YAY! First update of 2013! I hope you guys are enjoying the New Year and I hope you like this chapter, and as always, PLEASE review!
ALSO! I DO NOT OWN THE SONG RECESSIONAL BY VIENNA TENG, ALL CREDIT GOES TO THOSE THEY DESERVE. Thank you
ALSO ALSO! I have a poll on my profile regarding Brittany and Quinn so check it out!
Santana already felt exhausted from the sudden turn of events by the time she reached Rachel's room.
She had misread Quinn. She had pegged her for just another shallow, attention-hungry bitch that every high school has, but she was seriously wrong. Not only had Quinn been basically raped, she also had a kid and an eating disorder by the age of seventeen. If that didn't scream screwed up TV sitcom character, Santana didn't know what did.
She turned the handle to Rachel's bedroom, being hounded immediately by the tiny brunette herself.
"Santana, are you crazy? I know Quinn's kind of a bitch, pardon my French, and has bullied me since she got here, but that doesn't mean I condone violence as a feasible option for fixing someone's prob—"
"Rach, chillax," Santana interrupted, laughing, "I took care of it. You won't have to deal with her being horrible anymore."
Rachel stopped her yelling. "What?"
Santana nodded at her, smiling, "Yep. She told me why she was picking on you, well after I made her cry…"
"You made her cry?"
Santana laughed again, satisfied, "Yeah. Anyway, I made her see that what she was doing to you wasn't fair and she said she would back off. But, to be honest Rach, I think you two could be friends."
Rachel looked at Santana with a face of shock, "What? I will do no such thing. She once stole my underwear from the laundry floor and soaked it in bacon grease from the kitchen! I'm Jewish, Santana! It took me weeks to get the smell out. I may not remember everything she does to me anymore, but that one I definitely remember."
Santana sighed. That really was low, but she really thought Quinn and Rachel would be good for each other. She also never helped people, so it better work.
"I get that, Rachel, but she's promised to make it up to you. You don't have to be friends with her, just keep an open mind, okay?"
"Okay, I will. But only for you. Are you going to be friends with her?" Rachel asked, raising her eyebrow slightly.
Santana slowly nodded. "I think I might…if we don't kill each other first."
Rachel frowned, but she still had a somewhat playful look. "That's too bad…I liked the idea of keeping you all to myself."
Santana froze.
Did I…did I imagine that?
Then Rachel sighed and walked towards her bed, settling herself down, her carousel horse in her arms. "I'm super tired. I think I'm going to take a nap."
Santana nodded and responded subconsciously. "Okay, go ahead."
The Latina finally stalked over to the window as soon as she regained control over her legs. She sat on the windowsill overlooking the parking lot. The small girl had quickly fallen asleep; her shoulders calmly bobbing up and down from even breaths. Santana looked over to her. There was absolutely no way at this point that she could push away any sort of feelings she had for Rachel.
Why? Why out of all people did she have to fall for her community service project.
Don't call her that.
Anyway, for the first time since her Santana has felt genuinely happy and she didn't want to stop feeling happy. It was a really weird feeling, but she liked it.
Then something dawned on Santana. What if Rachel had feelings for her too? Did Rachel seem like she was gay?
She kissed your cheek.
Was that kiss something Rachel did out of gratitude, or was it supposed to mean something else? And that thing Rachel had just said about keeping Santana to herself? Was she flirting?
Santana was confusing herself. Could Rachel seriously like her back? Suddenly, every single thing that had happened between the two seemed to scream that Rachel had an attraction to Santana. The gentleness in her voice, always touching her, the fact that the only thing that would calm her down after her nightmare was when Santana was near.
Maybe it means nothing. Maybe, I'm making it up in my head.
Abruptly, Santana jumped down from the windowsill, still aware not to wake up Rachel. She tiptoed to the drawer next to the bed and pulled out the notebook she had used that first day she hung out with Rachel. She grabbed it along with the pen next to it and repositioned herself on the windowsill. Santana opened up the first page and read the song she had started that day. She instantly crossed it out and started with a fresh page. A melody found its way into Santana's head and she began to write. Words were coming to her, words that made sense and words that felt right.
"It's so beautiful here, she says, this moment now, this moment… now. And I never thought I would find her here. Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed."
She didn't know where that came from, but she felt like it was true. Santana was the flannel. She was rugged and tough, where Rachel was the satin, beautiful and delicate.
"But she's looking at me, straight to center, no room at all for any other thought. And I know I don't want this…no, I swear I don't want this. There's a reason not to want this, but I forgot."
It was literally like Santana had forgotten all of her previous reservations about not letting herself get attached, but she knew they were still there. There was a reason she wasn't supposed to let this happen…
"In the terminal she sleeps on my shoulder; hair fallen forward, mouth all askew. Fluorescent announcements beat their wings overhead. Passengers missing, we're looking for you."
Santana wrote about them on the bus back from Aurora. She remembered how beautiful and peaceful she looked and how right it felt to have her resting on her shoulder. Like her head was made to fit perfectly.
"And she dreams through the noise, her weight against me. Face pressed into the corduroy grooves…"
She hears Rachel stir and she tenses. Santana watches her carefully, and after a few moments pass and the girl doesn't move again, Santana continues to sing, quieter, eyes still completely locked on her.
"Maybe it means nothing. Maybe it means nothing. Maybe it means nothing, but I'm afraid to move…"
Santana took a shaky breath, combing back the bangs of her hair wither fingers, the lump in her throat telling her to look away.
Santana got her answer, she decided.
"And the words, they're everything and nothing. I want to search for her in the offhand remarks."
The Latina turned her body on the window to face the sleeping girl. Rachel's back was to her, but that didn't stop her from singing to her any way.
Santana wasn't a crier. But this time she let her chin tremble, only a little.
"Who are you taking coffee, no sugar? Who are you, echoing streets signs? Who are you, the stranger in the shell of a lover? Dark curtains drawn by the passage of time. Oh, words like rain, how sweet the sound…Well anyway, she says…I'll see you around."
Santana turned back towards the view out the window, humming the melody weakly, the note getting louder and stronger as she felt the feelings getting stronger and stronger, filling up her throat.
She wasn't going to cry. She couldn't cry. She wouldn't cry.
For Christ's sake, Santana, get a grip. See, this is what you do. You act all tough and bad, but as soon as you meet someone sweet and innocent, who makes you want to be a better person, you fall too hard and too quickly. You can't keep doing this to yourself anymore. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to her.
Her vision became blurred to the point where she couldn't see anymore.
"That sounded beautiful."
Santana's eyes widened to the size of golf balls and she quickly whizzed herself around. She saw Rachel still lying on her bed, but she was now facing Santana and her eyes were now open.
"How much of that did you hear?" Santana asked her, panicked.
"Not much, just the little humming thing. Your voice is so unique. I could listen to it all day," Rachel replied, yawning. "What song was that? I don't recognize the melody."
Santana looked down and sniffed "It's just something I'm working on."
Rachel frowned and Santana knew the girl could see the redness in her eyes.
"What's wrong? Have you been crying?" Rachel sounded so concerned and sincere.
She's just being nice. It's not like she genuinely cares if you're upset or not.
"Um, I'm just a little homesick. I'll be fine." She lied.
Rachel sat up and crossed her legs underneath her. "I'm sorry. I know how hard it must be to just pack up and leave all your friends and family behind. I wish I could feel homesick, but I honestly couldn't tell you what home is anymore…"
Despite the voice in her head telling her not to, Santana stood up and sat next to Rachel on the bed.
"Then how about this," Santana cautiously put her hand on top of Rachel's. "How about we be each other's home?" Santana gave her the best smile she could.
And Rachel smiled right back.
The walk down to dinner was slightly awkward. Rachel didn't seem to mind the silence, but it just made Santana even more uncomfortable. She needed distractions. She needed Rachel to start a random conversation so she could stop fixating on her thoughts.
As if she read her mind, Rachel spoke up. "When's your birthday?"
Santana was slightly freaked at how ironically random the question was. "What? Why?"
Rachel just shrugged, keeping her vision in front of her. "I just want to know more about you. I feel like we've gotten really close, but I hardly know anything about you really."
It was true. Santana hadn't really said much about herself, nor had she asked Rachel about herself for obvious reasons. She guessed now would be a good time to start.
Santana smiled over at her, "My birthday is January twelfth."
Rachel beamed, "You're older than me. Mine is December eighteenth."
"I know," Santana replied impulsively.
"What? How do you know that?" Rachel was confused.
Santana's eyes widened when she realized her mistake. Rachel probably didn't know she had read her file. Santana didn't want Rachel to be freaked out by her knowing all these personal things about her.
"I-I mean I assumed. You seem younger than I am." Santana quickly recovered.
"Oh." Rachel nodded.
The two proceeded to walk into the commissary and sit down at their usual table. It was pretty crowded for the hour and quite loud with all the people in the room eating their dinners.
"Aren't you supposed to be in school or something? I mean, I know why I'm not in school, but you'd think that a judge wouldn't rule a community service program for someone not in their hometown during the school year, wouldn't they?" Rachel asks.
"I'm in an independent study program this year." Santana replied plainly.
"What's that?"
"It's where I don't go to school and I have to learn things myself from home. It's basically homeschooling."
"Why are you doing it?"
Santana just shrugs. Being on independent study makes her feel stupid and she'd rather not talk about it, but she can't say no to Rachel. "I got into a lot of trouble this year…in and out of school and my parents thought it would be best to give me a break for a year. But I'm going back for my senior year. There's no way I'm skipping out on a chance at college."
Rachel's eyes brighten up. "What college do you want to go to?"
The Latina bites her lip and shrugs once more, this time smirking as well. "Who knows? Anywhere out of Ohio. Maybe I'll go east, maybe west. It's all up in the air right now."
Rachel looks at her with complete awe and longing, though most likely not the kind Santana hoped. "Please take me with you," She pleaded.
Santana laughed and grinned over at her. "Of course."
Just then the duo was joined with another, two blondes sitting down next to them on each side.
"What are the lovebirds chatting about?" Quinn piped from next to Santana. The girl almost choked on her own saliva, heat racing to her cheeks. She gives Quinn a, what the hell look, causing the blonde to laugh.
"Lovebirds?" Rachel questions, her demeanor obviously more uncomfortable upon the arrival of Quinn and Brittany.
"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just kidding around." Quinn explains, giving Rachel her winning smile. "I actually wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting. I'm sure Santana has told you what happened after group, but I assure you, I want to try being friends. I hope you'll consider it."
Rachel looked back and forth between Santana and Quinn, wondering if this was all too good to be true. Did Quinn Fabray just apologize to her? Even more, did she hear some sincerity in the blonde's voice?
"I think I'd be willing to put our differences aside Quinn if you are so willing to do so." Rachel replied.
"Britt, wants to be friends, too. She doesn't talk, but she's a really good friend and a really good listener." Quinn adds, nodding toward the other blonde sitting next to Rachel. Brittany boasted, showing Rachel all her teeth.
"That sounds…really nice." Rachel finally said. She was struggling to take in all of this. For almost two years, she had Quinn torture her for this and that with Brittany as a bystander and one conversation with her new, exotic, mysteriously comforting aid, she now wants to be friends as if nothing in the last few years had happened? Rachel had a feeling Quinn might have ulterior motives, but of what? To make fun of her some more? To burn more of her things? It didn't make sense, really.
But Rachel was a forgiving person, or at least she tries to be with all that's happened to her in her life. So, she feels as if she should give Quinn (and Brittany) a chance. Maybe, just maybe, things will work out.
"Rach, and I were just discussing stuff about ourselves, trying to get to know each other more. Want in?" Santana asked the two blondes before turning to look at Rachel, as if she were mentally asking her if that was okay.
"Yes, it would be lovely if you joined our conversation." Rachel replied after a moment of debating with herself.
Quinn beamed at her, really, truly happy to be given a chance by the small brunette.
"No way! There is no way Katy Perry is overrated, she's a visionary! Who do you think you are?" Quinn laughed as she argued, in a heated argument over musical icons with none other than Rachel Berry.
"Are you kidding? All her songs are just teeny-bopper songs with catchy beats to mask the fact that the vocals are only subpar and the lyrics lack emotional depth." Rachel countered, matter-of-factly.
"Katy Perry is amazing! Her outfits always look like cotton candy!" Brittany wrote down on her pad of paper.
Santana sat back in her chair, her arms across her chest, smiling contently to the brunette sitting across from her. She couldn't help how much she liked how passionate Rachel was, even if it was only a conversation about music, which proved to be a very interesting conversation. Rachel ate, breathed, slept, and sang music. It was dripping from her pores, and Santana could tell that more than likely, singing was the one thing that made Rachel happy while she was here. And Santana couldn't get enough of it.
"Barbra, Patti, Liza, Bernadette, on the other hand, all have the same thing in common. They're true artists." Rachel said proudly.
Quinn just scoffed, which made Brittany laugh. "Santana, please, help me out here. Would you tell your patient that while, yes, all those people are classic, talented performers, they're old has-beens. Katy Perry is new, she's fresh, and she's young and her music relates to teenagers like us."
Santana put her hands up. "Sorry Fabray, but I could care less about either of those genres. I'm more of an alternative gal myself…" she glanced over at Rachel, smiling knowingly, who was also smiling back.
"However I do think there is a star out there who shines brighter than anyone else in my opinion." Rachel adds.
"Who?" Brittany writes.
Rachel smiles smugly, "Me."
Quinn raised an eyebrow (which if Santana wasn't totally into Rachel, would deem ridiculously intimidating and sexy), "Oh, really now?"
"Mmhmm. I'll have you know that I'm quite talented."
"It's true. I've heard her with my own ears." Santana nodded.
"So you're a singer then?" Quinn asks.
"It's what I do when I have time to, but eventually I would like to get out of here and become the next Barbra Streisand, like anyone could do that though." Rachel placed her chin on her hand, which was propped up onto the table by her elbow.
"Ugh, don't we all?" Quinn groaned.
"Want to become the next Streisand?" Santana questioned.
"No, get out of here. We all have something that ties us here for who knows how long, well, except for Santana, which…I'm confused about. Why are you here?" Quinn asked, turning her torso towards the girl sitting next to her.
"I got into trouble for being a klepto, so to skip out on jail, I have six weeks of community service here as an aid. So, even if I did want to leave, I couldn't." Santana replied, thinking of Rachel.
I don't want to leave. Not as long as she's here.
"Wow, so I guess we're all stuck to dream of greater pastures." Quinn said, Brittany nodding along with her.
"Yeah, and speaking of dreaming, it's almost curfew, so I think we better go back now." Santana grumbled.
The four girls stood up at once, saying their goodnights.
"I'm really glad we did this," Rachel speaks up as she and Santana walk to the opposite set of elevators, "and thank you for telling to me to give them a chance." She's looking up at Santana, her big brown eyes glistening, and Santana swears she can see some adoration in them, but then again, she's probably imaging it.
"Good, Rach. I'm glad you're happy." Santana grins warmly down at Rachel and the brunette subtly takes Santana's hand, making her heart race all the way to her room.
Yay! I hope you liked it guys, I know it's not the best, but it'll get there! Sorry for the long update, I've been crazy busy you would not believe! Anyway, thanks for reading and Please Review!
P.S.! I have a poll on my profile regarding Quinn and Brittany on my profile if you guys want to check it out! Thanks and see y'all later!
-Katie