Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,
Honestly, why am I consider as the molester and rapist in these fanfictions? Really, I have no romantic interest with Cheater A boy and Eyepatch-kun! And don't get me started with Mr. Kitchen Knife!
My title as a Noah of Pleasure simply means that I get to choose on what truly gives me joy and excitement. Please do not use it as a term for sex. And I'd appreciate it if also stop using my powers as an advantage to phase through clothes for sexual intercourse. The power is only meant kill people such as removing organs. But I did enjoy the part where I used it to dodge projectiles flung in my direction. I might as well add that I was able to use my powers perfectly when I became a Noah. There was no instance whatsoever when I got stuck between floors or walls.
I do not understand how all of you come to the point where I am labeled as a womanizer. I think you're mistaking me with Cross Marian, in which there's no similarity between us. Okay, maybe to the part where we smoke but that's about it.
I'd also appreciate it if you don't put "-pon" at the end of my name every time the Earl talks to or about me in your writings. Having the actual Earl saying it is good enough. I don't need to hear you humans do it also.
Using my Teez for sexual pleasure just sounds...wrong. They eat people, remember? I don't think they are quite suitable for...playing.
*Quickly scans more stories and slightly winces* Really, I don't dig imprisonment and torture. Sure, I did attempted to put a slow death for Shounen, but that's because it gives a noble sort-of-way to die. And really, stop with the rape! Do you even see anything in the canon that involves with me sleeping with other women? That honor goes to Cross, not me! And if you are thinking about the time I danced with that young lady back at Sheril's place, it was just a dance. It's required to do so in a ball, and it's common courtesy to have the gentleman lead a dance.
Anyways, I believe that's it for now. I have a train and humans to catch up. Hopefully, I won't be stripped to my underwear this time.
*Suddenly Timcanpy flies in*
*Eyes the golem* Hey, you're the boy's golem, aren't you?
Timcanpy: Gyaaaa!
And what's the purpose of you being here?
Timcanpy: *Shoots projection of Tyki Mikk being pinned by the Apocryphos*
Oh, god. Is that what the humans happen to see when I was fighting it?! Delete it! That's just weird!
Sincerely,
Tyki Mikk
Extra:
*Sheril suddenly barges into Tyki's room to talk to Tyki, only to see the golem with the projection being shown.*
Sheril: *slowly turns to Tyki* Dearest, brother, don't tell me this is what I think it is.
…Sheril…
Sheril: *stares mortifyingly* First, Road, then you?! Do you still have your virginity, brother?!
Sheril…
Sheril: *begins inhaling maddeningly* I'm going to kill that Apocryphos for touching my lovely Road and my dear brother!
Sheril, just please. Shut. Up. Just. Shut. Up.