Sam had given her her clothes from the dryer and Olivia had headed into the bathroom to take a shower. There weren't any windows here to escape from and everything was bolted down. The water was thankfully hot and eased the ache in her muscles somewhat. She was trying to find a plan, Sam hadn't told her what he had in store, but he hadn't cuffed her yet, so he was confident that there wasn't any escape from the apartment, and if he was confident then there probably wasn't. She would look all the same. Now to deal with Sam himself, Olivia turned the shower off and wrapped the towel around her. She never knew what Sam she was going to get, and she would have to plan in case if either. It had been so long she wasn't sure what could happen and that scared her to death. The little white scars stood out against her reddened skin and there were bruises from where the water had hit her. If she turned her back, she would see the crisscross of lines that Crowley had given her. The scars did bother her, she didn't like to show them, and only a handful of people knew how she had gotten them. The pentagram on her arm was the worst of them all. She hastily dressed and opened the door and peeked out. She could see Sam on the couch, his back to her. She could be quiet and make it back to the room without him noticing. She opened the door soundlessly and began to walk carefully across the apartment.
"Don't try and sneak Olivia." Sam said. Olivia froze in place. Sam stood up and tossed aside the book he was reading. He looked huge and was dressed in a casual plaid shirt and jeans. He pushed his hair out his face.
"How are you feeling?" Sam asked coming towards her and Olivia took a step back. If he noticed it he didn't comment on it.
"I'd feel a lot better far away from you." Olivia said.
"Why?" Sam said coming closer and Olivia backed up, to her dismay she felt a wall bump her back.
"You make me uncomfortable." Olivia said and to her chagrin she could feel the trembling beginning again in her hands. Her pills were probably still at her apartment. She couldn't break down, not in front of him, anywhere else but not in front of him. Sam slowly caged her in between his two arms.
"I haven't done anything to make you uncomfortable, yet." He said and his hand slid to her waist. Olivia felt the warmth from his hand and closed her eyes against it. Panic was beginning to rise from deep within her, bringing back memories of a dark room and them in this exact same position. There was the conflicting feeling of intense warmth that made her heart pound and the way he was rubbing small soothing circles on her hip bone that fit easily in his large hand was not helping. She opened her eyes and saw he was looking at her.
"What?" Olivia snapped.
"What is going on in that head?" Sam said as if fascinated.
"None of your business." Olivia said
Sam laughed, "You are still so stubborn," He leaned forward so his mouth brushed her ear, "I missed that Liv."
She put her shaking hands on his chest and pushed him away. "Please, just don't do that." Olivia said, her breath was coming in familiar short bursts. What she knew was anxiety Sam interpreted as something different. This scene was familiar in way that haunted her dreams and memories and when Sam cupped the back of her neck and kissed her roughly, Olivia felt all semblance of calm leave her.
What happened next was a blur. If she had to be asked, she would guess that she had pushed him away, and then noises came from her mouth as she hyperventilated as her chest tightened. Tears ran down her face, everything was too much and she had to get out. Sam's lips moved but whatever he said did not register with Olivia as she pushed past him to the bedroom. The door locked behind her and she sunk to the floor cradling her head to her knees, trying to find a safe place. She could hear the vibrations against her back as Sam tried to follow her in. She screamed at him to go away and after that, they stopped. She was left alone in the room, curled into a ball, trying to keep a list in her head of what could and couldn't hurt her.
xXx
When Olivia finally did wake up, she was in some sort of medic bay. She was lying face down on a hospital bed and she felt woozy. The walls looked the same as the rest of the prison so she could pinpoint where she was at least. A doctor came over to her.
"Good you're up." She said briskly.
"What happened?" Olivia asked trying to remember what happened. She shifted and a dull pain shot over her back.
"Crowley." The doctor said. She removed the bandages over Olivia's back. The air on her whip marks had her hiss through her teeth. Her finger was also bandaged and her side pulled in a way that she knew she had stitches.
"You've been out three days." The doctor said, applying something that made the lashes sting.
Olivia healed slowly. In a few more days she was transferred back to her cell with medical attention every day. One day, she finally braced herself and turned her back to the mirror. Where smooth skin had been, bright welts with ugly scabs crisscrossed her back. Seeing it made her want to cry and throw up at the same time.
That night she sat in her cell, tracing the pentagram on her arm. The door opened and she looked up. Sam slipped in. He didn't break eye contact as he stood at the door. Olivia was first to break and looked down at the floor. She refused to acknowledge him as he moved closer. His shoes were in her vision and then she felt the warmth as he leaned down.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly.
His large hand touched her chin and tilted her up so she could look at him. The other reached up to join the other one as her face was cupped in his hands. His eyes seemed to taking everything in, the cuts on her face that were healing, the large green bruise from where Crowley had smacked her head into the table and to her lips, the corner still cracked.
"I am so sorry." He said his face contorting slightly.
The way he was holding her, like some precious object that could break, and looking at her like he was truly sorry, made her furious.
"How can you be sorry?" Olivia asked, the warmth of his hands seemingly burning through her skull into her brain. "You don't get to be sorry. You don't get to come here and make me believe that you are sorry for me!"
She forced his hands away from her and shoved him back. He took a few steps as she stood. She had no weapon and he practically made up two of her but that moment she didn't care. All she could see was Crowley's face and the bite of the whip on her back and Sam's face completely blank. He caught her fist as it flew towards his face. He pulled her closer and Olivia elbowed him hard into his chest. Sam pulled her hard against his chest, his front to her back and Olivia felt both of her wrists caught in his hands and held above her head. Her face was pressed against the rough wall of stone as Sam pinned her to it. He used his body to keep her in place and he felt like he was everywhere, she could feel the puffs of his breath as his head dropped down to her ear.
"You're going open your injuries." Sam said into her ear panting slightly. "And I don't feel sorry for you; I came to say I was sorry."
"Just let me beat the crap out of you." Olivia hissed back. "Why would you come and say that you're sorry?" She snapped
"Because I care!" Sam said. Olivia felt him entwine his fingers with her raised hands. "I care, and I had to let Crowley do that or he would kill you, he knew how I felt about you."
Olivia felt herself turned around so she was looking him in the eye. He looked almost primal the way he was looking at her. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. This man, who had taken a knife to her skin and played games in her mind cared for her?
"I love you." Sam said his eyes desperate.
"You don't get to love me." Olivia said snarled up at him, "You have no right to it!"
Sam's face hardened in anger. He turned them around and pushed her so she stumbled back onto the bed. He loomed over her.
"I have every right." Sam said as he began to unbutton his shirt. Olivia felt cold fear fill her as she pressed herself against the wall. It was only a few buttons however as Sam pulled the fabric away. Covering his heart was a pentagram with a circle. The same that she had carved into her arm. He bent low so she could see it, one of his hands braced by her head.
"You see this?" He said quietly, "This reminds me never to forget, it's my signature and I put it on what's mine."
Olivia's eyes fell to her arm where her pentagram was. She looked back up into Sam's face.
"You are mine." He said.
The hand that had been on the wall tangled in her hair, Olivia realized what he was doing moments later. Before she could open her mouth to say, something, anything. Sam had covered her mouth with his. It was hard, his mouth felt like it was burning over hers, and Olivia found herself gripping his collar. Sam broke apart for a moment before pressing their lips together again. That brief moment of the cold air slapping her face brought Olivia back to reality. He tried to deepen it but Olivia pushed him away and pushed him back as she scrambled off the bed, trying to put distance between them. The shock of the kiss was wearing off and now she was trying to think clearly. She turned away from him closing her eyes. That didn't help as he came up behind her again.
"Olivia." He began,
Olivia turned around and slapped him hard across the face.
"Don't you dare! Don't say one word!" Olivia said to him, tears of frustration and confusion were blooming in her eyes.
Sam looked almost demonic the way he loomed over her, his face burning with anger. He reached to his belt and Olivia knew what he was reaching for and shrank back. The knife glittered in the room but he held it and then grabbed her hand forcing the handle of the knife into palm making her hold it. The handle gripped well as her fingers curled around it. Sam grabbed her wrist and forced her hand up so the tip of the knife hovered over his chest.
"Do it." He said letting go of her hand so she was the one supporting it, placing it over his heart. "Show me you don't care." He said through gritted teeth. The tip glittered and Olivia knew it would only take a moderate amount of force to shove it between his ribs and into his heart. She could imagine the skin tearing, spitting that tattoo in half, and the blood on her face. She saw it, but she couldn't do it and Sam knew then that she couldn't.
The knife dropped to the ground and for a moment all they could do was look at it. Then Olivia found herself pushed against the wall as Sam kissed her furiously and this time, she was kissing him back. The part of her that screamed reason was shoved to the back of her mind as she gave in. Her hands tangled in his hair as he broke away from her mouth, planting hard kisses down her neck. Olivia felt him stop briefly at the collar of her shirt before pain bloomed from where his mouth had settled, he had bitten her. His tongue ran over the mark, soothing it.
Olivia began to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, her hand sliding under the fabric so she was over his tattoo and she could feel his heart hammering.
Reason was a prisoner in her mind but it wasn't for long. Sam began to fumble with the zipper of her jumpsuit, that was when what she was doing and what she was allowing him to do hit her. This was Sam Winchester and he had tortured him and this could be some new trick, even if it wasn't a trick, how would she not see this as a mistake?
"Sam, stop." Olivia said. Sam apparently wasn't listening as he gave a small moan into her neck. "Stop." She said again, more forcefully.
"Why?" Sam said moving back.
"I can't do this, I just can't. Not with you." Olivia said.
"Not with me?" Sam said. "Because I'm Sam Winchester? Because I'm part of the North? Because I do what they ask? Because you are sick by me touching you?" He looked angrier with each sentence.
"Stop it. Just stop it! You're trying to manipulate me into feeling for you and I can't do that! I can't betray myself with this!" Olivia said desperately.
For the first time this night, Sam looked hurt. His eyes were sad. He moved forward, his hand raising, Olivia moved back, flinching. Sam saw what she had thought he was going to do. His hand dropped and he turned away.
Olivia thought he was going to say something but all he did was pick up the knife from the floor, fasten it to his belt, walk over to the door, open it and leave, without a word or another look.
xXx
Elizabeth was standing next to Ellen as the paramedics patched up Dean. The bullet had only grazed him. The scene behind him was chaos. There were people rushing around and Elizabeth even heard sobs.
"They have Raphael in surgery right now. It doesn't look good." Ellen said quietly, "They've been searching the river all night and they haven't found anything yet."
Elizabeth felt her gut twist painfully.
"Son of bitch!" Dean swore as the last of the stitches were put in place. He stood, the paramedics telling him to lie down but he waved them off. Elizabeth understood, he looked about as good as she felt. Dean walked over to her and Ellen.
"Any word?" Dean asked, Ellen shook her head, Dean nodded and ran a hand quickly down his face.
"We took Campbell into custody, but he's not talking yet." Ellen said.
"I wish I could make him talk." Dean said angrily,
"Dean, you're angry." Ellen cautioned.
"Of course I am Ellen! My brother shoots the president in a plot we could have stopped, Olivia is missing and she could be dead and it's my fault! I had a gun on him and I hesitated!"
Elizabeth put a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged her off angrily. Elizabeth wasn't going to have any of that. She was hurting too and she wasn't going to let him take this on himself alone.
"Dean, come with me." Elizabeth said, "Please."
Dean reluctantly walked away from Ellen. Elizabeth saw out of the corner of his eyes that he was chewing on his nails as he walked. They finally found a quiet place to sit, Dean sank down burying his head in his hands.
"Dean." Elizabeth said quietly, and for the first time this evening, she let the tears show in her voice. Dean raised his head and saw her face. She'd finally let go of the mask that she'd had to show.
"Oh baby." He said straightening up and gathering Elizabeth in his arms. She sobbed quietly but shook with the intensity of it.
"She might be dead." She said into his chest.
"Hey, hey we don't know anything yet." Dean said, "There's still a chance."
Elizabeth knew he was comforting her, they knew the odds, if she was alive Olivia would most likely be with Sam.
It had been late one night when Elizabeth and Olivia had been talking when Olivia had finally told her the rest of the story of what had happened in that prison. Of Sam admitting to loving her and how she had finally escaped.
"She's smart and she knows Sam. She's knows how to get through this." Dean said,
Elizabeth could only hope he was right.
"We need a plan." She said straitening up and wiping her face of tears.
"It's going to be light in a bit. I say we join the search party that's going to spread through the city."
Elizabeth got up from her chair and took a breath to calm herself more.
"Alright, let's go."
xXx
Sam hesitated outside the door. Olivia had shouted at him to go away and he had stopped shouting to her. However, he'd stayed outside the door, hearing her sobs. He thought back to how he had kissed her, and now the signs were clearer. He'd hurt her again, when he wasn't trying. He clenched his jaw and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't slept since before the mission and he was exhausted. The couch was too small and the only bed was in there. The key to the bedroom was in his pocket and he slowly took it out and slipped it into the lock.
"Olivia?" He said as he opened the door. The room was silent and still, but he could see a lump underneath the covers of the bed. She was asleep. He toed off his shoes and walked over to the empty side. Her cheeks were red and puffy and she was curled into a ball. Slowly, Sam slid into bed next to her. To his surprise, Olivia gave a small mutter and slid closer to him in her sleep, burying her face against the side of his torso. It was like having some sort of wild animal come up to him and Sam barely even risked breathing. He allowed himself to gently put an arm around her and settle himself down next to her. He remembered the last time he had held her like this.
xXx
"Sam!" Crowley said from behind his desk. Sam had entered and saluted him.
"Sir." Sam almost bit out. "You asked to see me?"
"That I did. Well ever since Miss Hardhead decided to try and break my nose, I was wondering how you were doing after we hurt your little pet."
"I don't know what you mean sir." Sam said through gritted teeth.
"Don't try and lie to me Sammy. I know you liked her."
Crowley reached down and pulled out a remote. The screen across the room flicked on. Sam gave a jolt, that was Olivia's cell. She was sitting cross legged on the bed, drawing. Crowley pressed a button and it began to rewind over the last couple days and Sam knew what was going to happen. It stopped and began to play as he entered the cell.
"I have to say, I was a little surprised." Crowley said as it played. Sam couldn't take his eyes off the screen.
"You broke protocol. Entering a cell with intent of fraternizing with a prisoner, though I have to admit, it can be tempting." Crowley said looking at the screen. Sam saw himself lean forward and kiss her.
"Let's skip to the good part shall we?" Crowley said and he forwarded it to the part where Sam and her were against the wall. Then she pushed him back.
"Are you angry Winchester?" Crowley said grinning. "I'm surprised she stopped you, she seemed so into it."
"Shut up," Sam said angrily. Crowley looked pleased by the reaction.
"Winchester, you broke rules and I'm going to have to make you pay." Crowley turned off the tv. He then took a piece of paper from off his desk and shoved it towards Sam. Sam picked it up and saw the headlines "Family of Missing Soldier Killed In Bombing".
"You're going to break the news to her and then, you are going to leave and leave her alone. If you don't, I'll have Alistair break the news to her, I'm sure he won't be as gentle as you want to be. Is that clear?"
Sam felt his head move in a nod and he was dismissed. He was standing in the hallway, the news article clutched in his hand. How was he supposed to tell her?
"Just tell her like the monster you are." Jo's voice whispered in his head. Images of her pushing him away, looking scared flashed through his mind. "She already thinks you are one anyways. That's why she pushed you away."
Sam pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes to block out the images. He heard someone coming and he immediately dropped them. He knew Crowley would only give him so much time.
Olivia had moved to the floor, leaning against the wall and was absently twisting a bit of paper in her hands. Sam opened the door and walked in steeling himself. Olivia abruptly got to her feet and Sam saw the fear in her eyes.
"I," He began and he found his voice failed him. He'd done things like this before, hundreds of times but the words would not come. Her world was about to shatter and he knew he was never going to get the same Olivia again.
"Please sit down." He said. Olivia looked confused but sat down on the edge of her bed. She looked wary. Sam wanted to take a step forward to do anything so when the blow fell she would have someone there, but he knew Crowley was watching and he kept his distance. He was the obedient soldier so he would make himself the obedient soldier, the monster he really was. His feelings were gone and he felt nothing as he looked down at her.
"There was a bombing, in the south by the coast. Your family was near the building that was bombed. They didn't make it."
He watched almost outside of himself as Olivia's face went from confusion and then to shock. He held out the article to her and she took it automatically. Her eyes were unfocused and he saw her expression change, to one of pure agony.
"No…no." The words broke from her mouth in a weak sob. Then a few seconds later there was a louder "No!" She was hyperventilating and her head had dropped to her knees. Sam had seen babies open their mouths in silent wails as they gathered their breath to fill them. Olivia was the same, and when she had the breath a long keening cry came from her. All Sam could do was stand there as the article crumpled in her hand. Her hands tangled in her hair as she sobbed and Sam risked to take a step forward.
"Go away!" Olivia screamed at him. "Go away!" If could have, he would have stayed, he would have stayed and let her take her grief out on him. However, he opened the door and stepped out, her cries ringing in his ears. A soldier was standing there and he almost saw something like pity on her face.
"Take anything out of her room she can hurt herself with." Sam said to her. "Watch her." That was the most he could get out before there was another scream from within the cell. Before he turned back into that cell he walked off. There was no force on earth that could make him hate himself more than he did at that moment. He entered his office and he stood there in the pristine environment, his knives put neatly in rows and everything in its place. Then without warning he took the edge of the heavy table and flipped it, objects shattering onto the floor. He didn't stop as he destroyed the room.
"You break everything you touch." Jo's voice shouted in his ear.
When there was not a thing in the room that had not been smashed or thrown, Sam stood there in the middle of it all, breathing hard. His foot crunched on a picture and he looked down, seeing the picture of him, Dean, and Jo. He broke down, falling to his knees in the wreck of his office and for the first time in years he let the tears fall.