Warning: …(looks at reader)… the heck is wrong with you
Warning: …(looks at reader)… the heck is wrong with you? …. Oh, you want a fic! Well, lesse here… nope, not ZeroYuki, KanameYuki, AidoYori, KainRuka, ShikiRima… (Kaz: ((barf..)) ) and definitely not all-those-hot-guys-and-an-OC! … so scat, ya typical finding loser. Here ye, here ye, come you Yaoi followers!!
Kaz: Sorry. She means well. (randomreaderthatyouwishedwasn'tyou: ..typical?) (Kaz spears him/her) … yay yaoi. OO
Fix: right, warning. Global wapoo!! Er, sorry… I mean stupidity and a whole mess of crack. Maybe. I don't know. You lookin' at me funny?
Kaz: (holding out speared person's roasted leg) …Chicken?
Fix: there is self-insertion here, so… if ya don't like that either…
Kaz: (looks at current reader) …OO More chicken…
ETC: ENJOY!!
--
That Saturday morning, no one expected the black limousine that stopped in front of Cross Academy. No one but Headmaster Cross.
"They're here! They're here! You, call Yuki-chan for me!! Dear gods, they're here!!"
The student soon returned with the brunette in tow, who looked quite… confused at the sight of her father pacing in front of the limo. Limo?
"Ano… Headmaster-"
"DADDY!!"
Yuki twitched, "…uh…" …but then again, it was the only way… "Otou-san…?"
Hearts popped behind the Headmaster, and he clasped her hands in his in joy. (XD)
"My dear, sweet, Yuki-chan!" Cross exclaimed, "There are two adorable little girls who have come to the school today!! They said they had an appointment with the Night Class and Zero-chan! Go, go and fetch that wayward brother of yours!"
This was accompanied by much arm movement and gestures that the Headmaster did not notice the presence of said wayward 'brother' right in the path of his outstretched arm…
THUMP.
"Ah! Zero!! There you are!!" Yuki blinked, quite surprised at Zero's 'cue entrance' (it was not like he meant it…).
Zero looked at the pair, deciding it was most likely a mistake that he came out of the training room. Damn it. He sighed nonetheless.
"What is it, Yuki?" he knew better than to ask the gesticulating man behind him for information, if he wanted it to be useful. ("-gasp!")
Yuki ignored the pained gasp from the Headmaster, "He said there were two guests today… for the Night Class…and you."
The irritated frown was a sign that Zero did not like the guests one bit, even if he hadn't met them yet. Damn it. He looked towards the black limo, and jerked his head to it. "That them?"
Before Cross could answer (yet again, in a sparkly and overly-enthusiastic way…), Yuki blocked him, "Uh-huh".
Zero sighed. Glancing at the students that had gathered around them, he fixed his usually scary glare and scowl before muttering,
"Scat."
…which the students did, without much question. He walked towards the black limo, getting ready to open the door when a man in a black suit stepped around and opened it for him.
"Much appreciated, Hoshu…" the tip of a red shoe descended on to the granite ground, followed by a white stocking-ed leg…
"…Kaien, is that you?! You grew!!" a top hat covered their view of the speaker, who was wearing a formal looking black suit and waving a wooden cane.
Yuki glanced at Cross, then the limo, then Cross again, "Headmaster… you know them?"
"Of course! Arsashi-san, Kurenai-san, it's been such a long time since we talked! And this is actually the first time I've seen you two in the flesh… I didn't realize you were as small as you said…" Cross said as he looked down at the two guests.
A small blonde girl who was wearing a little red and black Lolita dress blinked up at him, "We're cute.", she tugged on one of her long pigtails.
"See?"
The blonde in the black suit nodded and raised her cane to tap lightly on Cross' cheek. "You ARE taller than the picture… ah, and this must be your kawaii Yuki-chi! (XD)" she said and poked Yuki's cheek.
Yuki could only helplessly look at Cross then, when she realized she couldn't really count on him to help her out, at Zero.
…who was now being meticulously fussed over by the Lolita-wearing girl.
"…your skin looks really pale…Have you been drinking well?? ..and don't even get me started on the current state of your uniform!! Haven't you been taught how to greet guests properly?? Now, say something!! Don't just stand there looking overly-broody!!"
"But Kazu, he is broody after all. To ask him to change would be too, too much! … I will not leave this school without a picture of you smiling, Zero Kiryu-chi, you can bet on it!... nice to meet you by the way. My name is Freya Kurenai… I am much older than I look, and yes, you may glare at us in your non-committal sort-of-way as you lead us to the Moon Dormitory!"
Zero was, in fact, glaring in the way 'Kurenai-san' described, and if one were to listen to the thoughts inside his head, they would no more profit in it than if they would listen to a bee hive. A lot of grumbling.
The Lolita-clad girl pointed a defiant finger up in the air, "To the Moon Dorms, then, Zero-chi!!"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT ANNOYING NICKNAME!!" Zero bellowed, glaring down at the two.
The redder (XD) of the two merely clung on to Zero's arm and flashed a mega-watt smile, "My name is Kazuya Arsashi. (3) I'm younger than that other one…though it doesn't mean I'm less rabid."
Freya smiled and tipped her hat to Cross and Yuki, "Fare thee well, Yuki-chi, Kaien-shi(1)! Now, Zero-pon-chi, TO THE MOON DORMS!!"
--
Ichijou looked up from Kaname's paperwork (why was he doing them in the first place??), towards the door, from where he heard the strangest name…
"Zero-pon-kuru-chi!!"
"Zewo-rinnnn!!"
"Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-chi!!"
"Je-Ro-Riiiinnnnnnnnn!!"
"Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-chi!!"
"ZEROOOOO!! … COKE ZEROOOO!!"
"…yeah, I am getting kinda thirsty… Zero-pon-kuru-mappu-dokidoki-achuu-chi, knock on yonder door and ask for permission to enter."
Ichijou smiled. What… interesting names Zero's guests were calling him. He really should take them down-
BAMMM!!
"Kyaaaa!! Poow mistew doow!! Zewo bwoke mistew doooooooooowwwww!!"
Exclaimed a little girl in a Lolita dress, as she swung back and forth from Zero's arm. Another girl entered, and upon doing so, swept off the top hat on her head.
"Gokigenyou, kyuuketsuki-san!! (Good day, vampire-san!!)"
It seems not only Ichijou found the noise quite…attractive. Many were already woken up by then, and Aido spearheaded the 'complaints committee' for this day.
"Ichijouuuuuu… what the heck is with that noise??"
"Hanabusa…"
"Oh, Aido, Kain. It seems that we have guests…" the blonde vampire replied, glancing at the two girls who were now seated across him.
"Akatsuki Kain-dono!!(2)… and Aido. Good morning to you two." The one in the black suit said, smiling a most familiar smile at the two cousins.
Aido twitched. He didn't like feeling less special. It seems he won't be liking that one. Now, about that other one…
Kazuya stood up and bowed, fixing an almost bland look on her face at the cousins, "Ohayou gozaimasu. I hope you both had some last night."
Aido stopped in mid-scrutiny. Kain, however, seemed not to have heard as the girl in the black suit stood up as well and offered him her seat.
"I will not have Akatsuki Kain-dono standing while I sit in comfort! … have you eaten breakfast already, Akatsuki Kain-dono?" she asked.
Kazuya sensed the ominous waves of hatred Aido was radiating and decided to help out the less fortunate, "Ano, Aido… you can sit over here if you want."
It was a sweet gesture in itself…if only Kazuya wasn't presenting the side table-top.
Ichijou smiled and held Aido by the hem of his shirt. "Calm down. Now, how can we help you two? And Kiryu-san, as it seems you're not letting him escape."
Zero was being held to the ground by the wooden cane… with no one holding it.
"Let-me-go!Argh… stupid wooden cane…" he grumbled.
"Ano, Ichijou-sama, if I may ask about Senri Shiki-sama and Kaname-chi?" the blonde in the black suit asked, popping out behind him.
As if on cue, a small scuffle was heard coming from the general direction of the kitchen. Soon, a mop of dark brown hair was sighted atop a (bear) pajama-clad teen hugging a huge cookie jar. He scuffled over to the nearest couch and plopped down, oblivious to all that surrounded him. Well, at least until Ichijou called his name…
"Shiki?"
The bear-pajama-clad teen, also known as Shiki, looked up and proceeded to crawl over to the blonde. Upon reaching his destination, he then laid his head on Ichijou's lap, and resumed his oblivious-ness.
The two 'guests' looked. Soon, a flash blinded the vampires' eyes.
"Captured! At… nine forty-seven am… sugoi Kazu, I didn't expect it this early!" Freya said, keeping something in her top-hat.
The one nicknamed 'Kazu' nodded, though kept her somewhat uninterested face, "Good for us, then."
Ichijou blinked. Hm?
As it seemed that everyone was being too acceptant of the two strangers, Kain took it upon himself to ask, "…What are you two doing here? And why do you have Kiryu hostage?"
Kazuya took it upon herself to answer the latter, "Kiryu is here as bait." She said, seemingly brandishing Zero's arm (about the only part she could brandish then).
"Tis true, tis true, Akatsuki Kain-dono! Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-chi is bait of the highest caliber! We have been assured so by our thoughts and intuition. Are we perhaps bothering you, Akatsuki Kain-dono?"
But before Kain could even reply, Zero yelled, "STOP CALLING ME THAT!!"
"Stop calling you what, Kiryu-kun?"
And as if the mere voice of the president of the Night Class could have been the sword needed to cut through this melee- well, it seems to be so-, the occupants of the lounge turned to the staircase to find Kaname Kuran.
"Ah! Kaname-chiii-"
WHOOSH!!
In mere seconds, Kaname Kuran had earned a brand new arm accessory.
Kazuya looked up at him with an expression of utter…uh…'rapture' (?), "Kanaaaameeee-samaaaaa…."
In fright (of another fangirl stalking their beloved president) Aido and Kain swept out their weapons and pointed them at the 'accessory'.
"Stop! Get off Kaname-sa—"
Aido was in turn stopped by the wooden cane landing squarely on his head.
"Cease and desist! Aido, you mustn't even try, to pry off a fan such as Kazu is a plea for death and humiliation!! And Akatsuki Kain-dono, I would rather die thrice than face the mere thought of you being injured!!" Freya exclaimed, grasping Kain's hands.
…and did anyone notice that there was still a wooden cane pinning Zero to the ground?
Meanwhile, 'rabid fan' Kazu was leading Kaname (they're now both chibis) on to a space in the couch, leading him gently by his hand.
Ichijou smiled (XD again) and looked at Zero. "Kiryu-san, are you alright down there? You seem to be getting off better than Aido is…"
(Aido was currently trying to feel for the rather large bump on his head.)
Zero chose not to reply and instead focused with renewed energy to pull himself off of the floor. Where did his renewed energy come from? I guess the 2 guests can answer…
"…oi, mitte, Kazu! Zero's fighting some more!! Maybe the fact that Kaname-chii is so close… may be it spurred him to action!! … jeez Zero, you could spur more than that!" Freya intoned, massaging the nonexistent tension away from Kain's shoulders.
Kazuya looked up from her current 'hand-holding' (-worship??) session and stated blandly, "I'm just ecstatic to see Kaname-sama. I know Zero is too. And more importantly, I know they're really for each other… to have and to hold…to love and to cherish…"
"In sickness and in health, between the realms of life and death, amen! …now, if we only had a ring, and if I only had my fake license as a priest. Akatsuki Kain-dono, would you like some tea? Cookies?"
Freya chose to ignore the apparently strong grip Shiki had on the cookie jar.
However, Kain chose to notice his cousin, who was growing mushrooms (3) at the corner of the room, in a dejected pose(4).
"Hanabusa… the bump on your head is swelling." He observed, as he held the blonde's head closer. His fingers gently tapped the bump, which drew a pained gasp from the vampire.
"Itte itte, Akatsuki…"
As Freya watched the scene (with her video camera recording everything), she nudged the half-vampire at her feet. "Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-chi, do you want to be free now?"
That question, for Zero, was like asking him 'Do you want to breathe?'. Of course he nodded.
"Then…" Freya tapped the cane with her foot and it released Zero.
Zero, like any once-bound and frightened forest animal (XD) sprinted towards the (now damaged) door. Fortunately, a lasso caught him by the waist and pulled him back with so much intensity that he was pushed against the couch…or that part of the couch…with that person… on the couch…person-
Simply put, he was sitting on the lap of Kaname Kuran, who looked mildly surprised by this development. Yet inside, he was wholly amused.
Freya looked. She fumbled in her top hat and pulled out a rather large syringe.
"Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-chi, hold still while I collect some blood from you. It seems that it's been concentrated in your face, in what is otherwise known as a blush." Freya said as she walked towards the couch.
Zero tried in vain to free himself (once more XD), paling slightly at the sight of the too-large syringe pointed at him. not that he was scared… too much… just enough.
To his surprise, a pair of arms held him close. Almost…defensively.
Freya stopped her tirade, acknowledging the act and dumping the syringe back into her top hat. She turned on her heel and sat at Ichijou's feet. She looked up at him.
"Will you adopt me?" (pyuuu) (whattheck?)
Then came an almost instant reply from Shiki, "No we won't."
"…why not? … is it because… if you have a child… you won't get to do it as often?" Freya questioned, tapping her cheek in thought.
Before Ichijou could do some damage control, Shiki decided to do more damage by replying, "Heck, we'll do it even if you were watching."
"Shiki!" the blonde vampire exclaimed, flushing a brilliant shade of red to rival Zero's.
Freya smiled. "Eh?"
Meanwhile, Kazuya was peering over at the KanZe. It was getting interesting. …a bit.
"Kuran-senpai, let go of me now…" Zero was avoiding eye contact with the vampire, opting to stare at the ground (from where he was freed earlier) instead.
Kaname, on the other hand, was staring at everything else that was going on (more particularly Shiki and Ichijou). He wore a face that rivaled that of Michelangelo's La Pieta..if only the La Pieta had looked half as amused.
"Shiki, quit it!" were Ichijou's only words as the younger vampire continue to regal tales of yore (also known as bed-stories) to the small blonde.
The pureblood couldn't fight the smirk that formed on his face. It was fun watching his friends 'talk' amongst themselves. He was so much amused, in fact, that he almost forgot about the package he had in his arms.
"…and since you're obviously not paying attention to whatever I'm doing right now I'm going to successfully free myself and hide in my room for the rest of this demented visit…" Zero continued, finally freeing himself from the whip (thank gods he found his switch blade) and slowly extracting himself from the vampire's lax grip.
Alas, those so-called 'lax' arms came back to life, hereby trapping him again. And it seems the captor is now prepared for conversation.
"Where do you think you're going, Kiryu-kun…?" (voice laced with honey anyone?)
Here, Freya decided to give some advice.
"Call him by his new pet name!! it's… Zero-pon-kuru-mappo-dokidoki-achuu-keppi-myuu-ruruppu-usa-kumo-kawaii-chii!!" Freya read off her hand.
Kaname's smirk merely widened as he pulled Zero closer. "That was a really cute name…but I prefer to call him 'mine'…"
"Hey, I don't remember saying you could own me, Kuran!" Zero objected.
(Everyone else seemed to have forgotten what they were doing and instead opted to listen)
The older of the two spoke, lips dangerously close to Zero's earlobe, "Would you want me to mark you now, then?" he purred.
Zero would forever deny (to the ends of the world and beyond) the shiver that ran up his spine at those words. Freya voiced his discomfort though.
"Kaname-sama, I believe that Zero would rather that you move this conversation-and whatever it may lead to-somewhere else… and preferably after our interview!!"
…
…
…
A chorus, "INTERVIEW??"
Fin
…for now…
--
Fix:………… it's dark…
Kaz:…and Fix has to leave.
Fix: goodbye cruel world, I bid thee well!! … see you on-line then, Kazu.
Kaz: And see YOU, dear uncooked and loved reader, next chapter where we FINALLY start the ACTUAL INTERVIEW.
Notes :
(1)Kaien-shi: sign of respect for a student or beginner… I think… but of what??
(2)Akatsuki Kain-dono: the highest title you can ever hope for…
(3)growing mushrooms and (4) dejected pose: from Suoh Tamaki of Ouran Highschool Host Club… you know it, we know it, the author knows it's not ours.
FYI: WE DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE KNIGHT BY MATSURI HINO. We could only hope… and pray… and be let down…
ETC: ciao!!
(you have just been etcetera-ed)
XD