Chapter 5: Stardust

Even though he hated when I brought up Takahiro during our tutoring sessions, Misaki was always talking about his brother. Maybe it was because he looked up to his brother so much. Maybe it was because it was the only common ground we shared.

But I liked when he talked about Takahiro. Not just because of my love for Takahiro, but because you could see how deep Misaki's love for his brother was. He spoke so passionately about him and always seemed to have his best interests at heart.

In fact, the kid seemed to put everyone else before himself. Even though I was still just a stranger to him, he was always kind to me. He never did or said anything that would cause trouble for me. If he did, he was quick to apologize and make it up to me. Being selfish seemed to embarrass him to death.

He was the most selfless person I knew, even more so than Takahiro.

Misaki made great improvements in a short amount of time. He said that it was all thanks to my teaching methods, but I believed that it was mostly his own hard work and determination.

The one thing that bugged me though was how he seemed to see right through the mask I had worn for so many years. It annoyed me so much. How could a kid who did so poorly in school be that smart when it came to others? How could someone I barely know see into my soul without me letting him in? I was so convinced that my armor was impenetrable.

What made it worse was the fact that he was beginning to get attached to me. He became comfortable around me. Rather than dancing around me, trying not to trouble me, he began to be himself. He made sure to come to every tutoring session and even spent some of his free time around me. He even started to call me by the nickname his brother had given me. In a way, it was adorable.

"I'm sure Takahiro would be proud of you," was what I always told him. It made him blush and smile, just knowing that he could make his brother happy. I couldn't wait to see Takahiro's face when he found out how well Misaki was doing.

"I want to see the smile on his face when we get you accepted," I told him at one point. It was everything he said afterwards that made me realize he knew me deep down and had grown fond of me.

"Usagi-san, you love my brother that much?" It was a question, but I could also hear it in his voice that he was merely stating the fact.

It kind of caught me off guard, since we hadn't actually talked about my love for Takahiro. All the kid really knew was that I had written a boys love novel involving his brother and myself. Did I really show my affection for Takahiro that much?

"What's this, all of a sudden?" I asked. I couldn't help but wonder if he was worried about me taking away his brother.

"I'm just asking if you love him."

"Don't worry about it. It's a one-sided thing for me, as it were. That novel you saw is my fantasy."

He turned around at the desk he was sitting in to face me more clearly. "B-but you know, my brother has a woman he's going out with."

Where was he going with this? "I know."

He turned around completely in the chair, staring at the ground. His face was dismal. "If you really love him, you should just remove his girlfriend from the picture and become his number one yourself."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his naïve nature. Deep down, I was greatly moved. He was worried about my feelings. What a sweet kid… At that moment, I really felt bad about what I had done to him when we first met.

"You're so young," I told him. "He's the person I care about the most, so I don't want him to hate me. Being able to stay close to the one you love is perhaps the special privilege of being a true friend."

In truth, I had tried many times to reveal my feelings to Takahiro. Each time either life got in the way or he was too dense to see what I was trying to tell him. It hurt so bad, not being able to love him like I wanted to. Yet, I knew I couldn't push myself onto him.

"Th-that's stupid…" Misaki muttered under his breath as he turned back around to work.

I couldn't help but smile. I truly hoped that this kid could find happiness someday.

The day of Misaki's college entrance exams was approaching fast. I had complete faith in him. He was doing so well during our tutoring sessions. His grade went up each time he took the mock entrance exam. He was sure to get in and make his brother proud.

It was Takahiro's birthday and I had to make it special. I picked up a cake and an expensive watch for him. Misaki and I planned to surprise him when he got home from work. His brother would make him a delicious dinner and we would all enjoy the night together. I even bought champagne for the occasion, hoping Takahiro would take the hint that I'm in love with him.

As I was walking back to my car to head to Takahiro and Misaki's apartment, I spotted a familiar brown coat, a brown messenger bag, and brown locks of hair off in the sunset. I smiled knowing that I had found Misaki. We could go back to his place together and get everything set up for his brother.

I was about to walk up to him when he suddenly screamed something. I could hardly understand what it was but it ended with the word 'men'. Whatever it was he sounded angry.

I walked up closer to him. "What are you doing?" I asked.

He turned around, looking embarrassed and startled. "Wh-why hello, my teacher!" he stuttered. "I trust I doth find thee in verily most good health!" His traditional Japanese was absolutely horrid.

"We'll have to go back over your classical Japanese from scratch. Well, whatever. This is perfect timing. Let's go back together. I bought cake." I held up the bag and handed it to him. He looked very puzzled. "Today is Takahiro's birthday, remember?" He gasped. Such a scatterbrain, this kid. "The look on your face says you'd forgotten, even though we made all those plans."

"I… I wouldn't forget something like that." He paused as he reached into his coat pocket. "I… got this back today."

He handed me a slip of paper. It was another mock entrance exam score sheet. Right next to Mitsuhashi University there was a B. An above average B mark. I knew he could do it. I chuckled as I ruffled his hair. His cheeks flushed bright red.

"What're you doing that for?!"

"Good job!" I praised him with a smile.

His face remained flushed all the way to the car. On the short trip back to his apartment, he gushed over how proud his brother would be of his results. His pride made me happy. I couldn't wait to see Takahiro's face when he saw the results. He would be even more excited than Misaki.

The kid quickly cooked a large dinner when we arrived at his place. I helped to set up the table and wrapped Takahiro's gift. Misaki became more and more excited as the time went by. It made me very happy seeing him so enthusiastic. I hoped that his brother would look just as thrilled with my gift and seeing the boy's exam results.

When we heard the door pop open, we both stood by the kitchen entrance with poppers, ready to shoot streamers at Takahiro. What's a birthday party without steamers? As he came through the entrance way, we shot the colorful ribbons at him, startling him. We both shouted 'happy birthday' and watched as his whole face lit up. It made my heart race.

"Wow, what a feast! Thank you," he said excitedly.

I held out a black box laced with yellow ribbon. "Here, your present." He took the box and eyed it carefully. He probably already assumed that it was something expensive. "Remember that watch we saw? You wanted it, right?"

He looked up, surprised. "What? But it was incredibly expensive…"

I smirked. "It won't hurt you to receive something extravagant once a year."

The things I would do for you, Takahiro…

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Misaki. His face was incredibly lonely as he watched us. I felt my heart sink at the sight. He must have been scared that I was going to take his brother away from me. I felt a little bad about it.

"Wow, I really appreciate this, Usagi!" Takahiro beamed. I chuckled at him again.

"Nii-chan, make sure you lock the door," Misaki scolded and left the room.

As he left I quickly latched myself onto Takahiro, holding him tight. I was hoping that he would hug me back and tell me more about how much he loved the watch. I wanted to hear him say that was so lucky to have me in his life. It would have been even better if he confessed to me… but, one step at a time.

"Oh, sorry about that," he called.

He then tried to push me off of him, but I wouldn't let go. He smiled and began to walk into the hall, pulling me with him. We both heard Misaki gasp, like he was wondering what was going on.

"I have something important to tell you," Takahiro called out. "I'm glad you're here too, Usagi." We finally made it out into the hall. "Hey, get off me!" he said laughing.

What I saw made me let go of him completely. My heart sank deep into my stomach. By the entrance stood a beautiful looking woman with light brown, wavy hair and hazel eyes. Her smile was dazzling. Takahiro walked up to her.

"This is Kajiwara Manami-san," he introduced with a big smile and she bowed.

I recognized the name. It was the woman he had been dating for a while now. Things must have gotten a bit more serious since he invited her over to his place, and on his birthday for that matter.

"We've decided to get married!"

My eyes grew wide and it felt like my chest was caving in. No, not just caving in. It felt like my heart was being clawed open. My stomach began to churn and I felt like I was going to be sick. I had lost my chance at the love of my life… I let him slip away, right through my fingers. He still had no idea what he meant to me.

I wanted to collapse right there on the floor, but I wasn't the type to do so. I won't dare cry in front of others or let them see my sadness. I had to act happy for Takahiro now. He would want my approval. I had to show him that I did approve, even if I really didn't.

I put on a big, fake smile. "Ah, is that right? So you've finally done it, Takahiro!" I walked up to him and patted his shoulder for effect. "Hey, she's adorable!"

Can't you see the pain in my eyes, Takahiro? And after everything I've done for you…

"Thanks!" His smile was wide and genuine. "It makes me really happy that you approve. I wanted you to be the first to meet her, Usagi."

Me to be the first to meet her… How much do I really mean to you, Takahiro?

Before I could think of anything else or before anyone else could speak, there was a loud thud on the wall from behind me. I turned around to see Misaki with his fist against the wall. His head was hung low, hiding his eyes behind his shaggy hair. He was either angry or upset, or both.

"Misaki?" Takahiro questioned, sounding worried.

"I'll go…" the boy choked out.

The raw emotion in his voice was upsetting. Go where? Was he going to leave because his brother was going to get married? Where would he go? Why did it matter to him so much that his brother had found someone to be with?

"We're out of alcohol, so I'll go buy some!" he said, still with his head down.

"They won't sell it to a minor," Takahiro pointed out.

Suddenly, Misaki tightly grabbed a hold of my hand and pulled me towards the door. "Usagi-san, come with me!"

He pulled me out of the apartment, quickly running down the stairs and out of the complex. He never let go of my hand as he pulled me along. I was in too much of a shock to ask him what was going on. Why would he want to leave Takahiro at a time like this? Why did he want me to go with him? I was still heartbroken over the fact that the love of my life was going to get married to someone else.

Finally, we reached an alleyway and stopped running. Misaki let go of my hand and bent down to catch his breath. It seemed to take a while and I began to worry if he could breathe at all. Suddenly, I realized that he wasn't struggling to breathe because of the running. He was sobbing. He was crying. I couldn't move a muscle.

"Sorry…" he choked out.

"Why are you apologizing?"

I assumed it was for dragging me out into the cold street just to see him cry his eyes out over losing his brother. If that was the case, I didn't mind. Takahiro was the only person he had since his parents' tragic accident. I knew what it was like to be lonely. The pain was unbearable sometimes.

"Because!" he cried out. "That was awful! After you've loved him all this time… After all the care you've shown him…"

Wait… Was he crying for me?

He wiped the tears from his eyes but kept on crying. "For him to say that he wanted you to be the first to meet her… It's so incredibly insensitive… For the first time in my life, I wanted to hit my brother!"

His sobs were awful to hear. I could feel my heart shattering all over again as I was forced to hear them ringing in my ears. He was crying for me. He cared about my feelings that much that he felt the same pain I was feeling.

Suddenly, even though my heart had been broken, I felt the pieces throb… for Misaki. This caring, adorable kid… has to be the one. I couldn't help but smile, even though I was still in pain.

"The way you cry is appalling," I told him. I wanted him to stop so badly, before I began to hurt even worse.

"I'm crying because of you, aren't I?!"

He finally turned around to face me. I stared at the tears streaming down his face. He looked like he was in so much pain. It hurt my broken heart even more.

"Once you start crying, you can't stop, even if you want to!" he sobbed.

He broke down even harder and kept on crying. I could only think of one thing to do at the moment to help the both of us.

"You're right," I said as I put my hand on his head.

He began to look up. I took my chance and grabbed his wrist, pressing myself close to him. I pushed my lips onto to his. They were salty from his tears, but warm. They felt so good against mine. As I pressed my tongue past his lips, I let go of his wrist and instead cupped his cheek. My other arm wrapped around his waist and pulled his body closer to mine. His tongue was unmoving against mine, but it was somehow warm and inviting. He relaxed in my arms as I kissed him.

My brain was on overdrive. I was heartbroken over losing Takahiro, but at the same time I felt a passion for Misaki. Such a compassionate human being who was crying for my feelings. He cared for me so much. It has to be him.

I pulled away from the kiss and looked into his wide eyes. They were still watery, but the tears had stopped flowing. He stared at me in amazement. His face was red with embarrassment. His breathing was ragged.

"You've stopped," I whispered.

I dropped my hand from his face and bent my head down onto his shoulder. The pieces of my heart were so overwhelmed. I held myself against the young man's body, feelings the heat flow into my soul.

"I'm sorry… Just for a little while…" My voice was very quiet.

I could stay here forever…

I felt Misaki's small arms wrap around me and hold me tight. It was almost too much for me to handle.

"U-usagi-san," he whispered, no longer sobbing. "If you want to cry, go ahead and cry."

I had just kissed him and he wanted me to cry and let out of my own feelings.

"Moron," I said. "A brat has no business spouting precocious lines like that." I paused for a moment, but I heard him start to sob again. "I'll have you know, I haven't cried in front of strangers since the day I was born."

I felt the warm drops of tears on my shoulder. He was still crying over me. It was the last straw. I felt my wall collapse and I broke completely.

"You're the only one. I'll be damned if I let anyone but you see me in this wretched state."

The water fell onto his shoulder. My hollow chest heaved as I sobbed. When I felt his hand rub my hair in an attempt to comfort me, I lost all control over myself. The tears fell harder and I sobbed louder. His fingers tangled in my hair.

You're the only one… Misaki is the only one for me.

We stood there in the alley for the longest time, holding each other, as the snow fell all around us and the stardust poured from our eyes.

Song: Stardust - Gemini Syndrome