January 24, 1960

"He's in his office, Miss Platt."

I nodded my thanks to the receptionist. Since my surprise arrival a few months ago, Carlisle decided a new identity would ease my transition into town. He chose Esme's maiden name to continue to illusion I was one of her relatives.

Sometimes I felt like I really was a spy. Living under an assumed name and in a place quite different from my own. But the best spies kept a distance from their subjects; I failed that task again and again.

I came to the hospital bearing paint samples from Esme. The Cullens owned a number of properties and made a habit of redoing them to increase market value. When she wasn't busy with her projects, she had a small interior design business going. The samples were for the sitting room of one their newest houses. I was tasked with having Carlisle decide between three colors.

But when I let myself into his office, he wasn't sitting at his desk. A mountain of paperwork and a cold cup of coffee sat there forgotten. Carlisle was leaning against the window, gazing out at the downpour. He was still in his scrubs from surgery. My eyes went to his chest and I gasped.

A dark red stain colored the top of his scrubs. The paint samples in my hand clattered to the floor.

"Forgive me, Bella," he said at once.

I stared at the fresh blood on his shirt, feeling the nausea coil in my stomach. "What happened?"

Carlisle left his place by the window and retrieved the paint samples from the floor. He was careful not to let our hands brush. I thought he was trying not to scare me.

"I lost a patient in surgery today."

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle."

Sometimes I forgot that their immortality did not equal expertise. Accidents happened, death happened, and for all his years of training, Carlisle still made mistakes, too. Though I hated to see him in this state, it helped me see they weren't perfect. No one was perfect.

"It was a simple procedure," he went on, almost to himself. "I couldn't save her."

I thought of my old friend Jerry. Despite my formidable skills of going back in time, I knew I couldn't be able to save him, either.

"I know the feeling."

Our eyes met for a moment before his flickered to the samples. "Those are from Esme."

"They are."

He studied them for a moment and quickly disregarded the crimson; I couldn't blame him. After several minutes, he chose a sunny yellow. I had been rooting for this one and told him so. He chuckled.

"It's very cheerful."

"Something we need around the house, I guess."

His gaze on me grew speculative. "Is there something on your mind?"

I sank into one of the chairs across from his desk. He slid his arms through his lab coat to cover the stain and sat down, waiting for me. It was difficult to find the words.

"Has Edward . . . said anything to you about me? About what I want?"

"He told me several weeks ago. I've tried to keep an open mind. But . . . "

"But?"

"I can't choose a side," he said finally. "Primum non nocere. First, do no harm. It's the motto of my profession and I find it quite suitable for my life as a vampire. I've never turned someone who was not in a fatal condition."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up one hand. "Please let me finish. While that is usually my method, I must admit that you . . . you are a special case. Your condition, while not fatal is—"

"Dangerous."

"Yes it is. Which only adds to my dilemma."

From our first meeting thirty years ago to our encounter with James in the woods, my condition had been very nearly fatal.

"You could do it."

"I could," Carlisle murmured. "If that's what you wanted."

The idea was tempting. Edward wouldn't be the one to perform the change. Morally he was off the hook. The angst over my soul and all that nonsense wouldn't matter anymore.

But part of me wanted Edward to be the one to do it. For him alone to free me from the chains of my perilous human condition.

Despite this, I knew him well. It would take too long for him to come to terms with it. It felt like time was running out.

"I do."

"Then I will."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. The decision took almost no time at all. However, I sensed a condition in there somewhere. Edward wasn't the only one with a good poker face.

"But there's a catch, I imagine."

A wry smile appeared on his face. "Yes."

"Damn."

Carlisle leaned forward and paused for a long minute. "I will change you, Bella. I've considered you part of my family for a long time and what you did at Mount Hood . . . you saved my entire family. I will always be grateful for that. Always in your debt."

"But you're worried what Edward is going to say."

"Yes," he admitted. "I fear he will be furious when he learns of our agreement."

I didn't doubt it. Our discussion in October left us on uneasy ground. We hadn't talked about it since then but the tension around the subject was palpable. Combined with the ongoing hunt for Victoria, the atmosphere in the house was always strained. Even the easygoing Esme threw a lot of her energy into her interior design to avoid it.

"And there's one more thing."

Carlisle produced a file from the top drawer of his desk. The name on the tab read Ward, Elliot C.

My eyes widened. At his reassuring nod, I thumbed through the contents. Elliot's school records were inside, his report cards, even a blurry photograph of him on the debate team.

"We haven't found him yet," he explained, watching as I studied each document. "I've decided to hire a private investigator to help us."

"What does this have to do with my change?"

"I want you to speak with Elliot. I feel we have to fully understand what we're dealing with. I believe your condition will manifest into something powerful when you become a vampire."

"You want me to talk with him before that happens."

"I do."

"If that's what you want," I said hesitantly. "Then I agree."

He held up one hand. "Don't agree just yet. Keep reading."

I let my eyes fall to the folder. Elliot had an impressive record; I was jealous. He graduated with a perfect GPA and had scholarship offers coming in from around the country. Even the Ivy Leagues were knocking on his door.

The file didn't indicate which one he chose. At Carlisle's nod, I kept reading. When I found the last document, I closed my eyes.

"He enlisted?"

"Two weeks ago."

I dropped the folder on his desk and stood up. He watched me pace back and forth, lost in thought. The 1960s saw many bloody years of the Vietnam War.

Was Elliot insane? Enlisting in the army? If he had the same condition, it was suicide.

The chances of him being allowed to speak to civilians were slim. Even if we could convince them I was family, Elliot wouldn't know me. I wasn't born yet; neither was Renee. And if he was truly like me, he would deny any whisper of time travel. It was the only way he could survive.

I wondered how he was going to hide his condition in the strict boundaries of an army base.

"How long until I can talk to him?"

"Wherever he is, he'll do basic training," Carlisle frowned. "Then he'll have to do more training in a specialty. There may be a break between the two, or after."

"More time, then."

"I'm afraid so."

"Well," I sighed. "I seem to have a lot of that."

Carlisle rose to walk me out. Though his lab coat hid the evidence, I could smell the coppery scent of blood underneath it. Somewhere in the hospital, the owner of the blood lay dead. I shivered.

"It's not a decision I take lightly, Bella," he said, mistaking the motion for irritation. "If we can't locate him by the end of this year, then I'll change you myself."

The end of this year. 1960. John F. Kennedy was going to be the new president by November. I remembered reading the announcement of his candidacy in the local paper a few weeks ago. After all my history classes at school, it was a little surreal. Emmett and Jasper were placing bets on the outcome but refused to let me join in, for obvious reasons.

"I understand, Carlisle," I nodded. "And . . . thank you. I know it's not easy."

"It's too easy, Bella. But I feel the circumstances warrant caution."

I nodded again and waved goodbye. It was January, I thought to myself as I started the car. I had two options: wait eleven months for Carlisle to change me or wait for Edward to change his mind about changing me. Both seemed impossible. I leaned my head against the steering wheel. Patience, it seemed, was a skill I was going to have to learn.

I waited anxiously for the explosion as the Carlisle's car came up the drive. This fight was inevitable. Our conversation was no longer confined to the sanctuary of his office.

Edward and Jasper were studying some sheet music from the library. Jasper serenaded us a few nights ago, singing some songs he learned in the military. Every now and then he'd slip into Spanish. I even remembered some of it from school.

I watched Edward lift his head as Carlisle came through front door. I chickened out and dropped my gaze to the table. Now that they were both here, the more it seemed like a betrayal. I felt like I went behind his back. When I looked up again, Edward was gone.

Carlisle was shaking his head. I knew they couldn't monitor their thoughts all of the time. I touched his arm as he passed. He wasn't the one I was worried about.

No one commented on his absence. I ate my dinner in silence, dreading the next several hours. The only thing worse than a fight was the moments leading up to it.

I didn't see Edward again until I was getting ready for bed. I gasped when he appeared in the window as if I summoned him. He looked pleased with himself.

He looked very good, actually. His eyes were a bright gold and from what I could see, lacking any sort of anger. The sight only added to my confusion.

"Hey."

"Hi."

I watched him pull his clothes off and find a fresh shirt for bed. The explosion I expected had yet to arrive. He joined me under the blanket and smoothed away the wrinkles. My quizzical look went unanswered, so I tried again.

"Where did you take off to?"

"Hunting."

"Oh."

He waited until I wriggled close to his side. "So, what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"I have a meeting with my lawyer and then I'm working my usual corner in town."

"I want to take you out to dinner," Edward said, unaffected by my sarcasm. "Interested?"

I giggled. "Uh, yeah. Okay."

"A lukewarm response."

"What I meant was, 'yes, Edward! That sounds wonderful!'"

"Much better."

The next evening I found myself being pampered by Alice and Rosalie. They were delighted to have something to do and I was happy to oblige them. Underneath, though, I was still confused by this turn of events. Edward most certainly saw the conversation about my change. But there had been no reaction. No anger or sadness. Nothing.

But a new expectation formed in my mind. It was vague at first, but gained shape and weight as the hours wore on. Maybe his lack of reaction . . . was the reaction. Was this whole night meant to lead to something else?

Was he planning to change me after all? Beat Carlisle to the punch, and surprise all of us?

The expectation took a flying leap and became a fantasy. The two of us charging through the forest. Powerful. Strong. Deadly. And most of all, together forever. I felt my mouth curve into the first real smile all night. He was trying to make it special.

"This is too much," I said nervously as Rosalie wrapped one of her fur coats around my shoulders. It was pure white and smooth to the touch. "I'll stain it."

"With what?"

Blood.

"Food! I wouldn't trust me with this. It's too expensive."

"I have so many of them. Take it."

Rosalie refused to budge about it. I kissed her stone cheek and folded my arms, pouting. Logically, I knew money wasn't an issue for them and something this fine could easily be replaced. But it was something she cared about, and she was giving it to me. I didn't want to ruin it.

"Alice, tell her the coat makes the outfit."

Alice looked up from my nails. "That's true, Bella. Plus, it's freezing out."

She had a point. I eyed the icicles in the window furtively. The coat was warm, and despite my stubbornness about it, Edward's hands were too cold for me at times. I sighed.

"Okay. But if something goes wrong, I'm apologizing in advance."

"Noted."

Esme insisted on a few pictures before we left. I wondered if they were all in on the secret. If they knew, they didn't act like it.

Maybe Edward wanted to keep it a surprise. I played along. No need to ruin his plans.

Edward took me to one of the fancier restaurants in town. It reminded me of the hotel in Portland. My cheeks warmed at the thought. Another special occasion.

He beat the waiter to letting my chair out for me, then smoothly ordered us two glasses of wine. Red, of course. I studied the merlot in my glass. Red as blood.

Since he couldn't drink his wine, I took the glass. His eyebrows raised a little at the speed in which I gulped it. It seemed like the only way to calm the butterflies in my stomach. When the waiter made to refill it, Edward firmly shook his head.

"I'm not going to carry you out of this restaurant."

"I can walk."

He didn't rise to the bait. I could feel my aggravation growing. We talked about ordinary things through the entire meal, but not once had he said anything about my change. I loved that we were on the same level again, but I just wanted him to tell me already.

"There's this great spot overlooking the town," he was saying as he helped me into my coat. "I found it when I was hunting yesterday. Can I show you?"

I glanced down at my feet. Though they insisted I needed the coat for warmth, Alice and Rosalie admitted the heels were purely for fashion. Not suitable at all for a late night hike. Edward shook his head.

"We can drive there. It's a shoulder in the road, really, but it's private."

I took his hand. "Sounds perfect."

I watched him as he drove. He seemed content. Happy, even. He'd taken his tie off almost immediately after we left the restaurant; it was loose around his neck. I tugged at it, grinning. He shot me an amused look.

"What?"

"I'm just wondering what you have planned."

"Planned?"

He pulled off the road and shut off the engine. He was right; the entire town was visible from up here.

"Planned?" he asked again, prompting me. I shrugged.

"Fancy clothes, nice dinner . . . private little spot. What's this all about?"

He flashed me a teasing smile. "I can't take you out to dinner?"

I tugged at his tie again playfully. "You can. But this feels different."

"It is."

I took a deep steadying breath. The worst thing that could happen at this moment was a trip forward. I breathed in and out, measuring each one carefully. So far so good.

"Look, I know what you and Carlisle talked about," he began, taking my hand. "I know you're worried I'm angry with you, and I'm not."

I nodded. "Okay."

"The truth is, I've been doing some thinking."

I tried to listen, but I kept picturing what was coming next. I had to be patient. He clearly took some time planning this whole evening and I wanted to participate fully.

"I know what you want," Edward continued. "We've talked about it and fought about it and I've come to terms with what's going to happen. But I have a condition."

"What kind of condition?"

A moment passed before he spoke again. "Marry me first."

I stared at him blankly. There seemed to be no punch line. He sat there, waiting for me to respond. I heard myself begin to stammer.

"Wait, so . . . so you're not changing me tonight?"

"No," he answered, watching my reaction with confused eyes. "I mean, I will. But I want . . . I want you to marry me first."

"I'm only seventeen," I sputtered.

"So am I."

"Yeah, but . . . marriage? It's so final."

"And being a vampire isn't?"

I heard the disbelief color his voice. "Don't tell me you're afraid of commitment. I know things are more liberal where you're from, but—"

"Liberal?" I repeated. "Edward, where I come from, in my family, marriage isn't on my top list of priorities. My parents tried it and only lasted a year or two. I can't . . . it's just always been something I planned on doing later in life."

"When?" Edward challenged. "You're so eager to end your life. What's the matter with making what we have official?"

In my panicking, I didn't hear the hurt in his voice. His shoulders were slumped a little, his eyes darting away from my face. Oh. I had really messed this one up. I leaned over to touch his knee.

"It's not that I don't want to marry you, Edward," I whispered. "But why does it have to be now? Why as a condition to you changing me?"

"This is my version of forever," he murmured. "Where you see the transformation, I see an eternity with you. The two of us together forever."

"That's what I want! Just not like this, not this way."

"What other way is there?"

My chin was quivering. "I don't know."

A terrible silence fell. I could see the distance growing between us, even when we only sat a foot apart.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He looked up at the sniffle in my voice.

"You're not the . . . the jerk who just turned down a proposal."

"You aren't a jerk. You just . . . aren't ready. I understand."

I watched his hand touch lightly over his pocket and away. I gulped a deep breath to stop my voice from quavering.

"Is that it?"

Edward nodded. He reached into the pocket and dropped the tiny box into my outstretched hand. I thumbed the black stain, hesitating.

"You didn't spend a lot of money, did you?"

"No," he shook his head. "It's my mother's ring."

My heart skipped a beat. Elizabeth Masen's ring. The same woman that inadvertently brought us together. I hadn't thought about her in some time. What would she say about this? Would she be happy?

I wasn't an expert with jewelry, but this ring was surely one of the best. The face was encrusted with tiny diamonds. Set with a delicate band of gold, it was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. I could feel the fear wavering.

"It's so pretty."

"You like it?"

I looked up and smiled genuinely. "Yeah."

He wasn't smiling back. He looked horrified. Belatedly, I realized the car was filling with light. I shut my eyes for the trip back, the ring clutched tightly in my hand.

A/N: Sorry guys! I had this chapter in my document manager and the internet went down for a bit. The next update is back to my usual Wednesday.

Also, I can't believe how fast the time has gone by! This fic is a pet project of mine and I love that you guys love it.

'Till next week!