So, I'm finally back to bring you another chapter of Proverbial Devil. Few things to get out of the way before we get to the story proper. I'd like to give thanks to the people who have favorited and followed this story since the posting of the previous chapter.
Trachie17, EPA Nano, ChrisLikesFanFics, My Name Does Not Matter, Homework-The-Candy, and The Laughing Magician. Thank you all for following.
I've edited some of the previous chapters to make some things more clear, and to add substance to others, particularly for those aimed at solving the mysteries. I will also be moving my updates to every other week for the next couple of months.
Disclaimer: Gravity Falls belongs to Alex Hirsch and Disney.
Chapter 9: Beware the Gobblewonker: Prologue
It was the sounds of people walking around and the smell of sizzling bacon that woke Wendy up from her place in the front room. She yawned and stretched her arms above her as she woke herself up, grunting in satisfaction as she felt several bones and joints pop. As she continued stretching, she stopped as she realized something. Most of her pain was gone. The areas where she got stitches were slightly itchy, but she felt better than earlier. She looked herself over, her abdomen was still purple, but there was some yellowing around the edges. She started unwrapping the gauze around her forearm, uncertain what it would look like, but hoping that the damage was manageable.
Wendy grimaced as she got her first look at the wound on her forearm. The wound was from her palm to elbow with ragged edges on it, but the fortunately the tissue was not enflamed and seemed to be mostly healed. She recalled that half-dream she had the day before, and how the voice she overheard mentioned that several of her scars would heal poorly. If what the doctor, she assumed it was a human doctor, but for all she knew Stan had brought in a veterinarian, was true, then her forearm would look rather ugly once healed. At the moment it looked like a thick red rope was lying embedded in her skin.
Over the next several minutes, she removed the gauze covering her up, leaving the bit around her chest in lieu of a bra until she could retrieve one of her bras to wear. The prospects were not good, but they were better than she feared. Most of her wounds were scratches that would have healed without help, while the rest were deeper marks that required little more than butterfly bandages to bring the edges together. These small wounds were completely healed, leaving pink streaks that stood out starkly against Wendy's pale skin. This wouldn't be a problem, except that her legs and arms were littered with them.
'I guess I won't be entering any swimsuit competitions.' Wendy thought to herself. She would need a mirror to observe the stitching on the parts of her in those hard to see places, but she had a feeling that they would be little better than her forearm.
She heard Stan laugh from the kitchen before going into a coughing fit from overdoing it. She meandered to the kitchen, her bare feet padding against the floor as she observed Stan and Soos doing their best to cheer up the twins. She waited in the doorway to watch them for a moment.
"So, what washes up on tiny beaches?" Soos questioned.
"I don't know Soos, what does wash up on tiny beaches?" Stan asked, sitting at the table in his standard boxer and wife-beater combo. Wendy resolved to buy him a housecoat, if only for her own presence of mind. Soos stared at his boss with a blank look.
"I don't know, that's why I was asking you Mr. Pines, it was like, on one of those riddle popsicles, but I accidently ate the answer." Soos replied. Stan smacked his face with his hand.
"The answer is Microwaves, Soos, microwaves." The man answered. Soos nodded, as though it all made sense. Will spoke up from his position at the stove.
"Hey, why was the leper hockey game cancelled?"
"I don't know Will, why was the leper hockey game cancelled?" Stan asked warily.
"Because there was a face off in the corner." Will chortled. There was a groan from around the table, with the exception of Soos, who simply looked around in confusion.
"I don't get it."
Dipper gave them a wane smile, "Thanks guys for trying to cheer us up, but I think until Wendy's up and about like normal, I don't think it's going to be much use."
Wendy took this as her cue, "Well, it's a good thing lumberjack daughters are so tough."
Everyone in the kitchen swiveled to look at her. Stan was the first to speak.
"Oh thank goodness, I thought your dad was going to kill me, er, it's a miracle." After he spoke, the rest of the kitchen exploded with questions as the various members tried to talk to her at once. Will simply turned around and continued cooking breakfast. Wendy held her good hand up, causing silence to fall over the kitchen.
"Dudes, one at a time. I can't answer questions if I can't understand them." Soos raised his hand. "Soos, you know you don't have to raise your hand."
Soos nodded, "So, are you some sort of alien human hybrid. Because if you are…welcome to Earth?"
"Soos, I'm pretty certain that you knew me from when I was a baby, and you knew my mom, and your abuelita knew both my parents when they were babies. So, no, I'm not an alien/human hybrid." Wendy replied, nonplussed.
"But how come you're up and about?" Dipper followed up, "I mean, you were in pretty awful shape."
Wendy shrugged, "I don't know; maybe it was because of the tender care of my two nurses last night."
Dipper and Mabel blushed as Wendy sat down in her seat at the table. She reached over and ruffled their hair, noting that Dipper was wearing the brown baseball cap he arrived with rather than his more familiar blue and white pine tree cap. Mabel then turned to her, leering, "So Wendy, you're really rocking that warrior princess look, how would you like to let me update your clothes?"
"Yeah, cutting this conversation short before it gets weird to a manner that requires my involvement." Stan interrupted, "That brings me to my next point, Wendy, I can't have you doing your normal work around the Shack, it's too much of a liability, so I have a new job for you to do while you get back on your feet."
"I'm hoping it involves clothes, because I'm pretty certain that I'm on the verge of breaking some indecency laws." Wendy inquired. Her boss shuffled nervously, and Wendy knew what he was about to suggest.
"No, no car washes Mr. Pines." Wendy stated firmly. She remembered that Stan had tried to do a bikini car wash before, and it went horribly wrong when Soos got involved. On the plus side, the Shack made an obscene amount of money as the tourists paid Mr. Pines to send Soos away.
"What, that's not…what I was going to suggest." Stanford replied nervously, "I was going to suggest that we make you part of a new temporary exhibit."
Wendy was a little leery, but she was up for something new, "Sure, I'm listening."
"They say that if you're lucky, you can save someone who has frozen to death, but only for a short period after they froze. I deny this idea; I say that they can revived long after that. I present to you the girl revived from her ten thousand year slumber in ice; from Gravity Falls own Aldritch Mountain, Cave Girl!" Stan announced, sweeping his hand to present to the tour group the newest exhibit at the Mystery Shack. Wendy squeezed the prop spear Stan had given her, imagining that it was her boss's neck as the members of the tour group oohed and awed over a marvel that denied known science.
She contemplated flashing the group as there were a several kids in it. One thing guaranteed to get parents riled up enough to yell at Stan was undesired nudity. Wendy remembered this from the last time her friends had visited the Shack, Nate had pantsed Lee, revealing that the teen preferred to go commando. Wendy smiled as she remembered that one ugly woman in a pink cardigan appeared to have a stroke she was so angry. But Stan had stationed Dipper to sweep during the tours, she suspected as a means of preventing her from acting out.
She waited patiently as Stan showed the group the rest of the exhibits before leading them to the store. Once the last of the group had passed through the door, Dipper set the broom against the wall and began to clean and touch up the exhibits for the next group.
"Dipper, the next time your Grunkle suggests a new temporary exhibit involving me, hit me in the face before I say yes." Wendy grumbled as she dusted part of the museum in-between tours. Dipper looked at her in askance.
"I thought you alright with this?" Dipper replied, busy trying to touch up the colors of the RoostDeer. Wendy snorted.
"I was fine with it until Tambry texted to let me know that my friends were coming over to see me, thanks for returning my cellphone in one piece by the way." – Dipper mumbled something in reply, but he was focused on flicking paint onto the rooster plumage. – "But the last thing I need is for some of my close guy friends to use me as fapping material for the next ten years."
Wendy heard a choking sound from Dipper, she looked over, worried that Dipper had accidently swallowed a feather, only to see a look on him that she recognized from before. It was a look of shock, arousal, shame, and determination to avoid letting people know what Dipper was thinking. The last time she saw that look on Dipper's face was after he had accidently laid his head on her bra.
"Why would you leave your bra on the bed?" Dipper asked after calming down. Wendy smirked at him.
"Because I took it off, bras can be uncomfortable. And if you can't hang freely around your best friend, who can you hang free around?" - Dipper's eye flicked down to her chest, and he gave a choking sound as his eyes bulged a little. – "Hey, you're not gonna freak out on me are you?"
Dippers eyes shot up to hers, "What, no, of course not." He chuckled nervously.
"Good, cause I'd hate for things to get weird between us."
Wendy frowned, "Sorry, I forgot that you might not be used to hearing those sorts of things."
'I keep forgetting he's not my Dipper.' She thought morosely. With her Dipper, she could talk about all sorts of things, even if they weren't exactly appropriate for his age. He just came off as being more mature than he was, so it was easy to forget that he was two and half years younger.
"It's okay, just caught me off-guard." He answered, trying to focus on his task, but Wendy could tell that he was struggling with Wendy so close by. She couldn't blame him; it was clear that Stanford had simply gone out and bought a cavewoman costume from the party shop. Normally Wendy would have been okay with dressing up in costume, except she wished that it hadn't come from the adults section. The outfit was little more than a glorified bikini and it made her uncomfortable. She opened her mouth to say something, but then her friends came barging into the museum. She turned to them, greeting them.
"Sup dudes." She waved nervously. She was going to seriously hurt who ever told her friends about her new job as an exhibit.
"Hey Wendy," – Tambry replied, never looking up from her phone. She paused to take a picture. – "Nice cave girl costume, whoever did your scar prosthetics did a good job on them."
"Yeah, really great costume Wendy. If I was a caveman, I'd definitely be looking in your direction." Robbie stated, scanning her in a creepy manner.
"Actually you wouldn't," – Dipper spoke up as he packed up his painting supplies. – "People from the Paleolithic era preferred to wear furs as cloaks or capes in order to preserve the integrity of the fur for as long as possible. As the fur degraded, the older members of a family would pass it down to smaller members and get new furs for themselves. For a cavewoman to be wearing her furs like that, it would mean that it had been some time since she had a good hunt, indicating that she lacked contributable skills and would likely drag you down rather than help to keep you alive. So in reality, you would run from her as quickly as possible."
There was silence as the teens contemplated what the twelve-year old said.
"Who's this guy?" Nate asked.
Wendy smiled, "Dipper, these are my friends Nate, Lee, Thompson, Tambry and Robbie." She stated, pointing out each of the teens in turn.
"And guys, this is Dipper, quite possibly the coolest thirteen year old I've ever met" She stated, ignoring Dipper's look of shock and simply stretched out her hand for a fist bump.
Dipper smiled and returned the bump timidly. Both missed the glare Robbie gave the boy. Wendy turned to her friends, "So what brings you guys to this neck of the woods?"
"We heard that you were part of a new exhibit, so we came to see what you were doing, though we didn't expect you to go so far as to put on fake scars for the tourists." Nate answered. Wendy gave them a grim smile.
"They're not fake; I got these yesterday fighting a bear that tried to ransack the shack." The teens stared at her flabbergasted, even Tambry looked at her for several long moments before returning to her phone.
"But why would you get into a fight with a bear? I mean, some of those scars look rather permanent." Lee inquired, confused. Wendy thought about it for several moments before answering.
"If the bear got inside, it might've hurt someone, and friends don't just stand around when other friends are in serious trouble."
"Update: Wendy's giving out sappy quotes." Tambry noted dryly, typing away on her phone.
"The only thing that's gonna be sappy around here is you guys after I throw you into the Pool of Tree Blood if you don't get yer free-loadin keisters out of here!" Stan growled from behind them. Wendy's friends skulked out, grumbling about cranky old men as they went. Robbie was the last to leave, and she saw him throw a calculating look her way before following the rest. The look reminded her of their younger days, when Robbie was a bully and always planning revenge on whoever had currently offended him. She had been the one to bear the brunt of his anger until he shot up in height closer to her own. The reminder gave her goosebumps, or maybe it was the lack of coverage that the costume offered. She turned to her boss, and thought she saw softness in his eyes that vanished once she focused on his face.
"Everything alright boss?" She asked. Stanford observed her for several moments before nodding.
"Just one more tour after the next, then you can get out of that ridiculous costume. Your father brought a set of clothes over for you, I expect you to change into them, because I like living; and then we're going to hold a company meeting." He then turned and exited to the front of the shack, where one of the last remaining tours of the day awaited. Wendy turned to her younger co-worker.
"Company meeting?" She asked. Dipper shrugged his shoulders, knowing no more about the company meeting than she did.
As Wendy was waiting for Stan to start the "company meeting", she was busy reveling in the fact that she was wearing her own clothes again. The feel of flannel brought a comfort to her that she had not realized she was missing over the past day and a half.
"So, now that we are all here, it's time to get down to business." Stan started from his position by the cash register. He quickly noticed that with the exception of Soos, everyone else under his employ was not paying attention to him. "Oi, shut up!"
Everyone snapped to attention. Stan was smirking, "Now that I have your attention, does anyone know what tomorrow is?"
"Happy Anniversary?" Dipper offered up.
"Mozel tov!" Mabel cried, throwing her hands up in celebration.
"International Syrup Racing day?" Soos inquired.
"Is it Give Your Employees the Day Off day?" Wendy stated, throwing in her two cents. Stan glared at her for that one.
"It's none of those, and I'm very disappointed in you all." Stan growled, "Its Family Fun Day. So tomorrow, rather than opening up the Shack, we will all be going out for some quality bonding."
Wendy did not know what her boss had planned, but last time group activities usually resulted in people ending up in jail, so she did not want in on whatever he considered to be "bonding". "Oh, gee, I don't think I can go; I have something that I really need to do…"
"Your father said you're going." Stan interrupted. "And I'm picking you up tomorrow morning, so set your alarm for early, like pre-sunrise early."
Wendy felt a feeling of dread settle over her.
It was early, 7'o clock early, and Wendy was irritated about it. Not necessarily because it was early, she had been getting up at sunrise for work over the past week, and she was nearly used to it now. But she had not been home since she got injured two days earlier, and the night before she had gotten home after her family had gone to bed. So none of them had yet to see the extent of her injuries, and she wasn't certain how they would react.
'Except for the scar on my face, they'll probably talk about how cool that is.' Wendy considered, tracing a finger along the scar. It ran the length of her cheekbone, terminating just short of her hairline. It gave her a rough look that called out to everyone who saw it that she was tough and not to be messed with. Thanks to a second dose of Bill's soup, the wounds that had stitching healed up for the most part, so she had cut out the stitches with the exception of the ones she couldn't reach on her back after she woke up in an attempt to buy time from seeing her family before she left with Stan.
She was hoping that her family would leave for their job before her boss came to pick her up, but for some reason they were lingering around the house. If she waited any longer, they would start trying to fix breakfast themselves, and that was always messy. Wendy shuddered as she remembered that her father had once slaughtered an actual pig in the kitchen when the boys had been unable to find the bacon in the bottom of the fridge.
She wandered into the kitchen, afraid that it would already be a mess that she would have to clean up. But she was pleasantly surprised to see that her family was calmly sitting around the table, nibbling on toast.
"Hey guys, what are you still doing here?" she asked. Her brothers grunted noncommittally as they focused on their breakfast. Her father was busy polishing what she recognized to be his fishing club. She picked up a piece of toast for herself using her left hand, trying to keep her scarred right hidden.
"Family Fun Day," Manly Dan grunted, "Going fishing at Gravity Falls Lake. Season opens today, and Ranger McGucket's holding his annual fishing competition. Biggest fish gets its weight in money, and this year, we're gonna get it."
"Don't you say that every year?" Wendy teased. Every year since she was five, her father claimed that it was the year of the Corduroy's victory over the Pisces family, and every year, the Pisces clan won the fishing competition. Manly Dan claimed it was because Pisces had twelve family members competing, giving them an unfair number of opportunities to catch big fish, but Wendy was pretty sure it was because her father preferred to fish bare-handed.
"That is true," her father growled, a victorious smile coming over his face. "But this year the seniors have a doctor's appointment and Agnas accidently scheduled her family on a cruise this week. So this year there's only five Pisces competing. Corduroy's for the Win!"
This set off the males in the family to start chanting and pounding the table in a display of overly developed testosterone. Wendy joined in as a show of support, because even if she was not going to be fishing, then she could at least cheer for them. They kept up the chanting as they got up and went outside to head to the lake. Wendy waved to them from the doorway of the house as she watched them drive off. She was glad that her father was always looking for ways to keep the family bond strong, but she detested fishing for sport, so this time she was glad that she had a legitimate excuse to avoid going fishing this time.
Wendy sighed in relief as the truck disappeared from sight; she had managed to get through breakfast without anyone noticing her arm. Though it was probably because she had forgone rolling up her sleeves in order to hide the majority of the scar, rather than any lack of attention on her family's part. She started cleaning up the breakfast table, tossing the food into trash and piling dishes into the sink to wash off. She picked up the newspaper on the table, absently scanning the headlines.
Owl Trowel Sales at Record High After Surrey Man Purchases 1000 For Reoccurring Owl Problem.
Oregon Expansion of California's Maglev Rail Line to Continue Despite Trial of the Century.
Studies Show That People Who Read Headlines Unlikely to Get Full Story.
Wendy tossed the newspaper into the bin, intent on finishing up the kitchen when was a knock at the door, followed by the door opening.
"Oi, Wendy, come on, Family Fun Day waits for no one." – Mr. Pines called. Wendy walked to the front door to see her boss tapping his foot impatiently. – "There you are, here, put this blindfold on."
Wendy stared at the offered handkerchief. "Are you planning to kill us all for the insurance money?"
"If I wanted to do that, I'd stop telling Soos to take a shower." Stan retorted. Wendy sighed and grabbed the cloth, putting it on as a blindfold before allowing him to guide her to his car. After accidently sitting on Dipper, who froze like a statue during the process, Wendy found her seat just in time to buckle in before Stan sped off.
"Okay, okay, open'em up." Stan ordered his employees. As one; Wendy, Soos, Mabel and Dipper took off their blindfolds to see Stan dressed in fishing gear in front Gravity Falls Lake. – "Tada, its fishing season!"
Wendy palmed her face.