Oh, Those Crazy Cullens;;
Chapter Twelve - Me Love You Long Time
Character List;;
vampcrzy - Bella
tomanyvoices - Edward
Jazzfest - Jasper
icdafuture - Alice
Mr.Macho - Emmett
mamabear - Esme
Angelface - Rosalie
vampgod - Carlisle
PuppyLove - Jacob
ARTICHOKIEE - Rebecca
SquirtGrl - Liliana
IGotTheGun - Charlie
bellabmilife - Mike
Jazzfest has signed on
Mr.Macho has signed on
Jazzfest: I'm so pissed off right now.
Mr.Macho: And whhy is that my oversensitive brother?
Jazzfest: I'm stuck in a house with you...alone!
Mr.Macho: Don't be like that Jazzy, I won't be to hard on you.
Jazzfest: My dear dimwitted brother. I wish Edward and Bella didn't go on that honeymoon of theirs.
Mr.macho: Why not?! Then he wouldn't get laid. And he will lighten up once he has been laid.
Jazzfest: You are so dimwitted. I swear.
Mr.Macho: You love me. Lets play a game.
Jazzfest: Okay. Fine.
Mr.Macho: Okay. Do you have any suggstions?
Jazzfest: It WAS your idea, brother.
Mr.Macho: I was just making sure you weren't going to say something else. ANd we are playing truth or dare.
Jazzfest: there are only two of us...
Mr.Macho: Which makes it more fun.
Jazzfest: Bloody hell.
Mr.macho: Okay, do you want to go first?
Jazzfest: I would rather not.
Mr.Macho: OKAY! Truth or Dare?
Jazzfest: Truth.
Mr.Macho: Do you secretly let Alice use you as a Barbie Doll when Bella isn't around?
Jazzfest: How did you know I have a Barbie Doll?
Mr.Macho: ...Dude. Uhh. Oh this is awkward.
Jazzfest: Its called truth or dare for a reason numbnuts.
Mr.macho: But I asked you if you let Alice use YOU as a barbie doll...like dress YOU up and put make-up on YOU. Not the other way around with stuff you do when you are alone
Jazzfest: Oh. Then no. That's why she and Esme are so close.
Jazzfest: Truth or Dare, brother?
Mr.macho: Truth, my brotha.
Jazzfest: Is Rose really good in bed? XD its something I've always wondered.
Mr.Macho: Yes. Yes she is. Truth or dare?
Jazzfest: Truth. I'm kinda scared to take a dare from you...
Mr.Macho: Oh just take a dare, but anyway. What are the TRUE feelings Edward has around Bella lately?
Jazzfest: Lust. Complete and utter lust. It kills me. Its like he wants to explode. That's why Alice and I have been "napping" a lot.
Mr.Macho: Well. I kind of expected that one. But he is supressing those sexual feelings he is having.
Jazzfest: It drives me crazy! Its not just them either. I'm feeling it from you and Rose too! Truth or dare?
Mr.Macho: Dare
Jazzfest: Thank you. I dare you to run around the house butt naked yelling "Me love you long time!"...when EVERYONE is here.
Mr.Macho: I do that anyway...back to buisness. Truth or dare?
Jazzfest: You never do that when I'm around. I guess I'll take a dare...even though I'm going to regret it.
Mr.Macho: I DARE YOU TO LOVE ME JASPER! LOVEEEEE ME LIKE YOU LOVE ALICEEEE! except for the kissing and other things you two do when "napping"
Jazzfest: And if I don't?
Mr.Macho: I replace all your underwear with the most expensive panties from Victoria Secret. and i will make sure they are lacey and barely fit you.
Jazzfest: I don't wear women's underwear. You're the one who wears thongs.
Mr.Macho: That was one time! And I know you don't wear them. But if you don't do the dare I enforced on you then I will replace your underwear, the smallest kind also. ANd trust me, the man below will protest.
Jazzfest: Alice wouldn't like that very much...
Mr.Macho: No she wouldn't. SO LOVE ME JASPERRRRRRRR!
Jazzfest: Dammit. -emotionless- I love you so much Emmett. You are the best brother ever.
Mr.Macho: Thats nice. And you have to give me hugs out in public. Don't forget that.
Jazzfest: Do I have to?
Mr.Macho: Underwear...
Jazzfest: Fuck.
Mr.Macho: Mwahahahah
Jazzfest: Fine. Dammit. Truth or dare?
Mr.Macho: Dare.
Jazzfest: I dare you to kiss Bella.
Mr.Macho: Fine. But you never said where! Mwahahah Truth or dare?
Jazzfest: Dammit all! I knew I should have said where. -growls- I want...truth.
Mr.Macho: Have you ever had feelings for Rosalie?
Jazzfest: Uhm...no. Definately not.
Mr.Macho: Okay. It was just something quick that popped up in my mind.
Jazzfest: I like this...Edward not being here...
Mr.Macho: Yeah same here, very quiet. No tension. About anything
Jazzfest: i could get used to this.
Mr.Macho: Not for long. Bella is moving in. And when she is a vampire, and less breakable, -shudders- I don't think it will ever be quiet.
Jazzfest: I'm sure it'll calm down...after about 15 years.
Mr.Macho: Jazz, think of how long me and ROse have been together. It hasn't calmed down. And you and Alice. That hasn't calmed down either. And don't get me STARTED on Carlisle and Esme
Jazzfest: Ew. I don't want to even think about Carlisle and Esme's sex life. Ew. I just can't see Bella and Edward having sex.
Mr.Macho: Me either. But seriously, she tried to get them to do it a couple months ago! God damn, I am scared. I don't want the noises!
Jazzfest: Stop talking about sex. You don't know what this is doing to me!? T or D?
Mr.Macho: Truth
Jazzfest: Have you really only wore thongs once?
Mr.Macho: Yepp.
Jazzfest: That's not what Rose said. She thinks they're sexy. She told me one time that she wants you to wear them more.
Mr.Macho: For Rose I will. But not for anybody else.
Jazzfest: Get on it my brother.
Mr.Macho: Truth or Dare?
Jazzfest: Dare.
Mr.Macho: I dare you to put on one of Alice's favorite outfits when she gets home.
Jazzfest: She'll tear me to shreds!
Mr.Macho: I dare'd ya. And I know she will. It shall be funny as hellllllllllll
Jazzfest: You're going to take pictures arent' you?
Mr.Macho: Maybeeeeeeeeee
Jazzfest: Damn you. fine. T or D.
Mr.Macho: Dare
Jazzfest: I dare you to... - thinks really hard - ...get rid of ALL of Rose's clothes and replace them with basketball shorts and baggy shirts.
Mr.Macho: I can't get rid of them. How about I store them in a box nd hide them?
Jazzfest: Okay, fine.
Mr.Macho: Okay good. Truth or Dare?
Jazzfest: Truth, pleasee.
Mr.Macho: Okay. Did you ever have more than brotherly love for Edward?
Jazzfest: Only whenever Bella is around. It creeps me out. Oh! And then that one time...
Mr.Macho: WHAT ONE TIME?!
Jazzfest: Uhm... There was this one time..
Mr.Macho: You have to tell me!
Jazzfest: Its a long story.
Mr.Macho: Tell me now.
Jazzfest: Truth or Dare.
Mr.Macho: YOU HAD GAY FEELINGS FOR EDWARDDDDD!! ANd truth
Jazzfest: It was just that one time! Have you ever had feelings for Edward? Or any of us guys for that matter?
Mr.Macho: Nope. I am as straight as a ruler
Jazzfest: I've lied to you about one answer, don't lie to me...
Mr.Macho: I haven't lied. Do I look like the kind of MANLY MAN who would have feelings for you people?
Jazzfest: Liar!
Mr.Macho: I am as straight as a ruler. Unlike you.
Jazzfest: You said that if I came out of the closet you would...
Mr.Macho: You are that whacked up ruler that got messed up in the machine the was making it and is slightly crooked, and I lied to you about that coming out of the closet thing. Mwahahha
Jazzfest: Well...I lied to you about Rose!
Mr.Macho: You had feelings for her? Cause I understand why you did, she is irresistable -drools and is looking out into space-
Jazzfest: This is making me feel things that I don't want to feel when Alice isn't around!
Mr.Macho: THEN STOP DAYDREAMING ABOUT MY WIFE!
Jazzfest: Who said I was daydreaming about her?
Mr.Macho: Oh stop teasing me, Jasper. I know you want me.
Jazzfest: I knew you wanted my body too!
Jazzfest: You have a thing for blonde's doing you?
Mr.Macho: Only Rosalie. And this conversation has taken an awkward turn...
Jazzfest: You haven't asked me if I wanted truth or dare, so I continue.
Mr.Macho: Oh. I thought you were the one who was supposed to ask...but Truth or dare?
Jazzfest: Nope. I checked. Dare
Mr.Macho: I dare you to call Edward right now, while he is on his honeymoon, and tell him you have had 'more than brotherly love' type feelings for him. even if you get voicemail. you have to tell him.
Jazzfest: I'll do one better than that...
Mr.Macho: What are you gonna do? Tell Bella?
Jazzfest: Oh no, my brother.
Mr.Macho: THEN WHATTTTTTT
Jazzfest: "Edward, I'm sorry to interupt your honeymoon, but I have to tell you something. I'm deeply, madly in love with you. I'm so completely jealous of Bella that it kills me. I want you."
Mr.Macho: You, my over-emotional brother, are my hero.
Jazzfest: -bows- Damn! Voicemail.
Mr.Macho: that is even better!
Jazzfest: Well...TorD?
Mr.Macho: Truth
Jazzfest: Have you ever wanted to pork Bella?
Mr.Macho: Have I ever wantd to do what?
Jazzfest: Pork Bella.
Mr.Macho: What does that mean?
Jazzfest: I forgot who I was talking to. Oy vey. It means "have you ever wanted to sleep with Bella"
Mr.Macho: Oh dear god no! She is like a little sister to me.
Jazzfest: And Edward is like a little brother to me, but that doesn't change anything.
Mr.Macho: Fine. You dragged it out of me. I have just wanted to try what Edward does every night at her house. I mean I would love to hear her sleep talk! It would be priceless
Jazzfest: That isn't what I meant...
Mr.Macho: HA! You said "sleep with.." and we are vampires! We can't sleep!
Jazzfest: It was a nice way of putting 'have sex with'
Mr.Macho: I know, oh-literal-one, and I was TRYING to have myself a smartass moment. but you ruined it.
Jazzfest: I'm...sorry?
Mr.Macho: You better be! Meany head.
Jazzfest: I hate Alice for taking the girls shopping...
Mr.Macho: Do you not like spending time with me?! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME!!
Jazzfest: I will always love you, brother. Its just...I've told you things that I haven't even told her...
Mr.Macho: Like your gay feelings for Edward?
Jazzfest: OME! that is SO between the two of us!
Mr.Macho: Of course it is-evil grin- and you had to leave him a voicemail confessing your feelings.
Jazzfest: he will know that we were playing truth or dare. I'm wondering why you haven't asked me a question though...
Mr.Macho: I don't know..I think it is the brotherly bonding going on between us. I feel a real connection
Jazzfest: Why haven't you asked me how I keep my feelings for him from him?
Mr.Macho: No. But hey Jazzy?
Jazzfest: Yes, Em?
Mr.Macho: I love you, in the brotherly/manly kind of way of course!
Jazzfest: I love you too...in that same kind of brotherly/manly kinda way. No gayness...I'm not gay..
Mr.Macho: You are only a little gay. And if the girls find out about this conversation, I will kill you.
Jazzfest: I. AM. SOOOOOOOOO. NOT. GAY. How will they find out about it?
Jazzfest: I'm sure that Alice already has seen some of these answers anyways...
Mr.Macho: Edward could read your mind. And I just thought of that. Dammit.
Jazzfest: I can block my mind. Can you?
Mr.Macho: -evil smirk- Of course I can
Jazzfest: Dare or Dare, Em.
Mr.Macho: Dare.
Jazzfest: I dare you to come kiss me. Just to see how Rose feels. If you don't...I'll tell everyone about you telling me you loved me...
Mr.Macho: Okay. But on the cheek since you didnt say were at. mwahahah and truth or dare?
Jazzfest: Fuck! Dare.
Mr.Macho: Hmmmm. I dare you...to go to the mall where Alice is at dressed as cupid and you have to do a funny little dance. You have one hour.
Jazzfest: Or?
Mr.Macho: Or I will steal your t-shirts and pants and put in bras so you have matching sets for your panties. mwahahah
Jazzfest: Okay.
Jazzfest: I won't wear the bras anyways. I'll go naked!
Mr.Macho: I will force them on you. Go. Now.
Jazzfest: If you force them on me. Everyone will know your secret!
Mr.Macho: Curse you. But you still have to do the Cupid thing
Jazzfest: No.
Mr.Macho: Fine. You are such a buzzkill.
Jazzfest: You love me. Now come kiss me...NOW!
Mr.Macho: On the cheek, why of course brother.
Jazzfest: Good. I'm thinking...oh damn...
Mr.Macho: What?
Jazzfest: Rose and Alice have been talking about sex today...
Mr.Macho: How do you know? Can't you only feel someones feelings if they are around you or whatever?
Jazzfest: I'm in love with Alice, so I can tell what she's feeling all the time...but I have lived with you guys for...over 80 years...maybe...I know how she feels. That, and they're about to be pulling into the driveway. I hear the car.
Mr.Macho: Dammit! Do you know what this means?!
Jazzfest: Nope. What does it mean my brother?
Mr.Macho: If Rose and Alice have been talking about sex all day they had to of buy more lingerie
Jazzfest: More lingerie means...
Mr.Macho: Exactly my brotha.
Jazzfest: Betcha we can be louder...
Mr.Macho: Oh no my brother. We can be louder. Trust me on this one.
Jazzfest: One last dare?
Mr.Macho: Your on.
Jazzfest: I dare you to scream Edward's name while porkin' Rose.
Mr.Macho: And you have to while porkin' Alice.
Jazzfest: I can't wait to see the girl's reactions. -evil grin- Ah! Alice is biting my ear...
Mr.Macho: Rosalie is touching me...
Jazzfest: I think that it is time to go pork our wives...
Mr.Macho: I do believe so. And remember the bet and the dare.
Jazzfest: One love brother.
Mr.Macho: You know it.
Jazzfest has signed off
Mr.Macho has signed off