CHAPTER 31
"Don't look so nervous" Spencer said as she took Ashley's hand. They had just pulled in to the Carlin's drive for what Ashley considered to be her last meal as she was convinced that Paula was going to kill her or something equally as scary.
"I can't help it the last and first time I met your mother she pretty much chased us down the drive..all she was missing was a pitch fork and torch to be a one a woman angry mob"
"Good point...well at least this time my Dad and Clay will be there to protect us"
"You don't happen to have about 50 other brothers hiding anywhere do you?"
"Chill out Ash..it's going to be fine"
"Are you on crack?because that would be the only plausible excuse for you thinking that this will turn out fine"
"Firstly I am not crack and secondly I don't care if my mom doesn't approve. She will just have to deal with it because I'm not giving you up for nobody"
"Ok you get cute points for that"
Spencer stuck out her tongue and climbed out of the car. Ashley followed with a frown. Before they even reached the door Mr Carlin had opened it with a gleaming smile. Ashley lingered behind Spencer as her father greeted her with a huge hug.
"You must be Ashley"
"Yes sir"
"Nice to meet and please don't call me sir...makes me fell old" Mr Carlin replied shaking Ashley's hand.
"That's because you are old" Spencer joked.
"At least let me believe otheriwse Spence"
"Don't worry Mr C you don't look that old" Ashley cringed as the words left her mouth, she was trying to be polite but it didn't really work.
"Thank you Ash...now how do you feel about homemade chilli?"
"I wouldn't know as I've never had anything homemade"
"Well that case young lady you'd better come inside because you are in for a treat" Mr Carlin let both girls' inside and led them to the kitchen where the rest of the Carlin were.
"Hey guys" Spencer said as she gave her two brothers a hug. Ashley kept her distance because as soon as they entered the room Paula's eyes never left Ashley and it was making her uncomfortable.
"Glenn and Clay this is Ashley and these are my brothers Ash"
"Hi nice to see you again Clay"
"Yea you too and sit down" Clay pulled Ashley out a chair.
"Mom you remember Ashley"
"How could I forget" Paula sniped without taking her eyes off Ashley.
"I'm suprised you remember because you seemed too busy yelling at Spencer"
"Ash don't" Spencer pleaded knowing that Ashley was already on edge and her mothers cutting remarks probably didn't help.
"I'm sorry Spencer and Mrs Carlin I'm not here to make things weird or hard for you. I'm here for Spencer and I'm sorry for being rude"
Paula didn't respond she just walked into the kitchen and completely ignored Ashley's apology.
"I'm sorry Ash I thought that she might try and be nice..or at least pretend to be"
"It's not your fault Spence. I'm sure she'll come around" Ashley lied.
"How do you expect her to act Spencer?" Glenn finally snapped from the otherside of the table. Everyone at the table was clearly shocked by his outburst as he hadn't said one word since they had arrived.
"Like my mom"
"She is, she is trying to protect you"
"From what?"
"From her, from that lifestyle, from constantly been judge...."
"Yea judged by idiots like you who have such stupidly narrow minds that it makes me wanna scream" Spencer interrupted.
"You're the idiot Spence if you think she can make you happy"
"I know she can make me happy and this has nothing to do with Ashley. I'm gay Glenn and I would be gay with or without Ashley and you need to deal with that" Spencer was yelling now hoping that her mother would hear what she was saying to Glenn so that she wouldn't have to repeat everything her again later. Spencer started to gather her stuff together and signalled to Ashley that she was ready to leave.
"Glenn get out please and don't you dare talk your sister like that again" Mr Carlin yelled from the hallway as he saw that Spencer was about to leave.
"Sorry Dad but I'm with Mom on this one" Glenn responded without leaving.
"Just leave now"
"Dad I'm just gonna go I thought that this would actually be worth my while. I convinced Ashley that this would all be fine but I was wrong. So far my brother has yelled at me and my Mother has tried her best to make my girlfriend feel uncomfortable. I just want everything to be ok and I don't see why this should change because of who I love" Spencer tried to stop herself finishing that sentence but couldn't. The minute that word left her lips the whole room fell silent even her Dad had nothing to say. Spencer looked everywhere but at Ashley because she had a feeling that she had probably just scared her off with the homophobic family and premature I Love You's.
"Spencer I want you here and so do the rest of your family...." Mr Carlin was soon interrupted by Ashley.
"You said that you love me" Ashley said as she walked over to Spencer's side and held her hand.
"Trust me I am fully aware of that" Spencer replied waiting to be shot down in front of her whole family.
"Do you?"
"Is this really the place to discuss this?" Paula asked from next to her husband.
"Let them talk Paula" Mr Carlin demanded as he lead her and Clay out of the room. Spencer fidgetted as Ashley stood waiting for an answer.
"Come on Spence answer me"
"I do...which I know is stupid because I hardly know you really and I know that I'm new to the whole gay thing but I know how my heart feels and I know that it has never felt this way before. I know that I have picked a really stupid time to tell you and I was hoping that I could hold it in a little bit longer...in fact I'm really wishing right now that I was mute so that I didn't say anything. I just thought that if I could explain to them how I feel then they will get it and then they would understand....you don't have to say it back" Spencer just kept rambling because Ashley was just starring back at her, not saying a word or showing any emotion.
Ashley didn't know how to respond to Spencer. Suddenly this whole relationship thing became very real and very scary. In the middle of her family coming to terms with Spencer being gay she had decided to drop a bombshell on Ashley that she was in no way prepared for. In fact Ashley had never said I love you back to anyone before and she wasn't sure if she was ready to right now but on the other hand she could see the desperation in Spencer's eyes for her to say it back but even Ashley knew that this was no reason to say it back. She knew that she would love Spencer and somewhere deep down probably already did but at this very moment in time, with her family in the other room and the uncertainty of it all Ashley knew she wouldn't say it back.
"I need to go Spence I'm sorry" Ashley barely finished her sentence as she fled the house. She avoided any eye contact with Spencer because she couldn't barely stand the thought of breaking her heart. Ashley jumped in her eye and fled the scene of her crime before even more reality had to sink in.
Spencer stayed glued to the spot that Ashley had left her at. She barely flinched as her father embraced her in the caring way that he always did. Spencer searched her brain for an explanation as to what just happened and how everything went so wrong or how she had so badly misread the situation. She genuinely thought that Ashley felt the same and that she would be there at the end of this meal but she was gone.
"I'm sorry Spence" Her mom said as she stroked her hair.
"No you're not. This is your fucking fault. You and Glenn just couldn't let me be happy and I hate you for it" Spencer yelled as she ran up the stairs. She knew that really it wasn't her mother's or Glenn's fault, it probably wasn't even her fault but she needed to blame somebody. Spencer didn't want to be here in LA anymore and decided then and there that she was going back to England away from the madness and away from Ashley. Spencer started to pack up her stuff while she called to airline to see if she could get a late booking. Luckily she was able to get one from LAX to Birmingham Int that evening leaving at 9pm, as soon as she finished giving the lady on the phone the payment details she felt her body relax because she would be gone within a few hours. She had alreay decided not to tell Ashley because she wanted to punish her and this was the best way.
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Ashley drove around for a while after she left Spencer's because she had no clue where to go or what to do. Her sister was on her way to England and she had lost a lot of her other friends when she got into music. The only other person she could turn was Aiden and she didn't want to do that but she needed to talk to somebody who knew her more than she knew herself and that person was Aiden so she headed over to his apartment. As she knocked on his front Ashley felt nervous because she didn't know how he was going to act.
"Hey Davies what do you want?" Aiden asked shocked but not angry.
"I didn't know where else to go"
"What about Kyla?"
"She's on her way to England"
"The girl you were seeing?"
"That's why I need somebody"
"You'd better come in then" Aiden said with a big smile thankful that Ashley may have forgiven him.
Aiden had grabbed some beers and put on some music while Ashley explained what had happened.
"You're such a jackass" Aiden replied once Ashley had told him the whole story.
"Excuse me?"
"She said that she loves you and you blatantly love her back"
"No I don't"
"Yes you do Ashley and you have since you first met her. The way that you just told me that story and the way that you described Spencer proves it. You love her and the only reason you ran away is because you're a chicken. I big fat chicken who is scared of feeling any real emotion and who will probably die alone"
"First of all I am not fat and you are wrong"
"No I'm not but I won't be able to convince because you are stubborn and scared"
"Even if you are right which I'm not saying you are it's pointless because she leaves soon"
"I thought you were trying to organise a U.K tour"
"I was and it is pretty much confirmed but I don't think it's a good idea"
"Why not?"
"Because I was willing to risk my career for a girl and that is not a sensible move"
"When have you ever been sensible?"
"Since forever"
"Bullshit Ash. You've always been the act first and then think later kind of girl and that's who you are"
"It's not happening now move on"
"Ash you need to stop been like this otherwise you will never be happy and you will die alone"
"Stop saying that"
"It's true because you don't let anybody in and you push the people that want to care about you away. Look at how you treated Kyla when she first showed up and look how good you are for each other now"
"That's different"
"How?"
"It just is. Stop asking so many questions and tell me I'm right"
"That's not gonna happen. You know that you're wrong and you know that you love her back and that it scared the shit out of you when she told you and that's why you keep pushing her away every time she gets a little closer"
"Have you been watching Oprah again?"
"I've had a lot of spare time since me and Kyla broke up"
"Loser"
"Whatever. Want anothe beer?"
"Hit me"
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Spencer had just about finished packing but hadn't built up the courage to tell anybody that she was leaving yet and knew that she should because she still had a our to go until she had to leave for the airport.
KNOCK KNOCK
Paula walked into the bedroom nervously. Spencer knew what was coming and really didn't want to deal with it but knew she had to so she could leave without carrying the issues on any longer than she had to.
"I'm sorry Spencer"
"No you're not"
"Yes I am. I love you and want you to be happy and if this Ashley girl makes you happy then I'm ok with that"
"Doesn't really matter now does it" Spencer replied as she thought back the last thing she wanted was her mother to see that she was hurting so badly.
"Well if she doesn't want you then it's her loss Spence. You're a fantastic girl and any girl would be happy to have you" Paula walked over to Spencer and gave her a huge hug. Spencer couldn't fight her emotions any more and finally let it all out.
"It isn't your fault that she doesn't love me though and I'm not sticking around to find out the real reason"
"You're not leaving already are you?"
"I need to. I just need to get back to my life in England so I can forget all this drama"
"And Ashley?"
"Especially Ashley"
"If you love somebody Spence that doesn't go away no matter how far away you run"
"I'm not running Mom...I just... I just need my life back before this all happened"
"Don't pretend to be somebody you're not and I'm pretty sure that she does love you Spence but she might have just been scared"
"Why are you being so nice?"
"Because I love you and the reason I reacted the way that I did was because I was scared. People act differently when they're scared and running away is one of them"
"I'm not scared, I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of the drama and the uncertainty because I have never had to deal with this before"
"That's because you've never been in love before Spencer"
"Thanks mom"
"What time you going to the airport?"
"Need to leave in an hour"
"I'll give you a ride"
"Ok I'll be down in a while"
Paula left Spencer's room and went into Glenn's room.
"Hey Mom what's up?"
"Do you know this Ashley girl?"
"Not really no"
"Do you know where I can find her?"
"I know her friend Aiden but I don't know where he lives"
"Can you call him?"
"Yea but why?"
"Because me and you are going to help your sister"
Glenn picked up his cell phone without questioning his Mother because he felt just as bad about Spencer as she did.
"Hey Dude it's Glenn Carlin"
"What's up man?"
"This might sound weired but could you tell me where Ashley lives?"
"Why?"
"I need to talk to her"
"Why?"
"Can you just tell me"
"She's at my place but I don't she wants to see you of all people"
"That's why I want to see her"
"Ok I'll text you my address coz she's over here" Aiden whispered as he closed his phone.
"She's a Aidens"
"Come on then"
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KNOCK KNOCK
"Ooooohhh expecting a booty call Dennison?" Ashley joked as she called to Aiden.
"Really not can you get that for me?"
Ashley didn't respond instead she danced over to the front door where she didn expect to see her least favourite members of the Carlin family.
"Are you two lost?" Ashley snapped
"Nope we're here to see you" Glenn answered.
"Am I getting whacked?"
"Look Ashley I'm sorry for how I acted today. I had no right to treat you in such a way. I should've put my daughters happiness first and that's why we are here" Paula answered knowing that Glenn would probably say the wrong thing.
"Thanks for the apology but I still don't understand. I mean you all heard what happened between me and Spence so it doesn't really matter"
"I have never seen Spencer so upset before but equally I have never seen her as happy as I have for the past few weeks and that is because of you"
"I make her miserable"
"No you don't...well ok she is quite miserable at the moment but that's because she took a chance on you and you threw it back at her. I know my daughter and I know that she would only take a chance on somebody who was worth it"
"I'm not worth it trust me"
"Spencer thinks you are and I can see how you are with her and you know she is worth it too"
"I'm sorry but it's not going to happen"
"Ashley she is leaving tonight" Glenn butted in getting annoyed at his mother's good cop approach.
"Where is she going?" Ashley asked showing emotion for the first time during this coversation.
"She's going back to England"
Once again everything hit Ashley at once, the reality of the situation came back to bite her on the ass again. Knowing that Spencer was leaving the country and without telling her made her realise that Spencer was actually it for her and the thought of her leaving made her heart break a thousand times which meant to Ashley that Spencer was in it all the time. Spencer Carlin was the girl that she loved and that she was going to have even if it meant taking a chance.
"Fuck"
"Language" Paula remarked.
"I've had a drink I can't drive"
"Don't worry we can give you a ride she hasn't left home yet"
"Scratch that Mom"
"What do you mean Glenn?"
"Spence just text me saying that Dad is giving her a ride because we weren't back in time"
"That's just great"
"Don't worry we can just meet them at the airport"
Ashley garbbed her handbag and left the apartment closely followed by Glenn and Paula. Glenn managed to pretty much speed all the way to the airport much to his mothers dismay. Ashley didn't care she just wanted to get there and just tell Spencer how she felt. Even if she didn't say it back Ashley knew that she just had to tell her. Glenn pulled up at the depatures entrance and Ashley climbed out. For the first time in a very long she was running and she was even sure where to. She scanned the boards for the flight number that Paula had given her but her frantic searches were pointless because the one thing, person that she had been looking for her whole life was sat directly in front of her sat on her suitcase sipping from a pepsi and listening to her IPOD. Ashley smiled to herself as she watched Spencer who hadn't noticed the now bright red brunette. Ashley sat down next to her on the suitcase and tugged the headphone from her ear softly. Spencer's eyes met her own and Ashley could see the hatred and hurt that she had avoided seeing when she walked out earlier that day.
"Going somehwere?" Ashley asked.
"Apparently not quick enough" Spencer replied as she put her earphone back in which caused Ashley to snatch it out again."What are you even doing here Ashley?Who told you?"
"I'm here because I wanted to talk you and people that care about you told me" Ashley said pointing at Glenn and Paula.
"They helped you?"
"Yea they totally love me now" Ashley tried joke to try and make things easier.
"Lucky them" Spencer replied in a defeated voice.
"Why you leaving?"
"Because I didn't want to have to deal with the embarrasment of seeing you"
"You shouldn't be the one that is embarrased Spence"
"Yea you're right that was so not embarrasing I wish I could tell somebody I love them again so they can walk out on me in front of my whole family" Spencer snapped.
"Tell me again"
"Why do you want to walk out in front of a bigger crowd?"
"No because if you told me again I would tell you that I feel exactly the same way and that Ashley from a few hours ago was an absolute fucking idiot who was scared and stubborn. Spencer if you leave without letting me tell you then I will follow you and tell you over and over again until you get it and believe me. I love you Spencer Carlin and I should've told you that straight away and if you let me I want to tell you everyday"
Spencer pulled herself up and on to her feet.
"Please don't leave Spencer..."
"I am leaving Ashley..I need to go back to my life"
"I want to be part of that"
"You're life is here"
"No my life is wherever you are"
"I'm going to be in England"
"And so am I"
"What?"
"I was going to tell you closer to going home that I persuaded my management to let me tour the U.K"
"Seriously?"
"Yes, I knew that I wanted to be with you but I didn't want to tell you incase it was too soon and I didn't want to scare you"
"Walking out when I told you that I loved you scared me more"
"I know and I'm sorry. I love you and I'm going to England whether you want me there or not"
"I kind of do want you there"
"Really?"
"Yea, well my family seems to like you now so I don't want to upset them"
"Oh right so no other reasons then?" Ashley asked playing along.
"Nah nothing"
Ashley leaned in and kissed Spencer which got them a few strange looks form passers by but they didn't care. The kiss was perfect and both girls felt it with every inch of their bodies. Ashley pulled away first and looked deep into Spencer's sparkling blue eyes and felt her melt all over again like it did the first time they kissed and in that moment they both knew that this was perfect.
"I love you"
"I love you too Ashley"
THE END