I am Chapter 4

Sorry for the update drought. I've been super busy with some other stories! I am so glad to see that so many people have been favoriting/reviewing/alerting this story! Thank you : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

People started to notice he was different when he was the age of seven, but he had known a lot earlier. He had always been attracted to bright beautiful colors like pink and purple, and had found dresses and skirts to be flowy and lovely.

When he was younger, everyone thought it was cute to see him trying on "girl" dress up clothes and pretending to be the mom when he played house, but he had never felt more comfortable than when he was "pretending" to be a female.

Growing up whenever someone asked him what he wanted to be when he was older, he always told them he wanted to be like his Mommy. They assumed then that he wanted to be an accountant and found it adorable, but really, he just wanted to be a mom.

He was ten when he finally told his parents that he wanted to be a girl instead of a boy. Both of his parents had laughed at him before brushing it off saying it was just a phase. It was probably the most hurtful thing they had ever don't to him in his entire life; disowning him when they realized he was speaking the truth seven years later hadn't even hurt as much.

When he was thirteen and started to wear skirts and pink shirts to school, that is when the name calling began.

His parents had allowed him to wear whatever he wanted in middle school, believing his "non-stereotypical" choices were just a phase. So on the first day of school, he wore his favorite rainbow dress that was covered in birds.

The dress didn't even last until the first period. It wasn't a surprise that many people thought he was a girl at first; he spent a lot of time brushing his long, blond hair, and trying to look good.

When one of the older boys had pushed him into the janitor's closet to cop a feel, however, is when the disgust and name calling had really begun.

It didn't take long for the older boy to rip his beloved dress to shreds. When the older boy had found out that he wasn't exactly a girl like he had first though, the first word out of his mouth had been "Fag."

Many years later, he still despised that word. It was the one word that followed him around no matter where he went.

Even now, at this ridiculous hospital his cousin had encouraged him to go to, he could hear the whispers from some of the staff and other patients.

"How has the hospital been treating you so far, Deidara?" The odd psychiatrist Kakashi asked him. Kakashi was currently sitting across from him with a pad of paper and a pen. He had been taking notes periodically over their sessions, but Deidara was always curious as to what the man wrote about him; did he use that word too?

"It hasn't been any worse than being on the street would have," Deidara replied. He had built up a wall around himself, and he tried to not get attached or trust anyone other than his cousin.

"I suppose you're right there," Kakashi agreed with a smile and a nod. Deidara could always tell when Kakashi was smiling because the tops of his cheeks would turn up ever so slightly. Deidara knew the psychiatrist had to be a handsome man; Deidara wondered why he hid his face the way he did. "Have you been getting along with everyone thus far?"

"You made me room with someone who has no appreciation for real art," Deidara replied almost snootily. The first day he had gotten to the hospital, he had been told he would be sharing a room with a "fellow artist." Deidara had been completely underwhelmed by the wooden puppets his roommate created for fun.

Kakashi's eyes shone in amusement, before he hummed slightly. "You may say that Deidara, but I know you enjoy Sasori's company more than you'll admit."

Deidara had to fight down the blush that was threatening to show on his face. How could Kakashi notice that he was attracted-

"Aha," Kakashi's amusement had only grown. "So I was right. It's perfectly okay to find Sasori attractive, Deidara. I know the way you were raised you were taught not to accept things like that, but-"

"I'm not attracted to that idiot," Deidara said as he crossed his arms and looked toward the clock. "We have fifteen minutes left and I refuse to talk about him anymore."

"I didn't mean to offend you, Deidara," Kakashi said in a reassuring tone. "I want you to be able to accept yourself, isn't that the reason why you're here? I remember talking to your cousin, and we had a very in depth conversation. Deidara, she's worried about you."

"She'd be the only one, yeah," Deidara said trying to brush that comment off. Whenever he was uncomfortable his accent became more pronounced and he seemed to gain back his childhood speech impediment.

"Deidara," he knew Kakashi was going to draw this out more than he wanted to. Everyone in his family other than his cousin was a touchy subject for him. "Have you sent that letter to your parents yet? I wanted to know if they'd be willing to come in next month to-"

"No, yeah," Deidara's voice held a finality to it, and Deidara watched Kakashi's shoulders slump slightly.

Deidara knew this was what Kakashi had wanted him to work on over the past few weeks, but Deidara couldn't find it in himself to even start the letter. His parents had made it very clear when he was seventeen that they didn't want to see him anymore. His whole family had actually.

Especially when he had went to prom in that light blue dress with another boy…

Deidara winced slightly at the memory of his dad punching his date in the face after watching them kiss on his front porch.

That memory was for another time, Deidara thought as his eyes slid to the clock again. Standing up shakily, he immediately walked to the door. "I'll see you in group session later today, yeah."

XxxX

Sakura sat at the lunch table next to her quiet roommate. After about an hour of laying on her bed quietly, Sakura had felt someone staring at her. Turning her head slightly, she noticed Konan's grey eyes move up and down her body slowly. It was obvious the other girl was looking her over for signs of abuse, and Sakura was sure Konan found some.

After some awkward silence, a bell rang, and Sakura turned her head to look at Konan in question. Konan didn't say anything, but she did motion for Sakura to follow her.

The two quietly made their way downstairs, and soon arrived in the dining hall Kakashi had showed her earlier. The bell must have let them know it was lunch time, which was something Sakura wasn't really interested in.

Her stomach was still very small, and she didn't need to eat a lot. When she lined up with a plate behind Konan, Sakura was surprised to see a full on buffet in front of her. There were sandwiches, sushi, salads, fresh fruit and vegetables, and many different types of desserts at the end. Sakura eyed up all of the food, but decided to grab a peach before going directly to the end of the line. She noticed the dango and quickly piled a few on her plate.

The dango weren't on sticks like they normally were, but Sakura figured they wouldn't give crazy people sharp objects.

All of the tables were empty when Sakura had finished grabbing her food and water, so it was easy to find a table. She picked one close to a window, because the scenery around the hospital was breathtakingly beautiful. She had not once viewed something as nice as this when she was in the city, and she was still a little in awe of it.

She didn't need to turn when she felt the chair next to her move; she had already figured Konan would want to sit with her, which she was okay with.

Konan had yet to say a word to her, but she herself hadn't said anything to her either. She was afraid that if she started talking, she would let everything out… she didn't want to be sent home.

"Hello ladies," a voice spoke across from their table. Sakura turned to see a man dressed in a doctor's uniform. Even with the uniform and tag stating he worked there, Sakura still didn't trust him; she especially didn't when she felt Konan freeze up beside her.

Sakura's eyes scanned the appearance of the man before her, before she turned her head back out the window. There was something off about the man… she couldn't place it.

"Konan-Chan," the man said as he sent a smile toward her roommate; Konan didn't even breathe while he was looking at her. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your cute new roommate?"

That caught Sakura's attention, as she turned her head and sent a glare toward the male. Who the hell was he to call her cute? And who the hell was he to make her roommate feel this uncomfortable?

Even though she had only known Konan a little over an hour, she still felt protective of the blue haired woman. Whatever she had went through to get her here… Sakura knew she could identify with it if only a little bit.

"Not talking, huh Konan-Chan?" The male said with a sigh, and turned his gaze to Sakura. Sakura fought a frown at his attention. "Well then I'll introduce myself. I'm Kabuto Yakushi, another psychiatrist that works here. What is your name?"

Sakura gave Kabuto an unimpressed look, and Kabuto sighed in defeat again. "I figured you wouldn't talk," Kabuto said with a slight smile as he took a few steps closer to the two women. Sakura found herself instantly regretting her choice in seating at that moment; between Kabuto and Konan she was caged. Kabuto leaned over, and Sakura cringed in disgust as his breath blew across her face. "You'll be a quiet one just like Konan-Chan. I think you might be my new favorite."

Sakura turned her head away from Kabuto and looked out the window again. She had dealt with men like Kabuto too many times to count. They usually didn't get under her skin like this though. Was it the fact that she thought she would be safe here that it was bothering her so?

Flinching when she felt Kabuto's hand touch her cheek, she turned and watched Kabuto grin. "Yes," he said as he pushed up his glasses with the hand that had just touched her. "You and Konan are very similar."

"Dr. Yakushi," a voice spoke from the entrance of the cafeteria. Sakura's panicky eyes darted to the front of the room, and noticed someone new standing there. The male had long dark raven hair, and deep penetrating blue eyes. Sakura thought he looked vaguely familiar, but she was sure she would have remembered him if she had seen him before; the man was absolutely beautiful.

"Itachi," Kabuto said while standing up straight. Sakura let out the breath she had been holding in as he scooted back and away from her.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the group session we are having this afternoon?" Itachi asked as he walked into the cafeteria. Even with his pale face and the dark rings that were under his eyes, Sakura could tell Itachi was a man that called for attention. She knew a man like this would never be caught dead rolling up to her street corner.

"Ah, you are correct Itachi," Kabuto said with a nervous nod, and quickly started to leave the cafeteria. As he passed by Itachi, Kabuto turned around, and Sakura felt his eyes sweep over her form. "I'll see you all at the group session in a few hours."

A silence set over the cafeteria, and Sakura found herself turning toward her window again. She could feel the tension still in her roommate's shoulders, and she turned to see Konan's frown. She wished there was something she could say to help alleviate the uncomforting feeling Konan felt. Before she could really think of something to do, she watched Itachi approach their table.

There was still no one else in the cafeteria, but Sakura had assumed Itachi would sit by himself. He appeared to be the loner type, and she was surprised when Itachi slid out a chair and sat at their table.

Sakura's eyes scanned his plate, and she had to bite her lip to stop from smiling; Itachi's plate looked very similar to her own. His had several more dango on his plate than she did, but Sakura noticed he had grabbed brownie with chocolate syrup instead of her peach.

Itachi sat there quietly, and Sakura didn't know what to do or say. Biting her lip slightly, Sakura turned back to look out the window before she brought a dango up to her mouth to take a bite.

"There you are Itachi," a tall male grumbled as he walked into the cafeteria. "I thought you were going to wait for me, you bastard."

"Hn," Itachi said as he looked to the man, and then focused back on his food. Sakura froze when she heard Itachi's words, and she tried to figure out where she had heard that saying before.

"It's alright I guess," the tall man said as he walked over to the buffet of food. Grabbing two plateful of sushi, he slid over to their table and sat down next to Itachi. The man was well over six feet tall, and had short blue hair. His eyes were slightly beady, and Sakura was vaguely reminded of a shark. "Who's the new recruit?"

"I have yet to learn her name," Itachi said with a slight shrug.

"I'm Kisame," the man said with a shark-like grin before holding out his hand. Sakura looked at the hand for a second before wrapping her own around her body. After what had just happened with Kabuto, a doctor no less, Sakura was sure she wasn't going to trust anyone else here… well maybe Konan, but she had yet to decide on that.

Instead of shaking his hand, Sakura instead nodded in acknowledgement, before taking a sip of water. Kisame blinked, before he snorted.

"Alright," Kisame said as he let out a breath of air. "I guess I'll just be talking with myself here then, huh? I'm assuming you're another quiet one, eh pinkie?"

Sakura neither confirmed nor denied his question, and that in itself answered Kisame. Kisame started to shovel sushi into his mouth before a loud ruckus was heard near the cafeteria door.

"What the hell, Kakuzu!?" A loud voice yelled. Sakura saw Konan cringe next to her at the loudness of the man's words. "I don't need to fucking eat before we go to group therapy. You aren't my fucking mother, you asshole. Stop babying me!"

"Shut up brat," another deep voice spoke as two males made their way into the cafeteria. One male, Sakura noticed had chin length silver hair and deep blue eyes. The other, the one who had just spoke, was shorter and had dark brown hair and brown eyes. He had tattoos of stitches lining his face, and Sakura was curious as to why they were there. "Kakashi said that well all need to eat before this next session."

"You pansy ass bitch Kakuzu," the silver haired one spoke. "You don't have to do everything that dumbass doctor says."

"You're being immature and childish Hidan," Kakuzu spoke as his eyes swept across the cafeteria. Sakura was concerned for Konan whose body had not yet moved. Moving her hand to Konan's leg, she felt Konan flinch before she nodded to the doorway.

Konan appeared to be grateful, and Sakura grabbed both of their unfinished lunches before they started to head towards the door.

"See you ugly asshole," Hidan said with a nod and a snort. "You're making the bitches leave!"

Sakura ignored Hidan and Kakuzu as she threw away her and Konan's food and started to head toward their room.

Just as she did, however, another person came walking in. The person in front of her, though she knew it was a guy from the facial features and body type, was actually very beautiful. He had long blond hair, and piercing blue eyes. Sakura wasn't even concerned with the fact that he wore a long blue skirt and a black tank top.

"Hey Fag," Hidan greeted with a masochistic grin, and Sakura saw the blond freeze at the word. It was obvious to her that Hidan was crazy and wanted to start a fight with anyone who would let him.

"I hate that word, yeah!" the blond screamed as he launched himself at Hidan. Hidan didn't even try to dodge the punch that the blond sent to his face, and instead of grimacing when the fist connected, he shuddered in what appeared to be pleasure.

The blond was able to punch Hidan one more time before he was restrained by one of the orderlies that stood around. It was only another moment before Kakashi came running through the door to try to calm the blond with his words.

"Deidara," Kakashi said. "Calm down, this isn't worth it. I know you're thinking-"

"Let me smash his face in, damn it!" Deidara yelled as the orderly started to pull him from the room. Another orderly came in quickly to restrain Hidan, and dragged the grinning silver haired male away too.

Sakura's eyes watched Kakashi as his shoulders slumped. He turned to look at her before smiling apologetically.

"Sorry about that," Kakashi said with a slight sigh as he approached both she and Konan. Sakura didn't know why Kakashi was apologizing, because really, the fight between the two hadn't surprised her. Hidan seemed like he was asking for it, and the blond man seemed to be extra sensitive to the word fag.

Sakura just shook Kakashi's concern off, and started to head toward the stairs again. She felt Konan fall into step beside her and she felt her own shoulders relaxing.

Yeah… depending on how long she and Konan were here, she was sure she would open up to Konan at some point.

XxxX

Konan couldn't even relax when their room came into view. Everything that had happened in the past ten minutes… it had reminded her a lot of what used to happen at her home.

The yelling… the stares… the thought of it actually made Konan sick to her stomach, and as she and Sakura (because that was what Konan was going to call her new roommate) came back into their room, Konan immediately flew to the bathroom.

The small amount of food Konan had forced herself to eat came up quickly, and she held her stomach as bile started to come out next.

Ever since she had arrived here, Kabuto had been harassing her. He had been leaving lingering touches that reminded her too much of her father, and had been whispering the awful things he wanted to do to her into her ear.

After everything she went through, Konan had thought anything would be better than being stuck in the basement of her house… Now she wasn't so sure.

Konan heard the bathroom door slide open, and she turned her weary eyes to find Sakura standing there. The pinkette had a look of concern on her face, and Konan was thankful that she finally had another woman in her life.

Noticing the eyebrow raise, Konan knew Sakura was trying to convey a question to her. "I'm…" Konan's voice cracked, and she saw Sakura's eyes widen in surprise at her voice. "I'm… not okay."

And it was the first time Konan had actually admitted it out loud to herself, or to anyone. That in itself would probably make Kakashi proud, but that didn't make her feel any better.

She… she didn't know how to exist outside of the life she had been living. She had been dreaming about leaving for longer than she could remember, but at this moment in time, she had wished that the police officers had never found her.