Chapter 4: The Many Faces of Hurt

On the last day of classes before break, Theo woke up and showered as she usually did. She hummed her favorite song like she usually did and thought about the day ahead like she usually did. She was just finishing up when she heard a loud screech from outside her stall. Theo turned off the water quickly, wrapped a towel around her and popped out to see what had happened. What she expected, she didn't know, but it certainly was not Lily Evans with bright green hair.

"How could they do this?!"

"Who?"

"Potter and his little…" Lily trailed off when she looked at Theo, and a feeling of immense dread filled her stomach once again.

"What is it," she asked cautiously, though she was sure she already knew the answer. Lily motioned for the mirror and Theo slowly went to look. She let out a scream not very different from the one Lily had let out just moments before. Her hair was green. And not a nice, emerald green, it was a disgusting, almost puke-green that emphasized just how pale she was and really made her pimples pop. Theo wanted to die.

"What are we going to do? This didn't happen to the other girls!" Lily was panicking, pacing back and forth like maybe sheer power of will was going to make it change back.

"What did they use? Because if it's a curse or a spell of some sort we can probably find something to counter it…" Theo was thinking if she knew any spells that manifested itself in puke-green hair.

"No that can't be it," Lily argued as she paced faster, tugging at her hair. "They'd have to come in and cast the spell and they can't get up the stairs."

"Yea but they'd have to get up to put something in our shampoo too." Theo hadn't looked away from her reflection, as if still in shock that her hair could actually look like this. This was horrible, and by far the worst thing they've done to her yet. She wanted to cry and scream and punch something all at once.

"They probably got someone else to do it. You know how everyone loves James Potter and Sirius Black!" Lily practically spit at the mention of their names and Theo found she shared the sentiment.

"I guess slipping something into our shampoo wouldn't be a hard thing for any of the girls in our house to accomplish, we're never in our rooms. But none of this helps us figure out how to fix this!" Theo was tugging at her hair now, hoping that maybe it would fall off like a wig and her strawberry blonde hair would appear once more. Never had she been more grateful for her natural hair.

"Here, I might know a spell." Lily walked out and back in a second later, brandishing her wand and pointing it at Theo. She spoke a spell Theo had not yet heard of, and Theo felt a strange itch on her head. Lily's look of panic did nothing to ease Theo's mind.

"What… what happened?"

"Uh, take a look." Lily had the good grace to look ashamed and as Theo looked in the mirror she understood why. Now she had silver stripes (not highlights, stripes) running through her considerably longer hair. Hair that had once been just below her shoulder now reached mid-back. Theo choked back another scream.

"Ok," she practically sobbed. "Ok, that was clever. Make it worse when someone tries to fix it. How fucking brilliant!" Theo wanted to hit something, and Lily continued to think of a way to reverse this mess which was now much worse for Theo. Theo decided to get dressed quickly, wracking her brain for anything that might be able to make this situation bearable at the very least and found she was coming up short.

"I can't believe they did this!" Lily repeated as she began leafing through book Theo had not seen before.

"I can't believe you're surprised. You're the one always calling them a menace."

"Yes but usually their plans aren't so…"

"Thought out and personal? Yea, who would have thought that some of the smartest kids on our class could manage something like hair-dye?" Theo knew she was being unreasonable and rude but her situation was mildly worse than Lily's and honestly how did anyone survive with long hair? It got in the way of everything!

"Just because they're capable of higher levels of thought doesn't mean they ever do it. Are you going to help me or not?!" Theo went over to Lily's bed and looked over an advanced potions textbook, looking for anything that might either be the cause or the solution to their problem and were coming up painfully blank.

Theo noticed quickly that her roommates were absent, but didn't think much of it until she realized that the other three girls were never at breakfast this early. It was usually Theo and Lily who got up to shower while the other three slept in having showered the night before.

"Say, Lily…" Lily grunted. "Don't you think it's strange that our roommates got up and out of the dorm before we did? Since, you know, they never do? And don't you think it's a little odd that they do this on the worst hair day of our lives?"

Lily had looked up in realization, understanding exactly what Theo was implying. It was one thing if some random girl in their house had helped the boys, but their roommates? Theo knew her roommates didn't like her much, and were only just ok with Lily, but honestly she thought there was a sort of bond between them that came with the agreement "we shall not abuse our access to all of your things if you do not abuse your access to ours" and honestly it wasn't like Theo had done anything to her roommates. Lily had hexed them a few times, but Lily hexed everyone. Was no place safe anymore?

"I bet it was Marlene! She's been going after Black all year!" Lily was angrily flipping through pages now nearly tearing one which caused Theo take the book from her for its own safety. Their efforts were fruitless, despite having looked through all of breakfast. They did not look forward to having to face those idiots. But she swallowed her pride and held her head high with Lily doing the same when they walked to their charms class.

Everyone was staring at them, not even trying to hide their shock or amusement. Lily and Theo chose to sit together today, hoping that safety in numbers was real and effective in this moment. It only felt like they were centralizing their humiliation though. Many kids were snickering into their books or actually laughing out loud. Some had the decency to whisper while some pointed and ridiculed. But through it all, the most obvious thing was that people were more eager to turn on Theo than they were on Lily.

"Hey, Stretch Mark Clarke! I like the hair! Really brings out your pimples!"

"Yea Clarke! Really shows off you rolls too!"

"Did you think the length was going to hide your fat?"

"I really like how it shows off your loyalties!"

Theo was not going to cry. Theo was not going to cry. She was going to lock her jaw and stare at the board and take her notes and cast her spells and she was not going to cry. She was sure of this fact all through charms. She would not cry. She held it together through most of Herbology too, until someone made a comment about how she and the mandrakes looked so much alike. She wasn't so sure she could hold it together then, but she did it. She bit her cheek so hard it bled but she did not cry. No one was going to get the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

Lily was having a hard time with it too, it seemed. Not quite to the extent of Theo, but people would say that it matched her eyes or comment about how Lily was friends with Slytherin students and so she deserved it. Lily and Theo did not offer each other anything in the way of support or comfort, but they spent their classes sitting together. Occasionally they'd share a look, but that was as far as it went. Neither wanted to show any weakness, and so they kept it all in and didn't acknowledge the taunts they could hear from the other students.

Flitwick and Sprout had not commented on their hair, though they did give them odd looks at the beginning of class before dropping it when Lily and Theo glared. Both had some impressive glares, to the surprise of many professors. McGonagall was not silent however.

"Miss Evans, Miss Clarke, what is the meaning of this?!" McGonagall looked scandalized, seeing as two of her best students were sitting there with green hair, one with silver stripes. It was obvious what the hair was trying to accomplish and the head of their house was less than pleased. Lily and Theo simply glared though. There was so much venom in that look that McGonagall actually looked like she might back off for a second before hardening her resolve and glaring right back.

"Why would you do this?" She was much quieter now, but everyone could hear. They all waited with baited breath, wondering what was going to happen and who had gotten one over on Lily Evans and Theodosia Clarke. Both had faced some ridicule or another, but neither had ever given it much thought and never gave it any attention. They were impervious, but they couldn't avoid this one. They had to react, right?

"Isn't it obvious Professor?" Theo's teeth were clenched.

"Yes, isn't it? We're showing our support." Lily's teeth were also clenched, it seemed.

"You… you did this yourselves?" The room was filled with chocked gasps, causing Lily and Theo to smile wide. They were not going to let anyone win. They would sooner take credit for it and have everyone hate them than give someone else (such as a certain group of already popular boys) the chance to bask in the glory.

"Of course we did. Who else would dare try to pull one over on the two smartest witches in the class?" Lily's voice was dripping with venom, but also a challenge. She dared the culprits to make themselves known, to take credit for this act, and waited patiently for someone to say something. Naturally, James Potter's ego could not take the blow.

"They didn't do it! We did!" Theo and Lily turned to see James pointing between him and Sirius, who was glaring daggers at James. Sirius was content not to get caught, it seems.

"You did? How did you manage that?" Theo questioned, as she was not about to let her roommates off the hook. Marlene, Alice and Marta all looked at one another in panic. This was going to be good.

"We got their roommates to put the potion in their shampoo." James actually looked proud of himself, despite the swift kick Sirius administered under the desk. Theo and Lily shared a look and actually high fived, causing Sirius to turn his glare to them. Theo just smiled and turned in her seat.

"I see. I will see you five after class then. Miss Evans, Miss Clarke, would you two like to go see Madame Pomfrey? Perhaps she can reverse this… mess." Lily and Theo both nodded and stood. When they entered the hallway they began laughing. They laughed and laughed until they got to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey fixed them up rather quickly, though she could do nothing about Theo's hair length. Theo shrugged it off and just went to Transfiguration with Lily, and then off to lunch.

"Hey! What happened to your hair?" Isabel was already playing with it, twirling it between her fingers.

"Thought I'd try something different," Theo answered as she began scooping some fruit onto her plate. She didn't want to tell them about the prank, knowing the reaction would be very negative. It was best just to leave them in the dark now that everything was back to the way it should be.

"It looks really good!" Anna was staring from across the table. Anna's hair was just as long as Theo's was now, and today she had it in a nice braid with a little flower weaved in. Theo beamed at her friend, since none of them had ever commented on her hair before. It wasn't something she was all that fond of but now she was thinking that maybe she would keep it long, at least for now.

"Yea, you look really pretty." Isabel was giving Theo that look again. Isabel had this uncanny ability to make Theo feel like she was the only person in the room, and it always made Theo go weak in the knees. All she had to do was smile like she was right now and Theo was all hers.

"What did you use to grow it out so quickly?" Claire always knew when something was up. She could spot a lie a mile away and it was unnerving for Theo because she was almost constantly lying to them about things like why she transferred and how things were with the people in her house. Theo opened her mouth to continue lying through her teeth but promptly shut it when she felt something cold pour over the back of her head and all over her shoulders.

"Oops," said a very indifferent voice from behind her. She turned and saw none other than Sirius Black holding a now empty cup over her head. She stood to face him.

"What is your problem Black? What have I ever done to you?" She glared at him and he just looked back with a look Theo had grown familiar with. It was a look Theo had seen a lot at home on her sister's face. It was a look she adopted when she knew her mother was going to be particularly upset about something. It's the kind of look someone wears when they're about to go through something painful, and Theo felt sorry for him because she could only guess what a mother like his was going to do when he got home.

"You got me put in detention." He still sounded indifferent, but she could feel the anger radiating off of him in waves. That was enough for Theo to return her anger in kind. He got detention? She would go to detention every night if it meant that people fell over her like they did Sirius Black. She would go to detention on weekends if it meant she looked half as good as Sirius Black. She would take suspension if it meant she could have a quarter of Sirius Black's confidence. She had no sympathy right now. It was gone. It had run dry and now all she could see was a boy who had made her day absolutely terrible and gave the kids in her house even more ammunition to throw at her.

"No, Potter got you put in detention. Go pour your drink on him. Just because you lose a night doesn't give you the right to act like a brat."

"He never would have said anything if it wasn't for you and Evans!"

"And she looks nice and dry! What is your problem with me, Black? What is it about me that get you and the rest of Gryffindor so riled up?" They were standing a little closer than Theo ever stood to anyone except her friends and from here she noticed that Sirius almost towered over her.

"James said she's off limits." That pissed Theo off even more. James was in love with Lily so she gets to avoid the repercussions. That seems fair.

"That's not the point! What is it about me?!" She was pointing to herself, jabbing herself hard enough in the chest to hurt. "Why does everyone hate me? I didn't mean to do anything wrong!"

There was an eerie silence as Black's impervious mask seemed to crack slightly. His brows knit together as he stared down at Theo. Theo didn't realize she was shaking until she felt a hand on her arm. Theo realized now exactly what she had done. She had shown everyone how weak she was, how all of this was affecting her. She let everyone know that they were winning, and that was enough for Theo to run out of the Great Hall. She ran and ran until she was in front of The Fat Lady panting. She asked for the password and Theo gasped it out before climbing through the portrait hole and dashing up to her own room where she pulled her curtains and cast a silencing charm and for the first time since she had gotten expelled, she cried.

She cried about how everyone seemed to turn on her, no matter where she went. She cried about the things people said, both what she was meant to hear and what she wasn't. She cried about how alone she felt, about how her family hadn't written to her, about how her mother was angry all the time about what she was, about how her friends now were bound to turn on her eventually, because that's what people always did. They always turned on her the moment they realized just how different and wrong she truly was.

It was all her fault. It was always her fault. If she were just better, if she were skinnier and prettier and nicer and just better, none of this would have happened. If she had just ignored the teacher when she started yelling, she wouldn't have gotten suspended and her mother wouldn't hate her so much. If she hadn't kissed Annabelle Sheehan that one day in May two years ago, she might still have friends.

It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault….

"Theodosia?" Theo looked up and saw Lily peering in through her curtains. Theo didn't say anything and instead just buried her head in her pillow once more. She didn't care who saw her anymore. It didn't matter.

"Theodosia, I'm sorry about what happened at lunch." Theo felt the bed dip as Lily sat down next to her and began rubbing circles on her back.

"It's not your fault," she rasped out, feeling more hot tears prick the back of her eyes at the thought of what had happened. Classes must be over if Lily was here.

"Yes it is. I haven't been very nice to you since you've moved in. I just had to ask Remus what your first name was. I didn't stop to think how that might make you feel. I didn't stop to think how any of what's been happening might make you feel…"

"That's not your job, Lily."

"No, I know that. But I just thought 'how would I feel if I went through what Clarke was going through?' and I realized I'd feel terrible. You've never even said anything. I mean, I fight back but you just hold you head up high when people say those things to you. I don't even know if you've noticed that, but every time someone says something mean you don't look at them, you don't say anything; you just lift your chin up and look ahead. I wish I could do that."

"I do it because I don't want to give them a reason to keep going. Stop making it sound so bloody noble Lily." Theo sat up and looked Lily in the eye. "I don't rise above it, do you understand? I sit there, and I take it. I let people hurt me because I deserve it. Now I need to go."

Theo stood and left without a second glance. She made it as far as the common room before she got stopped again.

"Clarke! Wait up!" Theo didn't actually stop and instead continued to climb out of the portrait hole. She was sure that her clear dismissal would deter whoever wanted her attention but she was sorely mistaken because they followed her right out and into the hallway.

"Clarke, wait up I have something to say." Theo glanced over her shoulder and saw Sirius Black tailing her. She walked faster.

"Clarke! I'm sorry!"

"I don't need your pity, Black." He'd caught up to her at this point and was now walking next to her. He wasn't trying to grab her, which she was grateful for, but that didn't deter him from trying to get whatever he wanted off of his chest.

"It's not pity, I just didn't realize-"

"Realize that you've been an asshole? Or realize that it hurt my feelings? Would you have stopped if you knew either? 'Cause I really don't think you would have. Now please just go away."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"And what was dying my hair green supposed to accomplish?!" She stopped walking and turned on him. He looked shocked that she was yelling, but she didn't care, she just kept going. "Because maybe, just maybe, you weren't trying to hurt my feelings by hexing me over Remus, which by the way is just stupid because I barely talk to Remus, and maybe you weren't trying to hurt my feelings by laughing when everyone else was turning on me. To you, it was all good fun. Whatever, I don't care, I've had worse. But you were trying to hurt me when you pulled that prank today and you were trying to hurt me when you dumped pumpkin juice on me in front of everyone. You wanted to humiliate me, and you cannot say that you weren't. You wanted to feel better, but you need to figure out that you are not the only one who is hurting. You need to realize that other people have valid feelings. Now go away, I have to go see McGonagall."

She tried walking again, but this time he did grab her arm and she pulled away as if he'd burned her. He threw his hands up, not wanting to upset her further, but followed her when she tried walking again.

"I'm sorry, I really am."

"Ok, I'm glad you are but I don't have to accept it. What are you trying to accomplish here, anyway? Is it to make yourself feel better?"

"I'm trying to apologize."

"But why? I don't matter to you. You've made that abundantly clear. I don't even get in your way, so what do you want? To feel better? Help becoming an Animagus? What?"

"How did you know about that?"

"I overheard you guys talking about it and you're not going to find a book on it. If you're lucky you might find a passage or two but that's about it."

"Yea, we've sort of figured that out… You're not going to tell, are you?"

"I really don't care, Black. I know that might come as a shock to you and Potter, but I don't care what you do or why. I just want to be left alone for once. Why does everyone have to bother me?" She stopped walking to lean on the wall, suddenly exhausted. Crying does that to a person, she thought. She looked up a saw that Black wasn't even looking at her, just staring off into the distance as if trying to figure something out.

"Do you know why we're doing it?" His demeanor had changed. His shoulders were locked in a hard line, his back straight, and his eyes hard. He was defensive, and she realized in that moment that their reasons were very important to them.

"I just know that you're trying to help someone called Moony. That's a stupid nickname, by the way. It sounds like a crappy superhero that moons people." Sirius just looked on in confusion, and remembered that as a pureblood, he might not know what all of that meant. "Which part of that confused you?"

"Superhero and moons," he responded, looking like he was trying to think really hard about what those two things could mean that would make his nickname stupid. She laughed a little to herself. He was almost cute when he looked like this. She shook the thought off immediately and stood up straight again.

"Listen, I actually really do have to go talk to McGonagall. If it'll get you off my back then I accept your apology." This time he didn't try to follow her when she tried to walk away. McGonagall was waiting for her like she always was when Theo entered her office.

"You're late, Theo." Theo nodded and looked down. She didn't mean to take so long to get here. Stupid Black with his apologies…

"I'm sorry ma'am." McGonagall waved her off before telling her to take a seat.

"We might as well get started. Theo, you've been doing very well. However, this is just the beginning. There is much more to this that we have not yet discussed and it will require a great deal of effort on your part. Are you willing to put in the effort required?"

Theo took the time to think about it. She knew she was right, and that the effort she had put in thus far was only a fraction of the work that was to come. She thought about why she wanted this, and what she was trying to accomplish. Why did she want to be able to do this?

To challenge yourself, one part of her brain said. Up until this point she hadn't found transfiguration to be challenging. Of course, this was still the tip of the ice burg for her. There were still four more years left to study, plus O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s but those were still two years away. She could use this to add to her knowledge in the meantime, so why else was she doing this?

You've wanted this for years, her brain supplied. She had heard about it from an upperclassman and had been fascinated ever since. She daydreamed about what she would look like, and how amazing it would be to be something like a wolf, or a tiger, or an eagle. It had consumed a great deal of her free time, just thinking how amazing it would be. Was that enough, though? What else was there?

To say that you can, burst to the forefront of her mind. That was a surprisingly driving force for her. She wanted to be able to say that she accomplished such an incredibly difficult feat. She wanted to prove her worth to people. She wanted to prove that she could do something few people could do. She wanted to be special.

Knowing her reasons, was this really something she wanted to pursue?

"Yes," she answered with conviction. She wanted this, and she was going to do it no matter how difficult it was. McGonagall smiled.

"You remind me a bit of myself sometimes, Theo. Alright then it's time to discuss what is to come. I mentioned the potion required for this, yes? Well you'll have to begin brewing it, since it takes about a month. Professor Slughorn has agreed to let you use the ingredients in his personal stores, as well as his classroom over the break. That way you won't raise any suspicion. Professor Slughorn has also agreed to supervise you during this process, though he doubts you need it."

Theo beamed at that. She knew that Slughorn was fond of her, seeing as she was quite skilled in potions. He was also fond of Lily Evans and Severus Snape. Slughorn also commented on how well Remus was doing with her aid, which made her even more excited. She loved helping Remus. He listened to everything she said and really tried to understand what he was doing wrong, instead of just letting Theo do all the work during class.

"Professor, what does the potion do, exactly?"

"I'm glad you asked. The meditating I've had you do is not strictly necessary, but is incredibly useful for the road ahead. I've had you practice for so long to gauge your dedication and I have to say I'm very pleased with you progress. I did not take to it quite as quickly."

Theo smiled at that.

"Now, the potion is going to allow you to see which form you are going to take. This is used for people who cannot produce a Patronous Charm. In order for the potion to work you need to be able to look deep within yourself, which is much easier when you've been practicing for months I assure you."

"I understand. What was the mandrake leaf for, exactly?"

"That is not so clear to me. Given the uses for Restorative Potions, I can only assume it is a method for prepping the body for the changes it's going to be making."

Theo just nodded, thinking about the month of hell she endured for apparently no known reason.

"Theo, may I ask you something?" Theo nodded. "I remember telling you that if anyone bothered you, you could come to me. Do you not feel that is true?"

Theo was taken aback. She stared dumbly at her Professor, wondering what she could possibly mean by that.

"Why do you ask, Professor?"

"It's just that I've heard some disturbing things concerning the way other students have treated you, including this most recent incident. I just wanted to know why you've never brought it up during our meetings."

"Our meetings aren't about my personal life, Professor. I didn't think coming here and telling you about my day was something you would have appreciated. Besides, it's not that bad." McGonagall looked skeptical, eyeing Theo while trying to decide what to say next.

"Theo, Edmund told me that sometimes you're hesitant to get Professors involved in conflicts. Is there a reason for that?"

"I need to learn to fight my own battles. It's not your job to coddle me or make me feel better. You're my Professors, not my friends."

"Why do you think that, Theo?"

Theo looked thoroughly confused throughout the entire conversation, but now she was completely dumfounded. Why did she think that? It was the truth! Time and time again teachers and professors and parents alike all taught her that her fights were her own, not theirs. It wasn't their job to mediate petty conflicts. They had specific jobs and it did not include settling petty squabbles between a few kids.

"Because that's what I've been told. Adults are there to make sure no one gets hurt or is breaking the rules. You aren't responsible for making sure kids are nice because people aren't nice. I have to get used to that. There's no one to do that for me in the real world."

"You… Who exactly told you that?" Theo didn't understand the look on her professor's face. It was shock and what looked to be anger. Had she said something wrong?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you Professor…" McGonagall's face softened, though only marginally.

"It's not you, Theo. I just want to know who told you this because that cannot be farther from the truth here at Hogwarts."

"I… uh… A teacher told me that when I was eight. Some kid was calling me a freak 'cause I'd had a vision and apparently my eyes get all weird when I do so he kept yelling at me so I went to the teacher and said he was hurting my feelings. She just said, 'It's not my job to make people be nice to you. If you don't want them to be mean, don't give them a reason to pick on you.' Then when I was ten I was upset because my cousin kept saying I was ugly and when I told my aunt she just shrugged and said I should get over it or lose some weight. Then when I was eleven at Ilvermorny there was this big thing and I tried to tell a professor that everyone was calling me… Well it really wasn't a nice name. This professor said, 'If you want them to stop, you make them stop.' So a few people, I guess."

"Did your parents know about this?"

"Well, they knew about the first one. My mom would get worked up and my dad would try to get her to calm down but then they'd just fight so I stopped telling them."

There was a long silence after that. McGonagall seemed to be thinking hard about something. When she finally spoke, she was barely above a whisper.

"Theodosia if anyone is hurting you either emotionally or physically, I want you to tell me. Do you understand?"

"Professor…"

"Do you understand? Starting right now, if someone keeps bothering you, or says anything hurtful, I want to know. I care about your wellbeing, as every professor at this school does. It is not up to you to face this alone. The behavior you've been enduring is unacceptable and unworthy of all those involved. I want you to feel safe here. Do you understand?"

Theo didn't know what to say. She was already in a rather emotional state, given the events of the day, so hearing this was a little much. All of these emotions were hitting her at once. Anger, confusion, hurt, betrayal, fear, hope. They were all whipping around in her head and overwhelming her. Before she knew it she was crying again.

"I understand, Professor." McGonagall smiled.

"Good. Now, if there's anything you want to tell me, please do."

And before Theo could stop herself, she was telling her professor everything from how she hated spending time in Gryffindor Tower for fear of what people would say, to how she would get hexed in the hallway by Sirius and James, and even about the nickname her roommate had called her the first week of school. She talked about how scared she was to go to her room because she'd gotten her roommates in trouble and she didn't know how they were going to react and she was worried about Lily too because they didn't seem to like her much. She even talked about how Sirius had poured pumpkin juice on her head today during lunch.

"That's why I was late, he was trying to apologize but I was upset and I didn't want to talk to him. He's never been that mean before. Him and James don't bother me much but everyone was so mean today and I didn't know what to do because I don't know why they hate me so much in the first place…" McGonagall had handed Theo a hanky already, and Theo kept wiping at her eyes as fresh tears kept falling.

"I'm sorry you thought you had to go through this alone, Theo. What do your friends have to say about this?"

"I haven't told them. They get so upset and I don't like it when I upset them…"

"Theo, you should consider telling them. That's what your friends are there for and they seem to care for you a great deal. In the meantime I will have a chat with your roommates. Their behavior is completely unacceptable. You should not avoid sleeping in your room out of fear."

"I don't want to upset them any further, though…"

"Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it. In the meantime, please go see your friends. They're probably worried about you." Theo could help but nod. With a final sniffle, she sat up straight and followed McGonagall out of her office. With a wave they parted ways and Theo made her way to the Slytherin common room. She gave the portrait the password and walked to her friend's room. She hesitated before knocking, but decided it was now or never.

Theo was pulled into a tight embrace before her knuckles hit the door for a third knock. Three bodies were surrounding her and holding her in a tight embrace. Before Theo knew it she was crying again.

"Oh love, why didn't you tell us?" Isabel was kissing the top of her head like she did when she was feeling particularly affectionate and Theo was grateful for the familiar touch. They continued hugging her for a few more seconds before pulling her into the room and shutting the door.

"We were so worried about you. Remus told us about what those filthy Gryffindors have been doing and I can't believe we never noticed it all before! Especially that nickname!" Anna was next to Theo, holding her hand and rubbing small circles on her knuckles.

"Yea, you didn't have to keep it all to yourself. I wish you'd told us." Isabel was on the bed across from her, looking at her with misty eyes.

"I didn't want to worry you guys…"

"Theo, look at me." Claire grabbed Theo's chin and turned her head so that they were face to face. "You are not weak for needing help. Do you understand that? And you are not a burden for needing help either. We are your friends. We want to help you."

Theo was crying onto Claire's shoulder while she carded her fingers through Theo's long locks. She cried for a while, telling them how sorry she was and how scared she'd been that they were going to leave her. She told them about the nasty things people said to her and how she hated going back to the Tower. They just listened and comforted her when her sobs got particularly bad. It was a long night, and Theo decided it was too late to leave. She borrowed some pajamas and curled up in bed next to Isabel like she always did when she spent the night and for the first time slept calmly.

The next day Theo saw her friends off, telling them she was going to miss them and agreeing to exchange gifts after their next Hogsmeade visit and wishing one another Merry Christmas. Theo spent the rest of the day in the library looking over her notes and homework just to make sure it was all done. She wondered what she was supposed to do during the break since her friends were completely unavailable. She considered wondering the castle, but she wasn't sure that sounded at all fun. Only a few students in Gryffindor were staying over the holidays, none of which seemed to care that she existed so she decided that she would spend time in the common room just to see what it was really like.

She found that it was exceptionally cozy. The couch was soft and the fire kept the room warm. She'd come down to practice her spells for DADA and study Herbology. Once a seventh year actually saw her struggling with a spell and helped her. Her name Nancy McKinnon and she was really nice. She knew who Clarke was, as she was Marlene's cousin.

"I'm sorry about my cousin by the way. She's always been like that, but that's not really an excuse. You know it's not your fault, right?"

Theo smiled and nodded, slowly starting to think she might actually be right. A lot of people lately seemed to be emphasizing the point that she wasn't responsible for other people's actions, which was a bit of a new concept for her. She had always been told directly or indirectly that she was responsible for how she was treated and what people thought of her and to a certain extent that was true, but Theo was starting to realize that even if she did everything right, there were people that weren't going to like her. This was a new and exciting concept for her, and was making her feel exceptionally better when she remembered it.

But there were always times when rational thought was nowhere to be seen and she was drowning in her own sorrow. At times like this she would try to think about all the good things that had happened lately, and the people she had to support her. On nights like these she usually fell asleep to the thought of Isabel calling her "love" and kissing the top of her head.