Chapter 10

Matthias woke up too early. The sun hadn't risen and his head was throbbing. He called for Charles, who came into the room with a bored expression, as if he knew what was bothering Matthias. "Medicine, young master?"

He nodded, rubbing his temples as if that would really make the headache go away. Matthias stood up, walking over to the fireplace and trying to get warm. When Charles came back with a small cup full of bitter medicine, he took it and swallowed it down, but he still worried.

"I can tell you are concerned, sir," Charles chimed in, holding out a cup of tea for the other. He took it gratefully, sipping on it to remove the taste of the medicine.

Of course he was concerned. It had finally begun to snow. He used to love snow, but that was many years ago. Nowadays, he hated it because it meant they were closer to spring. This winter was going to be either his best or worst, no in between.

"Charles," he began quietly, "I am concerned. You've always known me best. You know when things are going awry in my life."

"And they are."

"Of course. I had the strangest dream the other night," he began reluctantly, speaking of the dream in which he'd ran into Lukas in the garden and they'd actually been decent to each other. Like old friends. More than friends. Although he couldn't tell that to Charles.

"Perhaps it is a symptom."

"Ah. I hope so. It was such a real dream! I could feel…" he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck worriedly. "Everything will still go as planned. Don't think otherwise."

Charles bowed, his face drooping a bit as he turned to go. "I know you're clever enough to make a good choice in this situation, my lord. If you'll excuse me, I will be helping the cooks in the kitchen."

"It's ridiculous! Him keeping that boy so close," the maid said, tying her hair up out of her face so that she could sweep the kitchen without her hair getting in her eyes. Charles didn't turn to her, but listened intently, saying nothing for a while as he stirred a pot of porridge. "It is not our business," he replied, passing her and grabbing the bowls.

The maid sighed quietly, giving Charles a look over as he poured the porridge into the bowls and put them onto a tray. "You aren't one for drama, are you?"

"Well, I wouldn't quite say that, but there is nothing dramatic going on here. Lukas is a prisoner here and that is final."

"So I guess you don't think—"

"No, I do not," he said sharply. With that, he turned on his heel and left to deliver breakfast.

Lukas took his bunny out to give him fresh air and exercise. He cornered him into a space with stones and let him hop around and nibble on pieces of cold grass. He wiped his nose, sitting down on a bench and looking at the dead flowers that looked like they were about to fall off the stems. He picked at one, grabbed the bulb, and squeezed some of the water out. When he opened his hand again, the petals all fell off in a matted clump.

"Are you having a good morning?"

He turned to see Matthias holding the rabbit and stroking its fur. Lukas stood up straighter and nodded. "I suppose. Are you?"

"Ah, it's a morning. I can tell that much," he joked half-heartedly, offering a smile. Lukas looked at the smile and stepped closer, wondering why he was so pleased.

"Oh," was all the other said. He took the bunny from him and set it back down. "He needs to exercise."

"He needs to be a strong rabbit?"

"Just in case," Lukas said, giving a very weak smile that Mathias returned with more enthusiasm. He sat down on the bench, gesturing for the other to sit beside him. Lukas sat down, a little closer to him than he normally would. He stared down at Matthias' thigh, noticing that it was touching his own. He was a warm man, too, especially outside in the cold.

"I have been thinking about you, Lukas."

The smaller froze up completely. "Oh," he said again. Matthias looked over at him, confused by how quiet he was being. His nose was red from the cold along with his cheeks. He'd have to remember to bring him extra blankets for when he slept.

"I was thinking I could have one of the servants deliver a letter from you to your brother," he told him. Lukas' face brightened for a moment and he could have hugged Matthias, but he kept his arms crossed and looked at the rabbit. "Yes. I'd like that," he told him.

Matthias thought he'd really done something good and felt a weight lift from his chest. "Once you write it, give it to me and I can let a servant take it."

Lukas looked up at him and was surprised to find him smiling again. Why was he so cheerful today? It confused him and he finally asked, "Why are you smiling so much today?"

"Well, I," he started, reaching a hand over to pat Lukas'. He was no good at showing feelings of affection, but he was trying. Lukas stared at his hand, then looked at him with a confused look. The look was enough for Matthias to pull his hand away, even though that wasn't what either wanted. "I want to… be more… reasonable," he muttered.

"Reasonable, Matthias?"

"Yes. Towards you, I mean. You're behaving better and I thought that I should, well—"

"Behave better, too?"

The man started to rebuttal, but stopped when Lukas raised his eyebrows. He was right. What he was trying to say was that he wanted to treat Lukas with kindness and care, especially after the dreams, which he'd been thinking about every single night since they'd occurred, sometimes too much and it became a problem worth kicking any servant out over.

"Yes, that's right. I was thinking that we skip the lesson and I could show you the stables. Or anything that would make you happy." He recalled Charles saying something about asking for what other people enjoyed instead of thinking about his own wants and desires. It seemed to be really paying off because Lukas didn't look angry.

"Well, I enjoy music."

"Do you make music?"

Lukas shrugged and shook his head simultaneously, mumbling, "I sing, but I'm not very good."

"I'm sure you're better than you think!"

The positivity in Matthias' voice surprised him yet again. The taller cleared his throat once he was caught and just nodded. "You should try to sing something. I can play something for you. Although I'm not an amazing musician."

"Isn't that ironic?"

"Isn't what?"

"You tell me not to put myself down and then you put yourself down."

Matthias just shook his head, gave another little smile, and stood up to go inside. "Follow me. I'll have Charles come back for the rabbit soon." Lukas nodded and walked behind him, looking his body over slowly while he wouldn't notice. When he turned, Lukas looked away quickly, almost too quickly and it made Matthias suspicious. "Are you alright?" He asked.

Lukas nodded quickly and choked out, "Yes," then continued into a room he'd never seen before that Matthias referred to as the "gallery". In the gallery, there were paintings hanging everywhere possible, musical instruments hung up, and various weapons. Lukas ran his fingers over a blade and flinched when Matthias called him over to another wall.

"Charles taught me how to play this," he said, taking an instrument off of the wall. "He knows how to play more instruments than anyone I know, but he is especially good with this."

The other reached out and plucked a string on the instrument. It sounded smooth and pure, like nothing he'd heard. "What is it?" He asked, plucking a few more thin strings. Matthias set it on a table and said, "It's a psaltery. Here, listen." He then played a short song while Lukas listened. The instrument made him sleepy. Matthias played the instrument well, not seeming to fumble even once.

After the song was over, he looked at Lukas expectantly. "So? Are you going to sing a song?"

Lukas looked up, rubbed his head, and finally nodded. "But I can't look at you when I sing. Face the other way." Not surprisingly, Matthias turned to face the wall of weapons, being the wary man that he was. Lukas sang quietly, just a song the children sang in the village. Before he could finish Matthias said, "You're a wonderful singer. You shouldn't think otherwise. If I play, will you sing along?"

"But… but I don't have the words, I—"

Matthias was already playing, listening carefully for Lukas. Although he was inwardly panicking, he began to sing. Not words, but singing nonetheless and it made Matthias smile to hear him, though he was still turned away and it wasn't visible.

The song continued for a minute until Matthias brought it to an end and Lukas cleared his throat. Mathias walked over to him, standing closer to him than he normally did. "You did a very good job," he told him. Lukas said, "You did, too, Matthias." They both stood there, the air suddenly becoming thick. Lukas gulped and his eyes flickered over to a painting for a distraction. "Oh, what is that?" He asked, pointing to the first painting he saw.

Matthias followed his finger to a large painting of a girl and a boy. He stared at it with a growing glare and looked away. Any good mood he had vanished in a split second when he looked at the portrait. Lukas regret his action immediately. "You don't have to answer."

It wasn't right to treat Lukas badly over the painting, Matthias knew that. He grit his teeth and looked over at the painting. He had never covered the paintings despite how it made him feel to see them. He thought it would be worse to hide them. Like they'd never existed at all. "Ah, well… that one is just two children the painter decided to paint, I suppose," he lied. The lie was easy to spot and Lukas, without thinking, said, "Is it really?"

It wasn't condescending or snarky, it was just a bland statement, but Matthias gave him a look of fury and said, "I don't want to talk about it."

Lukas continued to look at the painting, though. The girl and the boy were glancing at each other and clutching onto toys. The boy had a wooden horse and the girl had a doll that had long, golden hair, not unlike her own, and a pale face. The boy had light brown hair and blue eyes. They were both beautiful children, certainly wealthy ones, too.

"I like them. They look happy. I don't see happy paintings often," Lukas murmured.

"They do look happy," the other said quietly. Lukas reached out to touch the paint, right on the cheek of the girl where a blush was painted on. Matthias looked like he might pass out any moment and almost grabbed Lukas' wrist, but stopped himself, trusting the other to be careful.

Lukas almost looked away until he noticed something in the background. On the wall behind the boy there was a streaming banner that looked all too familiar. It was the same banner that was hanging in the main hall here at the castle. He didn't need to say a word for Matthias to realize it had been discovered. "That's enough. We're leaving now, Lukas," he snapped.

"Do you have children? Are they yours?"

"No I don't have—" He rubbed his eyes, getting more and more frustrated. "I do not have children. Those are my—"

Matthias gripped Lukas' arm and started to pull him out, not finishing his sentence. Lukas tried to pull away, but it was useless. Maybe Matthias was really that strong, maybe it was his fury that made him so, but he was forced out of the room and the door was slammed shut.

But Matthias was on the side that he was on, and that was both reassuring and frightening. "Matthias, who are those children?" The taller man looked down at the floor. He was admitting his defeat, it seemed. With a soft sigh, he said, "My brother and sister."

Lukas' eyes scanned the man's face and in it he could see the eyes of the boy, the vibrant golden hair of the girl, and a look of strained pain. They were his siblings, but they were no longer here and he came to the conclusion that they must have been dead. With a shaky breath, he said, "Did they pass?"

The others eyes sunk and his face grew neutral, like he was sleepy, but it became obvious that his state was a way of coping when he said, "We are not going to talk about it."

His voice was calm, like the calm before the storm. It sent a shiver down Lukas' spine and he took a step back. Matthias pursed his lips, but didn't lash out. How could he? As much as he wanted to, he saw the fear in Lukas' eyes and he couldn't let himself cause him harm. Instead, he grabbed his face in both hands. Lukas flinched, but didn't dare move or speak

They stayed that way for a moment. It was Matthias who moved forward, and when he did it was to tuck Lukas' hair behind his ear, an act that shocked the other beyond belief. He'd lost his mind, clearly. To Matthias, it was satisfying to be able to hold his face in his hands. It calmed him to have something delicate to hold, like a way to force himself to calm down before he did something out of line. It wasn't practical by any means.

"Matthias, are you alright?" He asked him. Matthias nodded, took a deep breath, and leaned in closely. Lukas thought he was going to kiss him and his heart sped up, pounding like it might burst at any moment. When he pressed his lips to his ear, Lukas closed his eyes and heard, "Leave me alone for the next few days, or else."

Lukas' eyes flew open when he threatened him, but he was dizzy from the closeness and leaned into him further. Matthias turned around reluctantly, giving him a final look, and walked up the stairs to his bedroom.

While Matthias was in bed that night, his mind was racing from the events of the day. It had been one of the best and worst days since Lukas had arrived. It was a joy to be around Lukas, but having to go over the topic of his family made him feel ill. The only part that was good about that part of the day was that he managed to stay somewhat calm around Lukas.

He regretted threatening him, but he had to. If Lukas came to him before he was ready to let him know the truth, he would completely break, and though it sounded as if he would hurt the other when that happened, he knew that not to be the case. If he broke, he would spiral inwards. Every tear he'd been holding in for the past decades would fall and he wouldn't be able to face Lukas again until he had to.