Sam wakes up from a deep sleep, hearing weeping near his head. He turns his head to see Ruby crouching next to him. He sits up quickly and checks on Dean. Snoring comes from the next bed and Sam relaxes slightly. He rolls out of bed, grabs Ruby and hustles her into the bathroom. Shutting the door, he turns to her, "What are you doing here?"
"Sham…everyone hatesh me becaushe I sheduced you! Now, the fansh are shaying I can't act AND I'm a demon-shlutty-girl. I can't win! The angelsh don't like me. Dean looksh like he'sh going to throw up every time he looksh at me and you…"
"What have I done?"
"You won't even touch me like a good love interesht should. You don't kissh me, you don't hold my hand, you don't put your arm around me. You didn't even let me shtay the night after we were together! You shoved me out into the hall, naked and threw my clothesh out after me…Why, Sham?...why don't you love me?"
"Shhhh….keep it down would you? Ruby, you're not a love interest…you were just a reason for me to get my shirt off. I could have had just as hot a scene with a pillow…"
"That's not true, Sham! You wanted me…I know you did…"
Sam rolls his eyes, "I told you, Ruby…it was a one time thing…. Do you really think I'd ever have touched you if I hadn't been drunk for two months straight and my brother wasn't wallowing in hell? After we were together, you kept showing up wherever I was wearing only your underwear. I thought it was a little weird…I mean, it's freaking cold in Vancouver! Now I see you were just trying to get me into the sack with you again. That is never gonna happen! You're a demon! To think we could ever have a relationship is ridiculous! It's sick and twisted and disgusting! Plus, you have ash breath! Your kind is what I've been hunting and killing my whole life. I'm not going to forget everything I am and what I stand for just because I had one moment of weakness!"
"Well, good for you, Mr. Abs of Shteel! I jusht came by to tell you I'm leaving you for shomeone that really appreciatesh me! He shays I'm the only thing good in the world and I give him warm fuzzies in hish tummy!" (You know where I'm going with this, right?) Teddy doeshn't care about my breath! Teddy lovesh me! You're just a racisht!"
"Teddy?"
"My shnuggly T-Bear. When I met him, he was depresshed and shad…and had a huge hole in the back of his head for shome reason. I shtuffed him and shewed him and we had hot shteamy shex…at leasht, I think we did…it'sh a little hard to tell with all that fur. But it doeshn't matter! I love him and he lovesh me! Sho, I came to tell you goodbye and that ash a boyfriend, you shtink!" She stomps out of the bathroom and Sam hears the outer door close.
** Two weeks later **
Sam and Dean sit watching football. A late-breaking news story interrupts their game.
The newscaster looks flustered, "This just in…a giant teddy bear runs rampant through the city with a smoke filled glass jar screaming that demons are among us. He's stopped by a burly bearded man wearing a baseball cap who begins spouting Latin at the jar. The jar explodes and the smoke is dissolved.
The teddy bear is taken to the hospital with glass shards embedded in his fur, yelling,"Whhhhyyyyy....."
and the bearded man has disappeared…If you have any information on any of this ridiculous story, please contact our news desk."
Sam and Dean look at each other with mouths hanging open…