Only this, and Nothing More

by RvnsDsks

A series of one shots and drabbles about Clara and her time with the Doctor. Will feature appearances/mentions of other characters, but mostly Clara. Written to help cope with the most recent episode, Face the Raven. Rated T for mentions of character deaths, and hints at possibly disturbing things. *Discontinued/On Hiatus*

2. Breathing, but is this Life?

It's only when she first witnesses his death that she realizes he's not as indestructible as she thought he was, and she's not nearly prepared to face what she knows must come next. It had been her who had done it; ensured that he lived, saved him once again, but the man she's greeted with is a stranger with her best friend's mind. Or did he even have the same mind? It had been hard for her to tell in the beginning, when he was so new and gruff and old. He was so old, his hair curly, like she remembered he once had, but silver instead of that rich brown she used to love. And his eyes! Intense, piercing eyes that stripped you bare and revealed all your secrets and fears.

She would come to love those eyes, though she didn't know it at the time. She would grow to love the way he call her 'Clara my Clara,' and feel warm inside every time he gave one of his not-quite-but-close-enough smiles. The secret glances, the knowing look in his eyes.

But right now, he was a stranger, and she didn't know how to deal with that. But she followed along as best she could, reading the clues and searching for answers; the way things used to be. She could almost have pretended that it was how it used to be, and nothing had changed at all, that this was still her Doctor. Until he had left her to fend for herself, with just a simple bit of advice.

And she had tried, really, she had. She took a breath and put one foot in front of the other, slowly, so slowly. Her breath started to burn in her lungs, but she kept going, not daring to release it to draw another. But the room tilted, and her chest was on fire, and she convulsed slightly as her body tried to regain the air she had denied from it. And she had fallen again, with no Doctor in sight to catch her this time.

But she was wrong, of course. So wrong. He had come for her after all, and it was back to running. Back to fighting the bad guys and chasing away the monsters while the Doctor dealt with the biggest of the bad. Yet even when it was over, she had her doubts. Even as she was packing, waiting for him to return-because of course he would- she wondered if she really wanted to do this with him so not like himself.

Until the phone rang.

She had picked it up with a trembling hand, a tentative hello. And his voice! She almost cried to hear it, him, her Doctor, bowtie and all. He had assuaged her fears, and given her a purpose, one she had nearly forgotten in the midst of her sorrow. Her impossible mission.

Yes, he might be a stranger now, but he was a stranger she still had to find a way to save. He was completely new, and so unfamiliar with himself, and she was all he had. He was all she had, too. She would just have to trust him. Trust him to be himself: to be the Doctor. So she smiled, took a deep breath, and reminded herself that this was what her life was about, and she would just have to get used to it. She could be there for him now, like he had been there for her when she needed him.

But she still wasn't sure if he had pushed the cyborg or not, and there were times when that doubt would creep back in, asking herself if she knew who he was after all. But for now, she would just keep breathing. Keep travelling, keep saving, keep living for the next adventure. And that was all that mattered right now.