And here we have the chapter you've all been waiting for! Thanks to all who have reviewed so far, you're all amazing and I love you all, this chapter is dedicated to you guys for sticking with me or even just finding me recently! :D
This chapter is a high-ish T but I think I have done fairly well keeping it out of the M area without having to do any fade to blacks or anything. :P
Alternative chapter title: "The chapter in which the Time Lords realise that they are both giant idiots"
Enjoy!
Hold onto me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way, hold onto me
Broke your heart a thousand times
But you've never left my side, you have always been here for me
You never let me go, you never let me go
Don't ever let me go
Busted Heart (Hold Onto Me) - For King & Country
Just crash, fall down,
I'll wrap my arms around you now
Just crash, it's our time now,
To make this work second time around
Crash - You Me At Six
Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight
I need help believing you're with me tonight
My wildest dreamings could not foresee
Lying beside you, with you wanting me
As Long As You're Mine - Wicked
"Aliya, we need to talk."
"No."
Aliya hugged herself. Keeping her eyes from straying back to him wasn't easy, but it was necessary if she was going to keep up her resolve. Of course, her stubbornness could result in being frozen to death in a tomb of compact dirt, but that was starting to sound fairly good compared to the Doctor trying weasel things out of her.
"No?"
"I can stand over here if I like!"
"It's not about the cave, Aliya!" The Doctor said tiredly from where he sat on the other side of the cave. "It's about you treating me like I'm a disease you can't get far enough away from!"
"A disease?" She found herself laughing, though without humour. "It's not entirely inaccurate. If you're a disease, then I've caught you!" She finally turned her head to look at him, and jabbed an accusing finger at him for good measure. "And all I want is a goddamn fucking cure."
The exasperation on his face gave way to a lack of comprehension. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."
She rolled her eyes. "Right."
He didn't answer, and she was looking away from him again so she couldn't be sure what he was thinking. After a minute or two of silence she spoke if only to finalise what she wanted to be clear between them. Which was that nothing was.
"I know that maybe this whole thing should have made me see the bigger picture, but honestly? I still don't know where we stand."
"No, nor do I," the Doctor agreed, "Which is why we need to talk. This isn't going to work until we do."
"There's nothing to talk about!" Aliya snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "You gave me a proposition, I've said no, now just leave it! Can't you just be my friend? Didn't you promise me that?"
He flinched, only to frown with blatant confusion a moment later. "Proposition? What proposition?" She just shot him a look. It was impossible to keep her disdain and hurt from showing. "You don't mean…Aliya, I don't understand."
"Well, there's a surprise."
"Look, I understand that you don't want to talk about it, but I need to," he said earnestly, "I need to leave no room for misunderstanding, and if we can do that, we never have to talk about it again. Ever."
While scratching her own eyes out sounded more fun than having this conversation with him, perhaps he wasn't entirely wrong in saying that it was necessary. Especially if it meant he would leave her alone and stop talking about it. The sooner they could go back to being best friends in the least complicated way possible (given that she was in love with him and he felt attraction to her) the better.
"Fine," she replied. "Talk."
The Doctor nodded, only to hesitate. Aliya found herself caught by the way his eyes were so completely focused on her, the green-hazel depths holding so much, yet nothing she could identify or comprehend. Completely without her permission, her hearts kicked up a notch and she cursed at how easily he could affect her.
"I'm not really sure how to-" The Doctor swallowed, his hands wringing in his lap. "Have you ever felt more in your hearts than you could possibly put a name to?"
"No, actually," Aliya said stiffly, "I might have had a few denial issues over the years but only because deep down I always knew exactly what I was feeling."
He nodded slightly. It occurred to her that she didn't think she had ever seen him so anxious before. "I've never known how to say it, even though sometimes I wanted to so badly I thought I would go mad if I didn't." He shut his eyes. "There have been so many times, Aliya, so many people, where I just couldn't find the words. This time is different, somehow."
"Well of course it is, because this time you just want to - you know," she muttered, crossing her arms even tighter, "And I suppose that's fine in itself but you know why it's not okay to expect it from me."
"Actually, Aliya, I don't know," he said sharply. "Ever since you pulled away from me all you've said is a bunch of very vague things. And I'm not stupid, I've got a fairly good idea of what the problem is, but I'd like to hear you say it, so that I can be sure."
"Really? You need to hear me say it?" She cried. "Haven't I made a fool of myself enough for a century?"
"There's no shame in anything you could say to me, Aliya."
The injustice of it all boiled over in her chest and she found herself glaring at him. "Fine! I won't be your tumble in the sheets by night and your friend by day! I can't and I won't!"
He gaped at her. "What?"
"I don't know who you've had that arrangement with in the past and honestly I don't want to because I don't care," she said, finding that she was unable to stop because she simply had to make him realise what a tosser he was being, "But you know I can't work like that, nor do I want to. It's not fair of you to expect it of me or really even consider it."
The Doctor was completely flabbergasted. "Aliya, what are you on about? Night and day...an arrangement…"
"I mean, I should have probably seen this coming, we're the last two left and you haven't been around any humans in a while, it's perfectly natural, though I'll be honest and say that I would have hoped for a bit more self control on your part, I mean it's not like we're humans, most of them have to meet those kind of requirements or else they go a bit loopy-"
"Aliya! Stop! Breathe!"
When her words abruptly dried up, Aliya ended up gasping a little as she did as she was told. The whole thing then got to be too much and she felt tears in the corners of her eyes which she tried desperately to blink away but with only half success. And just to ice the cake, her hands were shaking.
"I changed my mind," she said quietly, refusing to look at him, "I don't want to talk about this. Ever."
"Tough. Come here."
The fury and indignation took all of one second to return. "Oh, and you giving me orders is going to make this better?" She snarled.
His sigh was even heavier than the last, and his eyes so full of melancholy and longing that it froze her. "No. I'm asking. I'm trying to say the most important thing I might ever say to anyone in my entire life, and she's out of my reach and not even looking at me."
Aliya blinked and stared at him questioningly.
"Please. Come here...please."
After a moment's hesitation, she forced her limbs to move and numbly march her to stand opposite where he sat. He stared up at her and she huffed before dropping onto her knees in front of him so that their faces were finally level and she was ever so slightly inside the 'V' his propped up legs made.
"Thank you."
"What could be so important that you have to do this to me?" She asked, unable to keep her voice from trembling.
He didn't answer her question. Instead he posed one of his own. "Aliya, what was the phrase you used? A 'tumble in the sheets'? Is that what you think I want from you?" She frowned and offered no reply as an odd stone rested in her stomach. "I - why would you think that?"
"You kissed me," she whispered, lifting her eyes to look at him.
"Aliya," he said, exasperation soaking his voice, "In my experience, kissing usually has a somewhat different intent."
"Well, obviously, but since it was so unlikely to be that sort of intent, and I knew that the Dream Lord had said that you wanted me-"
"You're an idiot," the Doctor breathed, eyes wide, "Legitimately, undoubtedly, the biggest idiot I have ever met. And that's no small feat."
"I just thought, since I knew that you've engaged in that sort of thing with me before with no other sentiment than friendship-"
"What?"
"Was it just you being glad I was alive?" Aliya demanded, completely awash in multiple emotions she didn't know how to handle. Vulnerability. Embarrassment. Relief. Bemusement. "Because if that's all it was, then-"
"Aliya," he interrupted, putting his hands on her shoulders, "Slow down. What do you mean, 'engaged in that sort of thing with no other sentiment than friendship'?"
"You know," she said with a sniff, confused, "The night before the Time War. When you comforted me."
"Comforted-" He cut off so quickly and stared at her with such horror and amazement that it made her want to run as fast as she could in the opposite direction. "Is that what this is about? What I said in - in the fight? That it was just comfort? Aliya, that was a lie!" He laughed, even if it was an odd laugh, and then pulled a face. "Not even a good one, you called me out on it."
A lie. Sure, she had thought so at the time, but the longer it had festered during her time on Earth, the more she had subconsciously come to believe it was true.
"I suppose after a while it just got to me," she said truthfully, "I just started thinking that everything that had happened between us 'since cricket' could be put down to natural biological reactions."
The Doctor laughed slightly, fondness and disbelief mingling in his eyes. "You would pick now of all times to let go of your usually sound instincts and starting acting like a typical methodical Time Lord."
"So, if the 'not since cricket' thing was bullshit, you actually-"
He planted his palms on her cheeks to ensure she couldn't look away from him. "Aliya, that night was one of the best, most memorable, intimate nights of my entire life. And one of my most private and cherished memories."
"...oh."
As her muddled brain did the very best it could to absorb that particular piece of information, she removed his hands from her face so that she could grip them with her own.
"So, that means you've never just - then it always meant something. And…" She frowned at him. "You don't want to sleep with me. But you kissed me. No. I'm still so confused," she murmured, gripping his hands tighter and pleading with her eyes. "Please, Doctor, I know words aren't your strong suit in these sorts of situations, but...why did you kiss me?"
He gave her hands a squeeze and smiled at her with a softness in his eyes that made her hearts ache.
"Because I very recently realised I'd been wanting to for, well, ages. Because you're my best friend and the thought of you not being with me all the time terrifies me, but not as much as the thought of something happening to you. Because I want to make you pancakes every morning and watch you burn cakes all afternoon and beat you at Chinese Checkers in between even if I get lumps on my head from when you throw the board at me. I want your bed hair to be the first thing I see when I wake up. I want you to be by my side, and in my arms, and for you to call me 'ridiculous' because whenever you say it your eyes look like maybe they could care about a stupid old man like me and it's less likely to be my imagination."
By the time he had reached his last reason, his voice had faded to a whisper. Aliya just stared, completely frozen and with her mouth slightly open in shock, even as his thumbs brushed across her knuckles.
"Theta-"
His finger flew up to cover her lips. "But most of all, I want you to want all of that. And, if you don't, then we never have to talk about this again. I can just be your friend." He smiled at her, but weakly and with cloying sadness. "I've certainly had the practice."
She shook her head furiously, tears engulfing her as the truth of it all hit her in a wave that tossed her emotions around like a ragdoll and left her battered, completely without oxygen.
He doesn't just want me. He loves me.
"You know, I thought of all these ridiculous things, and each one made less sense than the last," she said, running her hands down the front of his tweed jacket and sniffing for what felt like the hundredth time, "And all because I'd spent so long forcing myself to expect nothing from you, that the idea that you could care for me and want me like that was the thing I would never be able to believe."
"Yeah, well, you're an idiot," he told her, smiling.
She nodded, laughing and grinning like a child through the tears she couldn't be sure were of happiness or pure overload. "The biggest," she agreed, "But I think you're a very close second."
His hands fiddled with her cloak, perhaps to hide his nerves as his eyes lifted back up to hers. "And why is that?"
"Because every blind man and his dog we've ever met has been able to see what you apparently aren't sure about."
He frowned at that - or maybe he was surprised at her accurate use of Earth idiom. She just shuffled a fraction closer to him and cupped his face in her hands gingerly.
"Go on," he whispered, licking his lips.
"I love you, you stupid man," she said simply, "Always have, always will."
His eyes shone as he gave her a tiny smile that gradually bloomed into something much more substantial. One of his hands covered hers where it was on his cheek. "I - Thank you," he said simply.
"You're very welcome," she replied, smiling back at him before pulling him into a bruising hug. Her arms were around his neck and his gripped her back through the cloak in order to be able to hold her as close to him as physically possible.
She breathed a sigh of relief and contentment into his shoulder even as a few new tears spilled from her eyes. With her hearts and mind still completely convoluted, this was familiar. His arms around her. Knowing she was safe with him. The part that was going to take some getting used to was all the rest.
"This is probably good," the Doctor breathed into her ear.
"What do you mean?"
"You know how I said that if you didn't love me, I could just be your friend?" He almost sounded worried. Almost.
"Yes."
"That may have a complete fib."
"Yeah?"
"Giant, whopping lie. The biggest of lies, actually. I'm surprised my nose isn't scraping the cave wall behind you."
Aliya laughed and lifted her head from his shoulder so that she could stare at him, their faces only a couple of inches apart and pink from the cold. "You're ridiculous."
"You know, I think I've worked out that when you say that, you actually mean-"
She covered his mouth with her hand. "Yes, yes, I think you're probably right. No need to be arrogant about it."
"I would have tried, you know," he said against her hand, the words coming out rather muffled until she relocated it to thoughtfully comb through his hair.
"Tried what?"
"Being just your friend. Would have failed miserably somewhere down the line, but I would have tried. For you."
Aliya smiled at him, her hearts swelling at his admission. "Thank you. That...that really means a lot. Even if, thankfully, we don't have to worry about that."
He brushed his thumb across her lip, making her shiver (and not entirely from the outrageous cold). "Who knew communicating properly could help us understand what the other is thinking?"
They both laughed.
"On that note, Doctor, can I ask something?" Aliya congratulated herself on actually getting the question out, because the oddness of what she wanted had been weighing down on her, but with him touching her like that she knew it was now or never.
"Of course."
"This is...well, it's actually more or less everything I've wanted for quite a long time but never allowed myself to think would actually happen," she said slowly, "And it's a lot to take in. So, would you hate me if I wanted to just...pause all of this?"
"Pause?" His expression was difficult to read, but he seemed worried.
"I'd like nothing more right now than to kiss you silly," she continued, and his concern mostly vanished, "But I think I need some time, when we get back to the TARDIS, to go and shower and just think about all of this. To get it properly into my brain that this is actually happening. And, I don't know, maybe it would be good if you did that too. Because this is huge, and it changes everything. And...then we could find each other and you can kiss me as much as you like."
His green eyes were thoughtful as he considered her words. Finally, his lips twitched upwards. "Regrettably, it's a very good plan."
Aliya exhaled heavily, the weight gone from her body and leaving her light and ecstatic. "Thank you." She hugged him again, almost as tightly as the first time, and then rotated so that she was situated comfortably between his legs with his chest to her back. "Besides, we should probably stay like this if we don't want to freeze to death." With her mind finally having calmed down from the emotional rollercoaster it had been on, the cold was finally back to registering, and it was not pleasant.
"You know, there are other ways of generating body heat-" The cheek was audible and she shushed him but wasn't able to stop her grin.
"Later," she promised, her mind already jumping into overdrive imagining the possibilities of 'later'. With a grin the size of Texas, she leant back against him and enjoyed how solid and warm he was compared to the rest of their surroundings (not that that was really saying much). His arms wrapped around her and she held onto where his hands were clasped around her middle.
A rather unbidden new set of tears started falling down her face. As she had said to him, it was just so huge and impossible and far too much like a dream to be believeable. And yet…
She wiped the tears away quickly, but it didn't go unnoticed.
"Are you crying?"
"Yes."
"Happy crying?"
"I just can't believe this all just happened," she admitted, "It seems too good to be true. But I don't think my imagination is this good either, given how delusional I'd managed to make myself until about two minutes ago."
"You don't have to tell me." His chin rested on her shoulder. "You know, freezing aside, this is nice."
"Yeah...hey, I suppose we don't need to sleep on a couch now."
He chuckled. "No."
Aliya shut her eyes and snuggled back again him even more. "I just realised how tired I am. I haven't slept since before all that Dream Lord shit."
"No time like the present. It's not like we can go anywhere right now."
"Not sure if I want to sleep right now. What if I wake up and I did imagine all this?"
His hand rubbed circles on her wrists in a way that no doubt was meant to be soothing. But, Aliya discovered in the space of about half a second, the touch sent her brain into realms far from sleep. Really? She asked herself sceptically. My wrists?
"I'll be here when you wake up," the Doctor promised, his breath hitting her ear and warming it against the biting cold.
With a singing heart and a tiny smile, she shifted so that she could curl against him and lay her head back on his chest before she shut her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
When she woke many hours later, the first thing she noticed was the light sensation of someone touching her hair. That someone, of course, being her favourite person in the universe.
"Welcome back," the Doctor murmured, being able to sense her level of consciousness easily due to their proximity, "Any nice dreams?"
"No dreams at all." She twisted slightly to look at him, and relaxed.
"Still here," he said, giving her a small grin.
"Good." Aliya turned back around and went about trying to adjust her position between his legs so that she could be more comfortable. "So what have you been doing, then?"
"Just thinking. And watching you sleep. Which is less creepy than it sounds, promise."
"Why? Did I do anything interesting?"
"No, you just...said my name a lot." He sounded almost bashful about it, but she just grinned.
"It's not so surprising. You're more or less the only thing I'm thinking about right now."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Not just me then."
"No-" Aliya trailed off when she became aware of something that had her cheeks turning pink. After a moment of surprise, she found herself laughing. "Um...Doctor?"
"Yeah?"
"Serious question... is that your screwdriver in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Aliya!" The Doctor yelped, mortified. "I - it's just-" Her entire body shook with mirth as he tried to explain himself only to settle for something different. "Where are you learning all this Earth talk?"
"The source of the innuendos shouldn't be hard to work out."
"...Aliya, stop wriggling. And stop laughing."
The latter instruction turned out to be completely impossible. "I'm sorry," she giggled.
He muttered under his breath about Time Ladies that were going to be the death of him while she just let her head fall back onto his shoulder again, waiting for sunrise.
The walk back to the TARDIS was focused and uneventful (though holding the Doctor's hand again was nothing short of wonderful). Once in the console room they piloted the ship to drift through space somewhere far from the horrific planet they were leaving. After that they found themselves standing awkwardly on the platform.
"I'm going to take that shower now," Aliya said, giving the Doctor a small smile before heading up the stairs. "I'll see you in a bit."
"Yeah, a bit," he echoed. His eyes weren't on her, but he seemed to be smiling to himself.
She walked through the corridors, glad that she had stood by her decision to take some time to process everything on her own. It was all still so difficult to believe.
Her bathroom of choice thankfully didn't lie too far from her bedroom, so she grabbed some clothes from the latter before going down the hall and jumping in the shower.
The hot water was a godsend after spending a night losing the feeling in her fingers. She planted her hands on the tiled wall and let the water run down her back and soak her hair completely. All the while the Doctor's words played over and over in her mind. I want you to be by my side, and in my arms...you know how I said that if you didn't love me, I could just be your friend? Giant whopping lie...I would have tried, you know…would have failed miserably but I would have tried. For you. She squeezed her eyes shut and her body shook, and she was either laughing or crying or both but didn't care one way or another.
After all these years, after every mishap and tragedy, this was their chance. Problem was, as ecstatic as the thought made her, she couldn't help the worry that clouded her hearts. She loved him so much that if she gave into this, she would be well and truly gone. Past the point of no return. Which was fine...so long as the Doctor didn't change his mind later.
Aliya trusted the Doctor with her life. But she wasn't sure that she trusted him with her hearts.
"Come on, Aliya," she whispered.
I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him. Which means that even if I'm terrified of this blowing up in my face, it's my only way forward if I'm going to be true to myself.
She washed her hair and body thoroughly with an all purpose formula that smelt of strawberries. It took longer than most showers of hers did, but she was intent on ridding herself of any trace of the Landrun house. When she was finally satisfied, she moved to the full body dryer in the next room so that she was completely dry in thirty seconds and able to pull on the jeans and tank top she had grabbed off her bedroom floor.
They hadn't decided on what was going to happen now, or where to meet, so she headed for a sitting room she had personalised over the last couple of months to hold her favourite books and board games. It was her sitting room, or so she felt.
The room was small with a very Victorian feel to it. Windowless like most TARDIS rooms were, dark wooden panelling for the walls, an ornate fireplace and bookshelf, antique end tables...but a very 21st century sofa and a plush rug in front of the fireplace that was so fluffy it was almost cushioned.
The moment she stepped into the room, the fireplace sparked up and had a roaring fire in seconds. She grinned. "Thanks, old girl," she said to the ship as she moved around the couch to sit in front of the fire and watch the flames dance. The Sherlock Holmes books on the bookshelf to her left were tempting, but there was something incredibly soothing about just sitting there and watching the fire. So she did, and let time slip away from her (something she consciously had to do, or else she was aware of it to the nanosecond).
"Aliya?"
Aliya jumped, having near enough been in a sort of trance. How long had she been sitting there? Five minutes? An hour? Three?
"Hey," she said, getting to her feet and turning to face the Doctor, who was standing by the door.
"Hey." He smiled at her, in the way that made her knees go weak. "So, did your plan work? Is this all...sorted...in your head now?"
"I don't know," she blurted out. It hadn't been her intended answer, but it was the truthful one. "I mean-" She twisted her hands. "This is fantastic, and amazing, but I guess I can't stop thinking about how many times I've thought that in the past but it still didn't work out between us. I mean, we're different people since we started out, literally and figuratively, and how do we know that we're still going to work, especially after all we've done to each other over the years?"
"So, you don't want this to go any further?" The Doctor's voice was flat, but she could see the pain in his eyes.
"I'm terrified." She stared at him. "This has happened so quickly, and the sensible part of my brain just keeps telling me that we should taking our time to be sure that we can even fit into each other's lives like this, but..."
"But…?"
Aliya exhaled slowly. "Can't you just be kissing me?"
The Doctor's eyes flashed and he crossed the room in several strides to take her face in his hands and crush his lips to hers. The force of it sent them both staggering back in the direction of the far wall. Aliya clutched his forearms near the wrist and kissed him back with everything that she had, every emotion and urge and desire poured into a kiss so powerful that she found herself shaking.
Before she knew what was happening, her back was against the panelled wall and the Doctor's hands had migrated down to rest on her hips while his mouth moved down her neck in a trail of deliberate kisses.
"Thanks," she whispered, and his intensity wavered when he laughed against her skin.
"My pleasure."
"Is it?" He lifted his head to meet her eyes, and she was stunned by how dark desire had turned them. When he kissed her for the second time it was just as fierce and all-consuming as the first, but this time with her arms wrapping around his neck and his reaching around her back to yank her against him. As her tongue tentatively darted out to touch his lips, he hitched her legs around his hips before opening his mouth to her and letting her deepen their kiss.
She lost her hands in his hair at the same time that his hands skimmed down her sides to touch the hem of her tank top.
He wrenched his mouth from hers to ask very breathlessly, "May I?"
"You'd bloody well better," she replied, and he grinned for a moment before the seriousness returned to his eyes and he was kissing her again until they had to break apart so that the tank top could go over her head and on the floor.
That was when she decided that it was about time the Doctor got some layers off, given how many he had and the fact that she was already down to her bra and jeans. His jacket was easy to throw away, and he took care of the bowtie while she pulled down his braces and unbuttoned his shirt as deftly as she could. All the while, she had to lean against the wall to stay up without the support of his hands.
Once his chest was bare, Aliya pulled him back to her and kissed him soundly, though their grins were so large that it was almost difficult. A small jostling up and down followed while he tried to remove his shoes.
The next thing she knew they were falling. The Doctor's back hit the ground and Aliya half bounced against his body, both of them yelping with surprise and at the force of the impact that left them briefly without oxygen. Through a cough, Aliya started laughing and he joined her a moment after.
"I don't know why I expected you to be more coordinated in a situation like this," she said, "You might have earned some impressive bruises if it weren't for this rug." Their torsos and hips were on the rug, but their legs stretched out over the normal carpet beside and behind the couch that was next to them.
"Sorry," he said embarrassedly. She just grinned and shook her head at him. It only took a second for her to twist and remove his remaining shoe and socks. "Thanks."
"What are friends for?" She joked. "Besides, this rug is comfy, and horizontal is more practical when these jeans still need to go."
"What did you wear those for?" He exclaimed with a great amount of indignance, lifting a hand to push his floppy hair out of his eyes.
Aliya frowned. "Well, I didn't exactly pick this outfit with the thoughts 'how easily will the Doctor be able to get this off me?'."
"Why not?!" He seemed so genuinely put out and borderline morally outraged that she found herself laughing again.
"I picked the first things I saw on my bedroom floor. And I really wasn't thinking ahead at all."
"Getting that. Still, if you made my life easy, where would the fun in that be?" He made a face, then pulled her into a kiss that left her breathless and had all thoughts of laughter fading from her mind. Warmth crept under her skin that had nothing to do with the nearby fire, and everything to do with his body under hers and the way he tasted on her tongue while his hands drew her to him.
For a moment she thought she was being pulled to straddle him or sit in his lap, but at the last second he splayed his hand on her back and flipped them so that the mostly bare skin of her back met the softness of the rug beneath them. At first his hands just skimmed her sides and ghosted at the sides of her encased breasts, but then they trailed down her stomach to linger at the button of her jeans.
His lips broke from hers but didn't move away, meaning their mouths brushed as they breathed. "Are you-"
Before he could finish the question, she lifted her head a fraction so that their foreheads were touching, and let everything in her hearts and body pour into his mind through the temporary connection. The racing of her hearts from where he was touching her and from thinking of where he was going to touch her, the memories of all the times she'd wanted him so badly she had thought she was going to go out of her mind, the love she felt for him that was so all encompassing that three mere words in English didn't nearly do it justice.
He kissed her so hard that it almost hurt, and his hands clutched at her wherever they could reach before organising themselves to undo her jeans and tug them down her hips and legs. The narrow ankles were a problem, but eventually she was left in only her mismatched undergarments. She went to kiss him only to find him bringing their foreheads back together.
This time all the thoughts coming through the link were his. A flash of her bare body from the back in the medieval inn and the unexpected desire it had kindled in him, the swelling in his chest whenever she laughed or grinned at him with affection in her eyes. The caving of his hearts upon hearing from Romana that she had supposedly died, and the ache he had carried after the Time War at having lost his best friend and sometimes lover, at the thought of never seeing her again. The joy of realising she was alive and much later at having her forgive him and agree to travel the stars at his side. The earthshattering truth of his feelings for her, hitting him all at once as he watched her spinning around on Pantone.
A shuddering breath escaped her at the same time a few tears did. She had not doubted his words in the cave, but words were so meaningless in comparison to pure mental truth, which was so powerful she was shaking at the overload of emotion and want churning inside her.
"I need you," she whispered shakily, yanking him down to kiss her again. While their tongues intertwined and Aliya's hands ran through his silky hair, he worked at getting his trousers off and out of the way.
What puzzled her was how after that mission was accomplished, he stopped their kiss to simply hold himself up by his hands and stare down at her with awe.
"What?" She asked. "What is it?" When he shook his head, she touched his face lightly and quickly found herself completely distracted by it. "You know, I'll never to get used to how beautiful you are." With his intense and loving eyes, that bizarre nose and chin of his, lack of notable eyebrows, and utterly majestic cheekbones, she would never tire of looking at him.
A laugh bubbled out of him. "That's more or less what I was thinking." His hands trailed over her fluffy hair, her lips, the column of her neck and the soft curves of her torso, all the way down to her legs before turning to her chest. "Aliya, can I…?" She just nodded and he reached around to undo the plain blue bra and throw it away with all the rest.
Had she been younger, or less determined, she might have been nervous about him seeing her so exposed - given that this body of hers was still new and hadn't been used for this sort of thing yet. But she was old, or old enough, and knew that bodies came and went and weren't particularly important, just helpful and often fun.
Besides, if the enraptured look on the Doctor's face was anything to go by, he thought this body of hers was everything he could want and more. He dropped his head so that his lips could give tribute to her newly bared skin.
"Doctor, just do remember that this body hasn't done this before," she murmured, rather breathily due to the gentle sensations tingling through her body, "So gentleness at first would be appreciated."
He halted his ministrations to stare at her with eyes that were surprisingly clear considering that they were also so dark that no real colour could be made out in their depths. "Of course. Aliya, I'd never forget about anything that could lead to me hurting you."
The two remaining straps of clothing were easy to discard - though they had to remember to not throw them in the direction of the fire that lay less than a metre away on her left and his right. Her legs tightened around his hips and they kissed briefly and sweetly before breaking apart. Their eyes locked as their bodies continued the dance their words in the cave had begun.
Finally coming together, after years of longing and misunderstanding and everything in between, was bliss. They moved as perfect partners, simultaneously finding solace in the old lover they had been missing and experiencing the thrill of a new one. But there was something else that they needed to make this different from any of the times before. The Doctor, in a move that surprised her, took the verbal initiative and breathed a word into her ear that resonated through her very being and soul.
His name. The word chosen by time itself that only one other person in the universe had ever been told before. The word that concisely described who he was to the universe and those who knew him.
In many ways, she felt it was the word she had been waiting her entire life to hear.
She took a deep breath and spoke her own name aloud for the first time in all her lives, hearing how it filled the air and not minding that it showed her as the imperfect creature she was, because it was still a name to be proud of, highly flawed or not.
The Doctor's grip on her tightened and he whispered it back to her like it was a prayer, over and over again against her skin. Hearing it coming from him was like coming home and finally feeling like she belonged somewhere.
With him. It was that simple.
They fell over the edge together and collapsed into the rug with matching sighs of complete fulfillment and euphoria. The Doctor was a pleasant weight on top of Aliya's body, and she kept her arms around him even as he breathed heavily into the skin of her neck. For a long while they remained that way, not speaking but just basking and being.
When the Doctor finally lifted his head so that they could look at each other, they both smiled, almost giddily.
"Wow."
"Big wow."
"That was fun," she said, and he blinked at her.
"Fun?!" He cried indignantly, and for a moment she worried that she had been too flippant before he grinned. "Yeah, it was a bit."
He rolled off her so that he could reach out and grab the folded up blanket on the edge of the couch and wrap it around the two of them. They laid back on the rug, legs tangled and chests brushing, their eyes unable to find any of interest away from the other's face.
"I'll never get bored of looking at you," she murmured, her fingers brushed across his nose and cheek.
"Stop taking words out of my mouth."
"I think your mouth has delusions of superiority."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. It's a problem." The mouth they were discussing suddenly covered hers and she laughed into his kiss. "No, that was not an invitation to try and prove superiority! Because I shouldn't have had to ask you to kiss me before, you were supposed to stop me before I got that far in my ridiculous babbling."
He snorted. "Of course, I try to show respect for what you have to say, only to get told off later for not interrupting you."
Aliya frowned. "Well...yes!" He lifted an eyebrow, and she chuckled embarrassedly into her hands.
He laughed too, and kissed her. Once they broke apart his hands cupped her face reverently so that his thumbs could skim over her still flushed cheeks. "I love it when you laugh."
"I know," she said with a grin, having seen it in his mind when he'd shared his thoughts with her briefly.
He smiled, likely thinking of how she knew, only to falter. "Oh, I - I just realised, I promised I'd never touch your mind again." He frowned deeply, his eyes suddenly very troubled and showing a self-hatred that cut into her hearts. "Aliya, I'm so sorry-"
"Shut up, you idiot," she said, with just the amount of sharpness needed, "I told you, only against my will. But I love you, and I want us to have this, all of this. It was a stupid promise. Especially when right now I want nothing more than to be able to feel you completely."
"A full connection?" He whispered. "Are you - are you sure, Aliya, because that can't be-"
"Do I look like I'm going to back out of this?" Aliya had been about to add 'given that you've always been the one to keep your distance', only she realised that it was far from true. A lot of the time it had been her to leave him or reject him, and the knowledge shocked her because she had always thought of herself as the one who had been pining. They were just as bad as each other and even now both still a little wary of being hurt.
He hesitated, but answered, "No. No, of course not. I just didn't want to push you. Figured it could wait."
"But why put it off?"
Instead of replying, he placed his fingers at her temples and bent his forehead to rest against hers. His question of whether she was sure was projected through pure thought and feeling, and she let him feel just how much she wanted to have a mental relationship with him too. After all, it was possible to be intimate while fully clothed, thanks to their telepathic and empathic abilities.
So both Time Lords let their minds open completely. Having shared their true names already, half the job was done. Their minds slowly linked in a way that could only be broken by death or a deliberate separation that would be nearly unendurable agony for both of them. Now, their background awareness of each other would be considerably more powerful, and communication over distance would be possible with enough effort.
And of course, it made it possible for them to lie there, in each other's minds and truly not being able to feel where they ended and the other began. They could feel what the other did, like a powerful echo alongside their own thoughts, and that made the need to touch each other bloom even more powerfully than before.
This time, when their bodies shifted with perfect synchronicity, the Doctor could feel his own weight and the sensation of his back muscles under Aliya's hands, just as she could feel the softness of her body crushed against his and how he was entirely lost in every aspect of her.
Never had being lost ever so truly meant being found.
*incoherent squealing* This chapter was such a relief to write, and I REALLY hope you guys loved it as much as I do, and that it didn't disappoint in any way. The next chapter is mostly going to be them adjusting to the shift in their relationship and being super cute, so if you've got any little prompts/ideas of things you might want to see them do, I'm open to suggestions, just let me know in a review! :)
Feedback is always appreciated!
Until the next time, I love you guys,
-MayFairy :)
p.s. I would DEFINITELY recommend listening to the songs at the beginning of the chapter if you haven't already, because they are such great songs, both in general and for Daliya/this chapter. Busted Heart is probably one of the biggest Daliya anthems I have.