CHAPTER 3
"THIS PIZZA IS AMAZING!" Deadpool bellowed as he scarfed down entire pieces of large, pepperoni and onion pizza in one bite. "Who knew a background location like Dave's Pizza would be so freaking delicious?" Even when they just insert a sign on a building for continuity sake, this town delivers with every detail. "I see what you did there – delivers!"
Anyways, the Merc was now strolling merrily down the street, his legs kicking high in their almost skipping fashion, when he passed by a man walking with a cane.
"Hey there, gramps! Know where a guy can find a book around here?"
The man just glared at Wade and continued to walk by, but he persisted. "HEY DISCOUNT STEVEN TYLER, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
~EDITORS NOTE: Steven Tyler is/was the lead singer of Aerosmith, who, as Wade likens, has long grey hair similar to the character he is speaking with.
"I don't know this 'Steven Tyler,'" the old man started, "but I do know that you it might benefit you to not speak to me in such a tone of voice, dearie." Wade heard a prominent cynicism in his tone of voice, along with the Scottish accent, and he was struck with slight rememberance.
"Oh…. You're Rump… I mean Mr. Gold."
As Wade said this, a look of unsettling surprise shot through the eyes of Mr. Gold, but he quickly shifted his facial expression to that resembled the face people always gave to the crazy.
"That's right. Now, if you need a book, the library might be the best place to start. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a shop to get back to." And with that, Mr. Gold, limped away, a bit quicker in pace than before.
"Have a good day, dearie!" Deadpool called out to him with a vigorous hand waving.
Who was that really?
"That was Rumplestiltskin, he's kinda hot."
Doesn't ring a Belle.
"Oh voice in my head, you truly are a chip off the old block!"
You both drive me mad, and we are wasting time.
*POOF!*
In an instant, the Merc found himself staring at a beautiful mansion. He felt an odd vibe in the air as he walked closer to it, almost as if the air was filled with-
Don't say magic, you cheeky bugger
Wade stared into the house through the windows, searching to see if anyone was home.
"IS ANYONE HOME," he bellowed obviously as he banged his fist violently against the door. Well we know they aren't asleep if they were before, power-fist.
"I'm annunciating, the doctor said I am a bit shy and need to raise my voice." Deadpool tried the handle but found the door locked.
"No locked door is a match for CONTINUITY AND THE NARRATOR MAN!"
*POOF!*
In an instant, Wade found himself inside of the house – wait, I can't believe you just made me do that, Wade.
"I didn't make you do anything, I think we are friends now."
He said the word, "friends," as if it was foreign to his vocabulary.
Nice touch.
Thanks! So, the Merc proceeded to look around the fancy mansion, and he DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING.
Damnit.
As he looked around, he stumbled upon a large open room with a hanging, shimmering chandelier. Just below the chandelier, sitting in the middle of the floor was a book. On the front face of the book, inscribed in curly, elegant writing were the words, "Once Upon a Time."
"Now that is the name of a TV series if I ever heard one," Wade said as he giddily picked up the hefty volume. I don't think that show would catch.
"Well that was easy!" Deadpool cried out as he strutted merrily out of the mansion, unlocking the door for future visitors and dark lords.
I would like to take this moment to make one small comment
"You say it like I could stop you if I wanted."
You can't. Anyways, if everyone that comes to this town (or at least mostly everyone) plays some part in a fairytale or at least in the canon, does that mean we are gonna have some episodes too?
Now there is a question. No, you won't, and that is precisely why I recruited you, Deadpool. I needed someone who was bizarre enough to be able to somehow fit into the canon of the show without messing up the actual storyline.
"But we are both owned by Disney!"
Everything is!
Yes, I understand. However, this show and your comics, Deadpool, are two universes that should never collide on any screen. Maybe in a fanfiction, but never should a TV show feature Wade Wilson interacting with the citizens of Storybrooke, although I'm sure your actions will be brushed over on occasion.
"What about you then, Narrator guy, are you in the show?"
In a way, I am. I wrote that book you are holding.
"WOAH! Why didn't you just deliver it yourself then?"
Other than being lazy
I haven't appeared in the show yet. As for now, just call me the Author.