Author's Notes: ……………………….

Fix: (on the ground, twitching)………. Y-yaoi…….

Kaz: …( on a similarly…devastated state) …..K-KanZe….

(cue uber dramatic Japanese drama music)

Fix: Oh, all is lost…! (twitches)…. But… what is that bright light that I see from yonder?

Kaz: It's…It's… …….. OUR FIC!!!!!!!!! (-shameless plugging-)

Fix: Damn straight! (pops out of the ground….?) Hello, VK-universe!!!! …. And of course, KanZe shippers, ahoy!

Kaz: …(goofy grin) Hi.

Fix: Arr, mateys! Welcome aboard shippers from all corners of the known YAOI world. I be your Cap'n, Fix of the High Seas!

Kaz: And I'm … Kaz from the…Low Seas…? ………………. Parlay????

Fix:Yar, mateys, it be a long haul since----

(Nega-Kaz: Quit the pirate talk.)

Fix: …. It's been a while, hasn't it? Such a long time… an extremely long time… and now I am prolonging your pain.

Kaz: …Aw…poor readers…

Fix: …(looks at her tummy) 'M hungry. … … … LEZ ROK!

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"…It LOOKS like curry. It SMELLS like curry…."

"BUT IT'S ACTUALLY ROCKET FUEL!!!!!!!!!!"

Freya Kurenai looked at the dark haired vampire hunter, 'innocence' in her big green eyes. "Really, Toga-bastard? It's rocket fuel? How would you know?"

Toga could not hold back a twitch, "I've had it before. Many, many, many, many…"

Zero threw the oven mitt at the back of Toga's head, looking at him with a level glare. "He had it last week."

The cool, calm, and collected tone echoed in the small but cozy dining room. Everyone looked.

"Wow," Fix mused, "you're quite pliable today… Almost as if you've been laid just a while ago."

Before Zero could sputter indignantly, Kaname replied, "There was no room."

"But you're resourceful, right?" Fix asked, while reaching for Toga's hat. Again.

While Toga ducked away from the small girl's vicious grip, Kaname just HAD to talk again, "Yes…but I don't think Zero would like it. At that moment. ……. …… …..I'm not a rapist."

At this, Kazuya and Fix burst into laughter. Toga looked at them questioningly.

"The hell?"

Kazuya took a few gulps of much needed air before managing to speak, "Well…It's just that Kaname….and decency……IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!"

Fix had fallen off her chair, and was now rolling over the floor, laughing her head off.

The blush on Zero's face was a shade of deep crimson, and he was about to leave for a saner place when Headmaster Cross entered with the rest of the food.

"Zero…? You can't leave now! I just finished making lunch!!"

Zero was adamantly ignoring the man.

"And I have your favorite soup…' Cross continued.

Zero stopped walking. Just stopped. No one knew what he was going to do next.

Until a hand came and grabbed his ankle. "Don't leave Ze-o! Don't leave! We still have to talk and catch up on the good old days, before the horror that was a restraining order!"

Lifting his foot (with Fix attached to it), he tried vainly to shake her off.

"I'll let go only if you stay!" Fix clung tighter, like a desperate child clinging to Santa Claus, yelling for her present.

Shaking his foot a bit more and finally realizing that there was no escape from the little…parasite, Zero returned to his seat with an annoyed huff.

Finally, the parasite released his ankle and crawled up to her seat. "Hai, Kaien-kaa-san, we're ready to eat now!"

Headmaster Cross smiled warmly at the little girl (-a little noise was heard from Toga at the sight-) and proceeded to serve the lunch food he practically slaved over.

"Itadakimasu!"

While the rest of the people seated began to eat, Zero could only stir his soup despondently.

Kaname blinked, noticing this, and dared to ask, "Why aren't you eating your food, Zero?"

Once again, Fix and Kazuya burst into laughter, albeit of a more controlled kind (Fix hadn't fallen off her chair yet).

The brunette was obviously displeased. Normally, he would only be laughed at for at least once a day (and usually by Ichijou). "What's so funny this time??"

The two girls continued to laugh, pushing Cross to giggle quietly, and Toga to smirk at the pure blood.

Kaname could not help the indignant little squeak, "What??"

Toga took the liberty to answer the question, "Well Kuran, the funny thing is that you seem to be lacking your observation skills today." …or not.

Kaname took this as a hint and looked at Zero. Zero glared back, almost as if he was saying 'Mind your own business' or 'Even if we've established that we don't actually hate each other, I am still not of the right frame of mind to call you a friend and thus tell you about my problem'.

Kaname just blinked again and tilted his head to the right, "Huh?"

The silver haired hunter sighed and took one sip of the soup, placed the spoon beside it, and stood up and left.

Everyone else looked on at the brunette, fully expecting him to follow Zero like an owner does with a lost puppy.

…

Annoyed, Kaname DID stand up to follow Zero but not without a parting sentence, " Why do you people always have to be right????"

"Because we're not you." Fix answered quite soberly. "So, have you found out yet? The reason that we're laughing?"

"… … … … Zero has…unhealthy eating habits…?"

Toga chuckled, "Close. Try again, Kuran."

"… … … … Zero……………has food allergies…??"

Cross smiled, "If taken literally, yes."

"…."

Kaname left the room without another word…but not before grabbing a piece of bread.

Fix blinked. She nudged Kazuya and grinned maniacally. "Love."

…

As soon as a tolerable rate of silence had descended on the dining room, the two small girls decided to let the madness begin…again.

(Fix: Roll the script form!)

Fix: So, Toga, Kaien, how long have you two been divorced?

Toga: (sputter) D-Di-Divorced???????!!!????

Fix: Are you just legally separated? Or is it annulled already?

Toga: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????????????????

Kaz: Do I have to explain it to you? Well, it starts with this thing called 'love'…then it goes to the marriage facility…and then after many days or weeks…or years…you figure out that it wasn't really 'love' or that you can't be together for some strange and probably stupid reason…and then you decide to break up…which is kinda sad--

Fix: So, how long?

Cross: (blink) … if you're asking about how long Toga and I have been away from each other, I think it's around eight years, give or take.

Toga: ???????!!!!!!!!!????!?!??!?!?!?!?

Kaz: ahh…I see… Is there any chance of you getting back together?

Cross: We're still friends, if that's what you mean. 

Toga: WHAT'S GOING ON????????????!!???

Kaz: Toga, stop yelling like a caveman.

Fix: Fine, we'll drop the formalities. How long have you been doing Cross until he screams?

Toga: (nosebleed) (head falls on the table) (-thump-)

Kaz: wow. He actually fainted. Wait'll the Hunters Association hear about this.

Fix: Cross? If you don't want me to repeat the question, you better answer me right.

Cross: …………. (bwush) …Well….I can't really give a valid answer--

Kaz: --seeing as you're the one on the receiving end. Yep, we get it. (pokes Toga)

Fix: … … … .. … Let's put it this way, how long have you known the bastard?

Cross: Well…we've known each other since highschool…

Fix: Sweet. Next question, do you prefer the old Toga, your Toga I mean, or the current Toga, the bastard-ish one.

Cross: I've gotten used to him now…but I somewhat miss the old Toga from the highschool days. (looking wistfully away)

Kaz: Hey, I think Toga's waking up. (pokes Toga again)

Toga: What happened…?

Fix: Of course, the old Toga was sweet and caring and probably not obsessed with vampires as much. Oh, and he probably visited you for more than information back then.

Cross: Yes, that's true. (nods)

Toga: ….huh…? (is making a great impression of a confused canine)

Fix: Now, he's just an uncaring shell of the man you used to love. That's really sad. Why don't you find another guy?

Cross: I can't. I'm too busy running the school…and keeping track of all my wonderful children.

Toga: Who are you calling 'uncaring' ??

Fix: You. Duh. And you can! We can baby sit the school and Zero and Yuuki!

Cross: Oh, I'd hate to impose--

Toga: I'm not uncaring!!!

Fix: YES YOU ARE! And no, Kaien, it's no trouble at all!  Right, Kaz?

Kaz: Yep. We're free anyway.

Toga: I'll show you I'm not uncaring!! (stands up and goes over to Cross) … … You wanna go out…?

Kaz: (smacks her hand on her forehead) Oi.

Fix: He says yes. Now, go forth and don't come back until you can properly answer my question! (pushing the two out of the house)

Kaz: (blink) … … … … Pass the meatloaf please.

(To the outside world, where Zero is combing White Lily's hair at the stables)

Zero always liked coming to the stables whenever he felt like he needed some time alone, or sometimes, just plain annoyed or confused. He would have gone to his usual hang out- at the shooting range- if not for that something called a 'restraining order'. Dammit. It wasn't his fault he spent so much time in there!!!

He had to train!!...

…Dammit.

White Lily could sense his subtle anger, and tried to appease him by nuzzling her head into his shoulder.

And this was how Kaname found them.

Kaname tried his best to be calm. This was, after all, just a horse. Not a person, nor a vampire- just a simple-minded animal. He shouldn't be bothered--

White Lily bit Zero's shoulder. And the boy laughed, saying, "That tickles..."

OK. THAT CROSSED THE LINE.

"Zero." The brunette walked in the semi-dark stables, trying to keep his voice under control.

"…What are you doing here?" Zero asked, not bothering to turn around as he pressed his cheek against the horse's soft mane, reaching up to pat the spot between Lily's ears.

Kaname twitched. "I was…uh…worried. You left without finishing your lunch…."

"That's ok. I already ate."

"Oh." Kaname made a small scan of the stables… There was hay everywhere, a couple of cobwebs, some old wooden barrels… nevertheless, none of them appeared to be properly edible. "When?"

And the last Kiryuu spawn answered, as if it was the most natural thing in the entire world, "Two weeks ago."

Something stirred within Kaname. No, it wasn't his primitive vampire instincts that dictated him to take the silver-haired one down. It was a far more…'threatening' instinct…

…The motherly kind.

"What??!?"

Zero frowned a bit as he caught a tangle, "Two weeks ago, I said."

And that was when White Lily bit the tail of Zero's shirt and pulled it up, to expose the boy's slim waist. Zero grumbled, "Lily!"

In a flash, Zero got tackled to the ground.

…

Tackled. To the ground. By a pure blood vampire.

And they said he trained too much.

Sighing, as he was used to being tackled thanks to Headmaster Cross, he asked Kaname, "What now?"

Kaname was red. The sky was blue. The grass was green. The cows were---

Ooppss. Sorry. Where were we…?

Ah, yes…Kaname was indeed red. He was also a bit breathless, having pinned the hunter to the ground. It might take a couple of seconds before he can give a straight answer.

"Two weeks!" he exclaimed. Ok, make that a second and a half.

Almost as if it was reflex, Kaname stuffed the piece of bread into Zero's mouth.

Upon his reflex, Zero promptly choked.

(back to the two monsters of evil)

"Yeah, we're here…. As in, here…. As in, Cross Academy… Yes, as in THE Cross Academy… Yes, the one where HE's in……."

Fix was talking on the phone, kicking her legs as she sat on a high stool. Kaz was looking at the phone, as if trying to figure out who the parasite was speaking to.

A muffled yell was heard from the phone before the distinct sound of it being put down by the person on the other end of the line.

Kaz looked, "…It sounds like you've called a great evil…"

Fix nodded solemnly.

"Then let's go to a great good. TO AKATSUKI KAIN-DONO'S ROOM!!!!!!!!"

(back to the stables…)

Zero glared at the pure blood, before looking down again and throwing up into a spare bucket.

Kaname was looking at him quite apologetically, "How was I supposed to know you had certain…complications when it came to eating??"

Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, Zero took a deep breath and looked at the vampire with a somewhat reluctant expression on his face. "Must you know?"

"… Will you tell me…?"

"…Do I have to?"

"If you don't mind…"

"Actually, I do…"

Kaname sighed and shrugged. "Well, I can't really force you to tell me. Actually, I can…but that will be considered evil. And I don't want you to think that I'm evil since we just got on level ground with each other. But then, how can we progress if you don't take a risk and tell me the truth? Or perhaps I'm already violating what little 'peace' exists between us--"

"My mother was a great cook." Zero cut in, looking the pure blood straight in the eye. "She always made sure we ate well, and every meal was like an eight-course feast. When I was six, I developed a condition that made me throw up whatever food came into my stomach because of my mental reaction to it."

"Oh."

"…If the food's great, I throw it up. Simply put, I can't stand great food."

"Oh….And here I thought it was because of me."

"No, you didn't do anything… You just… stuffed me with a croissant. With butter. And a bit of jelly inside. ……………………Why did you tackle me?"

Kaname glanced to his side, where he swore that White Lily was smirking at his…misfortune. "I..uh… It was reflex!!"

"Oh. Ok."

Zero went back to White Lily, running a hand through her mane before mounting her in one go. He looked at the pure blood. "I'm leaving."

"Uh…….. …. …. "

"Wanna come with?" Zero asked.

"I…don't think White Lily likes me."

"White Lily hates just about every one. Except me." The silver haired boy frowned (read: pouted) at this, looking at the horse in question. "Anyway, she won't do anything if I'm here. So…?" Zero held out his hand, tilting his head to the right.

Kaname blinked and took the offered hand. He mounted the horse pretty easily, which came as a surprise since White Lily was glaring at him with all the intensity of a burning sun.

"Hold on tight."

And the pureblood did. Though Zero wished he hadn't.

Three of Kaname's fingers had somehow gotten under his shirt, and Kaname's other hand was pressing against his hip. Zero coughed and urged Lily to move before the pure blood could notice his reaction.

"Is anything wrong, Zero…?" Kaname purred. Though it could have been just because his face was extremely close to Zero's ear.

"N-nothing…"

Suddenly, they felt White Lily speed up. Zero looked worriedly at the horse, "Lily?"

White Lily's eyes shone with the burning determination to run…far, far, far awayyyyy…for some strange, unexplainable, weird reason---

"ZERO!!!!!!"

In the distance, a wolf howled into the darkened sky, thunder and lightning pelted the once serene dome above the earth, the sound of maniacal laughter bade the monstrous ravens fly away from their perch atop a cold, lonely manor----

--Somewhere, but not here.

Here, there was a presence. A presence riding on a horse as dark as night itself, with gray eyes the same shade as White Lily's.

And the one riding it had silver hair tied up in a small ponytail, lilac eyes flashing in anger, and a voice that called,

"ZERO!!!!!!"

Ichiru Kiryuu had arrived.

(back to the two great evils----- in 'Akatsuki Kain-dono's' room)

"Akatsuki-dono, would you like a back massage?"

Kain blinked and shook his head…for the 17th time that day.

"Oh, pardon my ignorance. Would you like Takuma-sama to come and give you a back massage?"

Kain's eyes widened, "Uh…no."

Fix pouted. There went her fantasies. "Alright. Would you like for us to retrieve your shirts from the maids?"

Before Kain could answer, Kaz piped in, "NOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!"

Fix nodded. "You're right." Looking out, she saw what looked to be two horses meeting each other in the fields.

"Ah. He's here. IT'S TIME TO RESUME THE INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!"

TBC

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Kaz: well, that chapter contained NO TRACES of the interview!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fix: (pouting) MY FANTASIES!!!!!!

Kaz: …I smell fried chicken.

Fix: I smell yaoi. And chicken. (pout) MY FANTASIES!!!!!

Kaz: (whaps Fix) We'll have time for that on the next chapter,

Fix: Ok, let's eat then. AND THEN WE'LL HAVE MY FANTASIES!!!!!!!!!! (big grin) oh and before I forget:

THE TALE OF THE BUCKET™

There once was a bucket that sat on the highest shelf of a closet, deep in the Moon Dorms. This bucket was lonely, and yearned for a friend. One day, when a certain silver haired vampire hunter opened the closet door, the bucket jumped with glee. He had found a friend!

He fell from the shelf to give his friend a big hug----

----giving Zero Kiryuu one hell of a concussion.

And since then, the bucket has been trying to make amends, attempting to hug his new friend every time he saw him, causing him only another concussion.

The End.

Fix: Yeah. I know. Flying buckets.

Kaz: So……………..see y'all next chapter..?

Fix After lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rawr. Have fun y'all.

SNEAK PREVIEW:

Some answers that we all would die for.

"Of course we slept together!"

--

"…There are two beds in our room? How come we only use one then?"

--

"Definitely. A very girly waist, if I may add."

--

"No, Zero tastes more like….. hmm…. Vanilla, with a hint of wine."

TBC--really.