+Weighing Thoughts+
I sat quietly listening, as Mo'at explained to the group of soon to be full warriors, the final stage. However my mind and eyes would constantly stray from her to the man sitting on her left. The same man who was trying to hide the smile that was threatening to betray him every time he looked at me.
It had been two days since Jake and I had argued with one another. Two days since Tsu'tey and I had been keeping our true feelings hidden from everyone. Two days longer I had spent at Hell's Gate. Two days too long in my opinion on that last thought.
As Mo'at finished her speech to the young tsamsiyu (warriors) I instantly breathed a sigh of relief. What she had to say wasn't something I hadn't heard before from Neytiri, or Tsu'tey. I was ready. I could feel it in my bones. Now all I wanted to do was to relax and prepare myself for tomorrow.
As people began to disperse I followed Tsu'tey's gaze as he looked upwards. It was simple what he was trying to say. He wanted to go riding, and he wanted me to follow him. However we had to leave at separate times to avoid suspicion, and this time I was supposed to leave first.
Standing, I started to make my way quietly to where he wanted to go, but I was held up as I felt a hand being placed upon my shoulder. Turning I found Grace and Jake with worried looks. Grace didn't know about Tsu'tey and me, but Jake did; Jake whose look wasn't just worry, but a unacceptance to the situation I had put myself into.
"What is it," I asked looking between the two as my curiosity peaked.
"We need to talk," Grace said with a look that clearly stated it was non-negotiable. Gazing back at Tsu'tey I saw his worried gaze. With a familiar twitch of my smile he knew the look meant to go ahead without me. Turning back to Grace I replied, "Okay, what about?" Taking my hand she led Jake and I away from everyone to a secluded spot. Turning on us she motioned for the two of us to sit.
Taking a seat the farthest away from my brother and boss, I watched as Grace's look became strained. Almost as if she feared what she was going to have to say. However with some coaxing looks from Jake she finally spoke, "The final stage might not be something I want you two to attempt."
"What!"
However a single look my way shut me up quickly as she continued, "As Mo'at explained, the final stage is for them to insert a sort of bacteria into your system to, for a brief moment, bring you closer to Eywa. What that means is to bring you to the brink of death. The bacteria will make you delirious… make you see things. The things they call visions. Not many Na'vi in their history have ever passed away from it, but you two were genetically engineered. You're bodies might not be able to handle this bacteria…"
"…but Mia's did. When she had that accident she…"
"She barely made it out of it, and I don't want her to do it again," Grace spoke vehemently as she stared down my brother whose gaze hardened.
"Grace if we don't try we'll never know. That's what you made our avatars to do; to try. You can't bring us this far, and then try to pull us out. We're too far in," I threw up to her as she shook her head.
"I don't approve of it," she replied shaking her head.
"To bad," Jake spoke suddenly with slight venom to his words. Looking over at him I noticed his determination, "Grace, I'm gonna go through with this with or without your permission. One way or another I'm finishing that final stage tomorrow. I didn't come this far to back out like a coward. We're this close to gaining their trust. To showing them we can be like them. By backing out now we're just proving what they've been trying to say all along. We're just going to have to be that sacrifice you're going to have to make." I was a little taken a back by Jake, and I was more than sure that Grace was too from the way her eyes had grown. Jake had never spoken with that much passion within his whole life. I had never seen him so riled up about something like this ever for that matter. He had always been the guy who laid back and took orders, but something about this just seemed to trigger something in him. I wanted to blame Quartich's orders, but the twinkle I saw in the depths of his eyes told me otherwise.
It was quiet for a few moments between the three of us before she sighed heavily and nodded, "Fine. You're right. I did let you stay here to break barriers, and if I let you two back out now we'll just end up proving them right. Mia, are you sure you're up for this. Are you sure you can go through it again? It's going to be just like the bacteria that entered your system when you hit your head in the water during the storm. We barely pulled you out of it the first time, there's no telling if you'll come out of it the second."
"I've gotta try. I can't back out now. I'd be going against everything I've learned so far if I do that," I replied more to myself than to them.
"I guess it's settled then, Grace. We're going through with it," and with that said Jake walked off leaving Grace and I a little frazzled by his forcefulness in the whole subject.
"Don't worry about him, Grace. He's just…he wants to prove himself," I answered trying to choose my words wisely so as not to alert her to any tension between my brother and I.
"No, I think it's something else," Grace whispered more to herself before she mumbled a quick goodbye. Without so much as another look in my direction I found her quickly walking away. It seemed we all had something on our minds lately.
Turning on my heel I started back on my original destination. A little while later you'd find Tsu'tey and I lying in the soft grass on one of the many floating mountains nearby, while our ikrans, not so far off, flew in sync with one another. It was peaceful out here alone with him. There was no worry of another Na'vi seeing us. No worry of speaking our language fluently. No worry of anything really.
Scooting closer to his side, I repositioned my neck on Tsu'tey's arm while he absentmindedly played with my hair. Our eyes were closed, but we were not tired, nor asleep. We were just enjoying some peace together. Innocent peace compared to what my brother's thoughts probably consisted off when he had seen us sneak off with one another. Other than that one night we had not once created another tsaheylu with one another. We had barely even given one another butterfly kisses. We weren't a couple. We weren't a thing. We could never be mates, but this…this we could simply be. We could lie here with one another, hold one another, and touch one another with such young love gentleness that nothing seemed wrong. That it wouldn't seem as if we were going against what we believed in.
"Are you afraid," Tsu'tey whispered into my ear as the wind picked up around us.
"Were you," I smiled as he simply chuckled.
"No, not until afterwards," Tsu'tey spoke as both of our eyes opened just barely to see one another.
"Why," I asked fidgeting once again as a rock began to poke my side a little too unpleasantly.
"Because then I knew I had to figure out what Eywa had shown me. I also knew then that I was to lead the people one day and it would be a rough path," Tsu'tey explained to me truthfully with a slight sigh. It was quiet for a few moments before the next question slipped off of my lips, "Are you afraid for me."
"I'm afraid you will not like what you will see. However I am not afraid that you won't live through it. You are strong, and you've faced this before unlike the others. I have no doubt in you," Tsu'tey replied turning on his side to face me. Placing his hand on my stomach I turned to look at him as I mumbled, "Comfortable?"
"Very," he chuckled with a devilish smile before placing a soft kiss upon the tip of my nose.
"I'm glad you are," I grinned as I moved once again to try and escape one of the many rocks poking my back.
"You could always lie on top of me," Tsu'tey offered with an evil little smirk coating his lips.
"You would like that wouldn't you," I chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Only if it benefits you." Rolling my eyes at his childlike behavior, I moved once again trying to get comfortable.
"What was it that Dr. Augustine wanted to speak with you about," Tsu'tey asked as his face turned a little serious at bringing up the subject.
"She worries about Jake and I going through with the final stage, because Jake and I are…different…"
"…because you were created Na'vi, not born," Tsu'tey spoke for me as his smile fell, however he didn't pull back from the mention of this. Instead he placed his hand upon my cheek and began to caress it gently.
"Yes," I answered forcing a grimace.
"If she made you Na'vi, then she has no need to worry…"
"My hair, my eyes… Tsu'tey I wasn't completely compatible with this…"
"You will be fine. She has nothing to worry about," he said adamantly looking me directly in the eyes. With a gaze unwavering I finally gave in with a simple nod.
I knew how badly he wanted me to be. I knew how much he saw me as one of him, and not…well...one of them. Leaning up I placed a short, but sweet kiss upon his lips before pulling away. It was to reassure him in our own silent way; a way he very much liked. Smiling like an idiot he leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose once again before standing up.
"Come," he mumbled as he pulled me up and began to lead me toward the edge of the cliff. Without question I followed him as he began calling out to our ikrans. Then without so much as a warning I watched in wonder as he threw himself off the cliff. Calling out in fear I didn't have much time to worry as I watched in pure shock as him and his ikran came soaring straight up. Moving back some I laughed at his daringness, while Sage landed safely beside me. Hoping onto my banshee's back I connected our queues and took off after him.
Catching up next to the crazy fool I turned to look at the insane daredevil as he simply laughed at me. "You're crazy," I called out to him as he called back, "I have to be. If I weren't how could I handle you?" Mouth agape at his smart remark, it soon turned into a smirk as I swayed Sage into his ikran. Still laughing at me, he did the same, and there started the aerial war we had so often found ourselves in these past two days.
By the time night came, we were safely perched upon our normal branch in home-tree, with our lips innocently tracing one another's. Our senses were on high alert though. We were no longer making the same mistake we had before that first night. Not with the threat of Atan'eko lurking in the dark waiting to get his hands on something as juicy as this and use it against me.
Pulling away Tsu'tey breathed, "Goodnight, Mia. Sweet dreams," while I whispered back just as breathlessly, "Sweet dreams, Tsu'tey." Smiling at me, he urged me forward. Taking those first few steps away from him were the hardest, because I'd always wanted to run back to his touch, but the next few became easier, and then the ones after that. What was the hardest was when I'd get to my bed, and realize I'd be lying alone that night. However when I got there tonight I found Jake waiting for me.
"Late night flying," Jake said a little bitterly.
"Don't judge me for what you yourself do," I threw at him as my eyes traveled over to Neytiri's sleeping form within her cocoon.
"You need to stop. This has to stop. You're taking it to far…"
"It will stop…"
"Whenever they are mated, but for how long will that be? Damn it, Mia! Think with the brain God gave you and take a moment to realize you're getting caught up in something that's not real," Jake threw at me angrily with a hushed whisper.
"Me! Talk about yourself. You and your powerful speech today to Grace about how we need to do this. I think someone's getting a little to big for their loin clothe. It seems to me somebody else is getting caught up in what's not real," I threw at him furiously trying to keep my voice low so as not to attract any unwanted listeners. Hearing a feral hiss from Jake, I didn't back down as I emitted one of my own. We stayed like that for a minute or two with our ears perked up, our eyes boiling with rage, and not one thought of backing down. However as realization started to sink in at what we were doing our muscles relaxed, our eyes filled remorse, and our thoughts turned into ones of guilt.
"You can't keep doing it. Neither of us can," Jake spoke for the first time including himself. Jake wasn't just trying to take the big, protective brother role, he was owning up to it. He was meaning it. He wasn't just trying; he was doing.
Jumping into my bed I refrained from saying anything else. I couldn't say anything else. I was afraid that if I did that we'd only end up in an argument again. Looking over at me, Jake's gaze softened as he whispered, "You're my little sister Mia, twin maybe, but still my little sister. It's up to me now to make sure you don't make the same mistakes. Tommy's not here to protect us anymore. We have to figure this out on our own. There aren't any second chances after this one. This is the second chance, and we don't need to be screwing it up." Nodding along with what he was saying I was only half taking it in. Didn't he understand I already knew this? Didn't he understand this is what I had been trying to avoid?
"See you on the other side, Jake," and with that I closed the cocoon, separating us for good. I didn't want to hear anymore. I couldn't let myself hear anymore. Closing my eyes I forced my mind to shut down that night.
When I awoke, the lab was cold, quiet, and to bright for my liking. Slipping out of my link bed I headed straight for my real bed. Without even one glance to see if Grace was up I headed right out the lab doors.
Upon reaching my room I felt a cloud of relief flood over me. I needed sleep right now. I needed it more than I needed air. There was only so much I could take within a week. Undressing out of my day clothes I threw on a nightgown, and jumped straight into bed. I'd have to be up early tomorrow morning. We were heading back to the shack. Not to mention later that night I had a date with death, or Eywa one. Closing my eyes I let sleep take over me as I drifted off into a not so peaceful sleep.
White…that's all there was around me. White walls, white light, and white hands as they reached out for someone who was not there.
"Hush little baby don't you cry…
…cause momma's gonna sing you a lullaby…" came a voice in the distance. A voice I can remember as a little girl right before I'd fall asleep; a voice that would soothe many worries with just a simple song.
"Momma," I asked looking around the white room.
"Hush now…everything's alright," came her voice again, and as I turned I found her standing before me looking as if nothing had ever changed. She still wore her light blue sweater, her hair still fell in unison with mine, and her eyes mimicked my sky blue's with such playfulness there was no denying we weren't related. However as I went to move… so did she. As I went to speak… her mouth moved. It was then I realized I was staring into a mirror; a mirror showing who I was to become with old age.
My mother was gone. Just like everyone else I had ever known. "This isn't who you are…is it," Tommy whispered from beside me. Looking over my shoulder I shook my head. "Don't let what seems to be fool you. You make it what it is. Only you can change it. There is nothing holding you back Mia…nothing," he echoed through gritted teeth. Nodding I watched as my mother's features changed. I watched her skin turn blue, her earth clothing being replaced with Pandorian wardrobe, and her facial structure turn much more cat like. Within no time there stood an older version of not my mother, but me in Na'vi form. A proud Na'vi with no fear; no resentment.
As I reached out to touch the mirror, I instead fell through it as if it were water. I was being hurled forward, as if I were falling, and as I fell I saw images. I saw things that pulled at my heart. I saw what could be. I saw a Na'vi family of my own. I saw a Na'vi life to the very end.
However right before I reached the end of my journey I heard an annoying buzzing sound, and it only kept getting louder, and louder, until finally…I opened my eyes.
My eyes lids jerked open as I looked around my room frantically. There was no fire, there was no disaster. There was only my alarm clock signaling it was time for me to get up. Groaning, I couldn't help but hate that it only felt as if I had just jumped into bed.
Hearing movement in the adjoining room, and a similar groan to mine, it was obvious that I had slept longer than I thought. Reaching over to the nightstand I slammed my hand down on the button before swinging my legs over the side of the bed. Looking over at the wall at the mirror, I instantly noticed that instead of my Na'vi self staring back at me, it was my human self. With another loud groan of annoyance I stood and headed directly over to my bag.
After cleaning up and getting dressed, I made sure Jake was up, or getting close to being there, before I headed out the door with bags in hand. Heading straight to the lab I found Norm and Grace packing up their equipment.
"Ready to get the hell out of Dodge," I mumbled as I stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets. Today Hell's Gate seemed to be almost frozen inside. The moment I had entered the warm shower I hadn't wanted to leave. However after forcing myself to get out I had thrown on the warmest clothes I had; a pair of blue jeans/skinny jeans, white tennis shoes, a black tank, and finally my white vintage Pussycat Dolls jacket.
Noticing my hood up, and my shaking form, Norm replied, "It seems like you are. Guess you noticed the change in air temperature."
"Yeah, what's the deal with that," I questioned looking between Grace and Norm.
"The air is busted. They're trying to fix it, but they're having some complications," Grace shrugged as I grumbled unhappily, "You think."
"Don't worry, we'll be out in the warm air soon enough," Norm reassured me as Jake rolled in wearing a pair of jeans, boots, and his old black NFL hoodi.
"Let me guess, Hell froze over last night," Jake tried to joke with me, but instead I shrugged him off as I began to help Norm gather his things. Jake's frown grew as he rolled away to talk with Grace, leaving Norm to question me.
"You and Jake haven't worked things out I see."
"Nope," I replied as I put some plant samples into a case carefully.
"Listen Mia, I know what he's doing is wrong, but he's your brother. He needs you now more than ever…"
"So what," I grumbled, but this only pissed Norm off as he slammed what was in his hand down, before turning to me and saying, "Mia, let me explain something to you. You should be happy you have your brother. Be happy that he's still here breathing for that matter. Be happy that he's actually tried to get to know you, because here's the thing…not everyone is as lucky as you." Looking up at the fuming Norm with a questioning gaze, I put down what I was doing and asked carefully, "What's that supposed to mean, Norm?"
"Mia, just be glad that your brother is alive, or even still cares about you. I don't even have that. My eldest sister, the only one that gave two cents about me, passed away when the disease hit on Earth. My step siblings, and half siblings, don't give a damn about me enough to even care I got to come to this planet. Like I said, be glad you got at least one brother whose willing do what he has to for you," looking at Norm a little astonished I began to say, "Norm, I didn't kno…"
"Don't worry about it, Mia. No one knows. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm content with my life now and that's all there is to it," he replied with a half forced grin before adding, "Talk to him. Trying to reason, show him how you see things, and listen to how he sees things. You might find common ground. When you first came here it wasn't hard for you two to do it the first time."
"So you're all for him going behind Grace's back and helping Quartich?"
"Now I didn't say that. Trust me I'm not happy about it, and if I wouldn't feel so bad about hitting a cripple I'd give him a few licks, but everyone has a reason for doing what they do. I think he does," Norm replied picking up what he left off at before going into a rant. Smiling at Norm, he noticed the grin. "What," he asked as I simply shrugged and replied, "Nothing, just Trudy ought to feel lucky to have you as her man. Told you that you'd find someone eventually."
"Thank you for your wonderful advice Sensei," Norm joked as he bowed graciously. Slapping his shoulder we went into a fit of laughter, before getting briefly yelled at by Grace. She was in a big hurry to get back to the shack and get away from Quaritch and Selfridge who had been driving her up the wall. Apparently they had been pushing her to persuade the Na'vi to listen to their orders. Turning our laughter into quiet giggles, Norm and I went straight back to work.
Within no time we were half way to the shack as I sat in my own little quiet corner on the helicopter. With my mind elsewhere I didn't happen to notice the ikran flying nearby until one zoomed right passed the window. Jumping back I heard Trudy laugh up front as she pointed them out to the rest of group in the helicopter. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath as I willed myself to calm. I wasn't nervous because of the flying. I had conquered that in other ways however I was nervous about tonight. One way or another I was going to have to go through with it. Either I was going to die tonight, or I was going to be reborn. It was a very nerve racketing thought to even have in your head.
Opening my eyes when I felt the helicopter land I immediately went to unbuckling my belt. Grabbing my bags and putting on my mask I was the first one to exit the plane. Walking straight up to the shack without a simple look back at the others, I opened its door and closed it behind me. As the air changed in the compartment I pulled my mask off and let myself breath in what I could only call as home now. It was a place I could feel comfortable in. It was a place that not even on Earth or at Hell's Gate could I find a sense of calm. The only place better than this, was Home-Tree.
Walking through the finally door, I shut it tightly for the next occupants, while I took time to look around the room. Yep, I definitely felt at home in this cramped little half trailer, half laboratory shack. Hearing the next two people enter from the first door I immediately started heading straight over to my bed. Dropping my stuff onto the floor, I plopped onto the mattress with a long sigh. It was still too early to link, and I was still really tired. Normally I would still link, but today I just felt like catching as much sleep as possible.
Feeling a hand on my shoulder I opened my eyes and turned to look at Grace, "Yep," I mumbled. "You alright," she questioned with a motherly tone, but a boss like expression.
"I'm good, Mom. Just tired is all," I said as she took a seat and replied, "Don't give me that. You were quiet the whole way here. What's eating at you?"
"What else," I replied a little darkly sitting up.
"You don't have to go through with it…"
"You're wrong. I do have to go through with it. I didn't come this far Grace to give up. I've quit a lot of things, but I'm not about to quit this," I mumbled, as she didn't quite catch my hidden meaning behind what I had just said. Then again why should she? No one, but Tsu'tey, knew about my true life, and just how many times I had quit before I came here.
"I know you and Jake feel like you have to do this, but doing this won't make you one of them. Nothing will…"
"I know, Grace. Trust me I know. I heard you, Jake, and Max all tell me that before. I've heard it so much I dream of you all saying it. I just can't help but think it isn't true. Some part of me just seems to think this isn't it. That there's something…" however she quieted me with a stern look and a firm squeeze on my hand. Sighing I replied, "You know…don't worry about it, Mom. I'm good. I'm just tired is all." Looking at me carefully she nodded before standing up and heading to go unpack. Noticing Jake looking at me oddly, I went to hold his gaze in defiance, but instead of matching it he wheeled himself away into the other part of the shack.
Shaking it off, I lied back down and closed my eyes as I willed myself to sleep. It was a peaceful, dreamless sleep, but a good sleep; a sleep where I could still hear the others in the shack, and I knew what was going on around me. It was the kind of sleep that you'd take in Geometry class, or whatever subject made you drowsy in high school. However it was not a good sleep for ones who wished to talk about you when you weren't listening.
"I'm worried about her, Jake. I'm worried that when it comes time for her to leave she's not going to. I'm especially worried that she seems to think this could be made permanent. Our technology has advanced, but not that far. I can't give her what she wants…what she needs. I know she's happy, but this isn't her life…this isn't who she is," Grace confided to Jake not to far away from my bed.
"She understands that Grace. We both do, but she'll fight you tooth and nail until she knows there's no hope. You've shown her a world where escaping is possible, and she'll fight to find something to make it permanent until there's absolutely no hope left. Mia's always been that way since we were kids. She'll fight you. She'll fight for what's right even when everyone else believes it's wrong. Sometimes I think that's what made me distance myself from her and my brother. I never really gave a damn. I did what was asked of me, because I always assumed it was right, but they…they had different views. I think if I had spoken out, instead of being the quiet brother, that our relationship today would have been a lot more difficult than it is now. Putting Mia, and I together is like putting fire and ice all in one. Either way one is going to win no matter what it takes. No matter the cost. So if I was you, if you're thinking of pulling the plug on her I'd advise you have a good, solid reason for it, because if you don't…well I'm not sure you'll be able to handle the little spit fire my brother built her up to be," Jake replied with a twinge of pride in the last bit of his words.
"I'm not saying I'm going to pull the plug on her. What I'm saying is she needs to understand that there's no way in technology she's ever going to be able to be like them. Our technology is still primitive in that area. Trust me if I could… I'd switch her brain over to her avatar's in a split second. I know what she's gone through, and I know how happy this is making her, it's just I can't and it's frustrating…"
"Now you see what I've been going through since the day she was born," Jake chuckled, which must have earned him a look from Grace.
"Jake you need to talk to her…make her underst…"
"You think I haven't, Grace. She won't listen. Like I said before, she'll fight you tooth and nail," Jake told her with a tired sigh.
"If she does this tonight, I fear there's no turning back for her. I think in her mind she will be one of them, and she won't turn back. She has to be able to turn back. She has to be able to leave this when it comes time," Grace voiced adamantly as I heard a book slam.
"She'll be able to…when it comes time. She won't want to, but she'll be able. That's one thing that makes us the same. Mia and I know how to put our happiness behind us when there's something much more important at hand." It was quiet for a few minutes. So quiet I thought they had left the room, until Grace spoke one last time, "I really hope your right, Jake. I really hope you two can pull away when it comes time."
Later after I had gotten up, Norm, Trudy, and I had all shared a brief breakfast together. It was short, and quiet, but it was nicer than spending it alone. Jake had already linked, as well as Grace. Once I was done I immediately went straight for Gorgeous, my normal link bed. Tuning her up and setting all the right dials, I jumped right on it after pressing the big red button.
Awakening in my avatar was bitter sweet. Instead of going off to train, or spend time with Tsu'tey I was immediately ushered away after breakfast by Neytiri. Jake had talked to her, and had asked her to speak to me about, 'not going through with this.' Neytiri believed I could, but her loyalty to Jake was just as strong. She literally pleaded with me to think before I made my decision. She wanted me to understand that I was doing this for me, and not for anyone else.
Briefly reassuring her, she led me away again to go get ready for the ceremony. When we arrived to our destination she handed me off to one of the female Na'vi's. Looking around the room I noticed all of the young tsamsiyu being painted up, and blessed. Hearing a tsking sound I turned and noticed the female Na'vi getting irritated with my fidgeting as she started to paint me up. Taking in a deep breath I let her do her work.
It was hard staying still, but within no time I was standing up and being led somewhere else. Turning I noticed Jake and Neytiri a few feet away. She was painting him up, and getting him ready. However as I looked at his eyes I found that instead of looking at me with coldness, they were looking at Neytiri with warmth, and something that seemed so familiar. An emotion I had once seen someone else wear for me. However I didn't have much time to think of it as I was led away to another part of Home-tree.
In this secluded section, Mo'at sat as she readied some black gunk in a bowel. Something that looked suspiciously like what she had been talking about the other day. Feeling the goose-bumps on my arms raise I took a seat and watched quietly as she smashed whatever was inside that bowel, into mush. Looking up, finally noticing me, she smiled reassuringly. Giving her a nervous grimace back, I notice her eyes turn away from mine, as more entered. Jake was last as he took a seat beside me.
There were six of us in all. Jake, Atan'eko, Atan'eko's sister, two male Na'vi I had seen around and about, and then me. We were all here to pass the final stage. Mo'at stood and one at a time took us to our own places to lie separately. Jake and I were the closest to one another. Then giving us all one final blessing, Mo'at administered the black gunk to a freshly cut wound on our arms.
Closing my eyes I listened quietly as everyone calmed, and let themselves slip into sleep, or whatever was to come. As I lied there with my eyes closed I too slowly began to slip into darkness; darkness unlike any other I had met.
Opening my eyes, I looked around the room. Nothing had changed; I must have just dozed off. Standing up I figured it was time for me to leave, but as I stood I realized something. My body did not follow. Instead I still lied there with my eyes closed. Jake next to me was restless. His eyes would scrunch every few seconds and he'd twisted and turned madly.
With brow raised, I went to touch him, but the room darkened as a buzzing entered my range of hearing. Looking around I moved away and began to follow the noise. Every sense in me was screaming, 'NO.' Every advice I had ever heard, including the one about the mischievous cat, and how its curiosity killed it, began to replay in my mind. However, I continued forward right on out of the room, past the awake Na'vi who either did not notice me, or paid no mind to me. Some seemed to look right through me as if I weren't even there. For all I knew I wasn't.
Following the buzzing, I found a light flying past me, away from the darkness that was closing in. Cocking my head slightly as it hovered in front of me, I went to reach out, yet right as my hand came within touching distance luminous ball zipped forward.
Taking one look back at the crowd of Na'vi waiting on the others, I assumed it would be okay to follow this thing for the time being. Besides, if they hadn't minded it, then why should I. However, what I hadn't noticed was just how much in slow motion everything had been moving at the time; now I did.
Every step I took seemed to take for ages as I was led to the entrance of Home-tree. Getting a little frustrated now as I reached out to catch the ball again, but finding it just out of reach, I started to pull back. However the buzzing just got louder at this action. So moving forward again I followed the ball once more until it stopped right before reaching the forest's edge. Then the blue glow from the moons and planet above seemed to suddenly die and take on a red hue. The buzzing had gotten unbearable loud. So much that I had to place my hands over my ears. Turning to head back to Home-tree to get away from whatever was going on I found that instead of the place I call home that normally loomed above me, it was instead a hideous site.
My eyes filled with tears, my chest with a strong pain, and body seemed to shake with a vengeance. I could not will my legs to move. I could not will my lips to speak. I could barely even keep my vision as my tears clouded my eyes. My lungs were on fire. I couldn't breathe as the smoke hovered around me. The fire was so hot I didn't have to touch it to feel my skin burn. As I lifted my hands away from my ears I could hear their screams of pain, agony, hate, anger, and loss. I could see blood, bodies, and… a fallen home.
I watched in terror as fire engulfed Home-Tree. I watched as it turned it to embers. I watched as the wood splintered, charred, and died. Then I watched in a split second as Home-Tree gave way and fell. I heard the sound, the crashing, and the loud buzzing in my ear from the impact, but in that split second I had closed my eyes, everything seemed to change.
Opening my eyes I found myself looking into a forest of beauty. The same forest I had in a dream not long ago. The bright white limbs swayed in the breeze, and glowed so warmly, but as I reached out to touch one I found it gone, and replaced with a field of dirt. The place barren and stripped, and there I stood reaching out to nothing.
Stepping back in panic I turned and found myself face to face with a thanator. Its eyes pinning mine with a look so calm it was unreal. Stalking towards me I found I could not move. I couldn't breath. However as it was mere inches from jumping me, it instead placed its paw onto my chest. From the weight I fell, and was forced to look up directly into the creature's eyes. Then a voice spoke to me.
"This is who you are….this is who I wanted you to be…. You can help to stop further destruction," came a woman's voice as the creature continued to stare me in the eyes, but as I focused I realized that instead of seeing my reflection in them I saw something else.
I instead saw my brother standing proudly looking down on a large gathering of Na'vi. He had the traditional Mohawk, and he wore the traditional battle garb. He was a leader. He was strong…
"So are you…"
I watched as my face began to mirror in its eyes, and instead of seeing the terrified features of my Na'vi self, I saw a warrior. I saw a female Na'vi ready for battle. She looked proud, determined, like nothing could harm her. She was not alone either. She stood with many. She stood with a tribe she had come to call family. She stood with a man that belonged to her, and only her.
However this man couldn't be mine…he belonged to someone else.
"You change things… you and your brother make them different… the tide is changing… the wind is getting stronger… and you can feel it, because I wanted to you too. You are Na'vi. You are WARRIOR," the voice yelled with a proud tone. Looking into the animal's eyes I could hear a new sound; a sound of a new born infant. Its cry split the air, and a feeling came over me; sort of like a feeling of pride, joy, and of knowing. I understood in some odd way as the thanator moved and allowed me to sit up.
Watching the animal retreat I noticed something familiar about the paw that had pushed me down. Its scar looked eerily familiar. Turning its head to look back at me I heard one final whisper, "When the time comes…you will understand what to do. I will always be with you my child."
Suddenly I felt as if I had a string attached to my back, and now a million people were yanking on it. I was being pulled back to wherever the string ended. As I moved I could see Home-Tree, the na'vi, and then suddenly the room. Coming to stand in front of my body I saw Jake sitting above me now as Mo'at watched a little afar. Had he seen Eywa already? Had he awoken, but there was no time? I was being pushed to lie back down, and as I did my spirit became one with my body once again, and when I opened my eyes…
…I found myself staring up into my brother's. "Hey there….you coming back to the real world finally," Jake chuckled as I groaned. "That was a trip," I mumbled as I slowly set up.
"Carefully," Jake said as Mo'at rushed over to hand me some water. Sipping slowly I looked around the room and noticed everyone else was gone.
"Where is everyone," I asked looking up at the two.
"They have finished. Jake only waited for you," Mo'at explained as she stood and began to head out, "I will let them all know you two are awake." With that she left leaving my brother to stare at me oddly.
"What did you see," he asked with eager curiosity.
"What did you see," I countered him a little bitterly as my mind slowly slipped back into its right place.
"Maybe… Eywa," he mumbled as if he didn't believe himself.
"Maybe," I chuckled as he looked at me sternly, "Then I guess you didn't…"
"I did. Just making sure before I said anything. No need to make you think I'm nuts dear brother," I replied as he grinned ever so slightly. Standing up he lifted me to my feet and said, "Come on, we better head out there." Nodding we made our way up the steps.
The Na'vi say that every person is born twice. The second time is when you earn your place among The People… forever. As we emerged from below into the room full of Na'vi's, I guess you could say that's how it felt. I felt apart of them. I felt as if there was no turning back.
Looking upon Grace, I think she sort of realized it too. Even with tears in her eyes from the pride she felt for 'her two children,' she knew. She understood that this is what I wanted, and that like Jake had said before. I would fight tooth and nail for it, even if it was the last thing I'd do.
Walking up to Eytukan, with my brother on my left, I saw Tsu'tey come around behind me. Neytiri came to stand next to Jake, while Grace hung in the back. Then Eytukan spoke, "You are now a son and daughter of the Omaticaya. You are part of The People." The last of his words hit home. It brought a sense of joy I'd never thought I'd feel. Something felt right.
Placing a hand each upon my brother and me, others soon followed. Neytiri placed her hands upon Jake, Mo'at on my right, and Tsu'tey behind us even placed his hand upon both Jake and I. All of this started a chain reaction, and before I knew it everyone hand their hands upon someone's shoulder. Looking over at Jake, his eyes met mine. Slowly my lips turned upwards, and a warmth and understanding filled them. I needed my brother. I couldn't hate him for his mistakes. We all would need my brother soon. Reaching my hand out to his shoulder I felt him tense. However, as he relaxed his expression changed, and as he placed his hand upon my shoulder a word reverberated through my mind. Txoa. Forgiveness.
Hope this suits your all's needs :-). Sorry I've been late getting it up. Like I said I didn't have barely anything written when I went on the leadership academy, so that didn't help. However what definitely hasn't helped is that when I got back I somehow caught Mono. How in the world did I catch Mono! I'm a freaking clean freak! All I can say is that I was sick as a dog, and I really didn't feel like writing. However as soon as I got better I forced myself to sit down and write this for you all. It was a hard chapter to write, but I think I got it right. Anyway I really hope you enjoyed it, and I missed you all terribly since I was gone.
Thanks for all the wonderful reviews while I was gone-…salarian scientist… slytherinangel01… FanFictionAddiction4EVER… Gorillaz Fan… N7… Black Dragon Miko… EmyNegro… 08794… Emmalime… and Jake. (If I forgot anyone please let me know. I had to use a phone to find out who all reviewed and I will say it's not the easiest thing to do being the blonde I am.)
Also a big thanks to the readers who just stop by to take a peak, or even the non-reviewers. I know ya'll are out there reading this, and it does make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing you do really like this story. Thank you ever so much for reading and encouraging me to write. Especially while I've been sick, cause I really needed that encouragement. Either way, thank you to non-reviewers, and reviewers alike.