Phew, so here we have the next chapter and it's actually the penultimate one.
Yup, I know.
And because I know that some of you might be in need for it during this chapter, I got something for y'all...
*prepares buckets with ice-cold water*
*prepares boxes of Kleenex*
So, I won't keep you any longer from hopping into this chapter.
Have fun!
He loved the mood in here... in this little garage that was the embodiment of how a garage in which an old Camaro was being repaired bit by bit should look like. This used, dusty, oil stained look, the light being filtered and dimmed by old and almost blind windows. The smell of old car tires and motor oil.
Maybe this was Sika's garage but it sure was Dean's own little kingdom. He had his own key, could come here whenever he wanted, do whatever he wanted. No one of the workers out there came to disturb him and even Daddy Reigns stayed away if it wasn't something important to talk about that couldn't wait until the evening when they all were at home.
Roman was the exception. Sometimes he was keeping him company, watching how Dean was working on the Chevy, stealing kisses in between. Roman never helped with the Chevy but that was okay, because that car was Dean's baby.
It was about being here. With Dean. It was about them being together.
Gazing up at the door, Dean smiled absentmindedly. Roman was late today but it was okay. The extra time it had given Dean had been good, necessary even to think about some things.
Like... yesterday. It had been a bit of a shock to him that Roman had admitted to Randy just like that that he was gay and in that moment he'd moved before thinking as he'd stepped between Roman and Randy. But God knew, if Randy would have dared to touch Roman, he'd punched Randy's teeth in. And then... that Roman would have given the team up without batting an eye.
He'd been thankful that Roman had left the choice to come out to him but that very moment there hadn't been a doubt if he should claim his man officially or not. Roman belonged to him now. They belonged together.
The time of doubts and hiding was over...
And last night when they... His smile broadened as he focused back on his task in the motor compartment. Last night in the tub, it had been perfect. Sometimes he wondered how one perfect moment could chase the other without that perfection finding an end eventually but he hoped it would never stop.
Before Roman made him fall apart in the tub, there had been that moment when he wished they would do more than just... that... but somehow he hadn't been able to voice it. Maybe because there was this part of him that was still a little scared about it.
It would be his first time after all.
Running his hand over the fuel pump, he closed his eyes. For him this fuel pump was the heart of the Camaro and sometimes when he allowed his hand to rest on it he could have sworn that he was feeling a faint heartbeat there. Silly, he knew that but still...
And sometimes, when no one was around, he talked to the Chevy, told him about his worries, about his thoughts and feelings. This car had listened to things that not even Roman knew about.
With a sigh he stepped back from the car, reaching for a braided hose and a screw-wrench, before leaning back over the motor compartment again while his mind wandered back to their moment in the tub. Those two moments actually. The quiet holding on to each other... he could have done that forever, holding Roman like that. And their almost-real-sex afterwards and in both moments there had been something lingering between them, something good and strong and it had seemed to Dean that Roman had fought not to say... something.
Like... I love you.
Dean hoped that he was right because... he loved him, too.
He knew that now, was sure about it. Was strong enough to admit it finally, to himself and to Roman.
And Roman deserved to be loved, didn't he?
I love you.
So much that if this between them wouldn't last forever... that it would shatter Dean beyond the point that he could ever put the pieces back together.
It was what scared him the most, that Roman had become an inherent part of his life, maybe the most important thing in his life even yet he wouldn't want it any other way. Roman was holding his life in his big and strong hands but at least Dean had the feeling that he held Roman's life in his own hands, too.
Shaking his head lightly, he put the screw-wrench away and grabbed two of the old tires that where sitting in a corner of the room and made his way out of the garage and towards the pile of old tires out on the yard. It was a sunny day and the air was warm, too warm almost. The sunlight was burning down on his bare upper body, the feeling unfamiliar to him but good. He wasn't sure when it had been the last time that he'd walked around barechested. Actually he wasn't sure if he'd ever done that. Maybe while being a very, very little child.
Hauling the tires on the pile, he thought about the S he'd drawn on Roman's chest early this morning. Superman hadn't even stirred in his sleep while he'd been doing that and Dean hoped that it would still be there later, when Roman came to pick him up. It belonged there, even if Roman was obviously thinking otherwise.
I ain't no superman.
Yes, you are, Dean thought as he walked back to the door of the garage, picking up a bottle of water that was sitting in a shady place beside the door. He took a sip before pouring some of the water over his head, the liquid nicely cool on his skin as it ran down his body.
His feet carried him back to the car then, back to the motor compartment were he once more laid his hand on the fuel pump, tenderly brushing his thumb over it.
"I love him, you know?" His voice was nothing more than a soft breath. "I really love him..."
And wasn't it there? That heartbeat under his palm? But maybe it was only the echo of his own heart, like it had been this morning as he'd been sitting in the backseat for a while, savoring the quietness while gazing into the half-light of the dim room, thinking, feeling... listening to his own heart and what it was whispering to him with every beat.
Drawing back, Dean took the cloth that was dangling from his hip pocket, wiping his hands before slowly walking along the flank of the Camaro towards the trunk, tenderly running his hand over the smooth surface.
"Should I be jealous?"
He wasn't even startled by the sudden voice. The low timbre and the smile it was wearing washed through him in the best way and with a smile of his own he looked up, finding himself greeted by sparkling grey orbs.
And his heart was whispering again...
I love you.
The expression in Roman's eyes shifted, the sparkling dulling a little, glazed over by something much heavier as he closed the door and locked it, before slowly walking towards Dean.
"Ro," Dean breathed. His hand was smoothing over the car again as he made his way back to the hood. "You're late."
Carefully he closed the hood, perching on it. Watching Roman approach him still slowly, that heavy emotion getting stronger with every step. It caused Dean's heart to quicken its pace. And then Roman was standing right there in front of him, lifting a hand to wipe a few wet strands out of Dean's forehead and for a moment they just looked at each other and there was a depth in Roman's eyes that pulled him in mercilessly. Oddly enough his heart stopped its run... as Roman leaned in and kissed the scar on his forehead lovingly, the lush lips lingering there for a few heartbeats. It had become a ritual to do this but today Dean had an answer and when Roman's lips left the scar, Dean reached out for the hem of Roman's shirt, lifting it up to see if the S was still there.
It was.
Tugging the shirt over Roman's head, he let it drop to the ground carelessly while tracing the S with tender fingertips. And then he placed a kiss right on its middle. Gentle fingers in his hair... and a sigh raining down on him. And just like Roman had done just a moment ago, Dean allowed his lips to linger on the soft skin before he straightened up and sought Roman's eyes again.
Deep eyes. Rich with emotions and warm like the sun and Roman's words came back to him...
... I know the right moment will come and then I'll tell him and if he feels the same, then I believe there's nothing that can stop us from being happy together...
A whisper in his chest... three little words... with every beat...
Roman whispered his name but Dean stopped him with a light shake of his head.
"You said that you believe that there's the right moment," he said just above a whisper, watched as Roman opened his mouth to say something but again he stopped him, laying a finger on Roman's lips. There was warmth spreading throughout him and peace as he spoke again. "I love you, Ro. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes..."
He heard Roman draw a shuddering breath, saw him close his eyes.
"Dean..." Roman breathed, bringin their forehead together in a light touch. "God, Dean..." Fingers diving into his hair, an arm was circling his waist, as Roman moved in on him, coming to stand between Dean's legs. "I love you, too."
Dean felt himself being pulled tighter against the big frame and with a sigh Roman tilted his head a bit, sealing his lips over Dean's in a kiss so needy that it made Dean wonder how much the other man had been craving to finally hear those words. Bringing his arms up around Roman's neck, Dean surrendered with a tiny moan to the unfamiliar fierceness that trickled into this kiss. Tongues, pushing, exploring, sliding against each other. There was a sharp pain as Roman sucked at his bottom lip, biting down on it. Teeth, grazing over lips. Moans being swallowed. A shiver chased down Dean's spine as Roman rolled his hips, a certain hardness rubbing against Dean's hardening cock. Gasping into the kiss, Dean bucked his hips because shit, he wanted more.
The hand never left Dean's hair just like the arm around his waist never faltered in its tight hold and the lips on his own kept devouring his mouth. Bliss. Eventually the big hands began to wander down hungrily, fingers tracing the patterns of his body on their way down while his own hands found the dark mane and the broad shoulders, the softness of the black velvet and the hard muscles under his touch being so very perfect in their difference. Blunt nails were skimming over Dean's skin, leaving it pricking and his breath hitching. Fuck, he wanted this. It. Now. He wanted more than just hands and...
... and his thoughts skidded to a halt as nimble fingers undid his jeans that was being pushed down roughly, as those fingers closed around his already hard cock and jerked it almost inquiringly once, twice. His groan mingled with the grunt that Roman gave as Dean's fingers grabbed a fistful of the black strands a little too tight, while his nails dug into the think muscles of Roman's shoulder a little too hard. Involuntary Dean bucked his hips, thrusting into the firm hold.
"Jesus fuck, Ro..." he mumbled into the lasting kiss. "Fuck..."
"Maybe..." Roman whispered back as he broke the kiss eventually, licking and nibbling his way down Dean's throat, stopping briefly to suck at the pulse point.
It chased goosebumps all over Dean's body and again as Roman worked his way down, lingering a few second where neck met shoulder. That tongue. Those hands. And all Dean could do was hold on to Roman.
He was lost already. And fuck, he didn't care...
Kisses were planted on his chest and his belly as he watched Roman kneel down between his legs, his free hand roaming Dean's body while gently pushing him back to lie on the hood while the hand on Dean's dick lazily moved, driving him crazy with it. Looking down on himself, he watched Roman's tongue dart out, teasingly avoiding the rock hard, twitching fesh that was aching for contact, causing Dean to lift his hips a little. It earned him a low chuckle.
"Impatient boy," Roman whispered, his breath hot on Dean's skin.
Dean wanted to say something but whatever it was, it died in this throat as lush lips wrapped around his cock and an eager tongue swirled around its head.
For a second the sensation was so overwhelming that he couldn't breathe.
With a throaty groan he dropped his hand down to Roman's head, tangling his fingers into the black hair, tugging helplessly at it as Roman began to bob his head, sucking, licking, grazing the sensitive flesh with his teeth. Fingers... travelling over his skin in a touch that was featherlight... yet it caused that bright electricity to dance on his skin, made it prick... A heavy shiver ran through Dean as Roman hummed lowly, the vibrating sound seeping into Dean while that hot cavern keep sucking him harder now and bucking his hips sharply, he shoved his dick deeper into the hot cavern that felt so fucking good on him, felt a nother heavy shiver run throughout his body as he looked down only to see Roman deep-throating him and... pumping his own cock lazily...
When had he even unbuttoned his own jeans...?
"Shit, Ro, you're looking so damn hot touching yours..." The words got stuck in his throat and morphed to a sound of complain as Roman pulled back. A hand was held out to him and he took it as he saw the determined expression on his lover's face. His heart tripped hard in his chest at it. "Ro?" he panted, gazing at the big man in question.
Roman pushed his own jeans down and stepped out of it before leaning in to steal a kiss from Dean's lips.
"I want you to fuck me," he whispered against them, stealing Dean's breath with it. With that he took a step to the side and braced on the hood beside Dean, gazing at him with an expression so full of trust that for a moment Dean couldn't move. "Dean?" Quietly spoken and a bit unsure maybe. "If you don't want to, then..."
"No, I uh... it's just, you know, I..." he stuttered nervously, pushing away from the hood.
"Yeah," Roman smiled softly. "Yeah, I know."
And it's okay, that smile said.
Roman shifted a little, holding a hand out towards him and the firm hold as he took it made him feel ridiculously safe. It chased the nervousness away. A gentle tug at Dean's hand asked him to come closer and he followed, stepping up behind the man who owned his heart. His hand was placed on Roman's waist, was held there for a second, Roman drew his own hand back.
Dean's heart pounded hard. Anticipation? Yeah. Yeah... His cock twitched. Need. The need for more, that craving he'd felt yesterday in the tub.
Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around the other man's middle, resting his forehead between Roman's shoulder blades. He could feel the faint pounding of Roman's heart, felt the broad chest rise and fall with every unsteady breath. A hand settled on his arms, pressing them a little tighter against the body they were circling.
"You sure, Ro?" he asked hushed.
For a reason he couldn't really name he'd thought that Roman would be the one topping when they would have their first time. But Roman gave himself to Dean and that was... it was...
"Yeah, I am." Though the reply was a little breathless and the low voice a bit shaky, the note that was lying in it left no doubt that Roman was sure. "I want this. I want to feel you."
Screwing his eyes shut against a suspicious stinging in his eyes, Dean placed a kiss to his lover's spine before straightening up again while he was trying to push the fact that he had no idea how to do this right into a dark and quiet corner of his mind. Or that Roman wanted this without being... prepared...
His name was whispered, begging almost, as Roman pushed his ass firmer against Dean's groin.
Shit.
Reaching for a of hand lotion that was sitting on a small table close to the car, he retrieved some of it, brought a bit of space between their bodies and slicked his own cock up before lining it up with Roman's entrance. A low groan passed Dean's lips as he slid in slowly, mingling with the sharp hiss Roman breathed. There was a certain resistance as he kept pushing forward, underlined with Roman's stifled sounds of discomfort... leaving him torn between stopping right here and now and not being able to stop because it felt so fucking good.
Roman's fingers curled on the hood until his hands were balled to fists. The strong flanks trembled under Dean's palms and the broad shoulders tensed up while Roman dipped his head forward.
"Shit, Ro, I don't think..." he began, starting to pull back out but Roman shook his head no.
"Don't…" he heard him press out in an almost keening way, wrapped up in quick breaths. "Just... just give me a moment..."
Remaining like this, Dean ran his hands soothingly over the broad back, willing his own breathing to calm down because fuck, he wasn't even fully buried in that tight heat and it already felt so incredibly good that he was sure that he wouldn't last long... but he didn't want to cum before they had really started. Roman's body clenched lightly around his cock and the sensation made it throb.
Carefully he leaned in again, planting kisses along Roman's spine that were meant to be soothing for Roman but also as a distraction for himself as he waited for Roman to give him a sign to move.
"Fuck," he whispered against the skin under his lips. "Fuck, Ro, this feels so fucking good..."
One of his hands travelled around the broad frame, over tight abs and further down to Roman's neglected dick. The low moan he was gifted with as his fingers wrapped around the heated flesh, pumping it lazily, jolted right down between his own legs. A light movement... then he felt a big hand settle on his, joining him. And slowly the resistance faded away as the body around his own cock relaxed. A nod... and he pushed deeper, until he was buried in him completely. He stilled again, giving Roman the time to adjust to the intrusion but it was so damn hard not to move because the heat, the tightness and the way Roman clenched around his cock almost made him lose it.
Eventually Roman took a deep breath and shuddering breath that carried one words as it was exhaled again.
"Move."
Never stopping his ministrations on Roman's cock, Dean obeyed carefully beginning to slide in and out and with every thrust he felt Roman take him easier while every fibre of his own body tuned in on his lover as waves of pleasure coursed through him, clouding his mind over again. As Dean finally straightened up again, he found Roman's head still bowed forward, the black hair falling down like a curtain and he couldn't make out if Roman was still in pain.
"Ro?"
The name left his throat as a moan but the message was received anyway.
"S'okay," Roman panted. "Don't stop..."
Okay.
No, okay wasn't good enough. It wasn't good at all, Dean's muzzy mind realized. Shifting his stance a little, Dean changed the angle of his thrusts a little... until Roman arched his back suddenly, gracing him with a drawn-out, stuttering moan that told Dean that he had found the right spot and that Roman had left the pain behind.
"Dean..." A groan. His own? Roman's? Who fucking cared... "Fuck, Dean... yesss..."
Spurred on by his lover's reactions, he began to speed up his movements, savoring the moans which dropped from those lips he so wanted to kiss now. Soon the room was filled with stifled moans and gasps and occasionally the quiet squeaking of the shock absorbers of the Chevy that bounced lightly under the rhythm of their love-making.
Heat was collecting in the pit of Dean's belly, coiling up and tugging at his insides. It was burning bright, blazing up white hot every time Roman's body arched, pushing back against him to impale himself even more on Dean's aching cock while fucking their joined hands. Low, needy groans and an almost tortured yeah from his lover that turned into a breathless and broken moan ripped at the coiling heat, tearing at it, setting jolts of heat free that shot throughout his body.
"F-faster," Roman grunted then. "Dean..."
The muscles of the broad back flexed under the caramel toned skin that gleamed softly under a thin sheen of sweat, as the fingers of the sunlight which fell through the dirty and dull window skimmed over it. Beautiful.
Mine.
Complying with his plea, Dean brought his free hand down to Roman's hip in a tight grip, his fingers digging in the flesh as he started for a fast and hard pounding, pushing into Roman deep with each thrust.
He whispered Roman's name and Roman turned his head, gazing at him over his shoulder and his eyes were almost black, Dean noticed. Black and deep and dazed. Burning. Because of him. For him.
The world around Dean literally vanished. All there was... was Roman. All he could feel was him, this solid body moving against him, around him and all he could see were those eyes, dazed and burning with lust, yet open and vulnerable and so full of trust and love. The sudden sensation that overwhelmed him felt so powerful that he almost had to look away for relief but Roman's eyes kept him prisoner and fuck, he wanted to drown in them.
"Jesus, Ro... you're so... goddamn beautiful..."
The heat in his belly grew, flaring to a dull burning that set every inch of his body on fire. Faintly he noticed both their movements becoming even more frantic and Dean's hold on Roman's hip tightened, becoming hard enough that there would probably be marks the next day. The hard flesh in his hand twitched as he added a slight twist to his ministrations, ripping a small cry from Roman's throat...
They were both so close… so damn close… and with a final thrust he felt Roman tense for the briefest of moments before he gasped and groaned, a long and low and needy sound that echoed through Dean's mind, carrying his name as Roman came, a full-body shudder ripping thorough the massive body that clenched hard around him. The heat in Dean's belly unfurled, rolling in a wave of pleasure through him that he'd never felt before as his own orgasm hit so quickly and hard as the combined sensations pushed him over the edge, that his own moan got left his throat as a twisted little and breathless sound. With one last thrust, he buried himself as deep as he could in the clenching heat.
Spent Dean sank forward onto Roman's back, wrapping his arms around the thick waist lazily. Quietness fell over the room. Or rather... almost... Through the buzzing in his hears he could hear the faint sounds of busyness out there and the sound of both their harsh breaths. He'd lost track of time and thus had no idea how long they remained like this, joined and... one... as he floated in the tingling sensation of the aftermath, feeling heat that emanated from Roman, breathed his scent… feeling his heartbeat.
But eventually they had to move. There was a quiet grunt from Roman as Dean pulled out and he just wanted to whisper a sorry as Roman turned around to him as lips sealed tightly over his own in a kiss that not only stole little word and his breath away but also his heart all over again. Arms came up around his waist, pulling him flush against the massive body and all he could do was wrapping his arms around Roman's neck to anchor himself somehow. Much too soon they had to come up for air. Still slightly dazed but satiated and utterly happy greys met his gaze.
"You're a natural, Captain Solo," Roman smiled, planting a peck to Dean's forehead.
"Yeah, guess I am," Dean grinned, his gaze dropping to the full lips momentarily. He stole a tiny kiss. A sweet one. "How 'bout another round?" he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.
Not that he would have been able to go another round to be honest... but it sure was the best kind of exhaustion he'd ever felt.
"Woah, gimme a break, I'll be walking funny tomorrow after this round already," Roman snorted, shaking his head lightly. "My ass isn't used to have guests, man."
"No guests," Dean complained half-heartedly. "I bought that place, mister, and I just moved in."
The smile on Roman's face faded a little, becoming breathtakingly loving.
"Yeah, I guess you did," he heard him agree quietly.
They were standing here, naked and sweaty in a dirty garage after having sex more or less on the hood of Daddy Reigns car... and it was perfect. This moment... was perfect.
For a second the grey eyes wandered over Dean's face.
"I love you," Roman whispered then as he lifted a hand to Dean's hair, wiping a few sticky strands out of his forehead.
"And I love you," Dean whispered back, leaning into the touch as he felt the hand brush down to cup his face.
Seconds went by in which they only gazed at each other...
... before the sound of someone trying to open the locked door broke the spell. Their names were called. Daddy Reigns.
"One minute, dad!" Roman called back, trying hard not to let the chuckle that was trickling into it to come through too much.
Reaching for one of the cleaner cloths, Dean wiped his hand clean and threw it over to Roman who caught it to do the same.
"Well," Dean grinned and admittedly dirty little grin as he threw his jeans back on, his eyes finding traitorous stains on the hood of the car. "You came all over your dad's Chevy. You made the mess, you clean it."
With a half-hearted huff Roman wiped the evidence away, throwing the cum stained cloth at Dean after being done but missing him as Dean ducked out of the way. The moment he came up again, he found himself nose to nose with Roman who wrapped an arm around his middle to pull him flush against him while his other hand dove in the dirty blond locks, gently grabbing a fistful of the messy strands to bring their faces close.
"Next time I'll cum all over you," Roman growled softly, flicking his talented tongue teasingly over Dean's lips. "Or rather... in you..."
Silly heat rose to Dean's cheeks but he couldn't have cared less. Any thought was shoved aside as Roman claimed his lips in a kiss full of promises and, fuck, he couldn't wait for Roman to keep them.
X
Dean's gaze was fixed on the witness stand. A shiver chased down his spine. Soon he would have to lay all that had happened bare to all the people here. And he would have to listen to what his stepfather had to say and... Grinding his teeth, Dean brought his eyes to the worn surface of the table he was sitting at. Around him hushed voices were filling the room, somehow weighing down on him, just like the massive grey walls of the room seemed to close in on him. Time stretched while they were waiting to begin the final chapter of his old life.
The trial that would make sure his stepfather would be locked away for a long time.
Beside him his name was being said and a hand settled on his shoulder... Daddy Reigns. His new dad and the only real father he'd ever had. Since Daddy Reigns was his official foster father, he would be sitting here at his side during the whole trial and Dean was grateful for it. A part of him wished it would have been Mommy Reigns but he knew that she couldn't do it. He knew it because he'd overheard a conversation between her and Sika where she'd said that she wished she could be sure not to lose her nerves and end up crying or insulting Dean's stepfather.
Gazing at the older man, he tried to smile but he failed. His past was catching up with him now, made him feel like back then before Roman had stepped into his life and pulled him out of the hellhole. There was the all too familiar taste of fear and desperation lingering on his tongue and helpless rage, like a bad aftertaste. Like an all too vivid memory. It was choking, made him sick.
A voice in him cried to just get out of here but he knew that he couldn't do that, not only because he was a witness in this case but also because he needed to do this to draw a fucking line under the whole fucking shit. If he left now, he'd always have an unfinished chapter in the book that was his life. It would forever be there because he needed to hear the words that sentenced his stepfather to rot in jail, just as he needed to look the bastard straight in the eye and tell him this way that he had lost, that the years of holding Dean down hadn't broken him.
At least not to the point where the pieces couldn't be put back together.
And he wanted him to see that he had a family now and... Roman. He wanted him to see Roman. He wanted that bastard to see that there was someone who glued the damage he'd left. And that Dean was happy.
Although... right now the sudden and overwhelming wave of bad memories washed over that happiness and covering over it like ice, thick and hazy. The happiness was still there... only he couldn't reach it.
The hand on his shoulder gave it a light squeeze and he realized that he'd been staring at Daddy Reigns. Again he tried to bring up a smile. Again he failed. But then Daddy Reigns smiled for him and he was grateful.
"I'm here, son," Sika said quietly. "We're all here with you. I know you can do this. You're strong."
Dean reached out to those words, held them close and briefly it made him forget about the sickness and the desperation. It was still so unfamiliar to hear someone say things like that to him. There was a stinging in his eyes that made him blink quickly while he willed it away. This wasn't the right time.
We're all here with you.
They were. Roman, Mommy and Daddy Reigns and Seth.
Pressing his lips to a thin line, Dean looked away from Sika, his eyes seeking his own hands which lay folded on the table he was sitting at. When had he folded them...? They were trembling lightly, he noticed, and it caused him to drop his hands on his thighs and out of Sika's sight, shielded by the table they were sitting at.
Beside him his attorney spoke, telling someone that they should go back to their place. It was Roman's voice that was there right beside him, too, that made him look over.
"Just a moment," Roman said to Dean's attorney who raised a brow and nodded, telling him though that he had to go back immediately the moment the judge would come in.
Dean's heart tripped as it sped up and tried to reach Roman who gave the man a curt nod, before stepping up to Dean where he hunched down at his side. The grey eyes were... they were sparkling as their gazes locked. Sparkling with confidence and encouragement and love.
I am proud of you, they said.
Bringing a hand up to Dean's face, Roman cupped his cheek and smiled at him while his thumb brushed lightly back and forth in a tender caress and this very second Dean wished, really wished with all his heart they could be on the backseat of the Chevy now, with Roman's arms wrapped around him.
"Hey, Captain Solo," Roman murmured, tilting his head a little to the side.
"I want out of here, Ro," Dean whispered. His right shoulder twitched lightly, betraying him like it had done so often already in the past. "I... uh..."
Only a few weeks ago the world had been different. The fuck he would have admitted any kind of weakness, would rather have bitten his fucking tongue off, because it was what he was just doing... admitting weakness. But things had changed now and this was Roman. His safe harbor.
Corny much, Ambrose?
"I know," Roman sighed, the smile on his face tinged now sympathetically yet it was still encouraging. "I know." Roman took one of Dean's hand in his, lifting it up to his lips to breathe a kiss to Dean's palm. "Just keep thinking about that you can pay it all back to him now, okay? You're gonna walk out here free while he's gonna go to jail. You won." Wasn't it funny? How a few words clad up in Roman's voice could soothe him? But they did and fuck, he wished he could just wrap those arms around himself now. "Wait, I've got something for you," Roman added, retrieving an item from his pocket and... it was the phone. "Thought you might want to have it with you?"
Closing his fingers around the small device, Dean felt the rough edges where the cover was broken and the familiar weight of the phone and he held on to the sweet tinge of safety it brought with.
God how he loved this man.
"Thanks, Ro," he whispered, leaning into the touch of the hand that still touched his face. The happiness that had been covered by that thick layer of bad things was closer again now. "Gonna kick his ass, huh?"
"Yeah, you're gonna kick his ass," Roman agreed hushed, moving in to breathe a kiss to Dean's forehead and seeking his gaze again as he drew back much too soon. I've got you, Dean found there written. "Look at me when you have to do your testimony," Roman added softly. "We'll do this together, okay? No matter what happens, just look at me, okay? I love you, baby boy."
Baby boy. It did something funny to Dean's belly. Something good.
"And I love you," he whispered back, feeling the hand leave his face as Roman straightened up.
Don't go, he wanted to say but he knew that Roman had to go back to his seat and for a brief moment he watched him walk back to Mommy Reigns, before turning back around in his chair to face the witness stand again.
The door opened and his stepfather was brought in and as their gaze met, Dean's fingers closed so tightly around the phone that the cover gave way under his grip, cracking a little more. Contempt was lying in eyes he had learned to hate and a sneer stretched the other man's lips... but it lured the ceaselessly defiant part of Dean out of its sleep. Sitting up straighter, he squared his shoulders. His lips stretched to a victorious smirk. Rage. Dean could taste the rage on his tongue. The hate. And then his stepfather was told to sit down at the table to their left. The eye contact broke and Dean swallowed as the defiance left him as quickly as it had come. Even after all those weeks of being sheltered, of being on his way to heal, he was still tired, exhausted to the bones, he realized. But there had been enough time for that exhaustion to gnaw its way under his skin and right into his core over all those years, right? And now it was rooted deeply in him...
Loosening his vice grip on the phone again, he noticed how his palm and his fingers hurt, burned, as if he'd cut himself on the edges of the cracked cover. He ignored it though. There wasn't the feeling of warm wetness on his hand
The door opened again. The jury came in. The judge. And then... everything went by in a blur as a merciless current of biting reality and painful memories pulled him in and down. It was like drowning in a bad dream. He wanted to breathe, tried to, hard, but it seemed as if he couldn't draw in enough air. There was an iron grip around his chest.
Time moved on, dragging Dean along.
He listened as the accusation was read out and things were being asked, listened to his attorney saying something that his brain registered but his mind pushed aside. He heard when his stepfather was being ordered to the witness stand and Dean realized that he'd been staring at the witness stand all the time because... their gazes met again. The older man wore a remorseful expression and then...
"I regret what I've done."
Dean heard the words tumbling out of his stepfather's mouth. They made him sick. This plain lie that was nothing more than an attempt to make the jury grant him a lenient sentence because he was showing penitence... it was disgusting, it fucking made him want to throw up. It caused the rage in him to blaze up brightly and he had to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep himself from hauling it right at the man who had made his life a hell.
Beside him he heard Daddy Reigns huff while gently laying a hand on Dean's forearm and right behind him Roman exhaled a sharp breath and he heard Mommy Reigns murmur her son's name as if she wanted to stop him...
And again... Dean's fingers closed painfully tight around the phone. The tiny item that had been a lifebuoy to him back during that night, it was the only still thing in this unstill moment and he held on to it because he couldn't hold on to Roman now.
Weakness.
No...
He was strong.
He just didn't have to go to war anymore.
Lifting the phone to his mouth, he puts his lips on it and mouthed Roman's name, before pressing a soft kiss to it and as his hand sank down to the table, Daddy Reigns put his own hand on Dean's forearm again.
You are not alone.
We're all here with you. I know you can do this. You're strong.
The hand stayed there and Dean broke his gaze away from his stepfather, dropping it to his arm and the fatherly hand that rested there.
Seeking the older man's face, Dean just looked at him for a second or two, before he whispered: "Thanks, dad."
Briefly Sika met his gaze, giving him a tiny nod and a warm smile. His arm was squeezed lightly.
After the plain lie of his stepfather that he regretted everything, it didn't really surprise Dean that his stepfather didn't say much at all except making a few cheap excuses for his actions. Not only for what had happened on that one night but also for everything that he had done to him.
Wishing now that Roman would have beaten the shit out of this man probably wasn't okay... but it would have been fucking justice. And then... Dean was being ordered to the witness stand, was told to repeat his testimony.
And suddenly his mouth was so dry that his tongue stuck to the roof of it. His eyes sought... his family. Daddy Reigns who gave him that fatherly smile again and Mommy Reigns who tried bring a smile to her lips too, but he could see that she was on the verge of tears. Seth who sat on his chair tense and afraid almost, maybe of what it was he would be hearing today. Roman though... he looked eerily calm but even from the witness stand Dean could see the rage boil under that too quiet surface. Still in his eyes there was the love shining that Dean always found there when those precious greys looked at him.
Tell us what happened that night. And tell us about what has happened before that night.
He did. The memories were too present and the words were coming to his lips but only slowly over them. The scar on his forehead began to sting suddenly and his side that had been so badly bruised. And then it seemed as if every spot on his body that had suffered damage over the past years remembered it all until his whole body hurt.
His own voice sounded far away to his own ears and his heart was beating fast. When had it started to run? A buzzing in his ears... making other voices asking him things seem dull.
His eyes never left Roman's. Not for a second.
Time seemed to stretch as he kept telling those things he'd locked away from the world for so long and even though Roman knew it all, Dean watched how every single thing he was forcing over his lips left a deep cut in the man who did his best to heal all the wounds his stepfather had caused.
"...n? Dean!"
His attorney. Slowly he blinked, eventually looking away from Roman and to the man who again said his name.
"Yeah?" he murmured, frowning at the mild worry he found on the jurist's face.
The man moved a little closer, reaching out towards Dean's hand who instinctively leaned back a little, although the chair he was sitting on didn't leave much room to move anywhere at all but the fact that he was shying away was obviously enough to stop the man from what he wanted to do.
"You're bleeding," he heard him say and followed the gaze of the man.
Blood. There on his thigh. Not much but it was staining his the jeans there and when Dean lifted his hand, there was blood smeared on its underside, too, and traces of it between his fingers which were closed around the phone. A tissue appeared in his view and a voice was asking him if he needed a doctor but he only shook his head no and unfurled his fingers. Cuts on his palm, in his fingers. Another tissue was held out to him and his attorney was reaching for the phone, probably to help him with cleaning his hand or... Did it matter? The fuck he would let him touch the phone. Immediately his fingers closed around it again.
"Don't touch it," he whispered.
"Dean..."
"It's the phone that Roman gave me. I wouldn't be here without it," he said quietly, a smile playing on his lips for a brief moment as he glanced back at Roman who held his gaze but he could see pain flashing through his eyes. Dean knew that Roman had been scared that night that he might be too late. "I don't want anyone to touch it, okay?"
The man nodded, still holding that tissue out to him.
"Maybe we should take a break and..." his attorney suggested but again Dean shook his head no.
"Can we please just continue?" he replied, not bothering to wipe the blood from his hand.
Again his eyes sought out Daddy Reigns who sat there, tense and angry, staring over to Dean's stepfather. It was a side of Sika that he was seeing for the first time and it stood in such a stark contrast to the father he was. Seth's head was dipped forward and his face was hidden behind a curtain of hair. And Mommy Reigns... again she tried to give him a smile but it got lost as she wiped with the back of her hand over her cheeks. She was crying and Dean felt a pang of guilt for being the reason for her tears. But once more it was Roman his eyes remained with as he continued to reveal the past to everyone...
Dean had no idea how long he had been sitting on that goddamn chair with all those eyes resting on him while he was baring his soul when as eventually the last question was being asked.
"Was there a moment in all those years when you had the feeling he might regret his actions?" his own attorney asked.
"No. Never. He..." Dean willed what he was about to say to come out as a growl but it was far too weak to even be remotely called that. "He uh, he enjoyed beating the living shit out of me."
He felt a stare of sick satisfaction. There was no need to seek for the source of it and he hoped, really hoped the jury would notice the game his stepfather was playing here. It wasn't fair that this bastard got to see him like this. That he had left more damage behind than the hints which Dean hadn't been able to stop from seeping through the walls he'd built around himself had shown.
His stepfather's attorney stated that he had no further questions. And then finally... he was allowed to go back to his place between his attorney and Daddy Reigns, a place that felt so ridiculously safe to him.
He was just stepping up to the table again as his eyes fell on Mommy Reigns. She was still crying and suddenly there was an urge to hug her that was so overwhelming that he decided to give a damn shit about possible rules at a trial... but a hand closed around his wrist. Daddy Reigns. The older man stopped him before he could do it, whispering to him to please sit down. The angry man was gone, Dean realized, and the father in him was back, giving him an apologizing look.
With an inaudible sigh he sat down heavily on the chair, sagged a little in it as an odd weariness settled over him.
Faintly his brain registered that a woman from the youth welfare was called to the witness stand and then Barney the junk yard owner. Then it was Sika's turn to bear witness, the facts painful to hear although he knew all of it already.
When it was Roman who had to do his testimony though, Dean wished he wouldn't have to listen. Not because of what Roman said but because of the emotions which flashed over his face, the ones that shone in his eyes. Dean had to though and he also held Roman's gaze because they were doing this together, right?
Pain was what he found there and bitter angriness.
And an old fear that lit up brightly as Roman said very, very quietly: "For a moment I thought we were too late and that he would be dying in my arms."
Dean's chest constricted, stole his breath momentarily and it took him all his will not to close his eyes.
When Roman returned to his seat not much later, Dean could see that his hands were trembling a little. Although yeah, this trial was the final chapter of his old life, which was a good thing actually, it felt as if tonight probably wouldn't be as happy as it should. But the time of coping with bad nights alone was over now, wasn't it? As long as his Superman was at his side, he was okay with anything.
A smile rose to his lips, a happy one and he couldn't help but turn around a little on his chair, the movement catching Roman's attention immediately. Roman wanted to smile back, really tried to but it was a very shaky little thingy that danced on the full lips. It was enough for now though.
Five years.
Not enough.
Five fucking years is not enough Dean wanted to scream when the jury passed the sentence. Five years... the maximum penalty, his own attorney whispered to him. It didn't change anything though. Five years were simply not enough.
Gritting his teeth, Dean turned around as the judge and the jury left the room, stepping up to that little wooden fence that separated the audience from the attorney's table and right into the waiting arms of his mother. His name was a happy but tearstained little sound on her lips as she closed her arms around his middle and he did what he'd wanted to do already the moment he'd seen her crying. He hugged her tightly, maybe even tight enough that she had a hard time to breathe for a few seconds and when they parted again, she breathed a kiss to his cheek. Seth appeared at her side, pulling him in for a quick hug.
"Dean?"
Roman's low voice was unfamiliar rough but his embrace was soft. Soft and warm and safe. He held on to the big frame more desperately than he wanted to admit as he pressed his face into the crook of Roman's neck.
"You did great," Roman said just above a whisper. He felt the big man turn his head a little, felt a kiss being pressed to his hair. "I'm so damn proud of you."
He felt Roman tense in his arms before that voice destroyed the moment and when it hit his ears, it caused him to tense, too.
"Son..."
This... was not Daddy Reigns. Slowly he pulled away and out of Roman's embrace, straightening up and squaring his shoulders as he met his stepfather's gaze that was just as cold as it had always been. Before and whatever this bastard had to say, Dean didn't want to hear it.
"I am not your son," he hissed. Why wasn't he on his way to jail already? Why the hell was he still here at all? Sika stepped up at his side and Patricia and Seth appeared at Roman's side who still had an arm slung around Dean's shoulder, holding him pressed tightly against his side. "This is my family." There was so much he wanted to haul at this man but what for? It would only give his stepfather the satisfaction of having left a mark on Dean. Instead he repeated: "I am not your son."
The last thing he saw from his stepfather before the guards dragged him away was a smile as cold as the expression in his eyes but the chill it wanted to bring over him melted away by the warmth that was surrounding him before it could even touch him...
- tbc -
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