A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews. You are truly amazing! I hope you like this chapter :)
When Kurt woke up the next day, for a moment he was confused as to where he was. Only a couple of minutes later he remembered the events from the previous night. He looked around, but Blaine wasn't in bed anymore.
Kurt slowly sat up, wincing as he realized how wrinkled his clothes were. But then he mentally slapped himself remembering what he was there for. He had to figure out why Blaine had been so upset. He got up from the bed and left the bedroom heading for the kitchen from where he could hear sounds.
He expected to see his boyfriend in the kitchen, but instead he noticed the black-haired Latina girl. Trying to hide his disappointment, he smiled softly. "Good morning, Santana."
The dark-eyed girl spun around and raised one of her perfectly-shaped eyebrows questioningly. "Lady face." She said as a way of greeting.
Kurt bit his bottom lip stopping himself from saying something mean. "Do you know maybe where Blaine is?" He asked hoping to get a normal answer.
"He's jogging." Santana replied shoving a slice of orange into her mouth. "You're his fuck-buddy. You should know these things."
Kurt wrapped his arms over his chest taking a deep breath. "Don't call me that."
Santana rolled her eyes smirking. "Grow up." She opened the fridge, took a carton of milk out of it and poured herself a glass. "You may think that your relationship with Blaine is absolutely perfect, but sooner or later you will realize that you don't want to be in this mess."
"What mess?" Kurt asked, confused.
"I would love to stay here and keep talking about this bullshit with you, but some people don't have parents who are willing to pay for everything." She threw all of her plates and glass into the sink. "See you later, Hummel." She said leaving the kitchen.
Kurt followed her with his eyes, not really knowing what to make of her yet. She didn't seem to like Kurt, but well, she didn't seem to like anybody, so Kurt wasn't worried about that. What worried him was that she thought (just like Peter) that they weren't going to last. And he kept wondering what she meant by 'this mess'.
Not knowing what to do with himself, Kurt walked over to the sink and washed all of the dishes. When he was done, he sat down on the kitchen stool and waited for Blaine's arrival.
It took him over an hour, but Blaine finally returned. He walked into the kitchen and stopped into his tracks as soon as he noticed Kurt, as if not expecting him to be there. Kurt's eyes went wide when he realized what his boyfriend was wearing. Only a pair of fitting pants and a hoodie. "Are you insane?" Kurt asked. Blaine shrugged his shoulders looking down at himself. "It must be freezing outside."
"I'm fine." Blaine muttered, but his rosy cheeks seemed to tell otherwise.
"Don't do this, Blaine." Kurt said standing up from the chair. He walked over to his boyfriend and grabbed one of his cold hands. "Don't push me away." Kurt was getting even more scared and confused. He hadn't seen Blaine acting like this in weeks. The arrogant, rude boy was back and the emotionless mask was firmly in place.
Blaine looked down at his feet avoiding Kurt's gaze. The taller boy lifted up his chin, trying to make Blaine look at him. "Blaine, listen to me. Whatever it is that's bugging you, I promise we can get through this together. Just please, talk to me."
The shorter boy finally looked straight into Kurt's eyes. "No, I'm not in the mood." He said firmly.
"Are you just going to pretend that everything is alright?" Kurt asked, allowing himself to finally blow up. "I'm so sick of your secrets!" Suddenly Blaine's touch became unbearable, so he moved away and started pacing the room. "You don't want me to know anything about your family or past? Fine! But I can't stand seeing you so broken! Do you have any idea how scared I was yesterday? Hell, I'm still terrified!" He stopped walking and stood in front of Blaine, who still looked like an motionless statue. "So for God's sake just tell me what the hell is wrong with you!"
Blaine stood frozen for a couple of painfully long seconds, not saying anything and then he finally spoke up. "There is nothing wrong with me."
"Bullshit." Kurt said having enough of it.
"Can you just accept the fact that I don't want to talk about my personal problems?" He asked, finally showing some emotion. Anger and determination were shining in his amber eyes.
Kurt sighed, realizing that Blaine still didn't understand. "Then how the hell is this relationship supposed to work? I thought that being together is about trusting each other." Angry tears started welling up in his arms. "I just don't understand why you still can't trust me enough to tell me what's bothering you. I want you to be happy."
The anger vanished from Blaine's face and he wrapped his arms around his torso as if trying to give himself some comfort. "I'm sorry." He said at last. "I told you that I was a horrible person and you didn't believe me."
In that moment Blaine looked so small and vulnerable that Kurt couldn't stand it. He wanted so much to make everything better, but he didn't know how. "Blaine, you are not horrible."
"Clearly I am." Blaine said quietly.
Having enough of this fight, Kurt quickly walked over to Blaine and wrapped his arms around him. "I care about you so much." The blue-eyed boy said holding his boyfriend tightly. "And seeing you so broken and miserable is killing me slowly."
"I'm sorry but I can't tell you." Blaine said crying into Kurt's shoulder.
Kurt knew that it was probably very stupid and naïve of him to think that their problems would solve themselves, but he just wanted to live in that bubble where everything was painless and perfect. Hugging Blaine so close to his body, Kurt knew that he couldn't let go of him even if the shorter boy didn't want to tell him everything. He also knew that the picture of Blaine sobbing into his chest last night would haunt him down for months.
The next few weeks were calm and uneventful. Kurt was aware of the fact that that Blaine's problems were still present and wouldn't go anywhere soon, but he didn't want to upset Blaine again and possibly lose his trust completely. He could only hope that the shorter boy would someday find comfort in confessing to him.
They were both also aware that Kurt didn't need dance practices anymore, but they didn't want to stop since it was so enjoyable. But one day Kurt realized that Blaine had troubles keeping up with him. It was kind of weird and alarming since it used to be the other way around.
"I'm fine." Blaine answered with a fake smile, when Kurt asked him if something was wrong. The hazel-eyed boy was sitting on the floor and slowly sipping water from a bottle. "I haven't been sleeping well recently."
Kurt wasn't convinced, but he was probably just paranoid, so he sat down beside Blaine, not caring that the floor was dirty and wrapped his arm around Blaine's shoulders. They spent the rest of the practice just talking.
A couple of days later something weird happened. It was a Monday evening and Kurt was wrapped in a warm blanket on the sofa with books spread all around him. Tomorrow was a big exam and to be completely honest, Kurt wasn't very well prepared. His mind kept trying to figure out what to do to finally get some information out of Blaine instead of focusing on studying. It was kind of frustrating but Kurt couldn't help it. His feelings towards the other boy were too strong to resist even if he had so many things to do.
A doorbell pulled Kurt out of his light slumber. He blinked his eyes a few times and stood up from the sofa, shivering as soon as he had to unwrap himself from the blanket. Kurt wrapped his arms around his middle and slowly started walking towards the door, yawning as if he had been sleeping for the past few hours.
Kurt unlocked the door and suddenly he was much more awake. Blaine Anderson was standing in front of him with a pizza box and a huge grin plastered to his face. "Ugh, not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here? You know that I have a very important exam tomorrow and I still have to read two or three books. I don't even know anymore."
"Everyone deserves a break." Blaine said cheerfully. Kurt raised both of his eyebrows questioningly, not really knowing what it was all about. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." Kurt said stepping aside and gesturing for Blaine to come in. The shorter boy shoved the box into Kurt's hands and started pulling off his thick coat. Kurt smelled the pizza and almost moaned. "Thank you very much for trying to make me fat, Blaine. Cassandra really needs another reason to hate me."
"Cassandra doesn't hate you, Kurt." Blaine said rolling his eyes. "At least not anymore." Blaine took off his shoes and together they walked into the living room. "But well, she might see a competition in you."
Now it was Kurt's turn to roll his eyes. "Yeah, sure." He said setting the box down on the coffee table. "Normally, I would prefer to eat on plates, but right now I'm too exhausted to care." Kurt's gaze travelled to the pile of books on the sofa and he groaned. "It's going to be a really long night."
"And I'm here to make it a little more pleasant to you." Blaine said, picking up the books from the sofa. He placed them on the floor and took both of Kurt's hands pulling the taller boy towards the couch. They both sat down and Kurt immediately curled into Blaine's side seeking for warmth. The dark-haired boy giggled and wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "We can eat pizza, watch a movie and then I can help you with studying. What do you say?"
"I would happily get rid of the studying part and replace it with something more enjoyable, but I really can't fail this exam, so your idea doesn't sound so bad."
They did just that. They fed each other with pepperoni pizza and even though Kurt hated greasy food he had to admit that it was delicious. Then they cuddled up to each other once again and watched The Notebook miraculously not falling asleep in the process. "Blaine?" He asked when the movie was about to end.
"Yeah?"
"Promise me that one day you will tell me about your family." Kurt said with determination.
The shorter boy sucked in a breath and didn't say anything for a moment. "Okay." He finally said. "Some day."
The blue-eyed boy smiled and raised his head from Blaine's shoulder to kiss him on the lips. "Thank you. It means a lot to me."
They watched the rest of the film and then as promised, Blaine helped Kurt study. They finished around 2 AM, but Kurt still wasn't convinced about his skills.
"It's late." Kurt said softly when both of them had no intention to read another word. "You should stay here tonight."
Blaine looked down at his hands and for a moment it seemed like he was about to say no, but then he lifted up his gaze locking his hazel eyes with Kurt's blue ones. "Okay." He said smiling softly.
Soon after that they went to bed and drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.
When Kurt woke up at exactly 7 AM thanks to his amazing alarm clock, he groaned slowly blinking his eyes open. He felt like the walking dead, but he knew that he needed to get up unless he wanted to be late. Kurt looked over at the other side of bed wanting to kiss Blaine good morning and apologize for the alarm, but to his surprise it was cold and empty.
A small smile graced Kurt's features at the thought that maybe Blaine was in the kitchen in the middle of the process of making a delicious breakfast and a strong, hot coffee. He lied in bed for another five minutes, and then he finally got up and walked over to the closet. Kurt opened it and groaned again realizing that he didn't have an outfit prepared for the day.
As quickly as he could Kurt found a matching set of clothes and put it down on the bed leacing his bedroom. A strong smell of coffee filled his nose rids causing Kurt to almost moan in pleasure. He walked into the kitchen wanting to thank Blaine for being such an amazing boyfriend, but the shorter boy wasn't there. Instead, there was Rachel sitting by the table and drinking coffee.
As soon as she noticed her best friend, a bright smile appeared on her face. "Good morning, Kurt!" She said cheerfully.
Kurt rolled his eyes. It was way too early to be so cheerful. "Good morning." He said at last. "Where's Blaine?"
The brunette raised her eyebrows. "I haven't seen him." She said, obviously confused.
Kurt stood there, lost in his thoughts for a couple of seconds, until it finally clicked in his mind. "Wait, where were you during the night?" He had been so absorbed with Blaine and too busy studying to realize that his best friend hadn't come home.
Rachel's cheeks turned slightly red and she looked down at the cup of coffee in her hands. "Well…I was with my friend."
"What friend?" Kurt asked sitting down beside her.
The brown-eyed girl kept avoiding his gaze. "I was with Patrick."
Kurt smiled. "Oh, do you have a boyfriend, Rachel? Why do I not know about it?" He asked.
"It's not official yet." Rachel said finally looking up at him. "We are sort of friends. I don't know if we are together or not. He's a little confusing."
"Tell me about it." Kurt said thinking about Blaine's mysterious past and family. "I wish we could keep talking, Rachel, but I've really got to go." Kurt said realizing that it was much too late to be gushing about boys.
He took a hot shower, got dressed, went through a shorter version of his moisturizing routine and ate his breakfast in record time. When Kurt was finally done with everything he packed the books into his bag and pulled on his coat. As soon as Kurt closed the door, he took his cell phone out of his pocket and sent Blaine a massage.
Guess what? Rachel may have a boyfriend! Fantastic, isn't it? I missed you this morning by the way - Kurt
Kurt waited a couple of minutes, but Blaine didn't text back. Thinking that he was probably busy Kurt pocketed his cell phone and started his journey to school. Looking at the wet streets filled with people who for some reason were always in a hurry Kurt thought once again about his relationship with Blaine. It was really difficult to tell if they were forever, but Kurt knew that his feelings towards the shorter boy weren't going to fade away so easily.
The blue-eyed boy was happy, but he wanted more, so much more than what he had now. Kurt wanted to be able to read Blaine like an open book and know all of his secrets even if some of them were dark and unpleasant. Kurt was a patient person, but even though he wanted their relationship to work he didn't have an intention to fool himself into thinking that they were going to last if Blaine kept all of his secrets to himself.
Rachel knew him better than anyone and yes, he was a hopeless romantic who wanted to believe that love could overcome everything, but even he knew that it wasn't possible to force someone to love or open up.
Kurt knew that sooner or later he would have to give Blaine an ultimatum, but right now he didn't want to think about it.
When Kurt entered the massive building he shook his head trying to get rid of all of these negative thoughts. He had to focus on the present and enjoy it for as long as he could. While he was walking up the stairs, towards the classroom where he was supposed to take the exam, in the corner of his eyes he noticed a blond mop of hair and characteristic, colorful satchel.
Peter was surrounded by a group of people, clearly having fun. Kurt stopped mid-step to look at the blond boy. They hadn't talked to each other since the party and to be honest Kurt missed his bright smile and weird sense of humor. The students obviously weren't fond of the fact that Kurt was standing frozen on the staircase in the middle of making decision as they kept bumping into him. The blue-eyed boy started walking back down the stairs trying to avoid further pain in his shoulder.
When Kurt walked a little closer to his ex-friend he realized that he didn't know any of the people surrounding Peter. He clutched the bag he was carrying a little closer to his chest, not really knowing if he should be the first one to reach out. Kurt was positive that it was Peter who was supposed to apologize to him, but Kurt wanted to act like an adult.
He approached the circle of friends and cleared his throat effectively silencing everyone. Several sets of eyes started studying his silhouette and suddenly Kurt felt like a friendless loser during his first day of high school in front of older kids who looked down on him. But when Kurt decided to look into Peter's sky-blue eyes expecting to find anger and disapproval he actually saw only welcoming warmth.
"Hi, Peter." Kurt greeted him smiling shyly and looking around at all the young people looking between him and Peter.
The blond boy smiled back at Kurt showing his straight teeth. "Hi, Kurt. Would you like to join us for lunch later?" He asked, hope evident in his voice.
"I'd love to." Kurt answered finally able to breath freely. "But can we talk for a moment alone first? We still have fifteen minutes until the first class starts."
"Yeah, sure." Peter said as soon as the words left Kurt's mouth. His friends didn't say anything as Kurt and Peter walked away from them together. They walked through the halls, side by side for a short time until they reached the currently empty library.
They sat down on the armchairs opposite each other and Kurt started speaking. "Um, so I want you to know that I don't want our friendship to end." Kurt began a little awkwardly. "But I also need you to understand that Blaine is one of the most important people in my life and while I can kind of see why you might still feel hurt, it doesn't matter now, because Blaine is a completely different person." Kurt looked straight into his eyes speaking the next words. "So, please don't make me decide who I want in my life, because while you're like a brother to me, Blaine is so much more and I can't leave him for you, because I know I would regret it for the rest of my life."
The blond boy was silent for a couple of seconds looking into Kurt's eyes as if searching for something. Finally he sighed and started speaking. "Uh, I guess I need to apologize now, don't I? God, I feel like such an asshole for treating Blaine like shit." He leaned his back against the backrest, clearly relived after saying that. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I guess I'm not a person who forgets things quickly." He rolled his eyes. "And yes, I'm definitely not gay, but when he punched me that day my ego hurt a lot worse than my nose. See, I was just a high school boy trying to show off in front of my friends. We came here one day after school to see the place and we saw him." He smiled a little at the memory. "At the time we all thought that he was perfect. You know, these preppy clothes and gelled-down hair. The girls were all over him but I said that he was definitely most gay, so my best friend at that time dared me to ask him out, so I did and guess what? I ended up with a broken nose and my friends laughing their asses off."
Kurt couldn't help but let out a small giggle. He quickly covered his mouth, not wanting Peter to be mad at him for laughing at his traumatic experience. The blond boy shot him a death glare but after a while they were both laughing. "It sounds a lot more silly now. You must think that I'm an overreacting whiney little bitch." Peter said when he was calm enough to do so.
Kurt took a deep breath, trying to stop himself for laughing even more. "Well, you tend to overreact but a rejection must have hurt you." Kurt said, more seriously. He then leaned forward and smiled broadly at his friend. "So, let me get this straight. You are actually willing to get to know Blaine and maybe even befriend him?"
Peter grimaced a little. "I suppose so. I don't want to lose you just because I am such a pussy."
Kurt laughed shortly and checked the time on his cell phone, not wanting to be late. Looking at the device he also realized that there was still no messages from Blaine but he decided not to think too much about it since they would see each other in a couple of hours during the dance practice. "Oh, I guess it's time to go." Kurt said standing up from the armchair. He picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder. "See you during the lunch break."
"Yeah, see you. I can't wait until you meet all of my new friends. They are fantastic!" Peter said standing up from the armchair as well. They left the library and went in opposite directions.
A couple of hours later Kurt finally had a chance to meet said friends. They turned out to be a bunch of colorful personalities full of passion and emotion. There was just a one guy that caused a cold shiver run down Kurt's spine. The guy kept looking at Kurt as if he was a piece of meat. He found out that the guy's name was Trevor and he was in his senior year.
He knew that he would have to remember to always keep his distance from him, because the guy seemed weirdly interested in Kurt's every single move.
After the lunch Kurt attended his other classes and then there was just one left. Kurt hadn't been afraid of Cassandra for quite a while, but this time something seemed off. She seemed distracted and alarmed and to make matters worse she kept looking at Kurt as if he knew something that she didn't. He had no idea what it was all about, but he really didn't want to find out. Cassandra was a mysterious woman and if she had a secret then everyone wanted her to keep it to herself.
After the dance class Kurt had some time to himself, so he left the campus and visited the local coffee shop to refill his supplies of energy. The sun finally broke through the gray clouds splashing everything with golden luster. After his conversation with Peter and meeting all of his new friends Kurt felt lighter. He couldn't wait to tell Blaine everything about it. The hazel-eyed boy would definitely be happy that Peter was ready to give him chance.
He ordered his favorite kind of coffee and drank it looking at the street through the glass. When Kurt was done he excited the cafe smiling to a few familiar faces and walked back towards the NYADA building with a spring in his step.
After walking through the now almost empty corridors Kurt tried to open the door to the changing room but he quickly discovered that it was locked. He stood there for a few moments in confusion wondering what that could mean but then he realized that it would probably be wise to call Blaine and ask him what was going on.
Kurt pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Blaine's number holding the device close to his ear. When Blaine didn't pick up the phone Kurt tried again. And then two more times.
And that was when Kurt truly started worrying about his boyfriend. He tried to open the door which led directly to the practice room, but it was also locked. Kurt tried to stop himself from creating the most horrific images of Blaine laying somewhere in a pool of red blood but there was no use. During his way home he kept calling Blaine and sending him text messages, but at some point Blaine (or whoever had it at the moment) turned off the cell phone.
When Kurt entered his apartment Rachel was sitting on the sofa with a glass of hot tea and a notebook in front of her. When she noticed her best friend she looked up at him and smiled. Her grin quickly faded though when she noticed that her best friend was nowhere near happy. "You're home early." She pointed out as Kurt shrugged off his coat. "What's wrong?"
Kurt sat down heavily beside Rachel, still staring at his cell phone, hoping that Blaine would call or at least text him soon. "Me and Blaine, we were supposed to have a dance practice today, as always but everything was locked." Kurt said squeezing the device. "I keep calling him but his phone is turned off. God, I'm so worried about him, Rachel. What if is he is lying somewhere in a dark allay and no one knows where to find him? I have no idea what to do."
The brown-haired girl moved closer to Kurt wrapping her best friend in a tight hug. The blue-eyed boy closed his eyes resting his head on her shoulder. He took a couple of deep breaths trying to stop himself from having a panic attack. "Blaine's fine." Rachel said locking her dark eyes with Kurt's light ones. "His phone is just dead or something. Maybe Cassandra asked him again to do something for her and he just didn't have a possibility to call you."
Kurt nodded his head. "You're probably right. God, I'm so pathetic."
"No, you're not." Rachel said laughing lightly. "I think it's cute that you care about him so much."
Kurt smiled back, even though deep inside he was still worried sick. He was aware of the fact that it was most likely unnecessary but he couldn't help it. "I hope he's alright." He said softly. "I don't know what I would do without him now that I know how being with him his like." He wouldn't be able to forget how his lips tasted or how right it felt to hold his hand.
Rachel just squeezed him tighter and together they watched sappy comedies until the brown-haired girl had to return to doing her schoolwork. She gathered all of her books, kissed Kurt on the cheek and went to her own room leaving her best friend alone. Kurt knew that she had a lot of work to do, but as soon as he was on his own, the dangerous thoughts came rushing back to his mind.
He tried to call Blaine again, but his cell phone was still turned off. Kurt sent him two more text massages and then decided to just go to sleep. He stood up from the sofa stretching out his muscles and locked himself in the bathroom. He took off his clothes and stepped into the shower. The hot water relaxed him a little and he was able to just close his eyes and enjoy the warmth.
When Kurt was finished he pulled on his pajamas and went to his bedroom jumping under the covers. Surprisingly as soon as his head hit the pillow his whole body went lax and he fell asleep.
As soon as the dim morning light illuminated the room and Kurt blinked his eyes open he could feel the something wasn't quite right but for a few minutes he couldn't figure out what that was. But then everything came back to him and Kurt quickly grabbed his cell phone from the bedside table and unlocked the screen expecting at least one missed call or text message from Blaine.
But to his disappointment the hazel-eyed boy hadn't tried to contact him at all during the night. Kurt's head fell back onto the pillow as he clutched the phone tight to his chest trying his best not to cry. It was Saturday, so they wouldn't meet at school. But he could always visit Blaine in his apartment.
As Kurt went through his morning routine he kept trying to figure out what it all meant. There were two possible scenarios. Maybe there was really something wrong with Blaine and Kurt didn't have any idea what that could be or maybe the older boy just didn't want to be with Kurt anymore and it was his way of ending things. It didn't make much sense to Kurt but he couldn't be one hundred percent sure.
He told Rachel that he was going to visit Blaine and she wished him good luck. With a trembling heart Kurt took the subway and walked through the streets of New York. All too soon he was standing in front of the door to Blaine's apartment. He knocked a few times, but no one answered him. With nothing else to do Kurt sat down on top of the staircase and decided to wait for either Blaine or Santana to come home.
As the time went by Kurt kept checking his phone, but he only received a text message from Rachel. His mind wasn't occupied by anything, so the darkest thoughts kept clouding his mind. His heart hurt as he considered the idea of Blaine leaving him without a word. Over the course of the last couple of months the shorter boy had become to him someone very important. He kept fantasying about their happy ever after, but now it could never come true.
After nearly two hears Kurt just stood up and walked down the staircase trying not to break down in the public place. He didn't remember walking down the streets, or taking the subway but he did remember falling into Rachel's welcoming arms and sobbing into her shoulder.
The brown-haired girl knew exactly what her best friend needed the most in that moment, so she led him over to the sofa, wrapped them both in a warm blanked and let Kurt cry it all out. She kept rubbing circles on his back and whispering soothing words into his ear. Rachel tended to be over the top and selfish but she was the best friend in the whole wide world. She knew when Kurt needed to hear that everything was eventually going to be alright but she also knew when to stay silent and let Kurt figure everything out in his head.
"I just don't understand why he would leave me without a word." Kurt said still clinging to his best friend. "I thought…I thought that he wasn't that kind of guy."
"Kurt, I don't think you should give up on him just yet." Rachel said petting his hair. "I wasn't found of him at the beginning, but now I can tell that he in fact isn't that kind of guy."
"Then where is he?" Kurt asked wiping away his tears and trying to compose himself. He was sick of crying. "Why can't I reach him?"
"I don't know." The dark-eyed girl said quietly. "But something must have happened. He loves you."
Kurt snorted moving a little away from Rachel. "Oh, please. How can you know that?"
The girl looked away for a moment and smiled sadly. "I can see the way he looks at you." She looked straight into Kurt's blue orbs. "Like you're the brightest star on the sky. Like you're the only human being on the face of the planet. I wish someone looked at me like that."
Kurt was too tired to point out that she in fact had a boyfriend, so he leaned his head back against Rachel's shoulder and closed his eyes trying to imagine Blaine's strong arms around him.
"Blaine…please, open the door if you're there." Kurt's voice was a little muffed because of the thick wooden door, but every single word was audible. "I really don't know what is going on with you, but when I asked Cassandra if our dance practices are cancelled she said that you are not NYADA student anymore. I don't even know if she was allowed to tell me that but I am incredibly thankful anyway." He paused for a moment looking down at his feet. "So I assume that you're okay after all. I mean, okay is if not dead or seriously injured. Maybe I am just a crazy person talking to the closed door, but if you are there, all I want you to know is that whatever is going on you can always come to me and we can figure it out together." He took a deep breath. "So…yeah, that would be it. It has been five weeks since you disappeared, and while it feels like my heart is about to explode, I should start trying to forget you."
Kurt looked up, as if really looking straight into Santana's eyes and for a moment she feared that he could actually see her. But then she remembered that this whole ridiculously corny and cliché speech wasn't directed at her, but at her best friend. "I guess this is it then." He said slowly, and she could see bright tears welling up in his eyes. "Good-bye, Blaine."
He turned around and just walked away. Santana stood there frozen for a couple of minutes processing everything in her head and finally moved away from the door wrapping her arms around herself. She walked to the kitchen and took a can of beer out of the fridge and took a long sip.
Santana liked to think about herself as a soulless bitch, but even she could recognize true love when she came across it. Her best friend was unbelievingly stupid for being a coward and running away from Kurt in fear that he was going to leave him. It didn't make much sense to Santana.
She knew what she needed to do, even if she was going to lose her best friend because of that. Santana loved him and she didn't want to witness him wasting his whole life just because of some irrational fear.
For the next couple of days Kurt still dared to hope that Blaine would come back to him, even though there was no sign of life from the hazel-eyed boy. Even after being told by Cassandra that Blaine had dropped out, he still kept hoping. But then after trying to visit Blaine every single day for five days straight, he finally lost it. Many people would still try to find some reasonable explanation but Kurt didn't want to give himself false hope.
If he knew exactly where Blaine's house in Ohio was, he would catch the nearest flight and demand the proper explanation or a good-bye. Everything would be one hundred times better than the silence. He wanted to be shouted at, punched in the face or even kicked in the stomach. It would hurt much less than not knowing what was really going on. Maybe there was something he could do to make the situation better, maybe Blaine needed to be saved by him, but there was no way of knowing that.
Kurt kept looking at the pictures of the both of them ignoring Rachel's sad smiles and worry-filled brown eyes. As much as he needed to let go of the happy memories he didn't know how to. He was sick of people telling him to move on. He hated seeing Peter's eyes that were constantly full of pity.
"Maybe you should go home for a couple of days and get away from everything?" Rachel said one morning while Kurt was picking at his breakfast.
"I don't know." The blue-eyed boy replied looking up at her with lack of interest. "I don't think it would be a good idea. Being in Ohio and knowing that he might be really near but not being able to find him would be heartbreaking."
The brown-haired girl sat down on the chair beside Kurt and took his hand into hers smiling sadly. "I just want you to get better. You need to know that there are plenty of guys just waiting for you to send them one look. This is not the end of the world."
"Well, it certainly seems like it." Kurt said emotionlessly. He didn't think that he would be able to date anyone anytime soon. After thinking for such a long time that he and Blaine were going to be something more it was incredibly hard to get that idea out of his head. "I just still can't believe how you can leave your whole life behind just because you don't want be with someone. A regular break-up would have been easier, I think."
"You're right." Rachel said, a trace of hope in her eyes. "Then maybe this isn't really about you but about something else."
Kurt sighed. He was tired of trying to solve this mystery. All he wanted was one clear answer. "You don't know Blaine as well as I do." Kurt finally said thinking about all of the months they spent on getting to know each other. "He's very complicated."
The hope in Rachel's eyes immediately vanished and was replaced by all-embracing sadness and pity. "But…" She began to say, but the words seemed to die on her lips. The girl kept staring down at their hands clearly trying to find wise and comforting words for Kurt. "Just know that I'm always here for you." A small smile appeared on her lips.
"I know." Kurt said honestly.
Kurt didn't know how he was able to do it, but somehow he managed to block out the bad emotions. Even though he didn't feel so sad anymore he didn't have even enough energy to smile, so both Rachel and Peter were worried sick about him. But with Blaine out of his life nothing seemed to make much sense anymore.
He kept attending every single class in hopes of getting his mind off Blaine but the more he tried to forget the more often he thought about Blaine. He could see the worry-filled eyes of his classmates and some of the teachers directed at him but he decided to ignore it.
But then one day when he wanted to order a cup of coffee at the coffee shop near the campus a bubbly barista handing him the coffee with a bright smile spoke up unexpectedly. "I haven't seen that cute friend of yours lately. Is he alright?"
Then something seemed to finally break and Kurt couldn't hide his feelings anymore. His hands started shaking and he let the cup fall to the ground spilling the dark liquid all over the floor. Deep inside Kurt knew that he needed to apologize and clean this mess but that thought was pushed to the back of his mind. Hot tears filled his eyes and a broken sob escaped his mouth.
The barista's eyes followed the cup, but her eyes locked with Kurt's as soon as she heard the sob. "Do you need help?" She asked dumbly.
Kurt didn't answer her question. He ignored her completely, turned around and stormed out of the coffee shop. Walking down the street he kept bumping into many people not really knowing the direction in which he was going. Finally he stopped to catch his breath and consider his options.
Actually there was not much to think about. He knew where he needed to go if he really wanted to put an end to this madness. Blaine didn't want to say good-bye, but it didn't mean that Kurt was able to just walk away without a word.
Kurt went home and for the rest of the evening he stayed hidden in his room, trying to come up with something wise to say. It was late evening when he finally gathered enough courage to pay Blaine a visit. He didn't care that it was late, he knew that there would be no one to answer the door anyway.
But as soon as Kurt found himself in front of the door to Blaine's apartment, all the emotions came rushing back into his mind and the speech that he had so carefully prepared went to hell.
The tears started rolling down his cheeks once again that evening and he started bumping into the door with his fists begging Blaine to come out and hold him in his embrace. It just didn't make sense to Kurt. He wanted to understand Blaine's actions so much but the shorter boy didn't even want to give him a chance.
Is there something wrong with me? - he asked himself still bumping into the door.
After a while he heard a sound behind him. Kurt turned around and saw a middle-aged woman walk out of the door to another flat. She looked as if she had been sleeping. Looking at the dark circles under her tired eyes and her dark messy her Kurt felt guilty.
She looked angry but as soon as she noticed Kurt's red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks her face softened. "Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked.
"I'm afraid no." Kurt said between the sobs. "Unless you know the current location of Blaine Anderson." He said bitterly glancing over his shoulder at the door, as if expecting Blaine to appear at any second.
"He moved out a couple of weeks ago." The woman said sadly. "But I don't know where he is. You should ask his roommate, Santana Lopez."
Kurt snorted. "Yeah, right. As if that cold bitch is going to help me with anything."
"Go home." The woman said gently, wrapping her arms around her middle. "You must be exhausted."
"Yeah, I will in a couple of minutes. Sorry for disturbing you." Kurt said.
"Have a good night." She said disappearing into her apartment.
Kurt turned back to the door and looked up.
"Blaine…please, open the door if you're there. I really don't know what is going on with you but when I asked Cassandra if our dance practices are cancelled she said that you are not NYADA student anymore. I don't even know if she was allowed to tell me that but I am incredibly thankful." He paused for a moment looking down at his feet. "So I assume that you're okay after all. I mean, okay is if not dead or seriously injured. Maybe I am just a crazy person talking to the closed door, but if you are there, all I want you to know is that whatever is going on you can always come to me and we can figure it out together." He took a deep breath. "So…yeah, that would be it. It has been five weeks since you disappeared, and while it feels like my heart is about to explode, I should start trying to forget you."
Kurt looked up. "I guess this is it then." He said slowly, and the bright tears gathered in his eyes again. "Good-bye, Blaine."
Instead of going home like he should, Kurt leaned his back against the wall and sat down on the floor hiding his face in his hands and crying his heart out. After close to twenty minutes surprisingly the door opened and for a moment Kurt thought that it was that woman again. But then he heard the unmistakable voice.
"Do you want to come in or not?" The Latina girl asked softly looking at Kurt with gentle eyes.
The blue-eyed boy immediately stood up from the floor and mindlessly followed Santana into the completely dark apartment. He had a million questions to ask, but for the time being, his brain was completely crushed. Santana crossed her arms against her chest and looked him up and down. "You look like the walking dead." She pointed out as if it wasn't obvious.
"Speak." Kurt said firmly approaching the girl, trying to make her feel uncomfortable. Santana raised her eyebrows laughing mockingly.
"Alright." She said holding up her hand in defense. "Sit."
Kurt sat down on the chair by the kitchen table and watched as she made them both hot tea. She set one of the cups in front of Kurt and then sat down opposite him gripping her own mug tightly in her hands. "What do you want me to tell you then?" She asked.
"Everything." Kurt said immediately. "I just want to know why." He added after a moment.
Santana placed the mug on the table and leaned forward resting her arms on the table. "Blaine is Westerville, Ohio. I can give you his address if you want."
Kurt didn't want to get his hopes up but he couldn't help it. "Just like that?"
"Just like that." She nodded her head. "I promised him that I wouldn't tell you anything but since that fool is too stubborn to realize that you two should be together then I guess we need to take matters into our own hands."
"I still don't understand anything." Kurt admitted. "What is it all about?"
"This is something that you need to ask Blaine." She said slowly, carefully studying Kurt's face.
The blue-eyed boy was silent for a while looking straight into Santana's dark orbs. Finally it seemed like he would be able to get some answers directly from Blaine but he didn't know if he was happy about it. As much as he needed to know what was going on, he also was afraid of rejection. His heart would break upon seeing that Blaine didn't care about him anymore and he just wanted to be away from Kurt.
"Kurt." Santana said snapping him out of his thoughts. "Are you still here?"
"Yeah, sorry." Kurt said weakly. His whole body was exhausted, but Kurt knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep that night. "I'm just terrified of what might happen."
Santana's face softened and she sighed. "Well, the decision is yours." She took a piece of creased paper out of her pants pocket and placed it in front of Kurt. "Here's Blaine's home address. Do whatever you want." She stood up from the table and disappeared into one of the rooms leaving Kurt completely alone in the dark kitchen.
Kurt took the piece of paper and looked at the surprisingly elegant writing. Santana wasn't that bad after all, he supposed. He kept playing with the piece of paper in his hands trying to figure out what was the right thing to do. Deep down, he immediately knew what that he wouldn't be able to just simply ignore this what seemed to be the last chance to possibly win Blaine back.
He had so many questions but he couldn't blame Santana for not wanting to answer him. She was his best friend after all and Blaine trusted her. It was something between him and Kurt and whether the hazel-eyed boy liked it or not Kurt was going to get the answers out of him.
Kurt knew that it wouldn't be wise to walk through the city that late, so he sent a short text message to Rachel letting her know that he was alright and ensconced himself in a comfortable armchair in the living room. He found a blanket and wrapped it around his body, almost crying again when he could smell a dim smell of Blaine.
He just sat there in darkness for a long time unable to calm himself down enough to fall asleep. The images of Blaine kept dancing in front of his tired eyes and he couldn't do anything to pull himself out of this psychedelic trance. It felt as if his brain was permanently damaged and the only cure for that was Blaine's strong embrace.
Kurt wrapped the blanket tighter around his body and closed his eyes trying to stop thinking about anything. It seemed like the whole world was spinning around him and he was in a dark endless hole but finally a weird wave of calmness washed over his whole being and he was able to fall into sleep.
His dreams were weird and disturbing but he had no idea what they were about. For a moment he felt like he was finally in Blaine's arms but after a while the feeling was gone and he was once again on the edge of falling apart.
A nightmare woke him up two hours before sunrise and he couldn't fall back asleep. He looked around, remembering all the events from the night before. Hope quickly filled every cell of his body, even though he still was scared to death. Kurt stood from the armchair massaging his neck and stretching out his limbs. His whole body was aching but he didn't care.
Kurt started walking towards the bathroom wanting to take a hot shower but halfway through he realized that he didn't have any clothes to change into and the prospect of wearing the same clothes wasn't very nice. With nothing else to do Kurt slowly walked down the hallway knowing that some of his clothes should be still in Blaine's room.
He hesitated for only a second before he pushed the door open and entered Blaine's bedroom. It still looked exactly the same, but for some reason the room seemed empty and soulless. He immediately felt sad, but there was no tears left in his eyes, for which he was incredibly thankful. Kurt carefully closed the door behind him and walked over to the closet that used to be filled with Blaine's clothes.
He opened it and saw that it was completely empty except for a small pile of clothes. Kurt picked it up and sat down on the edge of the bed looking through the clothes. All of them belonged to Kurt. He nuzzled his nose into the soft material hoping that maybe there was a trace of Blaine's scent but all he could smell was lavender washing powder.
Eventually he chose a comfortable beige sweater and a pair of skin tight black jeans. Once he found a fresh underwear he gathered the clothes in his arms, carefully as to not wrinkle them, and left Blaine's room. Then he locked himself in the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His blue eyes widened comically upon seeing his tired face. There were dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes and his skin looked unhealthy.
He didn't have any skin-care products, so he had to ignore the fact that he looked like a zombie. He stepped into the shower and washed his whole body, enjoying the stream of hot water on his sore muscles. When Kurt was done, he dressed into the previously prepared clothes and combed his hair. He left the room looking longingly at Santana's red toothbrush.
When he excited the bathroom he walked over to the window in the kitchen and noticed that the sun was slowly appearing. "Good morning." He heard a feminine voice from behind him. Kurt turned around to look at Santana who was standing in the doorframe, looking at him with unreadable eyes. "What are you going to do?"
Kurt sighed wrapping his arms around his torso and turned back to face the window. He let his eyes travel through the bright lights of the city, before he answered. "If Blaine wants to be left alone, then I suppose, I should just let him be." Kurt replied slowly, happy that he didn't have to look into Santana's judgmental eyes. "But I am way past the point of doing what I should." His voice croaked but somehow he managed to stay composed. "I am not afraid of being yelled at anymore. I can be punched and kicked until I'm unconscious for all I care." Kurt answered honestly. "I can take it all. But I need to know what I did wrong."
Surprisingly, he felt Santana's hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything and she didn't have to. Her touch was weirdly comforting.
They ate breakfast in absolute silence. When they were finished Kurt volunteered to wash the dishes. The dark-haired girl just nodded her head and walked out of the kitchen leaving Kurt completely alone. Just a couple of minutes later she was back holding a laptop in her hands. She placed the device on the table, sat down on the chair and opened it. Kurt kept washing the dishes watching as she typed something acrimoniously.
"I need some personal information about you, Hummel." She said unexpectedly. Kurt raised his eyebrows questioningly and opened his mouth to ask what she needed that for but she quickly started explaining. "I'm booking you next flight to Ohio."
"What?" Kurt asked, setting the last plate on the cupboard. "I'm afraid I don't have enough money for that."
The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes. "Don't worry that pretty head of yours. It's on me."
"Santana, I can't-" Kurt started saying but Santana cut him off.
"Let me make something clear." She said seriously looking straight into Kurt's eyes. "Blaine is my best friend, he's the only family I have, I am doing this for him. I don't care about you but since you're the key to Blaine's happiness then I guess I have to take care of you as well."
Kurt opened his mouth but no words came out. He felt bad that he would use Santana's money to get to Blaine but it didn't matter that much in that moment, he supposed. "Okay. Thank you." Kurt finally said, trying and failing to smile at her.
"But you can trust me." She said slowly, deeply as if trying to startle him. "If you make him even more miserable, I will find you and make you pay for it."
Kurt knew that she was serious, so he nodded his head swallowing hard. Then he sat down next to Santana and booked the flight.