.
Sans soon felt the couch cushions dip slightly to one side as a weight settled itself in the spot next to him. He glanced up to see Papyrus sitting there in his usual spot, though he slumped back far more than he normally would have, his arms draped loosely across his midsection. The smaller skeleton let out a sigh. Here he was lamenting the fate of his reputation when his little brother had something far more tangible to worry about.
And… Well, technically it was his fault, though not even close to the way Alphys had assumed. If his damned body would have just cooperated with him, if it would have just accepted Gaster's soul, everything would have been fine. Papyrus wouldn't have to go through all this crap, and he could have probably kept it on the down-low the entire way through. And, even if he couldn't, he was not so prideful that he couldn't have invented a story of a drunken one night stand to explain it away. This scenario would be far harder to explain, especially when Papyrus started showing. Seeing as how he was quite the slender guy, that wouldn't take too long. He'd have to come up with something before then.
"hey, how ya feelin'?" Sans asked, finally sitting up proper on his side of the couch.
"BETTER…" Papyrus replied, though he seemed quite a bit less vigorous than he normally was. Sans would have almost said he looked tired if such a thing wasn't completely unheard of for the normally energetic skeleton. He would have understood, of course. This had been quite the trying day for the poor guy.
"MY NAUSEA HAS FINALLY SUBSIDED, THANK GOD… THOUGH NOW I'M ABSOLUTELY STARVING!"
"amen to that, bro." Sans replied with a small chuckle. He hadn't eaten anything since he'd woken up, and he'd already been seriously drained on magic at that point. He would have killed for a bite to eat right then.
"SANS, I… I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE…"
Sans froze when he heard that. Oh dear… That couldn't mean anything good, not considering all of the other crap that had happened that day. He glanced over at Papyrus, who was fidgeting uneasily in his seat.
"I… I-I WAS SO PREOCCUPIED WITH ALL THAT WAS GOING ON TODAY THAT I… I NEGLECTED TO PREPARE TONIGHT'S DINNER… I'M SORRY, BROTHER, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO GO WITHOUT MY MASTERFULLY-CRAFTED PASTA FOR TONIGHT AND SETTLE FOR GRILLBY'S INSTEAD."
Here was another situation Sans never imagined he'd get into. Normally, a statement like that would have him dropping to his knees and thanking the Gods above that he didn't have to subject his taste buds to the gastronomical catastrophe that was his younger brother's cooking. However, the alternative suggestion, as much as he far preferred it as a food option, did raise some issues. For them to have Grillby's tonight, they'd have to go to Grillby's. Call him paranoid, but he got the distinct feeling that was a bad idea. He knew it was a ridiculous feeling. After all, Papyrus had only been pregnant for about a day or so. He might have been skinny, but he wouldn't show that damn early. The problem was his clothes. Even before the costume party that gave rise to his infamous 'battle body,' Papyrus had always had the habit of wearing shirts that exposed his midriff. For him to show up in public wearing something so uncharacteristically socially-acceptable was sure to raise a few eyebrows.
Sans shook the fear from his head. Okay, now he really was being paranoid for no reason. After all, who the hell would jump to the conclusion that he was hiding an unborn infant under that sweater? There might be some questions, sure, but he could intercept them if he kept on his toes. He just had to hope Papyrus would be too embarrassed himself to open his big mouth about it. Finally making up his mind about it, Sans hopped off the couch and slipped his feet back into his slippers.
"oh well. sounds okay to me. let's get going before it gets too crowded in there. i, uhhh… i don't want anyone takin' my favorite seat."
The mood at Grillby's was as friendly as ever when the two skeletons made their way in. Several people greeted Sans in the usual manner, though he couldn't help but notice that a few of the regulars were decisively silent when they passed by. Sans tried his best to put it out of his mind. They probably just didn't notice him. Yeah, that was it. After all, there was no possible way anyone in Snowdin could have found out about Papyrus's situation, much less jump to the same conclusion that Alphys had.
Sans continued to try to look as nonchalant as he could as the two of them took their seats at the bar. He waved Grillby over, trying his best to resist the urge to look over his shoulder. People weren't staring at them. He had to keep telling himself that. It was only his own paranoia that was making him feel like his sins were crawling on his back. So long as he acted like nothing was out of the ordinary, no one would suspect that anything was wrong.
Finally, Grillby wandered over. He paused in front of the two skeletons, a suspicious glance moving slowly between the brothers before settling decidedly on Sans. The diminutive skeleton gave the fire elemental a nervous grin, suddenly feeling as though he was looking right through him. Finally, it was Grillby who broke the tension.
"What're you boys having tonight?"
"uhh… the usual. double order of burg with the works."
Grillby lingered a moment more, his gaze shifting towards Papyrus for a brief moment before he finally headed along the bar towards the kitchen. Sans was all set to let out a sigh of relief when the bartender abruptly stopped right in front of him. He leaned his elbow against the bar, his back to Papyrus, beckoning the smaller skeleton closer with a single fiery finger. Sans swallowed the lump that had suddenly gathered in his throat before reluctantly leaning forward.
"Sans… The next time you come here looking for advice, I'm going to have to ask you to tell me how you intend to use that advice before I say a thing."
Grillby left the skeleton with that, continuing down the bar and disappearing into the back of the restaurant. Sans could only stare after him even after he was gone, his eyes wide and his leg bouncing apprehensively against the leg of his bar stool. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was it possible that he knew somehow? But that was impossible!
Oh, but it got worse. A more dangerous realization had just dawned on him. Everyone knew that the local bartender was always center-stage in any village's rumor mill. If Grillby knew somehow, then how many others had gotten wind of this? He took a hesitant glance over his shoulder at some of the other patrons. They seemed to look away when they met his gaze, hunching down and whispering to one another. He hastily turned his eyes forward again, drumming his fingers nervously against the surface of the bar.
Okay, no. No, he had to get a hold of himself! This was crazy! No one even knew Papyrus was pregnant except for Undyne and Alphys! Undyne hated rumors and staunchly refused to spread them, even if they were true, and he'd made Alphys promise not to tell anyone! Of course… He had only made her promise to keep quiet about her grossly incorrect assumption about him being the father… But even if she'd spilled the beans about Papyrus, how could the news have traveled this damn fast?!
He cast a quick glance up at the taller skeleton sitting next to him. Papyrus didn't seem to have a care in the world, thanking people whenever they made a comment on his sweater, whether they were being sarcastic or not, and even humming a little tune to himself, completely oblivious to his older brother's ever-increasing anxiety. Sans let out a shuddering sigh. Well, at least one of them was succeeding at playing it cool…
Finally, after what felt like hours but was surely only minutes, Grillby returned from the kitchen with their food. A plate was set in front of each of the skeletons with a flame-grilled burger on each, though Papyrus's plate had a little something extra on the side. The younger of the two brothers picked one of the objects up, arching a brow as he inspected it. It was a French fry in the shape of a smiley face. He looked over at Sans's plate, saw that his was sorely lacking in fun-shaped potato products, and turned a very confused look towards Grillby.
"WHAT ARE THESE FOR?" he asked, trying not to sound ungrateful. After all, he was planning on eating them. He was just not used to the fire elemental serving food that hadn't been ordered. Grillby leaned forward a bit, resting his forearms on the surface of the bar and replying in a low tone so they couldn't be overheard.
"They're on the house… for the baby."
Papyrus stared at the old fire elemental for a long moment, casting a furtive glance at the smiley face in his hand. Then, he let a big grin spread across his face.
"OH, THANK YOU!" he replied unflinchingly before popping the fry into his mouth and munching on it happily. Grillby then cast a smoldering gaze Sans's way before straightening once more, wandering off to attend to other customers. Sans could only sit there, frozen, staring blankly forward. He knew exactly what all that had been; Grillby was confirming the information he'd been given. He knew, and he knew for sure now.
He couldn't even bear to glance over his shoulder this time. He could already feel everyone's eyes on his back. Shit, he wasn't planning on the news getting out this quickly! He hadn't even come up with a believable cover story yet! How could this be happening?!
Suddenly, a realization clicked into place, his eyes widening. He hastily pulled out his phone, swiping over to his little-used social networking app. Sure enough, there was a new message from Alphys, posted for the whole Underground to see.
'Everyone be sure to congratulate Coolskeleton95 on being a new mama soon! #DuncleSans #jk #dontkillme (but no srsly papyrus is totes preggers)'
Sans couldn't stop his hands from shaking in pure rage as he stared at the screen of his phone, his eye glowing a bright blue. He abruptly stood from his seat at the bar without touching his food, shoving his phone violently back into his pocket before storming off towards the exit. Papyrus turned to watch him stomp off, his brows raised in concern.
"SANS? WHAT'S WRONG? AREN'T YOU HUNGRY?" he called after his brother, unsure if he should go chasing after him. Sans didn't bother looking back at his younger brother when he shouted out his reply, ignoring the stares he was now receiving openly and from all directions.
"i changed my mind! i'm in th' mood for dinosaur kebabs tonight!"
Alphys, completely unaware of the doom quickly approaching, was blissfully slurping away at a bowl of ramen noodles, once again engrossed in one of her Japanese cartoons. She was so engrossed, in fact, that she nearly choked on her noodles when a social media notification popped up in the corner of the screen; Sansational82 has tagged you in a post! Her hands suddenly started shaking so bad that she nearly dropped her chopsticks. Oh no… This did not bode well. With measurable hesitation, she clicked on the notification to display the post in question. The post was a single word. It read simply; 'you.' The rest was a photo of a fossilized triceratops skeleton.
The Royal Scientist didn't waste any time after that. She scrambled to her feet the instant the threat in the message registered with her. She rushed around the lab, grabbing anything she could find that was relatively heavy and pushing it against the freshly-repaired door to her lab, desperate to build a strong enough barricade before it was too late.
She appeared to have made it just in time. Just as she was pushing over her bed that folded into an easy-to-draw cube, the whole pile suddenly gave a huge jolt inward, a huge bulge appearing in the thick steel of the door where something on the other side had dented it in with massive force. Alphys let out a terrified squeak, diving to the ground and cowering under the desk she'd pushed over as the loud slams against the outside of the door continued. Eventually, the door was sufficiently warped that a sliver of an opening had been made, a glowing blue eye peering dangerously in.
"ohh, aaalphyyys!" called out an all-too-familiar voice in an eerily sing-songy way as skeletal fingers slipped through the crack in the door. There was the groan of steel as they began pulling the doors apart with unbelievable strength. "you think you're real funny, don'cha? well, i'm gonna teach ya to leave the jokes to the professionals!"