A loud knocking on the door wakes Bobby from a sound sleep. His hand immediately finds the knife under his pillow. Whoever it is sounds like they're coming in whether he wants them to or not. He puts a hat on his head and approaches the door on silent feet, the hairs on the back of his neck standing straight up, knife at the ready.

"BOBBY!!" Sam's voice, frantic, "BOBBY…LET US IN!"

Bobby pulls open the door, staring as Sam, shirtless, shoves Ruby inside and comes in after her, slamming the door shut behind him and leaning against it, breathing heavy.

"What's going on, Sam?" Bobby snaps.

"It's the fans, Bobby…they've gone crazy…" Sam pants.

Ruby stares woodenly at Bobby, her voice monotone, "I'm sho shcared…."

"What d'ya mean, the fans have gone crazy? What're they doin'?

"They grabbed Dean, for one thing…took him away…and that angel of his, too...they tried to grab me but I got away…They ripped my jacket off, then all twelve of my shirts, then my five t-shirts until I had nothing on! Good thing I've been working out..(Pauses to flex pecs) They said they had to save us from some demon of lisps (thanks, Okie!)"

Bobby pushes his hat back, "Demon of lisps…what the heck is that?"

"I think they're after Ruby, Bobby…I found her hiding outside our hotel room, cowering in the bushes…The fans were chanting "Smite the Ruby…" so I grabbed her and came here. I didn't know where else to go…"

"You did the right thing, boy. You'll be safe here. Let's see what we can find out about this lisping demon…" Bobby picks up a book and hands one to Sam.

Sam looks at him pointedly, "What about Ruby?"

Rolling his eyes, Bobby hands her a book too, "Sorry, forgot she was here…she's not very memorable, Sam."

Ruby stares at him blankly.

Bobby finds a reference almost immediately, "It says here that the demon of lisps has all the personality of a wet dishrag and is the most boring of all demons, easily fading into the background due to having no talent, no skills and no screen presence."

He continues reading, "Listen to this: 'A duper of writers and creators, the demon of lisps can slip into a talented persona for the purposes of a screen test but quickly loses all credibility once it comes time to show its chops on screen next to actors who actually have said talent.'

"Huh…" Bobby glances sideways at Ruby "You wouldn't know anything about that, right?"

Ruby shakes her head, vacantly staring up at Bobby, having no clue (sad, isn't it?) what he's talking about.

Sam cuts in, "Bobby…no…"

Bobby's eyes narrow at Ruby, "Say 'Simple Simon said stupid silly sentences'"

She takes a deep breath, "Shimple Shimon shaid shtupid shilly shentencesh…"

"Now say 'Bobby has the best booty in all of Buloxi'"

"Bobby hash the besht…"

"That's enough!" Sam snaps.

Bobby shrugs, "Sam, you need to clean up this mess. She's only on the show for you, seems like but no one knows what the heck she's really doing here. It's for the good of the show, Sam. If you don't do it, the fans will. They've already taken Dean and Castiel. They're coming for us, you know. Then there'll be no one to protect her. Sometimes, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…or the one…"

"I get it, Mr. Spock…."

From outside comes the sound of chanting, getting louder and louder by the second, "SMITE THE RUBY! SMITE THE RUBY! SEND HER BACK TO ACTING SCHOOLY!" (ok, it stinks I know but you try rhyming with Ruby – booby, Scooby Dooby…I didn't have many options )

"Do it, Sam!" Bobby yells, going to bar the door.

"Sham?" Ruby looks up, trying to act confused and failing miserably cause she can't act at all, "What'sh he talking about?"

"Ruby.." Sam's eyes fill with tears, "I'm going to send you somewhere safe, where the fans won't ever be able to find you…" He sniffles and wipes his nose, pulling out the demon knife from the back of his pants.

With a smooth move, he stabs Ruby in the heart, catching her before she falls (and secretly wiping a booger on her shoulder), holding her while the black smoke pours out of her. He reaches out with his other hand and grabs the smoke, squeezing it with his fist and sending her demony smokey stuff back to hell.

The chanting is right outside the door now, the noise surrounding them. Sam drops the Ruby suit like a sack o' potatoes and unbars the door, swinging it wide open. He bravely steps outside to face the menacing crowd. At the sight of Sam shirtless, an silence sweeps over the women standing there.

Sam flexes his pecs and does his best Blue Steele, "I have Smited The Ruby…."

Women ooh and ahh, fainting and screaming at the sight of that beautiful mane of dark brown hair, the gold-flecked eyes, tasty lips with the slight smile playing over gleaming white teeth, the smooth tan chest, the delicious muscles, the run-your-hands-all-over-it-very-slowly six-pack…yum…sigh…

Oh, yeah, back to the story…

"The Ruby is gone to hell…and I will cast a spell on the Kripke so that no more talentless wannabees darken our already darkened hallways." Sam declares dramatically.

"Dude, why are you talking that way?" Dean staggers onto the porch, shirtless also (these women know what they're doing!) More screaming and fainting. Author picks herself up from the ground to finish the story…

"Dean!" Bobby says, "Thank God you're alright!"

"Castiel had to go get another shirt…he said an angel can't be shirtless on camera…it will burn up the women television viewers…You smitted…smooted…smowted…(sigh) you sent Ruby back to hell?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded, "Yes, Dean, with finality and permanality (is that a word? Evidently not cause my spell checker hates it) the Ruby is gone forever!"

"Sam, stop talking like that…Bobby, make him stop talking like that…"

"Sam, you're acting like an idjit…"