Sam enters the Mini Mart just as his cell phone starts to ring. He looks at the caller ID and gives a big sigh. With impatience in his voice, he answers without saying hello, "Look, I'm getting the pie, ok?"
Screams in the background nearly drown out Dean's voice, "Sammy? Get back here quick!" Abruptly the line goes dead.
Sam drops the groceries he's holding and runs for the car. Speeding back to the hotel, he peels into the parking lot and screeches to a halt. He jumps out and runs for the door. Pulling his gun, he assumes a crouch as he approaches. He hears a girl screaming and Dean shouting and the unmistakable sounds of a fight going on. He yanks open the door, gun at the ready and stares in shock at what he sees.
Ruby stands in the middle of the room, black demon eyes flashing. As Sam watches, she slaps her cheek, yelling, "Get outta here, you shniveling little brat! Thish meat shuit ish mine!" Her other hand punches her chin, "I sent you to hell once, you no-talent witch, I can do it again!" Hitting herself in the stomach, she shrieks, "Hellmonger! White-eyed demon shpawn! Whiny baby!" Grabbing herself by the collar, she cries, "Barbie Doll bimbo! Gossip Girl wanna be! This is my body! Mine!"
Sam looks at Dean, who's sitting, drinking a beer, obviously enjoying himself, "Dean, what the hell's going on?"
Dean gives him a grin and shrugs, "Near as I can figure, it's a chick fight. It's kinda hot." He chugs his beer, slapping his knee and yelling, "Rip her shirt off!"
"Dean, focus!"
"Oh, sorry, Dude. I see a goldfish swim lately, I think it's hot. I spent a lot of time in hell, you know. Anyway, Ruby stopped by looking for you and when I told her to get lost, she called me an Angel Lover so I threw Holy Water on her. Next thing I know, she's fighting with herself. I think its Lilith and Ruby, Sam. I think they ended up in the same meat suit and didn't know the other was in there. Now, they're trying to kill each other…I thought I'd let them duke it out before I sent them both back to hell. Plus, I like watching them go at it…That's it…pull her hair!!"
"Dean, do you know how sick and twisted that is?" Sam gives him a dark look.
"Dude, I wasn't the one making it with the Doublemint Demons, was I?" Dean shoots back.
Suddenly, Ruby throws back her head and a plume of black smoke comes out each ear. The meat suit drops to the ground, useless (YES!!) and the smoke figures continue to slap and punch each other, screaming and swearing.
"Awesome! Smoke chick fight! Yeah! Hit her in the mouth!" Dean cheers, taking another swig of beer.
"Damn it!." Sam says, rushing in between the fighting demons and pushing them apart. His powers surge but one plume of smoke escapes under the door. He focuses his mind on the other smoky figure.
Ruby's voice screams at Sam, "NO, SHAM!" before suddenly freezing in place in fight stance.
Sam looks confused, staring at the black smoke statue before shooting a glance at Dean, "Huh…this has never happened before…"
Castiel's voice comes from behind, making both brothers spin around. "I did it. If you'd sent Ruby back to hell, Eric Kripke would have just brought her character back with another lame actress who has no talent and brings nothing to the story. This way, you can put a wig on her, put her in any scene and no one will ever notice…in fact, they may think her acting's improved."
Dean considers it and looks at Sam, who shrugs and nods. Dean smiles, slapping Sam on the back, "Sounds good to me…Sammy, let's go find a mud-wrestling bar."