*throws lots of chocolate to all of you who left a review*
Not many words here, I'm late again with posting this.
Enjoy!
Staring up to the ceiling as he lay there on his bed, Dean mused about the day. A pretty bumpy way they had been walking today, starting with the events in the morning over the shop incident to his little conversation with Seth.
Safe to say that the whole day had been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster.
It was hard to rate how much all this affected Seth. Sure the little two-toned nerd was caring for Roman and also for him, was worried and much so but Dean doubted that he was experiencing the same emotional pressure as Roman did, as he himself did, or the impact of messed up feelings with which both he and Roman had to deal. Probably not even roughly.
Scrubbing a hand down the good side of his face, Dean heaved a sigh. His own emotional rollecoaster had been and still was a wild ride with lots of ups and downs, Corkscrews, Loopings and don't forget about the Zero-G-Roll, leaving him hanging mid-air out of the blue, only to press him back down so suddenly and with so much force that he barely had enough time to prepare, ending up flat on his face. So to speak.
Slowly rubbing the heel of his hand over his collarbone, he let his eyes trail over to the door that stood a crack open, allowing sounds to flow in. It was late already and he'd excused himself from the cheerful round about forty-five minutes ago to have some peace and quiet, feeling exhausted and emotionally a bit overloaded. The lights in his room were turned off and the corridor outside was dark, too. From downstairs came the dimmed sounds of the TV and low voices. Mommy and daddy Reigns. No Romand and also no Seth there. But the faint sound of the front door this very moment... So Seth's mom had just picked him up.
Despite everything it had been nice to spend the noon with Seth being there, too, even for dinner and afterwards for some easy chatting with Roman's parents while having a once more spectacular dessert. He'd never expected that spending time with parents could be so... good. They didn't treat him like a kid. Talking with daddy Reigns was conversation at eye level and it made him feel... accepted... that him being himself was without a question excatly who he should be.
Despite the fighting he'd put up all the years, there had been times when he'd doubted that it was okay to be himself.
If it hadn't been for Roman and his stubborn and unceasing trying to get a hold on him to pull him out of the hole he'd been hiding in, it might still have been like that. He owed him. Big time.
Dean's eyes closed briefly as he breathed deeply and when he opened them again, there was the glaring light of the full moon falling through the window, soaking the little world in this room in a silver-blue veil and the light it provided almost seemed like a flashlight, searching for lost souls.
A smile spread on his lips because... here was none to be found. Not anymore.
The weather had cleared over the day and the night was warm and the sky clear, dotted with sparkling spots. Ever wanted to lay your hands down and count the stars? He'd never really felt like that before but somehow... right now he did, because sometimes, they said, you can read your future in it there.
It looked bright, his future and as sparkling as those stars.
Nestling deeper into the thick pillow, he let his thoughts wander back and forth over that bumpy path. Back... and forth. Examining. Trying to understand... mostly himself. He wanted Roman. How? Huh. As a friend, as a brother. As the one person he could trust blindly.
And... as the one person...
His heart did a tiny flip as his mind quickly threw some memories in, like those moments today when he'd wished Superman would simply have kissed him.
Yet there was still a questionmark lingering over all of this, wasn't there? How could he be sure what this was he was feeling? Gratefulness? Sure, he was grateful. So fucking grateful for all Roman had done that he didn't even have the words to voice it. It couldn't be only gratefulness though, could it? This thingy that tugged at his heart. And it tugged, harder and harder with every passing moment. It was confusing and it was as scary.
Take what you want.
Roman was gay. Once more he took that fact and turned it back and forth. It was like a key that opened a door that he thought would stay locked forever. Before it had been like, yes, Roman was absolutely the type of guy he would try to hit on. Not that he'd ever tried to hit on someone before... But with thinking that the chances that Roman was into guys where null, he'd never really bothered to examine the attraction he was feeling when it came to the big guy closer. Attraction was there, undeniably present. Had been from the start. Roman was a too damn hot piece of ass, so hot actually that even a straight guy like Seth wanted him. Mister I'm straight but Roman is the exception.
And that brought him to his own fucking jealousy.
He wouldn't have expected that Seth was into guys, yet he'd been wrong already with thinking that of Roman. So, was the little shit gay, too? Bi at least. And he wanted Roman, no matter what he tried to make Dean believe. He was probably trying to convince himself about it. Fooling himself actually, bloody idiot. Straight guys didn't want to kiss other men.
The worst thing was... the chances that Seth would get what he wanted were good because if Dean wouldn't have disturbed their little moment... they would have kissed and he didn't really want to think about if that kiss had happened afterwards while he'd stayed at the shop and those two had been here alone. He couldn't blame Roman for giving in to it. Seth was pretty and nice and caring and he was there for Roman. Something Dean couldn't give him as much as he would want to. Being there. But he really wanted to and he was making baby steps into the right direction. Also... he couldn't blame Seth. Roman was the perfect package, wasn't he? And who wouldn't want to call a perfect package their own?
Here he was mulling over things again instead of doing something.
Dean sighed. What if he would simply stop thinking the next time he was alone with Roman and just kiss him? Then maybe he would be sure what kind of feelings he was harboring for Superman. But what if Roman... what if he didn't want him? What if it was only a close friendship from his side? What... what if he wanted Seth?
The mere idea caused pain in his chest.
Rejection. What if he risked it and...
Rubbing the heel of his hand into his good eye he breathed: "Fuck... fuck..."
He wasn't sure if he could cope with being rejected if it turned out that he was falling for Roman and he sure wouldn't survive if they started something and it wouldn't work out. Right now he wasn't even sure if he would be able to handle it if Roman and Seth... if they would...
His hand fell back down, grabbing the duvet tightly as he pulled it a little further up to his shoulders as he gazed back over to the door, a empty, black hole in the wall and for a second he thought that there had been the sound of footsteps somewhere down the corridor, but the door stayed empty and as he listened into the quietness, his ears only caught the dimmed voices from downstairs.
This night would probably be filled with no sleep, no matter how exhausted he was because while last night there had been Roman's calming presence lulling him to sleep, tonight the bright light of the full moon was his only company. Closing his eyes, Dean tried to think himself into feeling Roman's presence, wrapping the memory of it around himself like a cocoon.
Roman.
Only a few meters and two open doors, it was all that would be separating them tonight. It couldn't even be called a distance. Also it was nothing that could really keep them apart and all it would take was to pass the bit of distance if he needed to and do what he had done the night before. Slip under Superman's blanket and be okay. Roman wouldn't mind, he knew that, without questioning the situation and welcoming him instead.
Roman...
Another sigh passed his lips. Once again his hand found to his collarbone, rubbing over it slowly... his fingertips tracing lightly over his skin and somehow... huh, he wondered how it would feel if this were Roman's fingers... briefly his mind narrowed on that throught and... and funny enough... he felt a tingling in the wake of the touch...
It was an apologetic knock that caused his eyes to snap open again, fixing on the door where he found Roman who was looking unfamiliar unconfident and sheepish. Well, actually he'd been looking like that ever since the incident back at the shop. But then his mind pointed out that Roman was standing there inonly skin tight boxer briefs and fuck, that little bit of fabric was showing more than it was hiding.
Dean's eyes roamed the tall figure for a moment, taking in the night-mood spiced image. The tan of his friend's skin was wearing a dark silver gleam instead of the delicious caramel note and the long black hair flowed freely over the broad shoulders. The moonlight cascaded down the muscular body, the sight picturesque to the eye and although the light itself had a cold touch, it fuelled something warm deep inside Dean. He released a breath that he hadn't even been aware being stuck in his throat.
"Can I come in?" Roman asked quietly, shifting his stance a bit as if he was feeling uncomfortable under Dean's scrutiny.
It took Dean a second to understand that but then he nodded, murmuring: "Yeah, sure."
Please come in. And stay.
Roman walked up the bed and perched on the mattress, his gaze dropping to a small bottle he was holding in his hand instead of looking at Dean and now that he was so close and they were alone it seemed that Roman allowed himself to show more freely how much the day wore down on him.
"Thought I should check on you before I go to bed," Roman explained hushed, a sad little smile tugging at his full lips. "And, uhm..." His thumb tapped on the small bottle while he held it up. "Heparin. Thought I could put some on the bruises on your back if you want?"
Was there a hopeful tinge in the quiet voice? Yeah. Yes there was but it seemed to rather base on the hope to be allowed to stay than on tending the bruises.
Bloody idiot. Thinking that he wasn't allowed to stay after Dean had been napping all over him...
But maybe letting him do this would help Roman to relax a little by being the Care Bear he tended to be.
"Uh, yeah," Dean agreed and gave his friend a small smile, hoping it would help, too. "Want me to sit up?"
The grey of Roman's eyes was silver in the moonlit space between them, Dean noticed as those orbs met his gaze briefly. Silver, just like the night before...
Precious.
"No, 's okay, just turn over onto your belly and relax. Tell me if I hurt you or so, 'kay?"
Humming, Dean rolled over and turned his face towards Roman while bunching the pillow under his head. Not that he had a good view on his friend's face, but he could watch him a little from the corner of his eye. The duvet was tugged down to his waist and he couldn't supress a light shudder as Roman brushed a hand over his back in a featherlight touch, tracing the colorful evidence there.
"The bruises are pretty black already," Roman stated, letting his hand rest on the small of Dean's back. "Think they'll fade quickly now I think. How's the kidney?"
There was a bitter statement dancing on Dean's tongue, like, sure the bruises will fade quickly, my body has enough practice in making bruises fade, but he kept it unspoken because he knew it would make Roman's mood only worse.
"Kidney's doing okay. Hurts a little sometimes, but it's bearable," he replied, hearing Roman hum in response.
The hand on his back left and he heard the bottle being opened. A moment later he felt a cool touch on his back, gentle fingers speading the gel carefully and with an inaudible sigh Dean allowed his eyes to drift close under the tender ministration. Rubbing, smoothing, the touch travelling back and forth and he could have kept still for the rest of the night, but all too soon Roman stopped and put the bottle on the nightstand. He didn't get up though.
"Can we talk about what happened today?" Roman asked just above a whisper. "I'd understand though if you rather want to sleep now..."
Somehow he'd known that this kind of conversation would happen, maybe not today but sure tomorrow because although he'd tried to give Roman the feeling that things were okay, the message didn't seem to really have reached him. Scooting away from Roman, he made room for him and patted the free space beside him. With a little more distance between them now he could catch a glimpse on the other man's face what he found was uncertainty.
"You sure?"
Still barely more than a whisper.
"Ro, don't be silly and get in here," Dean murmured, shooting him a crooked little smile.
Funny... asking Roman to get into his bed had been much easier than crawling into his friend's bed last night. Maybe because he hadn't lost a thought about it before. The mattress bounced a little as Roman lowered himself down beside Dean, dipped a bit and caused Dean to uninentionally slip closer to Roman. Not that he minded. The bed wasn't as big as Roman's so after he had settled down and made himself comfortable, lying on his side facing him, Dean noticed that they were lying pleasantly close. No, he definitely didn't mind. The silver eyes wore a sad gleam though and it shouldn't be like that.
"Look, what happened today... I didn't want to hide from you that I'm gay, I just..." Roman began, trailing off with a sigh while he obviously scrambled for the right words.
"I told you that you don't need to explain yourself, didn't I? It's okay that you haven't told me and I mean it," Dean reassured him once more. "You would have sooner or later, right?"
It was okay. It really was and after all he wasn't the only one who was gay and hadn't said a word here, right? Roman nodded lightly and whispered a yeah. How could someone as big as Roman look so small? Tell him, a voice in the back of his mind whispered. Tell him that you're gay, too. It would be fair to tell him, right?
Fuck yes, it would be the right thing to do and so he opened his mouth and...
"Seth and you... do you guys have a thing going?"
Fuck this. Wasn't what he'd planned to say. He watched as Roman's eyes widened ever so slightly before his gaze dropped to a random point on the mattress between them.
"No," Roman said softly, brows furrowing over the sad eyes. "No, we don't. He's not even into guys."
Dean's heart did a honest leap in his chest to hear that there was nothing going on between them. Well, nothing serious at least. He wasn't too late and knowing that sent a silly little pang of happiness and relief through him. Still...
"Oh, well, that uhm... it looked different back at the shop," he stated nevertheless.
Roman snorted.
"That was a slip from both of us."
"A mighty slip from a straight guy, don't you think? You sure that he doesn't have a thing for you?"
"Yeah," Roman breathed, the expression in his eyes becoming even sadder. "It was my fault in the first place, I..."
Okay, not what Dean wanted to hear. Blinking, he stared at his friend in silent confusion for a second or two.
Then: "What do you mean, your fault in the first place?"
His voice sounded tense to his own ears. Did he really want to know what Roman meant? Fuck no, he didn't. He fucking didn't want to know it yet he needed to. The lush lips opened to voice an explanation... that stayed hidden in Roman's throat. It was obvious that he was fighting with himself to just say it and it made Dean's chest clench, caused his heart to trip and his breath to catch in his throat.
"A while ago I... you know, that day when I found you on the junk yard... shit..." A big hand was lifted to the dark hair, pushing through it before dropping to the mattress. A heavy sigh was breathed, as tense as Dean's voice had been sounding and the silver eyes closed briefly, before Roman met his in visible uneasiness. "That day I was waiting for you on the schoolyard after school and Seth kept me company. We talked and he asked me how it feels to kiss a man and I... huh, I just kissed him."
Covered by the pillow they were hidden under and thus unseen by Roman, Dean balled his hands to fists, his fingers grabbing the fabric they were digging into in a death grip. So this hand't been the first time, not just a simple slip. And when Roman had kissed Seth first and now Seth had tried to... kiss him again...? A slip. Yeah, sure.
He noticed the bitter taste of jealousy on his tongue and rubbed it along the roof of his mouth but that taste got stronger as another question made itself know.
"Do you, uh... have a thing for him?"
He needed to ask. He needed to know, needed the confirmation that Roman wasn't feeling more for Seth than just friendship and okay, maybe a physical attraction. Waiting for his friend to answer, he tightened his grip until his fingers began to hurt because with bodily pain he was able to deal. What he could not deal with was the ache in his chest that clasped around his heart more and more with every passing second.
"No, I don't have that kind of feelings for him."
Roman's voice wore a velvety note that reached right through that ache and soothed Dean's heart, striking chords in his very core that made his body whisper. Dean's fingergs unclenched then in relief and as he turned onto his side, facing Roman, he laid a hand close to the big one that was resting between them. Just close enough to make sure that his little finger touched Roman's index finger in an innocent barely there contact. For a second or two they only gazed at each other, or rather Dean's eyes wandered over Roman's face. Searching... for something. Answers maybe. Only to which questions? His eyes roamed further down the broad chest and not thinking about it but simply following his heart, he put his hand right above Roman's heart. Warm skin. Soft. So nice to touch... Maybe the answer he wanted to find there most of all was... if this heart that was beating so strong and steady under his touch was still free or...?
"Is there someone?" Dean asked very quietly then, his gaze lingering on his own hand for a second or two longer before he locked gazes with Roman again.
Roman's heart stumbled so hard that Dean felt it, felt it pound against his palm and he wasn't really aware of what he was doing, but he splayed his fingers, added just a tiny bit of pressure in an unconscious attempt to calm it... and also his own heart that was just picking up its pace in anticipation. Or maybe even in anxiety? There was hesitation in the silver eyes and in the handsome features. A twitch around the full lips. Brows furrowing.
"I..." Roman began, his voice suddenly unfamiliar light and raspy. He cleared his throat and brought a smile up, although a shaky one. "Yeah. Yes, there is someone."
And now it was Dean's heart that stumbled in its run. He should be happy for Roman, really should but... somehow... it wasn't the answer he'd wanted to hear. Who is it? It was what was lying on his tongue now, wanting to be asked but he didn't dare saying it.
Coward.
Swallowing hard, Dean willed his voice to be steady as he asked: "Does he know?"
"No," Roman said just above a whisper and while he did, Dean noticed a change in the expression on his friend's face. A bit found out maybe and a bit too aware. A trace of sadness and a faint longing. And also a little of that unguarded affection he so often saw when Roman looked at... him...? A funny feeling tugged at his insides suddenly. "At least I... I haven't told him..."
If his heart had been running before, he had no words to describe what it was doing now but it was stealing his breath while Dean watched the unguarded affection come to the fore, overlaying those other emotions there and his poor little heart, it reached out for that chance to enclose it, while his mind warned not to read something into it that would hurt him in the end if he was wrong. But he wasn't imagining this, was he?
A breath he hadn't been aware he was holding escaped his throat as Roman covered his hand which was still there on the broad chest. Tender was the touch and warm, making his skin tingle and his fingers itch to take hold of it and he never let go as Roman slipped his own fingers between Dean's, lifting their joined hands away from his chest and laying them in the bit of space between them. Their hand stayed joined and Roman's hold got firmer, subtly possessive even.
"Why don't you tell him?"
There was as much a plea mingling into his question as there was sadness flowing back into Roman's features and involuntary his own gaze dropped to their joined hands, maybe to hide the disappointment he was feeling because he knew that Roman wouldn't say it.
"I'll tell him when the right moment comes."
"Huh... is there such a thing?" he mumbled, his gaze remaining fixed on their hands. "The right moment?"
Although their hands were almost the same size, Roman's covered his own completely. But wasn't that matching? Wasn't that so very Roman? Engulfing him in every way possible?
Superman... big, gentle Teddy Bear...
"I believe there is, yeah," Roman explained softly, his voice taking on an absentminded note, as if he was drifting off into his thoughts. "When there's no doubt left and no fear that you could ruin the most important thing in your life. When you look at that one person and you just feel that it is right and perfect and it's just how it should be... and there's nothing else in this world that you can think off but this one moment with the one you love. That's the right moment."
"Big words, Ro," Dean mumbled, bringing a small smile to his lips because somehow this was so very Roman, too, wasn't it?
"Maybe, but it's what I believe in. What about you? Is there someone special?"
Here we go. He should have known that Roman would ask him that and his heart kept running and his right shoulder twitched slightly, his body betraying him with it... giving his nervousness away... He knew Roman would notice it because this man had learned to read him and the thought scared him as much as it reassured him.
"Uhm... yeah... I think..."
"You think? You're not sure?
"I don't... you know, have much... experience in those things..." he said, his voice getting quieter with each word until he trailed off. With an inaudible and shaky sigh he rolled over onto his back, his eyes fixing on the ceiling. His hand felt empty as he pulled it away from Roman's, but he needed a little more space between them for a moment. Quietness followed, long seconds in which he felt the gaze of those silver orbs rest on him, waiting, reading him. "Never been in love, you know?" he continued eventually. "All those years I've never really looked at people and people didn't look at me and if they did then it was nothing more than a twisted boy they saw, so... and I, uhm... actually I... I've never been with someone..."
"You've never..." Roman began and Dean could tell the exact moment the message sunk in. He could see it from the corner of his eye, a light frown showing up on the handsome face. "Oh..." A weight settled on his belly. Roman's hand. Whether to soothe or simply to seek contact, he didn't know but it didn't matter. It was there and it was good. "That's nothing to be embarrassed about." No, it probably wasn't. But that he'd never had the chance to have someone in his life, even if it would have been only a crush and a short relationship, was bad enough. Roman was thinking the same, he knew that, but instead of mentioning the bad side of the fact, he was again trying to reassure him. "Do I, uhm... know her?"
The hesitantly spoken question caused him to look back at Roman. The little world they were floating in at the moment was filled with a twilight of half-truths. Things had been said and in a way not. A yes that was still labelled with a maybe. Just to be safe. But the mood they were floating in had a certain current and it tugged bits and pieces of masked truth out of them both.
"You know... 's not a girl..." Dean said, trying to keep his voice from from shaking as his heart hammered unceasingly against his chest. There, it was out now. "I know... I should have told you but... uh..." He closed his eyes. Slowly he began to feel dizzy. "Wasn't sure how you would react."
"We're both idiots, aren't we?" Roman chuckled softly, shifting a little... inching closer.
The big hand was lifted to Dean's face to brush a few strands of hair out of his forehead, before Roman put it on the spot above Dean's heart and Dean was sure that just like he'd felt Superman's heart beat hard against his palm, Roman felt his now run because it just wouldn't stop. And yes, he was right. The silver eyes briefly swept down to where the hand was resting.
"What if the right moment never comes? What if he's, you know, what if he's scared to make that last step then and he's hoping for you to just do it and make the decision he can't?" Dean said just above a whisper, the words flowing past his lips and they were barely out in the open as his own words... scared himself...
Why? He had no idea. Everything was good now, perfect even. And here he was feeling that question nagging at him unceasingly. What if? What if it was only deepest gratefulness he was feeling, misinterpreting it as something it wasn't? What if he wasn't strong and stable enough to handle the consequences which admitting feelings would bring with, the good and the bad ones?
Coward, he cursed himself silently. Bloody idiot. Just stop thinking for a fucking moment...
"It's too soon. I think he ain't ready yet to hear it and I... huh..." Roman shook his head softly, a veil of sadness dimming his beautiful eyes once more. "I ain't ready to admit it to him," Roman breathed after a moment. "I know the right moment will come and then I'll tell him and if he feels the same, then I believe there's nothing that can stop us from being happy together."
Another moment of quietness followed. A somehow light but rich one. A quietness that had an addictive taste because...
"That a promise?" Dean wanted to know... again needed to know.
"Yeah, it's a promise." Once more the low voice wore that velvety note, all soft and deep and caressing and Dean wanted to say something, anything but he could only gaze at Roman and hold that promise to his heart... that stopped running. After a moment Roman tore his gaze away and looked over to the nightstand. His lips curled in a crooked smile.
"Why did you want that wheel nut? And why do you keep the broken phone?"
With that... their moment was over, he realized a little sad. Topic change but maybe it was good since they both needed time to process what had been said. A big step forwards it had been, even deeper into the other's personal bubble and slowly those two bubbles became... one. Their personal bubble. Roman had given a promise and that promise... it belonged to Dean... He had time now, to sort his feelings out, his jumbled emotions and arrive in his new life because if he was honest, he was still hadn't passed the point of really understanding that it all wasn't a dream. This was only his second day here...
His own eyes flicked over to the wheel nut that was sitting on the nightstand, carefully placed in the middle of it to make sure it couldn't drop to the floor and get lost by accident.
"Because."
"Dean..."
"Why is this so important to you?" he wanted to know while looking back at Roman, finding himself greeted by inquiring silver orbs and an in question raised brow.
"It is important to me because those thingies seem to be very important to you and I just... I just want to understand you, you know?"
"Well, okay, uhm... the phone, huh..." Dean began, his voice becoming quiet again and his gaze a bit distant as he spoke. "You know, if you wouldn't have given me that phone I don't know if I'd be here now."
"Don't say that," Roman pressed out between gritted teeth, making it obvious that he didn't like to even think about it.
"But it's the bloody truth, you know that," Dean murmured, turning onto his side again, facing his friend. His eyes dropped to Roman's hand that slid down, coming to lie between them. Dean's hand joined it, starting to pluck at the sheets nervously. "Maybe I just can't throw it away because it's like, you know, some kind of a lucky charm and..." The plucking stopped as Roman took Dean's hand in his own, just holding it in a way that said I've got you but was still loose enough for Dean to pull it out of the hold if the wanted to. But he did not, left it where it was instead, gently cradled by this big teddy paw. "I uh... uhm... fuck, I can't throw it away because, you know, you gave it to me." A half-hearted snort followed. "Holy crap, that sounds fucking corny. You must've rubbed off on me, man."
There was no comment uttered, no other sound breathed from Roman. There was only his hand holding Dean's, a bit fimer now, and his thumb that began to brush over Dean's fingers. Back and forth, back and forth. Slowly.
"And the wheel nut... uhm... it reminds me of myself. It's a little worn and bit dented and, you know, it's not all shiny and pretty but it's still too good to be thrown away." His voice dropped from a murmur to a mumble as he spoke, an uneasy feeling taking hold of him as he voiced this thought because he was openly admitting the doubts he had about himself. Still had. Would probably still have for a while until his mind that had been trained all those years to block real hope that good things could and would happen to him would start to stop questioning his new life. Admitting his self-doubts... it was something he'd never done before, not like this. Not this openly. It was a a mere whisper that left this lips as he asked: "I am still too good to be thrown away, ain't I?"
Here he was, at a moment's notice going from being okay to begging for reassurance again like some bloody drama queen... but...
Shit... fucking shit...
... but he needed to hear it. Sometimes, in those very-very dark moments he'd found himself in over those past years, he'd wondered if someone would notice at all if he vanished. Where there is no soul to hear, no sounds can be heard... or the absence of sound be noticed. But after all those years one soul had heard him.
Ro...
Pathethic. This was so goddamn, fucking pathethic...
"Dean... hey... hey, come on, look at me," Roman demanded softly, bringing his hand to Dean's chin to gently lift it until grey met blue again. Only then those fingers left Dean's chin to dive into his hair. "Stop that. Stop doubting yourself. You've fought all those years and you know that you are..." Too good to be thrown away? Maybe he needed to hear this spoken out aloud by Roman, a voiced confirmation like some icing on all the things Roman had done already and was still doing. For him... A soft sigh left those full and so kissable lips and as Roman spoke again, there was nothing but unguarded and purest affection lying in the low voice. "You are precious, Dean." The timbre of Roman's voice was thick and rich like honey. The fingers curled into his hair, oh so softly pulling him in until their foreheads touched. "Don't ever doubt that. You hear me?"
His breath hitched at those words, at the closeness but it wasn't close enough. His own hand dove into the dark mane, his fingers threading into the velvet in a hold that far more desperate than he wanted to admit and with a tiny, so very tiny sound in the back of his throat he angled his head just a little... until he felt the faint touch of lips on his own. But only briefly. With a stifled, throaty tone that sounded achingly torn, Roman broke that bit of a contact and wrapped his arms around Dean's leaner frame as he moved to lie on his back, pulling Dean with him. A protest danced on Dean's tongue but it was silenced by the echoe of Roman's words in his ears.
It's too soon.
An arm stayed locked around him, holding him firmly against Roman's side while a hand found to Dean's head, gently cradling it against the broad chest it was resting on and it was now that Dean registered how he was lying there, plastered all along his friend, head on his chest and one arm thrown over Roman's belly. It was... it was good. Yeah, good. With a sigh he slipped a leg between Roman's. Seth would probably point out now that he was marking his territory and fuck yes, he was.
"It's late, think we should grab some sleep now," Roman suggested after a moment, his voice distant as if he was lost in his thoughts.
Blinking out of the window and into the moonlit world out there, Dean could still taste the bitter tang of protest but it would fade. A lot had been said tonight and maybe it was time to just keep quiet and let things sink in.
"Stay?" he asked quietly.
Just say yes.
The broad chest rose and fell in a heavy but inaudible sigh.
Then: "Yeah."
Quietness filled the room, thick and heavy but peaceful, settling over them like a blanket while Roman's hold on Dean never ceased and for once Dean's mind did not spin but simply drifted in a ridiculously calm sea of what had happened in the past minutes... until sleep pulled him down eventually...
X
A moment of confusion washed over him as he dropped out of an uneventful trip to sleep-without-a-dream-land in the middle of the night. Bluish-white light replaced the blackness he'd just emerged from but the rather cold mood that was reigning in the room didn't reach him. It was warm were he was, cozy and comfy. Sheltered. A sleepy smile spread on his lips as his still muzzy brain noted that Roman was lying plastered against him from head to toe, spooning him. His back was pressed tightly against Roman's broad chest and one leg was thrown over Dean's. Also there was a hand resting on Dean's hip, its fingers holding on to him in a quite firm hold. Roman had his face nestled to Dean's hair and warm air was breathed against the back of his neck, tickling his skin and stirring the fine hair there. No idea how and when they had ended up like this but fuck, he wouldn't complain here, this was just too good.
For a moment Dean just savored it, them lying here like this.
It took him another moment to actually register... it. The hardness that was pressing against his backside. Tentatively he pressed his ass back into Roman, rubbing it a little against the other man's groin and what he received a faint moan while the hand held tighter on to his hips and the pressure against his ass got firmer as Roman rolled his own hips in answer.
Oh.
Once more he pressed back. And once more Roman rolled his hips while the hand pulled him back against the firm body. A sigh was breathed into his neck and then... a touch on the back of his neck, soft and warm. Moving slightly as Roman mumbled. Lips. It was Roman's lips.
"Ro?" he asked hushed but as he got in response was another mumbling.
The hand on his hip twitched a bit. Again more pressure against his ass and Dean realized that, no, Roman was not awake but he was obviously having an interesting dream here. A few long seconds Dean stared into the monnlight illuminated room, torn between being totally amused about the situation and being... aroused. He was aroused and sorry, how could he not? Having a Greek God rutting against you, because it was what Roman did here and... His thoughts ground to a halt, a heavy shudder running through him as Roman nuzzled his face against the back of Dean's neck, the beard scrubbing over his skin while those lips once more danced over it as words flowed past them he couldn't understand. Lips on his neck, a hard dick digging into his ass and a hand that held on to him possessively...
The grin on Dean's face vanished and with it the amusement that was swallowed by a tingling in his belly and a growing heat between his legs. His eyes closed on their own accord while he tilted his head a bit forward, giving more access. Not that those lips got more busy on his neck but he gained more contact with soft skin and face scruff and fuck, he wouldn't have thought that having face scruff scraping over his skin could be so goddamn hot.
He should go back to sleep. He really should. And never mention it.
He couldn't.
He knew that he fucking couldn't do that because his own hand was just moving down to his own cock that was envincing too much interest in this already. A barely audible shit left his mouth half-snorted, half-gasped as he slipped his hand into his boxers and began to stroke himself while pressing back against Roman who was still unaware of all this. This was poor, jerking off to his sleeping best friend, wasn't it? Or could he excuse it with being just human to surrender to his own needs? It sure was fucking thrilling. Blindly he fished for his shirt that was dangling from the bedpost of the headboard because it was the only thing within his reach he could use for... well.
Roman breathed a low, and throaty, rumbling sound that went straight to Dean's cock and made his breath catch in his throat, sent jolts throughout him... pushed any clear thought back into a dark corner of his mind. His heart picked up its pace, his breathing getting quicker and peppered with harsh gasps and stifled moans as he kept stroking his aching cock firmly, his hips bumping into his own hand and pressing back against Roman's still hard flesh while he tried not to wake Roman with what he was doing here. His mind latched on the feeling of that body against him, brought up images of Roman in the shower, engulfed by steam and his glorious body all wet... that caramel toned skin glistening, slick and smooth to the touch...
A tingling sparked where Roman's lips lingered in that featherlight contact on his neck and where his hand held on to Dean's hip. The hot breath that was fleeting over his neck made his skin prick and it all, it fuelled the heat that was coiling up in his stomach as he pumped his dick faster, frantic for release. It didn't take long though. It was another low, rumbling sound that Roman breathed, sounding like Dean's name that pushed him over the edge, made the heat in him unfurl and surge through him. Turning his face into the pillow, he muffled a groan he couldn't hold back as he came, spurting his cum into his shirt. A full body shudder wracked through him, fusing into light shivers which ran through him in soft waves.
For a long minute he remained unmoving, staring into the room while catching his breath as he tried not to think too much about what he had just done. With falling still, Roman also stopped the weak grinding against him, obviously going back to a less horny dream and a tiny pang of guilt rang through Dean for using Roman like he'd done. The bit of guilt drowned in another feeling though as another thought knocked at his still slightly dazed mind, pointing out that it had been his name that Roman had been mumbling while rutting against him. A tired but happy little smile grew on his lips as he took this thought and looked at it from all sides while cleaning his hand with the shirt and carefully storing it away in an empty drawer of the nightstand. No need that Roman or mommy Reigns would find it before he could wash the evidence of his nightly fun out.
He snuggled up to Roman and his smile grew a little as the hand on his hip moved and an arm was wrapped around him, pulling him in. Closing his eyes as he felt sleep tug him towards peaceful oblivion again, he allowed himself just to slip towards it, carried by a contented lightness and the feeling of being wrapped up in Roman...
- tbc -
A/N: Uuuhm, yeah. Maybe not what you guys expected but I hope you liked it though?
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