Act 3-Omake - A Day In The Life - Ava Tremblay & Xiang Li

Yeah, Lime here. CW for stereotyping based on nationality. Lots of it. Again.

Probably should be expecting this by now. Comes with having SD as a collaborator.

I don't condone this, for the record.

Also, this was all SD's idea.

- Lime

Well, obviously, they're my idea. No one else is willing to screw themselves over, but parodies for parodies' sake. Forgive me for the hell I've spread upon us all.

- SD

"...Li, please tell me you're at least partly normal."

The Super High School Level Soldier in question looked up to see one of his classmates, Ava Tremblay, the Super High School Level Hockey Player. She was staring at him with a very concerned look, her scarlet eyes piercing into him.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that, Ava." He turned back to his book. "As far as I know, I've yet to experience any change in myself. Why do you ask-"

Before he could speak any further, he felt a rib-crushing hug surround him. "Oh thank the lord, there's someone else on this airship as sane as me." Ava appeared to be on the edge of weeping into his shoulder, which he thought was really out-of-place. "Li, you have no idea how happy I am that I can talk to you without cringing or running away in fright!"

As she released her grip on him, he scratched his head. "What do you mean? Don't you talk to Ashley and Lucille a lot? Why would you be afraid of them now?"

Immediately, her expression turned stony. "...Haven't you noticed all the radical changes in people's personalities around here?"

"...No?"

As if on cue, they both heard, "Xiang! Is good day for comradely hug!"

Sasha proceeded to glomp Xiang from behind, clinging onto him. Their hair was done up in a pretty Russian braid, and they were bouncing up and down.

"Let us wrestle again in the gym, and become big and strong men! Unlike this tiny baby devushka, da?" They faced down Ava, who gnashed her teeth.

"Why I oughta-"

"I think Tien is cooking sandwiches today." Xiang mentioned offhandedly.

"Sandvich! Bologna is good fuel for judo-flipping the over-privileged bourgeois who live off the sweat of their workers! I shall be seeing you in the gym later, Comrade!"

Planting a kiss on his cheek, Sasha leapt to the escalator leading to the next floor, singing what sounded suspiciously like Korobeiniki on their way up.

"...If you tell me that's normal, I'm going to smack you upside the head, Li."

Ava had already taken out her hockey stick, and was pointing the stickhead at his face. "With this. Hard. I mean it."

He blanched. "Okay, maybe Sasha was a bit too affectionate this morning."

A vein bulged on her forehead. "A bit?"

"Okay, fine, a lot, watch where you swing that!" He waved his hands in front of his face. "Bad enough you're convinced that Sasha's acting out, but you don't have to put me in the medical room over it."

With a shiver, she relented and retracted her weapon. "Yeah...Not even I will subject you to Kenta and Otto's incessant bickering."

"Bickering? Over what?"

"So we're settling this argument over whether Germany deserved to win the World Cup over a battle, ja? Vunderbar - in zhat case, I shall use my scalpel!"

"And I shall use my patented baby launcher!"

"Baby launcher?! The very notion of it is impractical!"

"How impractical can it be? I mean, Yoshi does it all the time!"

"But you need to wait ze next nine months to reload, dummkopf!"

"Honestly, though, how bad can it be?" he reasoned. "I-"

He was cut short by Ava grabbing his arm. "Get up. Come with me. Now."

"G'day, mate, sheila! How's the day lookin' up for ya?

She paused. "Wotcher, Ava? Crikey, ya look as crook as Rookwood - somebody got ya panties in a bunch?"

Ignoring the urge to check down the front of her pants, Ava turned to her partner. "Have you seen Nico act this...Australian?"

In response, Xiang scrutinized their classmate. Nico was wearing a typical bushwacker's outfit - her parka, which was now hanging unbuttoned over a shirt and short shorts. Inexplicably, she now had a slouch hat on, even though he clearly remembered her for being a musician, not an outdoorswoman.

"Nope. Can't say that I have," he shrugged. "But I don't see anything wrong either - if she wants to show national pride, I-"

"Well crikey mate! Gotta toss another shrimp on the barbie! I think there's dingo eating your baby! Gotta play a Didgeridoo! Oi! Oi! Oi! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!"

Nico smiled at the duo, who smiled back, before Ava took one swing and knocked the blonde out in one hit.

"And they said pulling a Bradbury was only for Australians…" she grimaced. "At least I can bring myself to hit her, god forbid they show up-"

"Hon hon hon! Ava, mon cherie, where have you been? I haven't seen you since zis morning when you left to eat ze poutine!"

Xiang turned to see another blonde-haired woman, except this one was wearing a beret over a racing suit that was in a red, white and blue design. She had a very peculiar pencil-thin curly moustache on, and was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, and a pair of baguettes in the other. "Oh, Lucille, how are you?"

"Sacrebleu! Lucille, you must not familiarize yourself with zhese lowborn plebes!" A hand grabbed Xiang and pushed him away. "Kindly remove yourself from ze premises before I make Matthew handle you!"

Ava groaned. The Lolita Model was dressed in a very provocative striped top and chiffon skirt, but that wasn't the point. The point was Ava's despair - having to deal with one Frenchwoman was bad enough, but the gruesome twosome that was Lucille and Jackie?

"Do you cross me?! Je viens te chercher!" she yelled. "Matthew, get over here and school these imbeciles!"

The narration just had to jinx it.

"What's the big idea, eh? Tryin'a mess with my beau and her sidekick, will ya, eh?"

Oh god, please don't tell me I sound like that on a regular basis.

A nerdy-looking...nerd stepped into the scene. He had brown hair under an oversized bombadier hat with attached moose antlers, and was wearing a checkered jacket over a polo shirt with at least three pocket protectors.

Good lord, his fashion sense was hideous.

"As much as we'd like to stay, I think we should be leaving." Xiang bowed, before grabbing Ava's arm, and proceeding to run the ever-loving hell out of there.

As they stopped by the poolside, Xiang turned to her. "Okay, that was scary. I didn't want to deal with Matthew."

Ava did her best impression of a goldfish. "Okay, what the actual frak, Li. When the hell did you become such a coward?!"

"Hey hey hey, hold up, yo! Weren't he always a coward fo-shizzle?"

Oh, frak me. Them again.

Across the pool were two...very interesting-looking people. Eric was dressed in very long, baggy pants that had their waistband around his legs, a shirt that was torn all over with graffiti spray-painted on it and tons of gold-encrusted bling.

"I do believe he's being a bit of a posh misfit."

Faen...ironically enough, didn't look any different. How quaint.

But when things couldn't get any worse-

"U preps, wut r u d0ing by the pol?!"

The new arrival had long black hair with purple streaks and red tips, pale skin, and blue eyes like limpid tears. She was wearing fishnets, a corset, combat boots, red and black makeup, and nothing else entirely.

All four turned to look. "Who are you?" Xiang asked.

"What do u meme, who am I? I'm Maya Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way!"

Snap.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Ava clutched her head. No more! NO MORE! NO-

In one move, Xiang leapt forward and hugged her, before kissing her on the lips.

Releasing his embrace, he held her hand gently. "There, there, Ava. We'll get through this, I promise you."

"T-Thank you, Xiang. But I just...I just want to know who's doing all of this to me?!" Ava wailed miserably.

"Muahahahaha! With this Stereotype-inator and Tien's help, Todd will take over the Tri-State Area! And Todd will finally return back into the fic proper- Wait, what are you doing? No, don't touch that, that's Todd's- *Crash!* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Curse you, Continuity Police and Perry the Platypus!"

"...Well, that could have gone better. I might as well get back to Lime's house for some netflix and chill. Tien, out."

My eyes cracked open.

...I am never dreaming of that again.

"Upupupupupupu! Attention all students; a body has been discovered! I repeat: a body has been discovered! After a brief period of investigation, a Class Trial will commence, so do make the best use of your time! Cheerio!"

Damn. They must have found Jackson.

Sigh. Time to make or break my case, eh?

A/N:

...I'm starting to lose my touch. I'm pretty sure I gave up here, no kidding - next time, I'll work with something I can actually work with, focus on pure Sue traits next time. - SD

On the other hand, FT polls are finally open.

PowerPlayer: Aha, yes. Jackie. Watch out for her.

Also, thanks for the incredibly in-depth reviews, we really appreciate it.

Anime nerd 88: Damn. You just gave away our plan for the third Act. Time to think up a new murder plan- hahahahaha, sorry, couldn't help it, I kid. The day Nico and Ashley team up to murder someone, Todd will return to the fic. In short - not gonna happen. Maybe. In all seriousness, I really recommend leaving any possible theories in PMs. We might just tell you whether you're right or not, though, well...Eh. That's TBC. -SD

XandriaZuzanna: The mastermind trial is gonna be full of twists, that's for sure.

Guest: This act is tragic as heck, yeah.

A Dingus With Sweet Shades: RIP Matt

This guy: RIP Eric

globalization: Ha...ha ha….ha ha ha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HeroineOfDarkness: See above.

ezmonee6: We're always trying to make you squirm.