(This is in response to a plot bunny that came from 'sadie e a' here on fanfiction-thanks sadie!)
Ruby listens to the same tired argument all over again…"Sam, she's a demon…", "Dean, she's a good demon…", "Sam, she can't be trusted…" Yadda yadda yadda…
She sighs, leaning against the Impala waiting for Sam, letting the angry words between the brothers wash over her. Shaking her head, she wishes he'd hurry up. The demon she's come to tell them about will be gone unless Sam moves his butt and comes with her.
Suddenly, Ruby spies the white box on the driver's seat of the Impala and reaches through the open window for it. Opening it, she inhales the scent of fresh baked apple pie. She sneaks a glance back at the brothers, still too intent on yelling at each other to notice her anymore. In fact, Dean is so mad he's got out his scotch flask and is taking a deep swig. Grinning, she scoops up a piece of pie, putting it in her mouth quickly and moving the other pieces around so no one will see anything's missing. Swallowing, she nods in satisfaction…delicious…no wonder Dean loves pie so much!
It's just a few seconds later that she starts to feel the itch in her throat and her face becomes hot. She coughs and scratches at her face, feeling the heat in her cheeks beneath her fingers. Shoot, the meat suit must be allergic to apples!
"What the…" she doesn't complete the thought but just coughs again and suddenly her throat closes over her windpipe and she can't breathe…can't breathe. She clutches at her neck, gurgling, choking, reaching out to blindly hit the Impala's horn to get Sam's attention.
Both boys look over at her and she sees their alarmed faces before she sinks to the sidewalk, gasping for air, fingers clawing at the car. Suddenly, the boys are around her, helping her up, trying to figure out what she's choking on but it's too late…the meat suit is suffocating, dying, and Ruby needs to get out…go somewhere else but where…where…
The black smoke spews out of the meat suit through the nose and ears because the mouth's opening is swelled shut. Swirling around in a cloud, Ruby's essence darts here and there until suddenly finds a vessel…Dean's open scotch flask. She slithers in with a tiny splash.
Dean raises his eyebrows at Sam and they both look into the flask.
"Ruby?" Sam calls into the container.
A tiny voice warbles up, "Sham…(hic)…mime hokay (hic) but you need shome help….I mean…me needsh you…(hic)…shay, thish shtuff ish kinda tashty … (slurp … hic … buurrppp)…hee hee…my lipsh don't wanna work anymore (buuurppp) oh, pardona mwah…hee…"
Sam looks at Dean, "What do we do?"
Dean says, "Screw Ruby…what about my scotch?"
"Dean…" Sam gives him a disgusted look, "Cap her up till we figure out what to do with her…"
Dean twists the top closed and suddenly sees the box of pie open on the seat of the Impala. Anger makes his voice clip the words, "Dude….She...Ate...My...Pie…she's outta here!" and throws the flask as hard and as far as he can into the open field next to them.
Sam looks after it in frustration, "Great, Dean…just great! Now we have to worry about somebody finding her and letting her out…"
"No, you don't…" Castiel's voice comes from behind them and when they turn, he's holding the flask in his hand, "I'll take her…we'll detox her in heaven and send her back to the pit off camera, that way her bad acting and expressionless delivery won't take up any more screen time. Now the writers can get back to doing what they should have been doing in the first place…continuing the story about two brothers, fighting evil, on the best road trip ever and screw the 'Ruby is a good demon' storyline.
Dean smirks, "Since when does an angel say 'screw'?"
"It's good to speak a language you both understand." Castiel responds and walks away, uncapping the flask to hear Ruby singing, "Rye whishkey, rye whishkey, why rishkey I cry (hic), if I can't have why rishksey I shink I will die (hic)….hee hee…"
He looks back at the brothers with a pained expression, looks heavenward for strength and caps the container back up, disappearing into the night with a flutter of wings.
Dean swats Sam across the head, "Dude…you slept with that skank, so the way I see it, you owe me a new flask…and some more pie…"
Sam bites his tongue before he can tell Dean what he can do with his pie…
:)