Uni, sadly, actually involves occasional work. Inconvenient for all of us, I know. But here we are.

This chapter is the first one from Mari's POV! Which was really fun to write, as was this entire chapter because wow family tension (but some more Mari/Esther cute first).

Thanks for all the feedback so far!

If everything turned out as we had said

We wouldn't have to sit through any of this

Maybe I would be a better fit in my own skin

I'm not gonna try to divide or ignore you
And the pieces of the puzzle that never seem to fit

Maybe – Opshop

And when it rains,

Will you always find an escape?

Just running away,

From all of the ones who love you,

From everything.

You made yourself a bed

At the bottom of the blackest hole

And you'll sleep 'til May

And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

Take these chances to turn it around

Take these chances, we'll make it somehow

When It Rains - Paramore

As Christmas Day drew to a close, Mari found herself on a couch with Esther Drummond asleep on her. And she had absolutely no complaints. Buffy The Vampire Slayer was still playing on the television, but Mari was much more interested in watching the rise and fall of the other woman's chest. Her fingers traced through her blonde hair where her head rested on Mari's stomach. It still seemed like half a dream that she was even allowed to touch her - a perfect Christmas in the simplest of ways.

It had been a long day of delightfully lazy comradery. And arguing about food.

"You're going to burn the chicken!"

"I am not! And get out of the cake! How is it that you can be so unimpressed with chocolate ice cream but you can't stay out of the cake?"

"I don't make the rules!"

Once it was all on their plates, for better or for worse, it had been easier. They had just curled up on the couch and watched Buffy, learning about each other's favourites and finding that they more or less agreed on everything (including that Spike reminded them a lot of Hart), except that Esther didn't think Angel was a completely boring character while Mari very much did.

Esther had had no qualms about cuddling up to Mari completely, meaning that by the time she fell asleep, she was half on top of the other woman and had completely negated her ability to move. Luckily that wasn't a problem.

When Esther leaned into Mari's hand the next time it stroked over her head, the redheaded woman smiled. For the first time that she could remember, she was completely content. There was no secret objective she was waiting or training for, no one she was planning on betraying. Just the woman she had accidentally fallen in love with who somehow seemed to like her back.

Which, as far as Mari was concerned, was nothing short of a miracle. It was hard to be sure if she deserved one – in fact she was fairly sure she didn't – but it would seem that she had been given one all the same.

"Hey," Esther murmured upon finally waking up a small while later, "What's the time?"

"About eleven." Mari stilled her hand, worried that the other woman might find the touch to be a little too intimate given that their relationship was in its infancy.

"Okay. And you don't have to stop, you know. That feels nice."

Mari felt her cheeks warm, but she made sure to keep stroking Esther's hair all the same since she had been indirectly told to continue.

"Why do I feel like you're probably blushing again?"

"Because it's apparently a favourite pastime of yours, making me look and feel like an idiot."

Esther chuckled and shifted so that she could sit up and grin at her. "Nah, it just makes you look really cute. And being able to make you flustered makes me feel a lot more powerful than being immortal ever has."

Mari rolled her eyes. "You need to sort out your priorities."

"Make me," the blonde retorted, a playfulness in her eyes. Before Mari could respond to the obvious flirtation, she was being kissed. Returning the gesture seemed more important.

Kissing Esther Drummond was something that Mari knew would take a while to get used to. Though part of her wasn't sure she ever would, given how giddy she became every time it happened. Not that she would ever admit to being giddy about anything to another living soul so long as she lived. She had a reputation to uphold.

Mari's hands coasted up Esther's back while her lips journeyed down her pale neck. Esther meanwhile was moving her legs until they were either side of Mari's hips.

Suddenly having an enthusiastic Esther Drummond in her lap was not a scenario Mari had quite managed to prepare her brain for, and so she broke the kiss to just curiously stare at the woman she loved.

"What are you doing?"

"I'd have thought that was fairly obvious," Esther said, giving her a mischievous smile. When the woman she was sitting on just blinked at her, she brushed her red hair out of her eyes and smiled. "Look, obviously this has been way too quick for us to be properly jumping into bed together, but that doesn't mean we can't make out like teenagers. Unless…you don't want to."

Mari felt herself grin before she leaned up to kiss Esther forcefully. "Oh, believe me, I want to. But beds are better for this sort of thing."

"That's true-oh my god!" Esther's surprised exclamation came from Mari managing to stand up and keep a firm hold of Esther in her arms as she did so. "I mean I knew you were strong, but-"

"You talk too much, Drummond," Mari said as she carried her over to the stairs that went to the loft bedroom and carefully began to climb them.

"Maybe I do," Esther said, grinning down at her, "What are you going to do about it?"

"I have some ideas." She laid Esther on the bed before climbing over her so that her lips could reclaim hers, pressing her into the softness of the mattress. Esther's soft hands slid underneath her tank top to explore the skin of her lower back, while Mari's hands had lost themselves in her long golden hair that felt like silk in her fingers.

Being able to feel the full length of Esther's body against hers was a sensation Mari didn't want to lose any time soon. Esther's body was also considerably warmer than her own. The heat of it seeped through their clothes to warm Mari's effortlessly.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, content to just languidly kiss each other like there was nothing else to do in the entire world.

Until Esther's cell phone rang. They broke apart, but before Esther could answer, Mari moved at lightning speed so that she was straddling the blonde's hips and holding her down with only one hand. The other dug in Esther's pockets until the phone came out.

When Esther realised that she meant to answer it, her eyes widened.

Mari hit the 'answer' button. "Hello?"

"Who the hell is this?" Jack's confusion and indignation immediately went down as one of Mari's favourite things to witness. "Where's Esther?"

"Why do you need her? It's Christmas Day."

"Work emergency."

"Hmm, not good enough, sorry," Mari said simply, grinning when she met Esther's eye and saw the disbelief on her face. "I'm afraid she won't be coming."

Jack sounded wary when he spoke again. "Why not?"

"Because I'm currently on top of her and have no intentions whatsoever of giving up such a pleasant position."

"Why don't I believe you? If you've hurt her-"

"She's not lying, Jack," Esther said loudly enough for him to hear, sighing and giving Mari a look that told her she was going to pay for her actions, "I'm not coming in."

"But you're okay?"

"I have a gorgeous redhead on top of me," Esther answered, sharing a grin with Mari, "I'm more than okay."

Jack laughed on the other end of the phone. "Sounds like a perfect Christmas to me. Don't think I'll accept this excuse every time though. You still have a job to do."

"Noted."

"Goodbye, Captain," Mari said boredly before discarding the phone and getting to watch Esther descend into a fit of giggles.

"I can't believe you just did that!" The American exclaimed. "And he has no idea who he just talked to."

Mari smirked. "Exactly. But you should have expected as much. I'm hardly going to let him steal you away from me when I have you at my mercy."

"Haven't I always been?" Esther asked, sounding more out of breath than she had a second before. Mari just lifted a single and sceptical eyebrow. "I mean sure, I didn't exactly realise it at the time, but…still. I couldn't stop watching you. There was…something about you."

"Careful, Drummond, my ego is in a strange enough place right now as it is."

"Esther."

"What?"

"After everything that's happened, I don't think you should be calling me Drummond." Esther's hand lifted to push against where one of Mari's had been holding her down. "I want you to use my name."

Mari's eyes flicked from her face to where their hands were connected. Her hand moved until their palms were ever so slightly pressed together, fingers aligned but skin barely touching.

"Esther," she whispered, eyeing their hands before letting their fingers interlock.

"That's the idea," Esther murmured, also apparently finding it difficult to look away from the simple action. Within such a short space of time, a surprising heat had filled the air between them.

"You know, I never put much stock into ideas of heaven and hell," Mari said as she leaned down to press the most fleeting of kisses onto Esther's lips and linger there afterwards, "But right now I'm thinking that if this is as close as I ever get to the former, it'll be more than I deserve."

Esther used her free hand to grab her by her hair and kiss her desperately, making Mari moan into her mouth and run her hands down Esther's torso as the need to touch her everywhere possible burned through her.

"That thing I said about not jumping into bed together suddenly seems really, really stupid," Esther whispered as she slid Mari's shirt off her body and threw it on the floor.

Mari paused anyway, reluctantly leaning back so that she could meet the blonde's brown eyes. "Not necessarily," she said, frowning, "It is quick. And we're, well, in different places in this, so to speak."

"If that's a problem, we can wait," Esther said, biting her lip, "I can see why it might be. But for what it's worth, this is what I want. You're what I want. And maybe the fact that I know that after only a day is insane, but…it's the truth."

"The old me would have considered the possibility of all this to be insanity," Mari replied, "When the real insanity is what I learned in the 43rd century. You know your own mind, even if what you've decided on is nothing short of a miracle to me."

"Then kiss me, and help me get these stupid clothes off."

Mari grinned and was only too happy to do exactly that.

When Boxing Day morning came, Mari didn't want to move a muscle. If she had been content before, now she was sated in almost every way possible, with Esther Drummond snoring quietly beside her.

Mari had slept – her first time doing so in her new regeneration – but was now awake and unable to quite keep her hands off the blonde who was currently acting as her little spoon. It was so easy to run her fingers across Esther's bare arm, feeling the softness of the fine white hairs there and being content to just listen to her breathing.

After living so many years with every second needing to be meticulously used, it was like a rebellion against everything they had wanted her to be to now simply lie in bed with no intentions of moving.

Problem was, as much as she would have loved it if thoughts of Esther Drummond were able to completely dominate her mind forever, it had been the case for over a day and now other things were starting to creep in.

Mari's eyes dropped to her wrist, where the vortex manipulator was the only piece of clothing she was still wearing. She thought back to how the Doctor had said he had put coordinates into it for when she wanted to come and find them.

At the time, she had all but dismissed the thought as something she wouldn't need to consider for a very long time. Now she was thinking differently. Esther's acceptance had put her at ease in a lot of ways.

Now, instead of just knowing that she was in love with the immortal human, Mari knew that she also liked who she was when she was around her. The problem lay in finding out the rest of who she was, who she was when she wasn't around her. And that seemed to come back to the original reason for her identity crisis.

Her family. Or rather, the people she had been denying to be. Marion hadn't known how to deal with the truth or the people who had given it to her. But she wasn't quite Marion anymore. Or not just Marion.

She was Mari now. And Mari was brave enough to think that she might be able to talk to the pretentious Time Lords and Jenny and come out the other side better for it somehow. How, she couldn't be sure, but a gut feeling told her that it was what she needed to do.

After everything that had happened…her gut was all she really had.

Finally, Esther woke up.

"Hey," the blonde said, stretching her body and turning so that she was lying on her back, "You sleep okay?"

"Better than I can ever remember," Mari said honestly, but with her thoughts still very much on the thing she wasn't keen on doing but knew she had to.

"You alright?"

Mari propped herself up on her elbow. "I need to talk to them."

"Them being the Doctor and stuff?" Esther asked, lifting her eyebrow. Mari nodded. "Okay. That's important, you go do that, and…I'll be here when you get back. Here or at work."

The redhead made a face. "…I'm worried. What if I can't make myself like them? And-"

"Woah," Esther said, blinking, "You can't make yourself like them, Marion. That's not how it works."

"But how else-"

Esther's fingers brushed hair behind her ear and lingered at her cheek afterwards, making Mari shut her eyes for a moment. "Maybe try reconsidering your reasons for disliking them. That's probably a better start."

"Probably," Mari admitted, "Oh, I'm no good at this."

"At what?"

"Being reasonable. I didn't have to be before." She sighed and buried her face in the pillow. "I won't be able to shoot them even a little bit."

"Well, no," Esther said, sounding amused, "Probably best to keep the violence to a minimum."

Mari made a reluctant noise of agreement that was muffled by the pillow. Then she pushed herself up and looked at Esther for a long moment. "I suppose the sooner I go, the sooner I can come back. That's fair motivation."

Esther smiled. "Works for me."

Mari bent to kiss her cheek but ended up getting closer to her nose. "Thank you. For Christmas. And everything else." With that she got out of bed and headed down to the corner of the living room where her shopping from Christmas Eve was still sitting in bags. She dressed in jeans, one of the corset tops, a pair of heeled boots and a coat she had picked for its incredibly soft pockets. Then she went to the bathroom to freshen up and give her hair a quick brush before returning to the living room. "Alright, be back soon."

She hit the button that would take her to the pre-set coordinates and felt the familiar unpleasant yank as the manipulator took her far away from Esther's apartment in Cardiff.

When the light of the vortex faded, Mari found herself on a hillside with the wind whipping in her face. The hill overlooked a huge valley that looked like it had just seen a huge rainstorm. And a few metres away from where she was standing was the TARDIS.

Mari stood completely still, unsure of what to do. Was she supposed to knock? Or wait for them to come out?

Thankfully, she only had about ten seconds of awkward deliberation before Jenny poked her head out of the TARDIS doors.

"You can come in, if you want," she said, giving her a small smile. When she noticed her sister's hesitation, she added, "Or we can come out."

"That might be better," Mari said, moving to sit on a nearby rock and already regretting her decision to come. Jenny stepped out of the TARDIS and joined her on the rock. The Doctor and Aliya left the box a few moments later.

"Marion," the Doctor greeted, smiling at her, "It's good to see you. Has it been long?"

"It's Mari now," the redhead corrected, looking at him evenly, "And no, it hasn't. Barely more than a week."

The Doctor and Aliya shared looks of surprise. "Really? Even we took longer to come here." She just arched an eyebrow at them and he coughed. "But you're going by Mari now?" She nodded. "Good, good…nice name. Suits you. Definitely keep it."

"So, how did things go with Esther?" Jenny asked, sounding torn between excitement and worry that it might not have gone well.

The thought of Esther helped calm Mari where she had already felt herself tensing up. She smiled slightly, more to herself than at them. "Very well, actually."

Jenny squealed and hugged her immediately. Mari tentatively hugged her back, and the Doctor smiled at her over Jenny's shoulder.

"We're happy for you," he said. And as easy as it would be to let the statement go, Mari couldn't ignore the annoyance it sent through her. She let her eyes come to rest on Aliya, who was standing and watching her with that silent unease that had held her back at the hospital.

"Is she not able to speak for herself?" Mari asked sharply, lifting an eyebrow at them. Aliya's mouth just tightened.

"I am glad it went well with Esther," she said slowly.

"She speaks!" Mari exclaimed sarcastically. "It must be a miracle." Aliya just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Please play nice," Jenny breathed from beside her, sounding desperate enough that Mari decided to do as she wished for now. She stood up and faced the Doctor.

"I'll come inside if you have alcohol," she said flatly. "I need a drink if I have any hope of dealing with this."

He frowned. "I – er, yes. We do."

"Then lead the way."

The group went inside the TARDIS and rather silently moved through the console room and up the stairs until the corridor brought them to a kitchen. The Doctor reached into a top cupboard and pulled out several bottles of various alcohols, some of which were the classics that Mari was familiar with and some of which looked definitely alien.

Mari was surprised when Aliya went to a different cupboard and grabbed two cups, handing one to Mari and keeping the other on the counter in front of herself. She then took the vodka and poured them both a healthy measure.

"Thanks?" Mari said, frowning at her.

Aliya just sighed and lifted her glass up. "Cheers," she said, and waited until Mari hesitantly clinked her glass with hers.

"Cheers." They both threw back the drinks in one go. Then Mari leaned back against the kitchen counter. "You know, I saw you at Darillium, Doctor. With River Song."

Aliya blinked. "You were at Darillium?!"

The Doctor, meanwhile, was staring at Mari with wonder. "I remember now," he said, awed, "I saw you. I heard your song. It was beautiful. And powerful, and sad-"

"And private," Mari said, glaring, "I didn't know what those towers were going to sing about or I wouldn't have gone." His face fell slightly and he just nodded. She sighed. "I heard your song too. You loved River a lot."

"With all my hearts," he said quietly, not breaking their eye contact, "And that was the last time I saw her before she died."

Slight surprise betrayed itself on Mari's face. "Oh." She had no idea what to say to that. There was an awkward silence before she picked a different topic of conversation. "Alright, Doctor. I want to know about when I was born. Everything that happened at Demon's Run, and before it."

"It all started when we realised that I had been replaced by a Flesh copy," Aliya said, frowning, "Which we worked out because I kept seeing Kovarian in walls, checking on me."

"We investigated the Flesh to understand how it worked," the Doctor continued, "And just as we found out what we wanted to know, Aliya starting getting contractions."

"Only…I didn't know what they were," the older blonde admitted, making Mari lift an eyebrow at her, "I hadn't known I was pregnant due to how unlikely it was, and Time Ladies never carried babies so I had no idea how it worked."

"But the TARDIS told us the truth. She was about to give birth to a baby. Our baby. I don't think I've seen her so terrified than in that moment except for her nyctophobia." The Doctor put his hand on Aliya's shoulder and she gave him a tiny smile. "We knew there was a good chance her body wasn't built to survive the birth."

"I woke up alone on Demon's Run and suffered the worst physical pain of my life," Aliya said, holding Mari's gaze, "You broke my pelvis. And, just in case you care at all, I nearly died."

"I'm not apologising for something I did in the process of being born."

"I'm not asking you to," the Time Lady replied, sounding like it was taking all her self-control to not snap at her, "But you wanted to know everything. That includes knowing that you're-" She pursed her lips instead of continuing.

"Knowing that I'm what?"

Aliya crossed her arms and stared at her with a sort of reluctance before saying, with tightness in her voice, "That you're a miracle."

"A miracle," Mari repeated, sceptically.

"Your very existence goes against probability," the Doctor agreed, "As does Aliya's survival of the birth. It honestly is a miracle that both you and Aliya are standing here right now."

"I think if anything runs in the family, it's survival and stubbornness," Jenny put in, but her words only had Mari gritting her teeth.

"The name Marion actually means wished for child in some circles," the Doctor told them, and something about that made Mari flinch. The idea of being their precious miracle child was not one she found appealing in the slightest. More like horrific or utterly terrifying. She didn't know how to be a daughter. Or a sister. She didn't know how to be part of a family. The whole idea was a joke.

Aliya seemed to be having similar thoughts, because she bit her lip and hurried from the room. The Doctor and Jenny stared after her with dismay.

"Jenny, can you make sure she's okay?" The man in the bowtie asked. Jenny hesitated but then nodded and also left.

Finding herself alone with the Doctor was unexpected, as it hadn't happened since she had been Marion and poisoning him with Tic Tacs. Her conditioning took a hold of her unexpectedly and she saw in her mind's eye how easy it would be to take a knife from the holder next to her and run it through his chest before he even had time to realise what she was doing.

"Mari, put the knife down," the Doctor said gently, a concern on his face that didn't seem to be for himself but for her. She glanced down and saw the large knife in her hand and how she had taken a step towards him. She couldn't even remember picking it up.

Mari took a deep breath, pushed her conditioning to the back of her brain, and set the knife down on the counter.

"I won't apologise for who I turned out to be," Mari told the Doctor after a few moment's silence, "Even if it's far from what you hoped for. Because no one's apologised for making me this way."

His green eyes became so devastatingly sad that she almost, almost regretted her words. He just sighed and starting making tea.

"You have no idea how much I wish things could have been different," he said quietly, not quite able to focus on what he was doing if his continual glances at her were anything to go by. "You know I spent a month recruiting a force to rescue you and Aliya from Demon's Run? I took control of the base without spilling a single drop of blood."

Mari blinked. "How?"

He gave her a small, ironic smile. "I'm very clever. Or at least, I thought I was. I had control, I went to Aliya…I held my baby and thought that I had never been so happy." A lump the size of a boulder had found its way to Mari's throat. She couldn't quite swallow it, only stare at him. "You were the most beautiful baby, Mari, you really were. I could make you laugh and everything."

"How times have changed," she heard herself say, rather dryly. He chuckled, even if it wasn't really funny.

"You did grow up to find me considerably less impressive, it's true."

"…what else happened at Demon's Run? What went wrong?"

"You were a Flesh avatar too," the Doctor explained, the debilitating sadness back in his eyes, "We didn't realise until it was too late and Kovarian had you out of our reach. Aliya…didn't take it well. I'd heard her scream before, when she was scared, but this was different. It was the purest sound of pain I had ever heard."

Mari bit her lip, imagining it and feeling a little sick to her stomach. Then something else occurred to her. "Where did you get the 43rd century from? You seemed sure that was where I was, but I was in the 21st."

He hesitated before reaching into the pocket of his trousers and removing a small, crumpled piece of paper. "We were given this. You haven't written it yet, but…one day you will, and you'll give it to a friend of ours before she helps us at Demon's Run."

Trepidation seized Mari rather unexpectedly as she eyed the paper he was holding out to her, but she forced her hand to work and take it from him. With a deep breath, she began to read.

Dear Father,

If Miss Flint has done as I asked of her, then Kovarian has just taken me. Sadly, this is the way things must be, because they have already happened as such. As I write this, I have already lived through our reunion. You may take my word for it that although the future looks bleak now, you shall find me again, after months of searching (I can tell you that the 43rd century is where you need to look, but nothing more). So do not despair.

What I do ask of you, however, is to not expect anything from me, no matter how much you might wish for your little girl. When you found me, I was so very lost and alone and believed in lies so horrific it still chokes me to think of them now.

I imagine my mother is with you. Tell her that I am sorry for what has just befallen her but especially for what is yet to come.

And Jenny, sweet sister...keep faith.

Yours, eventually,

Mariaka

Mari stared at the words and had to resist the urge to crush the paper in her fist or rip it into pieces. Instead she wordlessly handed it back to the Doctor, who gingerly folded it and put it back in his pocket like it was a treasured possession. Perhaps it was.

"Those aren't my words," Mari eventually said. The use of the word father in the opening had shaken her from the start. The yours at the end had only made it worse. She wasn't theirs. She wasn't anyone's anymore.

"They will be one day." The Doctor gave her another one of those small smiles paired with those big sad eyes that always made her falter. "And these words gave us hope when we had none."

His sincerity, as per usual, unnerved her. She was never prepared for it because she didn't understand it. No one, especially not someone who had done the things she knew he had, could be this nice in reality. This caring. This genuine.

Why couldn't he have been horrible, or distrustful? Why does it have to be so difficult to keep hating him?

What made it all the more ridiculous was that even as she could feel herself thawing when it came to him as a person, the instincts to kill him were not getting any quieter. It would be so easy to press him against the counter and wrap her fingers around his throat like she had imagined doing several times in her previous body, to feel the life ebb out of him like she had been taught he deserved for so many years…

It wasn't until she felt strong hands gripping her wrists that she realised she had briefly given over to her conditioning again. She did indeed have the Doctor pinned to the counter, but his hands had stopped hers from being able to cut off his oxygen supply or crush his windpipe.

Mari blinked with slight surprise.

"If I let go of you, are you going to strangle me?" The Doctor asked her mildly. She shook her head and was released instantly. She pushed away from him and grabbed the teapot so that she could pour the tea into the cups he had fetched before. As she did so, she could feel his eyes on her. "Let's take this tea for a bit of a walk. I know somewhere nice we can sit."

Warily, but without a reason to argue, Mari followed him from the room and down the corridor. They walked for a minute or two in silence before coming to a stop outside a perfectly ordinary looking door. The Doctor pressed a few buttons on a control panel before leading her inside.

Mari was surprised to step out onto red grass, and find the ground as uneven as one might expect on a real hill, even if she knew that this had to be some kind of projection. Above them, a few strange creatures soared through a burnt orange sky lit by twin suns.

"What is this place?"

"Gallifrey," the Doctor answered, sitting underneath a tree and indicating with his head for her to do the same, "Where Aliya and I were born."

"The place you burned," Mari said, noting his face fall with a satisfaction she half wished she didn't feel, "To end the Time War."

"Yes."

She sat down near him and sipped at her tea. It had too much sugar in it. "Why show me?"

"Whether you like it or not, it's your heritage. Besides, you match."

"What?"

"Your hair," he said, grinning. She glanced at the sky and saw his point, though chose not to comment. When he spoke again, he was more serious. "Mari, I just want you to know that you don't owe us anything. I can see how uncomfortable you are here. Under the circumstances I…I'd understand if you want us to leave you be."

Mari drained her tea cup in one gulp so that she could put it down beside her and wrap her arms around her knees. "I honestly have no idea what I want."

"Well, you can't expect to like Aliya and I immediately, you know," the Doctor said, shaking his head, "That's not how any sort of relationship works. You'd have to spend time with us."

"Exactly," Mari replied, frowning and making him chuckle.

"Is this winning attitude of yours how you won over Esther?" He asked. "Or did you have a different strategy?"

She made a face. "To be perfectly honest, I'm still not quite sure how I pulled that off. I confessed my love for her via cardboard signs from the street below her front balcony."

The Doctor's face lit up. "See, now that's way more romantic than anything I've done. Aliya and I really weren't good at the talking about our feelings bit."

Mari found that genuinely surprising. "Well, I suppose that…I didn't have anything to lose."

"Yeah, maybe." The Doctor breathed in the air that she supposed had been manufactured to smell like that of Gallifrey. He eyed her with uncertainty. "Mari, did you ever wonder about your parents?"

"Not particularly," she answered honestly, "I'd been conditioned not to. Why?"

He gave a funny sort of shrug. "I suppose I'm just wondering how much of a disappointment we were."

His words made her uncomfortable, because she realised they were getting into her hearts and making her feel things she had been adamant not to feel. "Not nearly as big a disappointment as I know I was to you," she ended up saying.

The Doctor's eyes held hers with that sincerity that she hated. "You weren't a disappointment to me. You never could be."

Mari couldn't quite handle that, so she grabbed her teacup and jumped to her feet. "We should get back to the others." They headed out of the magnificent room and walked back along the corridors.

"Does the age thing bother you at all?" The Doctor asked her after a while.

"What?"

"Well, from a human perspective, Aliya and I look about the same age as you," he pointed out, "I thought you might find it…weird."

"I honestly hadn't given it much thought," Mari said, examining his face more closely. While, yes, he had a very similar physical age to her, his eyes had always been so old that it had never been something she had actively noticed. "You are extremely baby-faced, which is a little strange, but…I think we both know that age isn't the issue here."

He just nodded. "I certainly suspected. Or…hoped. Wanted to be sure, though. One less thing to worry about."

They got back to the kitchen only to find it was still empty.

"You have some more tea," the Doctor suggested, "Or…anything else you might like. The TARDIS can find it for you if you ask. I might just go and check on Aliya." When she nodded, he hovered awkwardly near her for a moment before turning on his heel and heading forwards the console room.

After only a second's debate, Mari silently followed him. Whether it was out of curiosity or a subconscious need to get closer to the external doors, she couldn't be sure.

"Aliya, I know what the TARDIS meant now," the Doctor was saying as Mari came to the top of the stairs and hid behind the arch frame, "Like with everything else, the answer is in her name."

"…what do you mean?"

"Marion. The main translation is sea of bitterness or sea of sorrow."

"Surprisingly fitting," Aliya remarked, her expression dark as the Doctor just shook his head.

"No, you're not getting it. The drowning one, Aliya. It's her. She's the drowning one," he said, his voice gaining energy and volume, "The TARDIS was telling us what we would someday need to know, and it's that our daughter isn't lost to us."

"The drowning one isn't truly lost," the Time Lady said quietly to herself, her frown faltering.

Mari didn't quite understand. But she could see that the Doctor believed in this new realisation with all of his hearts. I'm not drowning, she thought, but couldn't bring herself to think that it was completely true. Drowning was the perfect word for that feeling of being so completely overwhelmed and lost that she had been experiencing since she had found out the truth.

Perhaps she had even been drowning before then.

"Aliya, if you want your daughter back, you have to give her a chance," the Doctor was saying, gaining back Mari's attention. Aliya's shoulders drooped. For the first time, Mari could really see the great age in the blonde that usually only came out in glimpses. She looked tired. Old and tired.

"I know that," she said, her voice hard initially but then cracking on her words, "But I don't know how. And she'll never give me one, so what's the point? She hates me. She always will."

"You don't know that," the Doctor said, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

Aliya bit her lip. "I can't impress her, I can't apologise for being annoying to her because it wasn't deliberate, it's just how I am…I can't tell her that everything's okay because it's not. The only thing we have in common in all of this is that we both find this equally horrific."

He sighed and brushed her hair back from her face, his hands lingering afterwards at her cheeks. "It's going to be okay. There's just a lot to work through. You seem so sure that she is determined to hate you, but honestly…Aliya, she seems the opposite of sure about all of this."

"It's my fault that she's like this," Aliya said softly, making Mari lift an eyebrow, "It was stupid to not think that Kovarian could use the same trick on us twice. I should have checked that she wasn't Flesh, but I was stupid and she took our baby and she hurt her. Hurt her until she became the person who was so desperate for freedom that she would laugh for joy when she succeeded in poisoning someone who had never done anything but show her kindness."

The Doctor leaned in to press a slow kiss to Aliya's forehead. "You're not stupid, Ali. You could never be stupid. We made a mistake, yes, but we can't dwell on what might have been. For better or for worse, Mari is who she is because of that mistake. If this is going to work, we can't want to change her."

"I don't want to change her," Aliya said as she wound her arms around his waist, shutting her eyes to savour the feeling of his lips on her skin where he had lingered, "Not really. I want to understand her."

"I know. Me too. And I think, or I hope that she wants to understand us too. She's not used to having a family, or anyone wanting to care about her. We just have to be patient."

Mari watched them with more interest than she would care to admit to herself. When at Torchwood, she had never really paid more attention to the Doctor and Aliya as a pair than absolutely necessary. Keeping a quiet eye on the Doctor when he was around had always been her top priority, as had been ignoring Aliya when possible.

It surprised her now to realise that they weren't the irritating and overly cheerful couple she had assumed they were. The Doctor had told her once that his and Aliya's happiness hadn't come easily, but at the time she had been so self-absorbed that she hadn't found it possible to believe him. But now she could see that their connection was strong because it had to be, because they had plainly faced hardships together before and managed to come out the other side intact.

Watching them now began to feel like an intrusion on a very intimate moment, even if they were just standing still with their eyes shut, Aliya's arms around his waist and his lips against her forehead.

Mari turned away and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Jenny standing right behind her, but managed not to yell.

"What the hell?" She yelped. "Give a girl some warning."

"Sorry," Jenny said, giving her a sheepish look, "I was about to say something before you turned around." Her eyes flicked to her – well, their – parents. "They're good together, huh?"

"More than I ever realised," Mari admitted, her body tense at being caught in her spying, "I was too busy focusing on myself before to notice."

"So, am I going to get to hear more about what happened with Esther, or not?" Jenny asked, and it was a change of subject Mari could go along with happily.

"If you like."

"What did she say? About you being…this?"

Mari shrugged. "She took it surprisingly well. And it turned out she had been looking for me the months that I was gone."

Jenny grinned. "I always knew you two would work out. Eventually. What did she say when you told her how you felt?"

"That she was open to the idea," Mari said, "She blew off the Torchwood Christmas Eve party to go out with me instead. And we...somehow...sort of ended up spending Christmas together."

"You move fast," the blonde anomaly said, evidently surprised but thrilled, "Well done."

Mari gave another shrug. "I'm still not quite sure how it all happened, but I'm not complaining. It's nice to know I have something to go back to after all this."

The next smile Jenny gave her was softer, with a warmth in her eyes that briefly staggered Mari. "I'm really happy for you."

On an odd instinct, Mari hugged her, shocking both of them. It only took a second for Jenny to tightly hug her back. "Thank you for being a better friend than I ever deserved," the redhead said, not wanting to let go, "If I had to have a sister, I'm glad it was you."

"Me too." When they finally pulled away, Jenny's eyes dropped from Mari's face. "Where's your locket?"

Mari's hand went to her neck and realised that for the first time in years, it was bare. A vague memory came to her of taking it off after the cold metal on their skin kept making Esther giggle when they were trying to undress. Her face turned a deep shade of red, which only made Jenny raise an eyebrow at her.

"It may or may not be on Esther's bedroom floor," she said mildly, making her sister squeal.

"Oh my god!"

"Shhh!"

When she objectively realised that she was telling her sister to be quiet during a conversation about her sex life so that their parents didn't hear them, Mari found herself starting to laugh. Jenny blinked at her for a moment before catching on and chuckling with her.

"What are you two laughing about?" The Doctor's voice called. They moved to the top of the stairs so that they were in view, and just shared a sheepish look.

"Nothing you need to worry yourself with, Dad," Jenny said, sending a grin at Mari, who smothered her own.

The Doctor and Aliya didn't look like they believed them, but neither did they seem in any way disappointed or angry for being kept out of it. If anything they looked quietly pleased that the two of them were getting along so well.

"Does anyone want fish fingers?" The Doctor asked the group without warning. "I feel like fish fingers. Jenny, have you ever had fish custard?"

"Uh…no," Jenny replied, looking as wary about the idea as Mari felt. Her father bounded up the stairs to clap his shorter daughter on the shoulder.

"Well, we can't have that. You'll love it. Come on." They went off down the corridor, leaving Mari and Aliya alone in the console room.

"Subtle," Mari remarked. Aliya's lips twitched and the blonde lifted herself to sit on the edge of the console. Mari crossed her arms uncomfortably, hesitated, and moved to sit down on one of the middle steps of the staircase.

"So, with Esther," Aliya began, regarding Mari with curiosity, "How long have you-"

"Since before you came to Torchwood," Mari said, "But that was probably around the time I had realised it and had no idea what to do."

Aliya nodded. "A lot of the things Jenny did or said make more sense now, I think."

"Probably."

"I really am happy that it worked out," the Time Lady said quietly, "I hope you believe me."

"I…think I do."

Aliya bit her lip. "Do you think…if you'd known the truth…you would have found me as annoying as you do?"

Mari narrowed her eyes at her. "I am not playing the 'what if' game. It's counterproductive in every possible way. I don't know about you, but I can't afford to look backward."

Aliya blinked, but pursed her lips and gave a tiny nod of understanding a moment later. "Sorry. I just…have no idea what to say."

"That makes two of us."

"Looking at it now…maybe we know where you got your god-awful stubborn streak from," Aliya considered, "As well as your ability to hold a grudge."

Mari, rather against her will, chuckled at that. "Maybe." Her mother – it was difficult for Mari to even make herself think those two words – seemed pleased that the comment had been well received.

"You have a great smile, you know," she told Mari, with a hesitant sincerity, "You shouldn't try to hide it."

Mari's face became neutral in an instant, and she couldn't be sure if the defiance was conscious or not. "Well, it's certainly better than my last one."

"I wouldn't know, I never saw it," Aliya retorted, "Did your last self even know how to smile?"

"It wasn't in my programming."

An awkward silence followed, in which Aliya frowned at her. "Was…was that a joke, or-"

"It was a joke," Mari said, rolling her eyes, "I was a bitch because it suited me, not because I had to be."

"So it was like a survival instinct."

"I suppose that's one way to look at it. A good way to avoid hating yourself is to hate everyone else instead. But honestly? I enjoyed that part of myself, and I generally don't regret how I acted."

Her words had them lapse back into tense silence.

"How were you going to kill me?"

Whatever subjects Mari had been expecting Aliya to breach next, her intended murder had not been one of them. She set her jaw and lifted an eyebrow at her. "It would have been quick. Probably just a few bullets. I care about Jenny enough that I wasn't going to torture you. Having you watch the Doctor die was enough suffering to satisfy me."

"Right," Aliya said, biting the inside of her cheek. "You really hated me, huh?"

"Yes," Mari said without missing a beat. "You were an annoying aristocrat that almost everyone liked, who never seemed as if she had to earn anything that was given to her. And you cried too much."

Aliya just held her gaze. "Okay. And…do you still think all of that is true? I mean, I'm not arguing the crying point, I always seem to be crying for some reason or another, but…the rest of it."

"I've learned that you haven't had things as easy as I initially assumed," the redhead said slowly, "And this regeneration doesn't find you as completely impossible to stand. I suppose that's something."

"But having less reasons to dislike me isn't the same as having reasons to like me." Aliya's words were accurate enough that Mari knew that it had to be how she was feeling about Mari as well as vice versa.

"Exactly."

They held each other's gaze, unable to think of anything else to say but not wanting to look away either. Finally, Mari asked the only question left to her.

"What's fish custard?"

Aliya blinked, and a look of affectionate exasperation crossed her face. "That would be the Doctor's favourite food in this regeneration. Fish fingers and custard."

"You're joking."

"I really wish I was."

"Fish custard is delicious, and one day, Aliya, you'll admit it." The Doctor's voice surprised them both, but Mari was more surprised to realise that his presence brought her a sense of relief, even if it was only because she was no longer alone with the person in the universe she felt most conflicted about. "You should try it, Mari."

"Do I have to?" She asked, making a face as she stood up.

"No," he said quickly, obviously still worried about upsetting her. It was almost…sweet. Almost. "But what sort of life are you living if you don't try things at least once? Even Aliya did."

The idea of coming up short against Aliya in any way annoyed her just enough to make her agree, and the three of them headed back to the kitchen where Jenny was sitting at the counter and nibbling on a fish finger. In front of her was a giant bowl of pale yellow custard and a large plate absolutely piled with golden brown fish fingers.

"Wow," Mari remarked, not sure if she was concerned or impressed by the sight.

The Doctor crossed to the counter and had a fish finger dipped in custard and then in his mouth within seconds. Aliya, meanwhile, just sat next to Jenny and dipped her finger in the custard with an ease that had Mari thinking they had done this many times.

Mari came to stand next to the Doctor. The others were doing their best to not always end up looking at her, but she was hyperaware of being the object of their attention. It occurred to her that all of them were sure she wouldn't partake in the food due to the silly nature of the whole thing. And somehow, that made the need to surprise them, to prove them wrong, stronger than the reflex of avoiding ridiculous things.

So, after a glance at the Doctor, who still had his mouth full of fish custard, Mari reached out and grabbed a fish finger. With all three of them watching her silently, she gave it a sniff and then dragged the fried food through the custard until half of it was covered in the stuff.

Then she put the fish finger in her mouth and prepared herself for the worst. But it never came. Instead the pleasant combination of sweet and crunchy greeted her tongue, the flavour of the fish and batter mixing with the taste of the custard in a way that shouldn't have been possible.

An involuntary noise of appreciation escaped her throat, and Aliya and Jenny's eyebrows shot up.

Once she finished chewing, Mari turned the fish finger so that she could dip the unbitten end into the custard before finishing it off. When she finally looked at the Doctor, who was watching with silent anticipation and looking like he was trying not to get excited, she just smiled.

"Against all laws of nature…that was surprisingly enjoyable," she said.

The Doctor laughed with a great triumph, and lurched forward to - well, hug her or kiss her on the cheek, probably, but Mari would never know. His speed and unexpected proximity yanked her baser instincts to the front of her mind. All of them.

She used his momentum against him and stepped out of his path so that she could grab him by the jacket and jerk him over to the nearby wall. All she needed was one precise slamming of his head against it with enough force and he'd be finished.

"Mari, no!"

It was hard for her to know if the scream was Jenny, Aliya, or both, but it broke her from her haze just enough for her grip to release the Doctor at the last second. His head still hit the wall with a painful force, but there was no sickening crack to tell of it being fatal.

Jenny rushed to his side, but he got up without much help from her, though did wince quite badly.

"Ow," the Doctor groaned, leaning against the wall with at least half of his weight, "You really are a lot stronger than you look, you know." Mari had no words, all she could do was stare at him, torn between horror and unease. "I'm sorry, Mari, I shouldn't have done that. Stupid Doctor."

While Mari bit her lip and folded her arms uncomfortably, Aliya was eyeing them with incredulity.

"You're sorry?!" She exclaimed. "Are you kidding?"

"He shouldn't have come near me," Mari said stiffly, feeling more guilt than she knew she rationally should or would ever admit. "It wasn't my fault."

The Time Lady threw her hands up in the air. "Right, because he slammed his own head against the wall-"

"Aliya, she's right," the Doctor said, his voice gentle so as to not make the situation any more hostile than it already was, "I knew that she was still struggling with the instincts they put in her mind, and I was the one who forgot. I did something that put her body on red alert, of course those instincts were going to come in with all the rest."

Aliya's anger faded slightly, and instead her eyes flicked to Mari with a visible lack of certainty. "When you say instincts…"

"Just looking at him can trigger a reflex to kill him as efficiently as possible," the redhead said, "With whatever I can."

"It happened twice when you left us alone before," the Doctor added, "I wasn't going to mention it. Completely understandable. Frankly, admirable that she is able to fight it as well as she does. A few words from me or you and she snaps out of it, provided we're quick enough."

Mari looked Aliya dead in the eye. "I take responsibility for my mistakes and wrongdoings. I've done horrific things. But these…instincts…they were forced on me, and I fight them as best I can, but I'm far from perfect. I slip up."

The Doctor gave her a sad smile. "Especially when someone you're not comfortable with forgets himself and tries to initiate unexpected physical contact."

The melancholy in his eyes never failed to make Mari's stomach go funny, so she just nodded and shoved her hands in her coat pockets, her gaze firmly on the ground.

"Are you sure you're okay, Dad?" Jenny asked.

"I'll have one hell of a bruise, but yeah, I'm okay," he assured them as he straightened up and rubbed his head, wincing again. He grabbed a fish finger and dipped it in custard, but instead of eating it held it out to Mari, who just shook her head. "Mari, really. It's okay. No hard feelings. It really was my fault."

Her lips twitched upward in the smallest of smiles, and one of her hands left a coat pocket to take the strange food from him and bring it to her mouth for her to quietly eat.

"There we go," he murmured, his eyes still gentle as he regarded her, "Fish custard makes everything better, that's what I always say." He then helped himself to some more of his coveted treat.

Mari's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts as she ate her own fish custard and found herself unable to look away from the man in the bowtie. How can he be so understanding? How can he look at me like that and make me feel like I'm safe for the first time in my lives? Like I have the kind of unconditional support I always thought people lied about because it seems so impossible?

It was all too much.

"I want to leave," she said abruptly, and almost felt bad when the Doctor and Jenny's faces instantly fell. Aliya was impossible to read.

"Oh. Right. Of course. Whatever you want," her father said, nodding.

"I can come back, as long as that's what you want," Mari added, with only slight hesitation, "But all this…it's rather a lot. It's only been about nine days for me since I left the hospital, maybe twelve since I woke up. Not even two weeks since I found out about all this. You said it was longer for you."

"Three weeks, yeah," Aliya said quietly. "We'll come back here in a week's time. You already have the coordinates, just add a week and come back when you're ready."

Jenny moved to give Mari a big hug, one that Mari was torn between needing more than ever and wanting to flinch away from. "Say hi to Esther for me."

"For all of us," the Doctor corrected. He stood awkwardly in front of her, his hands not looking like they knew where to go. Eventually they grabbed another fish finger and before she knew it another piece of fish custard was being offered to her. "For the trip."

It was so ridiculous, yet so obviously an effort on his part to make a gesture that wouldn't make her uncomfortable, that Mari let out a noise which could have been taken for a tiny laugh. Of course, part of her seemed like it was leaning towards tearing up at the good intentions of the gesture, so she kept her face as neutral as possible in case it got any ideas.

"Thank you," she managed to say as she took the offering.

"I'm sorry for misunderstanding before," Aliya said, frowning a little, "I was wrong."

"It's alright," Mari replied, because it was. They certainly had their issues, but what had just transpired had little relevance amongst them given how things had worked out. "Can I use this thing from in here?"

"River did it all the time," the Doctor said, "You're fine. Goodbye, Mari. See you in a week. Or however long."

Mari just nodded before punching the coordinates into the vortex manipulator and feeling the now almost normal but still rough tug as she was pulled back to 21st century Cardiff. The bitter wind instantly slammed into her, making her loose hair knot around her face. She was near Esther's apartment, about a five minute walk away.

She stuck the fish finger in her mouth and chewed slowly as she tried to process everything that happened. None of it was quite solid enough in her mind to know how she felt about it yet.

With a sigh, she headed for the apartment, picked the lock because Esther didn't seem to be home and she didn't have a key, and collapsed on Esther's couch to put on Buffy the Vampire Slayer so that she didn't have to think.

When Esther finally got home, the blonde's face lit up upon seeing her, which made Mari's hearts warm a little.

"Hey."

"Hey. How long have I been gone?"

"A couple of days," Esther said, "It's New Year's Eve tomorrow. Almost 2012."

"Which of course is a completely abstract concept," Mari said sarcastically. "Given you know time travellers and aliens personally." Esther just grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Shut up," she retorted as she dropped onto the couch next to her, "Can't you be nice for two seconds?"

"I've had a whole exhausting day of trying to be nice, so no."

Esther's eyes widened. "Right, oh my god. How did it go?"

Mari sighed. "I…honestly don't know. It's still all so complicated. But I suppose it was an improvement on before at least."

"Well hey, that's something." Esther grabbed her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Mari smiled. "You guys will get there. And in the meantime, you've got me."

"I love you," Mari whispered, staring at her and wondering for the hundredth time how this perfect specimen of humanity even gave her the time of day. Expressing her feelings, the only feelings she was sure about, brought her a sense of calm after being around the others.

Esther just smiled and leaned in to kiss her. The human woman wasn't anywhere near at the point of expressing the sentiment back, but she cared, and that was more than enough.

Well, I'd call that progress, but there's still a long way to go. I love writing Mari and the Doctor together, because wow, dad!Eleven steals my heart completely.

I'm still keeping a chapter ahead of myself, meaning that the slight delay on this chapter was due to not having completed the next one until last night, partly because of uni and partly because it's the AU of Night Terrors and episode AUs take me longer to get into usually (but I get them done in big blocks once I can get into them).

The God Complex AU shouldn't give me as much trouble, and is going to be two chapters anyway. Besides, I'm on holiday (sort of) for two weeks now so I should be able to get some more writing done in the meantime and get a bit of a backlog for going into the second half of my uni semester because I'm probably going to need it.

Feedback is always cherished and appreciated!

Love you guys,

-MayFairy :)