Okay, so this chapter has taken me one and a half week. Sorry for being late but I had some health issues and a major writer's block with which I'm still fighting.

I'm really trying to provide quick updates with long chapters, trying to keep it at a weekly rhythm or one week and a half at the latest. And please believe me when I tell you that I love you all. I really do and I have no words how much I appreciate each and every single review! They're like candy for me!

But: I got three pm's and two anonym reviews in the past days in which the reviewer wrote that I should please go back to my regular/normal update schedule. Huh, I didn't know that I do have a schedule?

Dear guests (or maybe only one and the same guest?) who wrote those two reviews and you guys who sent me the pm's, please don't get me wrong now. I'm really a happy girl that you like my story so much that you come to this page every single day to check for an update here. I really am. See, I'm not a machine. If I'm just hurrying to post anything, then it'll be shit (sorry for my choice of words here). I put all my heart into this story. I want it to be really, really good. But as much as I love and need writing, sometimes I just don't have the time. I don't want to lose my love for writing because I push myself too much.

And, sorry that I have to say this now, but guest, if you hate to having to come and check every day, then you got two options: either make an account and add a story alert, so you'll get a notice if an update is posted, or - and actually I don't want that but if you feel like this, then you'll have to do it - don't come back.

Sorry if I sound bitchy here because usually I'm a nice girl but I wrote chapter 14 while I suffered a migraine that lasted a full week. I did this just to keep the updates coming.

I'm trying, I really am. Sometimes things just don't go as one wants them to.

I hope I didn't drive anyone away with this but I had to get this off my chest.

However, enjoy this chapter! It's shorter than usually but I hope you'll like it nevertheless!

Half and hour. Half an hour of waiting. Half an hour of trying to comprehend what had happened and his mind dove back into those minutes to replay them in color and dolby surround again and again. One second everything was okay and the very next second hell was breaking loose.

What the fuck... what had happened...?

Frowning Roman looked up from his homework as something caught his attention. It took him a second until he got what was going on. The soft breathing sounds of Dean who had fallen asleep a while ago had changed to quick shallow puffs and deep, strained breaths in between. Uneasy.

And then... a cry. A breathless, haunted and utterly frightened little sound that sent a chill right to Roman's very core.

He could still feel the chill, freezing him from within. Numbing him. Just like it had done that very second as Dean had started to writhe on the bed, arching up, fighting against an invisible attacker, lashing out and crying again and again.

"Dean!" he called as he ran over to the bedside, sitting on it while reaching out to catch Dean's arms as he lashed out over and over again to stop him from hurting himself. "Dean, wake up!"

His fingers closed around Dean's wrist but the struggling only got stronger, the already strained breathing quickening... carrying panicked, choked sounds everytime the air left the fighting body again.

"Mom!" Roman called out loud, confusion and shock washing through him. With every second it got harder to keep his hold on Dean. "Dean! C'mon, wake up! DEAN!"

His heart ran, pounded, stumbled in his chest as panic added to shock and confusion and he kept calling for Dean to wake up, fought to keep him from hurting himself until suddenly the resistance died down and the fighting stopped... and Dean stopped breathing.

Faintly Roman heard his mother come in, heard her say something but he didn't hear her words.

Dean didn't breathe...

"DEAN!" he cried, letting go of his arms which dropped to the mattress lifelessly, frantically searching for a pulse on Dean's neck but there was no relief as he felt a faint beating under his digits. "No, nonono, come on! Breathe! Don't do this! Breathe, dammit! DEAN!"

His other hand closed around Dean's shoulder to shake him because he needed to wake up.

He froze... as Dean breathed a garbled version of his name, the barely there sound ragged and full of horror... before suddenly the lifeless body reared up and Dean lashed out. There was a sharp pain on Roman's cheek that shook him out of it as fingers grazed his face... but before he could get out of reach a fist connected with his nose, the blow sending him back and to the floor. Pain exploded in his face and tears shot to his eyes. With a groan he reached up, covering his nose with his hands. There was a warm wetness touching his palms, running from his nose down his face and his throat, leaving a metallic taste on his tongue.

His mother was calling Dean's name and he wanted to tell her to stay away, but all that left his lips was more groans. Blinking the tears away he drew his hands back, finding them bloodstained.

"Dean! Dean, calm down! It is okay, you're safe! He's not here!" he heard his mother say soothingly.

His vision was still blurred as he gazed up to them, finding Dean sitting with his back pressed against the headboard like a cornered animal, his heels digging into the mattress while his hands feverishly searched for a hold or whatever, making it seem as if he tried to push through the wall behind him and away from the invisible attacker. Roman's blood ran cold at the utterly horror-stricken expression on his face, the panicked blue eyes jumping back and forth between Roman and his mother who still talked soothingly to him. Dean flinched hard as his mother reached out to put a calming hand on his cheek.

Slowly rising to his feet, Roman asked: "Dean?"

His voice was shaking as he spoke. He fucking didn't care. But Dean only stared at him, his face still a horrified mask.

And then he heard his mother send him away, her voice taking on a sharper note at his weak objection. He didn't want to go. He fucking didn't want to leave Dean. He did go though because as his mother scooted closer to Dean and pulled him into her arms, a stifled sob escaped Dean's lips as he hid his face in the crook of her neck and he wished so very much that it was him holding Dean, his arms in which Dean was seeking shelter.

The last thing he heard as he walked out of his room was heavy breaths to which already tears were clinging, still unshed but there, causing his whole body to tighten as he realized that Dean was about to break down...

"Hey baby," his mom said softly while lifting his hand with the ice-pack away, gingerly feeling his nose. "How's your nose doing?"

"I don't give a shit about my nose, mom," he sighed, earning himself a chiding glare from his mother for his choice of words. "Sorry... What about Dean? Is he okay?"

"He's okay now. It was good that he let it out, I've been waiting for this to happen anyway," she replied, giving him tiny but reassuring smile. "I just would have wished that it hadn't happened like this but it's still better than not at all."

Putting the ice-pack aside, Roman braced his elbows on his knees and hid his face in his hands, hissing as his hand made contact with the scratch, causing it to burn. Drawing back, he looked at his palm, finding a red spot there. The scratch would most likely leave a scar behind. Huh... a little sick, wasn't it? That Roman wanted it to leave a scar? Like a reminder? Like... like a visible something for their bond?

It was now as he looked at his hand that he realized... that it was trembling. His hand was trembling...

"Baby?" Concern was heavily coating his mother's voice. Different to the worry that had been clinging to it anyway. "Baby, are you okay? You're trembling."

Well, shit... he was. Not only his hand but... his whole body.

Fuck...

"I'm okay, it's just..."

Clenching his hands to fists, he willed the trembling to stop and somehow it worked, even if it only died down slowly.

"Dean will be okay. Go to him, he needs you now," his mother mumured, running a hand over his hair before getting up and walking over to the small cabinet to retrieve a plaster.

"Not sure, mom. I messed things up today and..."

"He asked for you." The statement made him fall silent and in the midst of all the horror it bestowed him a warm feeling in his chest. Hunching down in front of him, she carefully cleaned his cheek and placed the plaster over the scratch. "Whatever has happened, baby, I'm sure it isn't important right now. You're his friend. He knows that and that's all that counts."

She kissed his forehead and stood up again to leave the room but stopped as Roman asked quietly: "Did he... did he say anything else? About his dream or..."

... his past?

"Yeah," Patricia answered as quietly, her expression darkening like he'd never seen it on her face before and he also could see that she wouldn't say what Dean had told her. And then something else flashed over her face, causing a smile to show up momentarily. "Baby... does he know that you love him?"

The question itself didn't surprise him because he'd already guessed that she had an idea this morning as he had met her on the corridor after leaving Dean's room. He'd known it by the smile she'd given him. He just wouldn't have expected her to ask it right now, in this situation.

"Yes and no. I've told him that I want to be with him but I haven't said that I, you know... love him. I don't think that he's ready yet to hear that."

And the incident only underlined that. Dean needed to come to terms with other things first before stepping onto this path. To know that there was someone who wanted to be with you was reassurance. But even being simple, those three words were huge and could be a massive pressure.

Too soon.

They had time. Whether Dean would need weeks or months to be ready for it or maybe even only days, what wasn't even impossible if he looked back at all the things which had already happened in only such a short time, it would be okay.

"Yeah, I think you're right, it's too soon. Okay then, I'm going back down now. And you should go to Dean. Don't let him wait."

With that she walked out of the bathroom, leaving the door open. For another moment he just sat there, gazing at the open door. And suddenly the room was awfully quiet. So quiet even that he could hear his own heartbeat. Well, probably it was only that the quietness around him made him more aware of the buzzing in his ears due to his still uneasy and heavily thumping heart.

He wasn't sure how to feel. The shock was still clinging to his bones but then there was a certain reassurance, too, that although this nightmare had been bad, so bad even that it had caused Dean to break down, this breakdown had been an important step for Dean on his way to heal. Then there was also this warmth because Dean had asked for him. And then there was nervousness and anticipation, because Dean knew now that he wanted him. And in between there was this determination to make things good for him at all costs.

He was still musing over this as he got up and his feet brought him over to his own room where Dean was. For a few seconds he just stood in front of the closed door, trying to find the right words, not knowing though which the right words were. Was there something like the right words in a situation like this? Probably not. Taking a deep breath, he nodded to himself and opened the door.

Dean...

Dean was still sitting on the bed, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He was gnawing at his bottom lip while his fingers scratched nervously over his legs. Roman's chest clenched painfully as Dean looked up to him, the beautiful blue eyes wide and red and puffy, the scare still visible in them. He sat up a little straighter as Roman walked up to the bed, his eyes obviously catching the plaster. There was a glint in the baby blues... before Dean averted his gaze.

"Hey," Roman said quietly as he sat down, fighting the urge to just wrap his arms around Dean and hold him tight.

Not the right thing to do though. No matter how much he wanted it, Dean had to decide whether he wanted this kind of closeness now or not.

"Hey..." Dean replied just above a whisper, his voice being unsteady even now as he barely spoke more than a breath.

How are you feeling? The question was lying on Roman's tongue but asking it would have been a bad joke, wouldn't it? It was more than obvious that Dean didn't feel good. It was written in his eyes and painted in his features as fine lines of sorrow which were etched into them.

From the corner of his eye he noticed Dean's hands clench to fists so tightly that his knuckles went white, probably even tight enough to draw blood were nails dug into palms and although he'd wanted to leave it to Dean to seek contact if he needed and wanted it, he couldn't help but reach out to gently unfurl his hands.

"Don't," he murmured, dropping his gaze to their hands. He knew that looking straight at Dean's face would cause his friend some kind of a pressure. The hands were a relative neutral area to look at. "You're hurting yourself," he added as he carefully kept them in a hold that was loose enough to pull them out if Dean wanted to.

He did his best to ignore the ache in his chest as Dean did pull his hands back, this time not clenching them to fists but twisting his fingers into the sheets as they dropped to the mattress. And still... no eye contact.

"Do you want me to go?" Roman asked then, fearing that his mother had misunderstood something and that him being here now might cause Dean extra stress... hoping that it wasn't like that.

"No," Dean replied quickly, finally seeking Roman's eyes again. "Stay..."

The relief Roman felt surely shone on his face but he didn't bother hiding it. They had passed the point of hiding already, hadn't they? With a soft sigh on his lips he shifted and made himself comfortable beside Dean, half sitting, half lying propped up against the headboard, all the while aware of those blue eyes resting on him.

Fragile...

The word came to his mind and it clung as much to the situation as it did to the way Dean looked this very moment. Fragile. Not weak. Dean wasn't weak but as he eventually looked up at him again, Roman knew that one wrong push could break him. He couldn't risk that. He'd pushed him too much already today...

And then he felt his poor heart do a tiny flip as Dean turned around to him, reaching out to run a hesitant finger over Roman's cheek just below the plaster, his eyes jumping back and forth between the plaster and Roman's sore nose.

"I'm so sorry, Ro," he breathed, his brows furrowing in undisguised grief. "I uh... fuck, I didn't want that..."

The hand dropped to Roman's thigh, remaining there and he could feel fingers digging into it.

Gingerly covering it with his own, he replied lowly: "I know. It's okay." This time Dean didn't pull his hand away. Good... "You wanna talk about it?"

The fingers dug harder into his thigh. And suddenly the air around them seemed to become dull and choking...

"I... I was back there and..." Briefly Dean fell silent, swallowing audibly. "I woke up and I was back in my old room... I wanted to get out there but he uh... he caught me... and..." He beat me up. Dean didn't need to say it. What he didn't speak out aloud told enough. "I called for you..."

That last sentence was spoken so very quietly that it was barely audible. Oh yeah, he remembered it. Remembered the twisted version of his name crawling past Dean's lips, barely a cry as more a ragged breath and so full of horror. The memory alone made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end and chased a haunted feeling down his spine.

"I heard you, Dean," Roman said somewhat absentmindedly as his mind dove back into those minutes. "Huh, you even stopped breathing. I wanted to wake you but I couldn't get through to you. I'm sorry."

Dean brought his free hand to his neck and ran his fingers over it lightly, seemingly not aware of what he was doing. The blue eyes briefly wore a distant glaze.

"He had his hands on my neck. Tried to choke me..." And suddenly Roman felt a pang of guilt. What if it had been his hand Dean had felt? As he'd searched for a pulse? What if it had been his fault that Dean stopped breathing? And while this realization sunk in, he noticed a shadow of guilt cross Dean's face. "Your nose... is it bad?" Dean wanted to know, guilt also clinging to his voice now. "How...?"

"No, s'fine" Roman reassured him. "You lashed out suddenly. First you caught my cheek and then my nose. But it's okay, so don't worry."

"Huh... I've ruined your pretty face," Dean chuckled weakly.

He was close to breaking again, Roman realized. That chuckle wasn't born out of misplaced amusement or a slightly lightening mood but of a weakening self-control that was shaking so heavily already that Roman could almost hear it sing.

"Don't be silly," Roman chided him softly, the urge to just wrap him up in his arms growing to the point of being almost overwhelming. "Maybe it'll leave a scar. So what? The last thing I care about right now is a scar. But I care about you, okay? What do you need? Tell me, Dean. Tell me what you want me to do..."

At his last words Dean averted his gaze again. Too much? Maybe...

But then, oh so very quietly and hesitant, shy almost and apologizing: "Could you... uhm... hold... me...?"

For a second Roman wasn't sure if he'd heard right because although he'd wished that Dean would seek contact, this... it was far more than he'd hoped for. It made his heart jump happily when it shouldn't. This wasn't a reason for a heart to jump in happiness when Dean asked this because he was shaken to his very core.

One of Dean's hand found it's way up and unconciously he rubbed it over his collarbone. His right shoulder twitched lighty as he gnawed on his bottom lip and it was jarring the cuts which were not yet healed, putting strain on them, yet he didn't seem to notice it. The inaudible singing of Dean's self-control got louder...

"I shouldn't have asked that, I..." Dean whispered then and it dawned on Roman the very second he heard the words that he had waited a moment too long to just say yes... and with it he'd given Dean the wrong impression.

Fuck... damn idiot...

Dean flinched as his hand was taken but followed as he was being pulled closer to Roman who gently guided him to sit between his legs.

"Sssh," Roman hushed him, feeling an ache in his chest at the insecurity which was showing up on Dean's face.

He could have apologized now for being an idiot, could have said that it was okay to ask that and how much he wanted to hold him... but instead he scooted a little deeper into the pillow and simply pulled Dean even closer until he was settled between Roman's legs, lying belly to belly with him.

"As long as you want," he said just above a whisper as he wrapped an arm around the leaner frame to hold him tight and safe.

Brows furrowed once more over baby blues in which a sea of whirling feelings and emotions was shining and the strange small sound that passed Dean's lips sounded somehow torn and folorn. It tugged hard at Roman's heart. Hard enough even to make it bleed a little. His chest still ached while his heart once more did a happy flip, the contradiction lying in this as ridiculous as it was sad.

Things would get better eventually. He knew that, only... he wished that eventually would be now. Seeing Dean suffer ached him. There should be happiness glowing on this handsome face, not sorrow veiling it like a shadow. And those kissable lips shouldn't be pressed to a thin line but shining with a smile, just like the baby blues shouldn't be dulled but sparkling. It all was so wrong. His free hand found the blond locks, diving into it to cup the back of his friend's head. Tears rose to Roman's eyes... and fell... and he didn't even bother to stop them.

Gently pulling Dean in, he breathed a kiss to his forehead and whispered: "God, Dean, you scared me..." Another kiss. Maybe he shouldn't do this but he could not not do it. Maybe it was wrong... but his lips touching Dean felt so right. He heard a sob being stifled, felt his chest clench for the umpteenth time. "Not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again, even it's the last thing I'll be doing." Again... a sob, being forced down to a heavy breath. "I need you..."

It was the fucking truth, he did need Dean and even if it wasn't the right moment for those other three words, he wanted him to know this. The whisper that left Dean's mouth carried his name as the other man broke the contact and buried his face in the crook of Roman's neck while fingers twisted into Roman's shirt. Tugging himself closer, Dean began to draw deep and heavy breaths which sounded awfully wet.

"It's okay," Roman soothed, cradling his friend's head and holding him tight... feeling his chest heave, hearing him fight against the tears. It wasn't what he had wanted to happen. He'd never wanted to force another breakdown but maybe, just maybe... Dean needed this because all the strain and the pressure and terror of the past years were falling off of him right now. Pressing his lips against the soft hair, he mumbled: "It's okay, just let go. I've got you."

He felt the deep breaths becoming unsteady as Dean pressed impossibly close to him... before the sobs which had been held back so stubbornly won. Roman closed his arms around the shaking frame a wee bit tighter, just as much to make Dean feel that he was safe as to anchor himself as the tiny, wet and torn sounds which were breathed into the hollow of his neck tore mercilessly at him. And in the quietness that settled down on them like a blanket, dulling the sounds from outside this room as they held on to each other, his own whispered, soothing words sounded oddly loud.

And the tears... kept falling...

X

Hours passed by. Dean was calm now, had cried himself to sleep a long while ago and this time the nightmares stayed away. Maybe it was because he was lying sheltered in Roman's arms? At least Roman hoped that his embrace could keep the bad dreams away. Dean still clung to him, remaining plastered along him even as he was oblivious to the world. His breathing was calm, even. Every once in a while he mumbled something but not once did it sound as if he was haunted. And sometimes... it was Roman's name.

Sweet, sweet ache...

How many kisses had found a home in Dean's hair, Roman had no idea. Or how many minutes he'd spent with his face being nuzzled against the blond softness while his fingers wandered calming trails over his friend's back...

It seemed that Dean was deeply lost in his sleep because even when Roman moved a little to bring some feeling back into his legs he didn't stir and when his mother came in to check on them and bring some food and she brushed a hand over Dean's hair, it was only a sigh he gave in response.

It had already been late afternoon as the nightmare had caught Dean and now as Roman glanced over to the clock, it showed him almost midnight. Huh, so he'd spent more than six hours with just sitting here and holding the man who owned his heart. But if necessary, then he would do this the whole fucking night.

The sandwiches his mother had brought were still standing there on the nightstand, untouched because he simply wasn't hungry. The fuck he would let go of Dean even for a single moment, not when Dean was trusting him to watch over him.

His mind had calmed down, too, in the meantime. It had been a nightmare that kicked a dam down obviously and the flood of all that dam had been holding back had been too much but after all it had been important that Dean let go of what he'd locked away all those years. The weight of it would have become too much sooner or later anyway.

Yeah, it was another step forward, as horrifying as this step had been...

A quiet moan drew his attention and a second later Dean stirred softly in his embrace. A sigh followed.

Then, sleepily: "Ro?"

"Hey there, Captain Solo. You feeling better?" he murmured, combing his fingers through the unruly hair.

"Yeah, a little," was the answer and he could have sworn that there was even a tiny smile lying in it.

The feeling of Dean's lips moving against the skin of his neck sent a faint but nice shiver throughout him.

"You wanna go back to sleep or do you wanna talk a bit?" he asked as his fingers travelled through the strands ceaselessly.

"Can we stay like this a little longer?" Dean mumbled, a please coating his words heavily.

Funny how someone to shy, averse actually to any kind of contact could turn out to be so clingy. Just as Seth had assumed.

"Sure, as long as you want," he replied softly, stubbornly ignoring that he'd lost the feeling in his backside a long while ago already. "So?"

Dean scooted a bit deeper until his head was resting on Roman's chest until his ear was on the spot right above his heart. The light of the decreasing moon was falling through the window, illuminating the world in here just enough for Roman to make out the expression on Dean's face as he looked down at him and what he found there was... peace. Dean looked peaceful. He wouldn't have supposed this after the shock today.

"What do you want to talk about?" Dean wanted to know, his fingers unfurling and letting go of Roman's shirt to splay over his sides instead... his thumbs brushing lightly back and forth in a shy caress.

Nice. It brought a smile to Roman's lips, one that died away instantly as he pondered if he really should ask what was lying on his tongue.

Your past.

Was it a good idea to ask it? But if not now, then when? Waiting again? And reopening a wound that maybe would start to heal now?

No...

Dropping a kiss to the top of Dean's head, he breathed: "Tell me about your past, Dean."

And the thumbs on his sides... stilled...

- tbc -

So? Hope it was acceptable. Got some words for me? Pwease? *big puppy eyes*

A/N: The next update might take a while again since I'm taking part in a writing competition (Last Drabble Writer Stand on tumblr and LiveJournal, also see my weekly updates on Drabble Me This, Drabble Me That where I post my drabbles after the voting) and this weekend I'll be away because I got tickets for a WWE Live Show and since I'm going to stay at Nürnberg with my sister in tow, I won't have the time for writing anything. So, forgive me and I hope for your patience ;)