A/N: Thanks for your support, everyone! I apologize for the wait for this chapter. If anyone's interested in a couple of other reaction scenarios I considered, you can find them in a post on my tumblr ladylynse under the my writing tag.
Marinette stared at the photograph dumbly. It couldn't be Adrien. It had to be a joke. After all, Chat Noir was nothing if not a tease, and it would have been terribly easy for him to get his hands on one of the photographs. He couldn't have known about her crush on Adrien, but with his solution of the cell phones, the photograph would've been unnecessary, and if he took this opportunity for what it was….
Marinette wasn't even sure if she should consider the alternative. It was difficult to reconcile Adrien and Chat Noir. If Chat Noir's teasing did mean anything, anything at all, then her crush on Adrien would be terribly ironic.
But that couldn't be the case.
It couldn't.
This was Chat Noir. And Adrien. They were as different as—
Marinette swallowed. They were as different as Ladybug and Marinette.
She desperately tried to remember if she'd ever seen Adrien and Chat Noir together. She knew he'd never been a victim of Hawk Moth—she would have remembered that incident with painful clarity—but hadn't he been a victim in attacks by other villains?
Unless he had been as much a victim as she had ever been. Claiming to have been entangled in Wildflower's vines was no different than claiming to have been turned into a mummy.
"Tikki," Marinette said carefully, "it's not really him, is it?" She didn't want to put the words Chat Noir in the same sentence as Adrien, not like that.
Tikki didn't answer, so Marinette held up the picture. "Please tell me you and Chat Noir planned this as a joke."
"I'd never do that to you, Marinette." Tikki sounded hurt that Marinette had even implied the accusation, but….
"But Adrien isn't…. He can't be…. I mean, Chat…." Marinette couldn't even finish. "It can't be true."
Tikki said nothing; she merely looked at Marinette.
Marinette collapsed backwards onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. "It is true." She didn't know what to do. She wasn't sure she wanted to believe it. Part of her wanted to phone Adrien right now, to wake him up and prove he wasn't Chat Noir, that he couldn't be, but….
But maybe he hadn't been busy tonight because of a photoshoot; maybe he'd just arranged a meeting with Ladybug. Maybe Tikki hadn't come back to her in the crowd; maybe she'd jumped from Adrien when Marinette had run headlong into him. Maybe—
"How am I supposed to face him, Tikki?" Marinette asked, dropping the picture beside her and pushing herself back up. "He must think I'm an absolute idiot by now! I can hardly say two words to him without tripping over my own tongue, and…." She groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Chat Noir might be fond of Ladybug, but what's Adrien going to think when he finds out she's me?"
"Why did you open that envelope, Marinette?"
Tikki's question brought Marinette's head up with a snap. "You know why," she cried. "I just told you. Because I was too curious for my own good!" This situation suddenly felt far too much like Pandora's Box for comfort. How much harm had she done by looking, by finding out the truth?
"And?"
"And I don't think I can call this lucky, however you might want to spin it."
"Marinette." Tikki seemed to be repeating her name in an effort to keep Marinette's focus on her. "What did you say to Chat Noir earlier?"
"You mean Adrien." That idea was definitely going to take some getting used to. Being Chat Noir didn't make Adrien less in her eyes, exactly. Marinette knew how difficult it was to juggle a double life and couldn't imagine how hard it must be to sneak off when everyone seemed to have eyes on you—although that might explain why sometimes Chat Noir cut it awfully close when it came to showing up when there was an attack. But Chat Noir was so….
So not Adrien.
Except he was.
Adrien was normally so quiet, and Chat Noir was not. But Marinette knew what freedom wearing the mask gave, and from the little she knew of Adrien's father, she couldn't exactly blame Adrien for taking the opportunity to relax—if routinely fighting villains to save the city and everyone in it could be called relaxing, at any rate. The thought almost made his puns bearable.
All right, she'd admit it. She liked them. They were terrible, but she liked them. She'd always thought they suited him, and maybe this was why: because as Chat Noir, he could express himself. He didn't need to worry what anyone else might think when he was just Chat Noir, hero of Paris, with the lovely Ladybug by his side.
No, she didn't have that quite right. He cared what Ladybug thought. The thought made Marinette's stomach clench. She wasn't sure what Adrien would do when he found out the truth. Open his eyes, perhaps, and see that Ladybug wasn't at all like he'd thought her.
Marinette almost wanted to cry. One of the reasons she'd never taken Chat Noir's flirting seriously—besides the fact they were almost always under attack at the time—was because she'd had her heart set on Adrien. She hadn't wanted to consider anyone else, not even to spare Nathanaël further embarrassment in front of everyone in class. But if she'd even humoured Chat Noir just once, then maybe….
Well, there wasn't a maybe to even consider, despite all the things Ladybug and Chat Noir had done together. Or all the times he'd held her hand. Or all the times he'd given her that smile. Or the time she'd kissed him….
But that had been to save him from an akuma, and he didn't remember it, and she'd never told him what had happened. She couldn't think on that right now. She needed to focus on the facts. Being Chat Noir made Adrien more, not less. The same was not true with Ladybug. If she hadn't reminded him today of how much of a fool she was, she might not have quite so much doubt, but since that incident was fresh on his mind….
If Adrien weren't so nice, he'd laugh in her face when she told him who she was. But he'd be too kind to do that, so he'd just look at her and give her that small, sad smile, and….
"What did you tell him earlier?" Tikki asked again. She'd flown up to hover at Marinette's eye level. She didn't look angry; she didn't sound it, either. Marinette would almost rather she did. Tikki might never say it, but Marinette was sure she would have preferred waiting.
It made Marinette wish she had met Plagg, just so she had an idea of how different the two kwami were.
"I don't know," Marinette admitted, raking one hand through her hair. "Everything I could think of. That we should keep it a secret. That it wasn't safe to know. But then I just went against everything I said and ruined—"
"You told him it was wrong to know for a selfish reason," interrupted Tikki.
"And me being curious wasn't selfish?" Marinette sighed. "I appreciate you trying to help me, Tikki, but this is my fault."
"You didn't just want to know because you were curious," Tikki reminded her, "and he didn't want to tell you just because he wanted you to know. You both had other reasons, and you can't ignore them now."
"I need to accept the consequences and make the best out of my mistake, you mean."
"I never said it was a mistake." Tikki settled on Marinette's knee. "You made a choice. It would be a mistake to decide right now that it was the wrong one before you've even tried to make the best of it."
Marinette swallowed. "I thought you figured I should wait. I thought you just didn't want to stop me because you wanted me to make my own choices."
"I can't predict what's going to happen," Tikki said simply. "None of us can. We can analyze patterns, we can guess, but we can't know with absolute certainty. I would have waited, yes. Plagg would've been into that envelope before it was out of Chat Noir's hands if he'd realized what it was, and knowing him he'd have suspected it. What we would have done doesn't matter, Marinette. What matters is what is done and what you're going to do next."
"I don't know what I'm going to do next." She couldn't just tell him, just go up and introduce herself as Ladybug. Well, she could, but that option terrified her, so she wasn't going to consider it. Not unless she couldn't come up with something better, and there had to be something better.
"Are you going to tell him?"
"I don't know! How should I know that?" Marinette bolted to her feet and started pacing, suddenly so full of nervous energy that she was beginning to shake. Tikki, who had clearly anticipated this, righted herself after only one flip and hovered in the middle of the room while Marinette circled her. "I can't just say it to his face, can I? What if he…. It's Adrien, Tikki. Adrien! And you heard me when I was trying to talk to him earlier. I was—"
"Scared."
Marinette stopped and whirled on her kwami. "I wasn't scared," she said defensively. "I was just…scared." She groaned. "Not a terrified scared, like I've been fighting some of Hawk Moth's victims." She would never forget what had nearly happened with Timebreaker or the time she'd seen her parents trapped in giant bubbles. Or how she'd seen her father in the bakery below, framed by the flames…. "It was just a normal scared. Fear of rejection, I guess, which I got anyway, because Adrien's Chat Noir and he had to meet Ladybug tonight!" Her hands were shaking again. She couldn't make them stop.
"But you don't need to be scared," Tikki said practically, as if it were that easy. "Not of this. Especially since you must know by now how he feels about—"
"Don't say it." Marinette took a shuddering breath. "If Chat Noir—if Adrien—thinks so highly of Ladybug, what's he going to think when he finds out she's me? Especially after earlier! What if he winds up so disillusioned we can't even fight together? What if—?"
"Plagg hasn't made a poor choice in centuries," Tikki interrupted, "and you mustn't know Adrien or Chat Noir nearly as well as you think if you think so poorly of him."
"Poorly?" The word nearly came out as a screech. "I don't think poorly of him!" But Tikki was right, if this was true. She didn't know Adrien or Chat Noir nearly as well as she'd thought, not if she hadn't realized the truth before this—or realized how much of both of them she'd never seen. She wondered what blend of the two was Adrien's true self. She hated herself for not knowing, but she could only guess, and all this mess had proved was that Tikki was right: she didn't know him half as well as she'd thought. Her mind was in a panic over the very idea; her heart didn't care, and she couldn't tell if it was pounding because she was terrified or thrilled now that she knew the truth.
"Then why do you think so little of his judgement, of his character? You aren't obliged to tell him who you are, Marinette, but do not let that be the reason to hold you back."
Marinette stared at Tikki for a few long seconds before admitting, "I don't think I could tell him to his face. Maybe I could just write a note or…." Her eyes had strayed from Tikki and wandered back to her bed, where she could see Adrien's photograph. "Or maybe I can just return the favour in the same way." Whatever Tikki said and whatever the consequences might be, Marinette did intend to tell Adrien who she was. She had never lied when she'd insisted that she trusted him, after all.
But that didn't mean she had to be there when he realized the truth. It didn't mean she'd have to watch the disappointment set in. It would be better this way. Easier for both of them. It would give them time to think before they ran into each other, time to figure out what to say and how to act.
Time to process the truth.
Marinette pulled her photo album off her bookshelf and sat cross-legged on the floor, distracting herself by trying to find a photograph that only had her in it. Almost everything that was recent was only in digital form, but she thought she'd had…. There. It had been taken last summer when Alya had insisted on kidnapping Marinette to 'get her out of the flour, away from the sewing machine, and into the sunlight', although Marinette highly suspected Alya had simply been looking for a reason to avoid babysitting her younger siblings just once. There was nothing particularly special about the picture, but they'd climbed a tree and hidden in the canopy to talk in private. Marinette had been sitting on a thick bough, framed by bright green leaves and frozen mid-laugh.
It had been a good day.
Marinette had the picture into a sealed envelope in no time flat, working methodically because she was too afraid to think, too afraid she might be tempted to pretend—for however long she could—that she had never looked at Chat Noir's envelope and had no intention of doing so. But Chat Noir—Adrien—didn't deserve that, and she wanted to prove that she hadn't been lying when she'd insisted that she trusted him. She left the envelope blank, too, just like Adrien had. He was certainly right in thinking that if anyone found it, they wouldn't know what it was. They wouldn't know what it meant.
The thought that someone else might find it was the only reason she didn't include a note, even if would have taken her the rest of the night to compose one sentence.
"I'll give it to him tomorrow," Marinette said aloud. She looked at Tikki for guidance, but the kwami didn't say anything. Marinette sighed. "Tomorrow," she repeated. With any luck, Hawk Moth would be trying to find another strategy to figure out their identities and they'd be spared another attack. She didn't normally patrol as Ladybug during the day, even on weekends when she was more likely to have time, but tomorrow…. She'd be visible tomorrow, and then she'd face Chat Noir—face Adrien—and let him know the truth.
Ladybug's appearances began about midday. Adrien had managed to sort things out with the cell phones in the morning, but Nathalie had long since booked him in for a piano recital at one of the seniors' centres. Her reasoning was to build relations, to give back to the community, but Adrien went because he knew how much the people enjoyed it, not because he didn't want to displease his father. He couldn't disappear and skip the recital when there wasn't an actual attack, no matter how much he wanted to meet up with Ladybug.
He did beg freedom afterward under the pretense of meeting up with Nino, though. His father might not approve of Nino, but as Nino had not come to the house since that first time, the staff had evidently decided that Gabriel did not intend to interfere with his son's friendships unless he was presented with more evidence that Adrien's choice had been a poor one. It was not approval or acceptance; Adrien did not pretend it was. It was merely tolerance.
But as Adrien had not been outright forbidden to see Nino again—especially after the Bubbler incident, since he suspected his father knew who had been behind that—he took the measure of freedom for what it was and comforted himself with the fact that he could keep his friend without having to disobey his father.
Besides, he did hope to hang out with Nino later today; he just wanted to catch up with Ladybug first.
By the time Chat Noir was on Ladybug's tail, it was the middle of the afternoon. It didn't take Adrien long to realize that Ladybug was not following any of her usual patrol routes. It was the off season for tourism and a weekend, but the typical places in the city where they stopped to rest and survey the city—everywhere from landmarks like the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe to the skyscrapers in La Défense—were avoided. She was haunting residential areas, but in a pattern that baffled Adrien; even when he used his baton to track her, she never stayed anywhere long enough for him to catch up. Following sightings of her on Alya's blog didn't help, either, as he always arrived too late and she seemed to be moving randomly so he couldn't predict her movements.
And she wouldn't answer when he called.
He was worried about her, but given that nothing on the Ladyblog suggested something was amiss, he didn't think Hawk Moth was behind Ladybug's behaviour.
He didn't realize what Ladybug was up to until he finally spotted her in Le Quartier Asiatique near Les Olympiades. She was crouched on the rooftop of one of the residential towers, her eyes fixed on the tower opposite her, and she looked about to cry. Adrien followed her gaze downward and spotted a girl out on one of the lower balconies. She looked a little younger than him and bore a striking resemblance to Marinette—and, now that he thought about it, to Ladybug.
The truth hit Adrien then, and he hated himself for not figuring it out sooner. Ladybug had been tracking down Flamethrower's would-be victims. If he were to guess, she wanted to assure herself that they were all right. He wasn't sure how she'd managed it. Perhaps she'd stopped in to speak with Sabrina's father or had popped into one of the fire stations; despite the Copycat incident, they were still trusted, though he had no doubt it had been far easier for her to wrest that information from someone than it would have been for him.
"What happened yesterday wasn't your fault," he reminded Ladybug as he crouched beside her. Hawk Moth had gotten lucky, being able to prey upon someone who was tired of being overlooked, someone who had spent enough time in various parts of the city watching people to have an idea of where to look for a Ladybug lookalike. Adrien wasn't sure for the reason behind Christophe's fiery anger besides being looked down upon or outright ignored. If Hawk Moth had promised that he would get noticed, that he would get revenge on those he perceived had wronged him in exchange for finding Ladybug and taking her Miraculous, well….
It really wasn't surprising that things had turned out as they had.
Ladybug gave no indication that he had startled her, so he'd been right in thinking she'd seen him coming. "Maybe not," she allowed softly, "but it still feels like it was." She retreated from the roof's edge, and he followed her.
"I brought the cell phones," he said, not sure he could talk her out of her conviction now and suspecting she might want a change in topic. He pulled them out of the small bag he carried.
Ladybug stared at hers when he handed it to her. She had a small purse slung crosswise across her chest, no doubt in anticipation of receiving the phone, but she looked lost. "My lady?"
Ladybug's hand tightened around the phone before she tucked it away. She pulled an envelope from the purse instead and passed it to him. "It's my picture," she said quietly. "Just like…just like you gave me yours." The hand holding her offered envelope shook slightly.
Adrien stared at the envelope and had to force the next words out of his mouth. "If you truly do not wish to—"
"No, I do. Please."
Adrien took the envelope carefully, handling it as if it contained a priceless treasure—which, to him, it did. Ladybug's secret. Her true identity. He could finally know who she was.
Adrien forced himself to tuck the envelope containing the truth about Ladybug away for now. "Thank you," he said softly.
"It's a failsafe, like you said," Ladybug continued. "Even with the cell phones, something might go wrong. We might need this to fall back on." Her voice sounded…strained, almost, as if this were the last thing she wanted.
He wanted to ask if she'd given any more consideration to opening his envelope but decided he'd better not push his luck. He'd rather continue their conversation, and Ladybug looked like she might flee again if he kept pursuing the point. "I cannot say how much I appreciate your trust in me, my lady."
"It still isn't a matter of trust," she reminded him. "It's another route to the truth to be taken if it's needed. It didn't feel like it at the time, but we were lucky. I was lucky. We had time. We won't always have that luxury, and if you need to find me for whatever reason and can't reach me through the phone or the blog…."
Adrien grinned at her. "And now you are assuming that I will know who you are when you aren't wearing your mask."
Ladybug didn't react to his teasing like she normally did. She just pursed her lips and said, "You'll find me." She gave no explanation for why she thought that now, especially as she had had a different opinion last night. Perhaps the photograph itself held a clue that would help him pinpoint his search for her. He had not needed to extend her a similar courtesy; he knew he was recognizable enough.
Adrien reached out a tentative hand and put it on her shoulder. "Are you all right, my lady?"
Ladybug stared at him before saying, "I'm fine."
Adrien didn't believe that, especially since he'd realized how she'd spent the last few hours. He rather suspected she was more shaken by yesterday's events than she let on. The loss of her Miraculous, the threat of exposure, the guilt—however misplaced—over what had happened with Flamethrower…. If he'd been thinking clearly, he would perhaps have realized that then was not the best time to insist she be entrusted with his secret.
"You know I have every confidence in you," Adrien continued as he dropped his other hand on her other shoulder.
Ladybug took a deep, shuddering breath and then shrugged his hands off. "I'm fine, kitty," she said, despite all evidence to the contrary. She still looked like she was about to cry.
"You may be purrfect, my lady, but I very much doubt you are feeling purrfectly fine."
There it was, a choked sob. It tore at his heart. Ladybug was supposed to be confident, not broken. "No one was hurt yesterday," Adrien said quietly. He hugged her, and she didn't pull away. "You know that. You made sure of it. You were strong."
"I was a fool. I am a fool." Ladybug leaned against his chest and finally wrapped her arms around him. "I was trying to pretend I didn't make a big mistake yesterday. I'm sorry, Chat Noir."
"My lady, your Miraculous—"
"I don't mean that." She released him and pulled back. "But thank you. Again. I'll never be able to say that enough."
She stepped away and pulled out her yo-yo. Adrien reached for her arm. "Ladybug, please, you can talk to me."
For some reason, the words made her laugh. It was a small, desperate laugh, and he didn't like hearing it. It wasn't her usual laugh. "Oh, kitty, that's my problem. I'm still not sure I can."
Adrien frowned, not understanding her. "But—"
"I should go. Just…." Ladybug bit her lip. "Just think before you decide to open that envelope, however much you think you want to know."
Adrien let Ladybug go, but he didn't want to. He wanted to question her—he still didn't know exactly what she was talking about—and he wanted to cheer her up, to see her smile again. A part of him wanted to confess how he felt. She might not have looked to see who he was yet, but knowing she held his secret was at least a step closer to her knowing, and….
And he couldn't bring himself to talk to her, either. Maybe that's what she'd meant. They never did have much time for visits like this, even though he tried to make the most of it whenever he could. He wished they did have more time to get to know each other. At the very least, he wished Ladybug wouldn't shrug off his advances, but he couldn't get her to look at him twice, and….
And it was hard.
Harder than he wanted to admit.
But if they knew each other, if he could be with her when she wasn't Ladybug and he wasn't Chat Noir, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard because maybe she'd come to realize how he felt.
Adrien knew that was no guarantee that he wouldn't have his heart broken, but if he could at least talk to her, then maybe his hope wouldn't be so misplaced.
Adrien pulled the envelope Ladybug had given him out of his pocket and stared at it for a minute. Her secret—their secrets—once shared, could be another beginning for them. It could bring them closer together, and then he would be one step closer to winning his lady's heart.
Adrien slit open the envelope carefully with one sharp claw.
One step closer….