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Bella POV

XXX

In the time that I was sailing through the air – you can apply the term "sailing" only lightly, however – time almost seemed to stop. The weather almost seemed to cool down to frigid temperatures, even for a vampire, and my body almost went numb without time to propel it forward.

I figured I was too used to the stupid virtual reality that I had built around myself to realize that time hadn't stopped; I was too ignorant to realize that my temper had changed drastically when Edward left, and I was too idiotic to care enough about it to fix it. So, there I was, leaping toward the first humans that I never planned, nor wanted, to kill.

Reality wasn't with me, though, and that's what happened. I was dreaming, so translucent to the bona fide world that I figured I would wake up tomorrow from a terrible nightmare of three years.

Maybe I had ended up in a self-induced coma. Maybe a car crash, or another vampire attack. Or, if I was to be oh so lucky, vampires don't even exist. They're not supposed to, anyway.

The audible crack of a neck sent me spiraling back toward the pain and sting of life on Earth. I realized that there was a limp body in my arms - it was the police officer, the one who insulted my father.

I appraised his mangled body, disgusted in myself, finding it harder and harder to resist the blood that was pooling from his mouth. To resist fulfilling the knife that was being wedged down my throat – to resist the horrible thirst. His eyes were opened wide in a terrified look of vigilance, and his face had turned a white so pale that it rivaled even my own skin.

I'm not the most dangerous thing out there, Bella, Edward had said to me – this thought was one that was constantly coming back to me. When Laurent was with me, with every reoccurring memory. Except, all those times, I was the damsel in distress.

Now I was the most dangerous thing out there? I didn't want to believe it. I was always the weak and vulnerable human, the one who needed the most saving. Edward was always there for me, protecting me in ludicrous situations. He was the vampire that drank animal blood and tried so hard to be a decent person.

How had I taken such a 180? I'm sure Edward wouldn't want me back now, after I had killed a person, even if he was considering it before. No way would anybody want a terrible person like me.

I took a deep breath, and, completely and totally sickened at myself, let the body roll from my hands and come to a rest on the damp and muddy ground. The cracking of stiff bones sent a shudder through me, and, for whatever reason, caused my fingers to tingle.

When I looked down, trying to find the source of the stinging prickles, there was blood staining my skin; it almost felt like it was seeping through it and soaking into my veins… The rims of my vision turned red and fuzzy as I willed my body a step back. I didn't breath, I didn't move anything besides my feet... It was just me – Jane and Jasper didn't exist. Bella Swan, the kind of vegetarian vampire, did.

But, damn. The blood…

I turned and ran, something I was doing a lot of lately. Only this time, instead of running away – though I was resisting the temptation of going back for the blood quite nicely at this point – I ran toward Jane and Jasper, where they were still hidden partially behind the house.

Jane looked practically appalled at my act of goodwill. Goodwill? Sure. Not drinking someone's blood can be considered goodwill.

And Jasper looked all together relieved.

"Bella," Jane snarled in my general direction. She threw a glance at Jasper, and he visibly cringed. "You can't just leave them there, can you?"

Them? Two officers were present – I only remembered killing one, though.

But, as I threw a withering glance at the sidewalk, there were two bodies; one with his neck at an absurd and unnatural angle, the other one looking, for the most part, normal. Expect for the face that we was…dead.

Oh, shit.

"I killed two." I whispered, mostly to myself. How did that even happen? – I could only recall snapping the neck of one; it was the one that complained about Charlie. I think his name was Fred; I remembered glancing at his vest with his nametag.

"One, two, what's the difference? It's not like you actually drank their blood or anything," But it was splattered all across my shirt, my hands. I was defying the completely horrible urge of licking it off. Ew.

"Two? Oh, yeah, just two more people dead! Two more people that I killed!" I yelled into the night, forgetting the neighbors, forgetting the murder of Charlie. I was in cloud of rage, and it felt like it was radiating from all around me; although, that could have been Jasper toying my emotions. I wasn't exactly using my shield right now – the antagonism overlooked that fact.

Oh.

Jane smiled wickedly, like she could read my mind. But, more quickly than I had time to coherently put up my guard, I turned into a withering fizz of fire. It was honestly worse than the venom spreading while being transformed; it could only compare a human burning alive – that was my guess, at least. I shrieked out under the intense heat, the intense pain, while struggling to lift my shield enough to block it all out.

There was a knife being stabbed into my chest, a fire burning at my feet, venom spreading through me all at the same time. But it was utterly silent around me; it rang out with an incomprehensible force as I grabbed my head between my hands. But that small action only spread another wave of pain through me; this time, glass was shattering in my face, I was being thrown into blazing, sputtering flames, there were memories of Edward and I flooding in front of my vision.

It was all only minor, though – Jane's power was indescribable in the category of pain.

My knees hit the ground, and I realized I had fallen. I heard Jasper's voice yelling something unintelligible in the general direction of my broken-feeling body, but I couldn't respond. I instead squeezed my eyes closed until dazzling fireworks showed themselves behind my eyelids, and clutched my fists, which crackled with dry blood. Crackling…fire…burn.

It's all in your mind. It's all in your mind, I chanted. Slowly, the fire extinguished, giving me full ability to my senses again. In a fourth of a second, I had my shield up, and could hear Jane's evil laughter echoing through my head.

I would kill her.

I stood up swiftly, barely moving a blade of grass in my obvious fury. Jane, that little witch. I wondered if she knew what she was putting people through, I wondered how she could just sit there and laugh as people fell into her excruciating pain.

Jasper was next to me suddenly; two against one. "Jane," I snarled, venom in my voice. I felt threatening, powering. I, for the moment, forgot about Edward, forgot about Charlie, forgot about the weak and useless vampire that I had been two nights ago. I could kill Jane, beat her to the ground. She deserved it.

"Bella, dear, we really should be going. We're going to miss our plane," She said it so breezily, so careless. That just made me want to strangle her more – or better yet, decapitate her and burn the pieces.

"Jane, Jane, Jane," I said, crouching low. "I hope you realize how stupid you've been. I know exactly what you've been trying to do – get me to be part of your little vampire family. But, Jane, I'm afraid your time has come." I hoped my voice wasn't shaking, and I prayed that I sounded threatening enough.

But Jane laughed. She laughed. "You can't honestly kill me. I'm far more powerful than you," She said. She was being so light, so easy. Like she didn't have a care in the world. She didn't think that I could really hurt her in any way. But I knew I could…I just had to put my mind to it, right?

"Don't be so confident, Jane," I sneered her name, my anger rising. In fact, I was absolutely fuming now – this evil little girl had no right to be doing what she was doing. She came to my house, killed my father, made me kill two humans.

I think I could spare one more murder for the night.

I lunged at her, and for that one-fourth of second that I was in the air, I felt that same high as before. The high that made me feel like it was all only a dream; but I felt the implicit reality of a perfect life crumbling around me like it was made of paper. A paper wall, what Edward was behind in my mind, a paper wall that framed my mentality in such a way that made me feel more powerful than what I actually was.

Jane smiled viciously, her red eyes sparkling. I had no idea where Jasper was or what he was doing; it was just Jane and I at that moment. I landed gracefully, thudding Jane to the ground, and pinned her down. I thought for sure that she would jump out of the way, or anything to let her get an easy victory. Once she had me pinned, it would be over…

Jasper was abruptly in front of me, crouching down beside Jane, his hands hovering around her head. He was ready for the kill; I wasn't.

Jane was wiggling under my grasp – I couldn't tell if it was a show or not. I knew Jane was stronger than I was, by far, and she could easily slide out from beneath me because of her tiny frame. But she didn't.

Maybe now was the time to just get this over with. Maybe now should be the time to just get rid of Jane – look at the plus side. I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore, right?

"Do it, Jasper," I whispered, looking Jane in the eye. She wasn't grinning, for once. Actually, she looked pretty terrified. The humorous gleam in her eye wasn't present anymore. Instead, a thin layer of fear glimmered in her red pupils. And for a second, I felt insanely guilty.

I couldn't really do this, could I? I knew Jane had killed my father, and, somehow, manipulated me into killing two police men. I was sure that I wouldn't do something like that on my own accord. But…she was willing to take me to Edward. Edward, who I needed. Edward, who was my life. Edward, who…wouldn't want me back. If I killed Jane, would I make myself go to Italy with Jasper? Would I sacrifice myself to them? Would I even have to, after killing one of their own?

"You're wavering in your decision, Bella. If you're going to do it, do it now," Jane whispered in her soft, child-like voice. I looked down at her; for once, she wasn't smiling evilly. It was more or less genuine. And her eyes were glimmering with the same terrifying layer of doubt, almost.

"Jasper." I said meekly, still staring at the petite vampire. "I don't know if I can."

"Bella, you have to," I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to be grief stricken when Edward left, I didn't have to accept Jasper back into my life, I didn't have to trust Jane. I didn't have to kill her. I didn't have to murder the officers. "Bella, listen to yourself. Two seconds ago, you couldn't wait for her to be dead. And now you're giving her the benefit of the doubt?"

"It's not the benefit of the doubt. I know Jane is cruel and evil, and I'm not hesitating in that fact. But…I don't want to be cruel and evil by killing her, Jasper. I just…physically can't." I can't handle the extra stress on my mental stability, either. I was afraid that if one more thing was added to my belt of wrongs, I would be considered insane. I was fragile enough as is and –

"No!" Snap, crack. Silence.

I gasped and looked at Jasper. He…didn't. No. He wouldn't betray me like that. "Jasper, no. You didn't," I hoped. My eyes shimmered with the tears that I couldn't shed. Now more than ever, I think I would have needed those tears to fall. I needed to feel myself healing through them, like I could have when I was human. But now more than ever, also, I was completely numb.

Jasper smiled sheepishly. "Do you have any matches?"

I stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, horrified. In myself, in him. Jasper couldn't be used to just snapping the head off of another vampire. I didn't know his back story, but I was sure it couldn't be so brutal that this was second nature to him.

"In the house," I murmured. Jasper nodded briefly and stood up, dashing through the open front door. Within seconds he was back, carrying a lighter. He dropped it at my feet, then turned and went into the woods. Again, he returned, only this time he had a couple pieces of wood.

I stood up from Jane's limp body and turned so my back was facing it. I couldn't watch.

I looked up at the sky, and for the first time since I was little kid, I wished upon a star. I wished that my life could go back to normal, with no paper walls, with no vampires, with no violent killings of innocent people. I wished for Edward actually wanting me back, I wished for the death of myself – slow and painful, like I deserved. The stars twinkled brightly as I said this all in my head, and as I finished they glowed, as if they caught all my wishes and had them stored.

I heard the fire crackling behind me. It brought back the pain of Jane using her power on me, and the memories of being transformed. But it didn't matter. I was numb, completely and totally. I couldn't say I really enjoyed being numb, but it was better than the fiery tingles I was used to.

"Bella, maybe you should do something about the other bodies," Jasper said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I nodded wordlessly and strode over to the sidewalk, where the blood was still pooling and the bodies were still laying.

I picked up both effortlessly and walked back to the fire, where Jane's remains couldn't be seen anymore. The strong smell of burning wood and campfire drifted its way around me, and the fire sputtered unnaturally as I dropped the two officers into it. I turned away again, feeling like I was going to be sick. If only.

"We should leave soon. I think there's a plane from Seattle that can bring us over the sea. From there, we'll have to wing it slightly," I nodded, glancing at Jasper from my peripheral vision. He was facing away from me, watching over the cackling fire. I stopped breathing when the smoke was becoming too heavy and closed my eyes.

What would I tell Edward? Would he care? Would he ask? Would I tell him, either way? I had no idea. I knew Edward wouldn't take me back. I knew he didn't love me, and I didn't believe a thing that Jasper told me otherwise. Time was running out for me, I knew, but I couldn't help but hoping Edward would still love me. He couldn't help falling in love with me, and I couldn't help falling in love him.

The smoke started billowing my way, rising over my head and covering the moon and stars. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. The sun would rise soon, and by then Jazz and I would probably be on a plane to Volturi. I didn't really want to go, though, now. I couldn't explain why.

"Okay. The fire is dying, so it should be good if we leave it. You can't see any…uh, remains." I nodded again, deciding that not talking was probably the best approach. "You have your passport, right?"

I rummaged through my pockets for a moment, and found the little blue book that would lead me to Edward. But something else fluttered to the ground from my pocket when I pulled the passport out…it was a little piece of creased paper, folded like a note. I wondered what it was briefly, and then it dawned on me. Edward's note. My lullaby. I picked it up swiftly and looked it.

"You go, Jasper. I'll find you." I saw Jasper disappear without a departure and I turned to the fire. There were a couple flames still struggling to hold on, but mostly it was smoke and ashes. I speculated how big the fire actually had to get to burn the bodies that quickly, but I dismissed the thought.

I stuffed the passport back in my jacket pocket and started to leave. But, with one last withering glance at my house, I walked up to the dying fire and threw the letter into the flames. It sputtered and crackled for a moment, throwing fits of sparks into the air, and then calmed down again.

"Goodbye, Charlie. Goodbye, everyone. I'm so sorry, though, Edward. I love you," I whispered the ashes.

Then I was gone, leaving my old life behind.

XXX

Lala. I knew that Jane could have used her power on Jasper, and I knew that she could easily beat Bella, but I didn't really know how to write a vampire fight, so I left it. I was too lazy to really try, anyway. :)

Three things:

One, I'm thinking of getting a beta. Besides Lily, would anybody be interested? Two, do you guys want me to write someone else's view? Edward's, Jasper's? Bella is wearing me out, but if you like it, I'll continue to write her. And third, I'll give you bonus points if you can name the two song refrecences I used. They're practucally in the same sentence, hint, hint.

Review, please and thanks.

Elli